A Place to Belong
by Ella710
Summary: How was I supposed to leave Jake, Quil and Embry? They'd never believe that I would just join Sam and his steroids-cult. I fell asleep crying, with nothing but the sound of howling wolves to comfort me & my achy-breaky heart. Seth/OC
1. Man's Best Friend

**Just a quick heads-up: this is somewhat of a drabble-fic, so the chapters may vary drastically in length. I'm writing this, other than the fact I simply wanted to, to see how everything works and how my writing is before posting some of my bigger works. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy!**

**Rating M: Course language**

**CHAPTER ONE: Man's Best Friend**

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><p>"What do you mean, <em>I can't see my friends?" <em>

"It's an order. I can't risk you shifting on a human—it's too dangerous. The stakes are…too high."

"So tell them I'm going on vacation—_don't make me crush their fucking hearts!"_

"Cool it," he warned, and I knew better than to respond to that one. Already I could feel the tremors, the growing shivers that weren't inspired from the chill rising off the tile floor.

"Fuck," I muttered, closing my eyes and trying to still my body. It was like trying not to puke on the floor; I knew it was coming, and the more I wished it wouldn't happen, the more I _thought_ it would, the harder it was to fight off.

"Outside!" he barked, and two sets of arms were already seizing me, dragging me forcefully from the kitchen and outside onto the porch and into the rain. It was raining, always _raining. _For some reason (God only knows _why_) but the weather pissed me off more than it ever had.

Because it was La Push. Because it was something that never changed. Because _I_ could never escape the wet and cold and my friends still could—the ones who I was supposed to _abandon _for however fucking long Sam Uley and his disciples ordered me to.

Because I was utterly and permanently _stuck _here in this miserable-fucking-_wasteland_ and I knew my oldest and dearest friends were too.

I crumpled in two on the grass. Sam was coaxing me through it, telling me not to fight it, I wasn't strong enough. I snarled and snapped, fighting his orders, his very will, just to prove to myself that I still _could. _

I couldn't, of course.

Within seconds, I was bursting at the seams of my own skin, and the flesh fell apart to make way for fur. My bones snapped and mended into a new form. It hurt like a bitch, but nothing, _nothing_ was worse than the jaw. I couldn't decide if it was the jaw stretching, the teeth lengthening, or the skull literally _molding _into a new form with new eye socket positioning and new cheek bone structure.

I stood for a moment on all fours, panting, breathing deep and hard. I saw them in my mind—laughing and chatting in the garage, cliff diving, hanging out at the café up the road, sharing pizza, passing notes in class, making fun of Sam fucking Uley and his goddamn _posse. _Embry Call, with his quiet derisive sarcasm that pissed me off as much as it made me laugh so hard I nearly wet myself. Quil Ateara, the cocky egoistical _sonofabitch_ who literally made me want to throttle him, he was that _stupid _but easy-going and just _funny. _Jacob Black, who I had grown up next to, and was quite possibly the most incredibly naïve, sweet and gentle guy I'd ever met, who never did anything half-hearted and who loved with his entire fucking soul.

I _never _loved like that.

Well, not often, anyways.

I had a life when I was with them. I had fun when I was with them. I _loved _them and Sam Uley wanted me to walk all over their little hearts and positively _trample _them. What was I supposed to do? What was the _right thing _here?

Damned if I did, damned if I didn't.

I knew Sam's warnings were true, just as I knew I had no choice but to follow them. I saw Emily's scars, I saw the guilt Sam carried every day. I wanted my friends, but I didn't want that. I didn't want that on _anyone, _even Sam, who had freaked the shit out of me and my friends for the last few months, looking at us like he was waiting, waiting for us to cave and crawl to him like a bunch of pussy-footed _cowards. _I didn't want in on his drug-gang, his cult, his freakish body-building regime. I was happy with my body—a nice waist with an ass that was a little too big and boobs that were a little too small, but hey, no one's perfect.

I was happy with _my life. _I had a plan, a weak one but a good one. Graduate with my friends, go to college, take some business courses and handle the management of Jacob Black's Auto Shop.

Yeah, life was solid-had been, until I started exploding into a werewolf.

_It's not so impossible, _Sam said calmly—no, he _thought _that. The whole, 'wolves share everything' bullshit didn't really fly with me. I gritted my teeth and shoved as big a wall as I could against Sam's curious little mind. Wasn't _my _problem he didn't have anything better to do.

_Don't be so callous, _he scolded, and I was only grateful it wasn't an order. I hated being ordered to do things. If I didn't take them from my parents, why they hell should I follow _Sam?_

Sam let out a low growl. Paul and Jared were watching from the sidelines, ushering us silently into the cover of the forest where no one would see us. Didn't really care if they did. It wasn't my problem my body had some gene encoded in my DNA or some shit like that, that made me explode into a wolf. Really, what's the big deal?

_I hope that's not a serious question, _Sam noted dryly. I snarled, and he gave as good (_cough_better_cough) _as he got.

_Go run the trail 50 times. Don't stop until you've finished._

Greaaaat, just what I wanted. I scowled, barking out my anger as I turned tail and ran like no tomorrow.

Of all the things that came with wolfing out, so to speak, I liked this one the best. The speed was…exhilarating. I'd never, in all my years of cliff-diving, biking and horseback riding, had _ever_ felt this incredible. It was like _being _lightning, like I was embodying the very _essence _of warp speed.

It was muthafucking _awesome._

_Glad you're pleased, _a cool voice noted. Jared, the least-terrible one of all. _Thanks! _That wasn't a compliment. But he was still gloating, still happy to be the favourite one.

_Ugh shut up shut up shut up! _Paul Lahote, bane of my existence. I had it on good word that he'd slept with Stacy Brets whilst "dating" (i.e. sleeping with) my slut of a sister—I mean, good ol' Kyrie Spencer. Whatever. We don't get along, but it's the principle of the issue. He cheated on my big sister—not cool, in any good siblings' books. Not that I was a good sibling, but…you get the point.

_Dude, your sister was _weird. _Clingy little bitch. _At once I turned on my heel and went to lunge for the rat-bastard, but Sam's order kept me tied. Damn. I _so _wanted to sink my teeth in him.

_Try it, pup, _he growled smoothly, _I ain't got a problem hitting a girl. Not that you really count anyways. _

I let out a bellowing snarl, and at once, Paul's voice vanished as Sam's returned.

_Forty-three left, Spencer. Keep running._

_Bite me, Uley._

_Don't tempt me, Spencer, now _move it.

I felt my paws pump faster, move harder against the earth. I was exhausted and angry and absolutely miserable. I guess running may have been the best way to settle down…

_Glad you agree._

_Ugh! Get lost! _I begged, wishing I could close my eyes and open them and have this be nothing but one messed-up nightmare…

_Don't we all… _Jared grumbled bitterly. It's all that this was. A big fucking nightmare.

It had started out terrifying and it became worse—now it was the biggest thorn in my side. I _hated _being a wolf. First the random phases, now the no-friends rule? What a load of shit.

_We already have one potty mouth, please don't be the second, _Sam begged. He sounded tired. Aww…poor Sam. Tired? Try running fifty laps.

_You know you could stop if you _asked, Jared pointed out. Sam said nothing but I knew he was silently confirming the hint.

Sure I could. _But I'd have to _ask. And that grated on my nerves like anything else. Sam mentally rolled his eyes and Jared snorted.

_I _am_ sorry you have to ditch your friends, _Sam said suddenly. You could tell what he was actually saying instead of thinking, because it was clearer than thoughts. Thoughts are jumbled, primal, basic words. _Hungry, food, shower, homework, piss, _and any other sort could pop up. Of course, with Paul patrolling with you, _boobs, sex and beer _are most likely to appear, and not really in that order, either, the dirty little perv.

_It's not permanent, _he added, ignoring my monologue. _Jake, Embry and Quil are going to phase, sooner or later. _

Yeah but how soon? How late? I didn't even want to think about what it would be like when the group dwindled down to the last member of our quartet, going it solo as a human. My heart clenched.

Beyond my fears of leaving them alone, I knew deep down, however badly I wanted my friends, I didn't want this life for them. Quil was supposed to do something with his genius science work—although who'd have guessed with the dumbass things that come out of that boy's mouth. Jake was supposed to go to college and learn the ins and outs of cars (whatever was left for him to learn anyways—the boy rebuilt a _Rabbit _for Christ's sake). Embry was supposed to do something with his talent for writing, or some sensitive shit like that. He was like the girl of the group—which I took no offense to whatsoever.

_I am _so _telling him that when he phases, _Jared thought suddenly, smirking. Damn it. Apparently my thoughts weren't as good at being basic primal words as theirs were. My mind came across much _clearer _than the rest. I grumbled under my breath, scowling.

_Nobody screws with my boys' heads except me, _I snapped, gnashing my teeth furiously. Fuck, if Jared said one syllable to any of them—

_Calm down, Spencer, _Sam orders. I howl my frustration. Enough with the Spencer shit—even _I _didn't call Sam, "Uley" anymore. He could at the very least call me by my given name.

_You're right, _Sam thought, and it was much gentler than anything he'd said so far. _I'm sorry, Lucille._

_HELL NO! _I bark, horrified. _Lucy. _Lucy, _or nothing at all. Got it?_

Sam was amused. Laughing, or would have been, had he been in human form. Jared snickered too. Asses, the pair of them. How dare he call me Lucille… I ought to kill the nurse who signed that on my certificate and rip the slip to shreds. Wonder how hard it'd be to break in…

Sam, still laughing, the moron, said, _Afraid I'm gonna' have to order you not to kill the nurse, Lucy. Strict policies on the rez, and all._

Strict policies my foot. He just wanted to rub it in.

_Whatever _Samuel, I grumbled. He laughed harder and I finished up my last lap, panting and more than ready to crash on my bed, so long as my mom was still at work and my dad hadn't brought his secretary home to "file some records" (_hot sweaty terrible smell go check what it is Dad Amanda bed nude). _I shook the memory from my head, and the two guys were nice enough not to say anything.

_Go home and sleep, _Sam agreed, and I took it for the advice it was. I was still sore, still tired and still angry, but I was too much of everything to feel it all at once. Now, I could only focus on the exhaustion that wasn't just from the run I did but from the bone-deep tension that filled me, the dread of facing my friends come Monday. Life was gonna _suck._

_It'll be ok, Lucy, _Sam promised, as I phased back, shaking and ready to vomit. _Remember that._

Easy for him to say. He already had his friends back with _him_ again.

Naked as the day I was born, I ran for home. As I'd suspected, Mom was working late and Dad was crashed unconscious at the kitchen table. Kyrie was out who knows where doing I-don't-wanna-know-what with whoever she wanted. So I was alone.

The way I liked it.

I curled up on my bed and laid my head in my hands. How was I supposed to leave Jake, Quil and Embry? They'd never buy it. They'd never believe that I would just _join _Sam and his little steroid-cult, not after all the shit I'd said about them.

Moreover, how the _hell _was I going to actually squish my own heart and break theirs? I wasn't the only thing their world revolved around, sure, but I liked to think I was a relatively important person to them. And I knew them better than anyone else in the world, that much was fact. Who was going to comfort Jake when Bella Swan stepped on his feelings—again? Who was going to keep sensitive-Embry from letting his anger get the best of him when the seniors made jabs at his single mother—again? Who was going to keep Quil from getting his head stuck in a chair—_again? _(No joke—sounds funny, but he had nightmares for a fucking week, which of course meant calling me and bugging me at 3 AM).

Worst of all, I knew how much it was going to scare them. If I was joining them…how long before the rest of them followed?

I ignored the painful clench around my heart as I remembered Emily's horrible scars. It was the one thing I couldn't use against Sam. I'd seen the level of love, of devotion he felt for her. And no matter how crazy I thought imprinting was, I wasn't _blind. _I knew Sam loved Emily desperately and she felt the same for him. I knew it _killed _Sam to look at her angry pink scars and think, _This is my fault. _

So I had to choose: break my heart? Or risk their life?

What a stupid question…

I fell asleep crying that night, with nothing but the sound of howling wolves to comfort me and my achy breaky heart.


	2. Bite the Hand that Feeds Me

**CHAPTER TWO: Bite the Hand that Feeds Me**

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><p>Mondays suck.<p>

It's one of those goes-without-saying things that are true for everyone. Mondays suck, and nothing's _ever_ gonna change that.

For me, the first Monday of September was a big colossal disaster that should be marked in the calendar as the day I sold my ever-loving soul.

The boys singled me out before school started. Saw that coming, from a mile away. Jake grabbed my arms and literally marched me out of the building on our lunch break. I allowed it (because really, the kid was as weak as a kitten compared to me now). Quil and Embry followed us, with the latter looking over his shoulder every few seconds to see if we were being watched by teachers or unwelcome students. Not a chance, I thought smugly. I knew, with my wolfy-senses, that no one had seen us leave and no one would _miss us, _that's for certain.

Jake stopped us when we were hidden by some trees, far enough from the school that no one could see us unless you had really good eyesight.

Unfortunately, I knew of three who did, and they were all watching from across the field, arms folded and eyes bearing down upon me.

I didn't bother saying anything, didn't bother hiding the fact that I was rejecting them. I just stared sullenly at my feet.

_You're going to be like me soon. I don't know when, but soon enough, you're going to be one of us._

The thought didn't comfort me in the slightest. I trembled briefly; a flash of movement from across the field caught my peripheral view, but I otherwise ignored it as I calmed myself.

"What?" I asked, trying not to sound so pathetic. Didn't work.

Embry, Quil and Jake were all flabbergasted. Embry couldn't stop looking at my hair.

"What the hell did you do to your hair, Luce?" he breathed, stunned. Reaching out one hand, he grabbed a shorn lock of curls and tugged. I barely felt it, staring miserably at his hand.

"Needed a change," I muttered, shying away from any more curious hands.

Jake frowned mildly. "You loved your hair. You were always acting pissy when your mom made you get a haircut." Ah the truth…Jake was too clever to lie to.

"It was getting in the way," I admitted in all honesty. It did; it was a big fucking pain in the ass running with a carpet dangling from your back. I hadn't lasted more than an hour before hollering for a pair of blunt scissors to be brought out (I didn't so much _ask _for the blunt part as I did simply _received _it).

Quil just scoffed and frowned. "Listen to yourself! What the hell is going on, Lucy?" I grit my teeth and bit back the truth. I missed them already.

"We…can't…hang out anymore," the words were garbled, a broken jumble, but I knew they understood what I'd said. Tears stung my eyes against my will.

"Is this Uley?" Jake growled, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a shake. "What did he say to you? Huh?" Embry and Quil were clearly of the same belief; evidently, they'd spoken about this prior to my abduction. I could imagine them kicking back in Jake's garage, drinking sodas and scowling over pizza about the evil-incarnate that was Samuel Uley.

"Nothing," I squeaked, trying my best not to fight back. My wolf was snarling at me to shake them off, we don't take crap from anybody, but I knew better than to test my physical strength against my still-human BFFs.

"What's going on, Lucy!" Jake shouted impatiently. Quil and Embry were still watching, still letting him do the work. "Tell us _something _here, kid!"

I frowned. "I did. We can't hang out anymore. I thought that summed it up nicely."

Jake winced, stung by my words. I felt more tears swim suspiciously in my vision and looked away to hide them. If they found out…

"Are you _crying?" _It was Quil and he was in open disbelief. "Like, _actual tears? _I thought you were constitutionally incapable!"

I huffed, the sound rough and wet. "I am not. I have to go," and I turned on my heel to retreat further into the woods—my body was starting to shake again—but Embry caught me by the bare hand.

"Lucy—_Jesus!" _he shouted, pulling his hand away, stunned. "You're freaking _roasting_!"

I grimaced in dread. "I'm fine, just a little warm—"

Bu Jake was already palming my forehead, feeling for a temperature. He didn't have to wait long.

"Damn, Lucy, you're _hot!" _

The words a girl only dreams of hearing… Too bad they were in the completely WRONG context.

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled, fighting off the blush of embarrassment.

"You know what I meant," Jake snapped. Yeah I did, but it was normally so fun to rub in all his slips-of-the-tongue.

"Gee thanks," I said sardonically. He was frowning at me, as well as a very worried Embry and Quil.

"What's going on, Luce?" Embry asked lowly. His eyes were fixed on me, studying the dark circles under my eyes, the thick curls framing my face, the haunted look in my eyes-I knew how I looked. I'd seen it echoed in Jared's and Sam's minds.

"I…I can't say," I choked, gagged and bound by Sam's order.

Quil stepped closer, "Why not?"

Why? For your own safety. For your own happiness. For your sanity.

"Because," I offered weakly, unable to come up with anything else.

Silence ensued.

I was certain my heart was going to literally leap out of my ribcage at any given second, but the three boys didn't seem to notice. Embry was studying me quietly.

"Will we ever understand?" he asked finally. My heart gave a hopeful flutter. A question I could maybe answer?

I thought about it. It was true, they definitely _would _understand—they didn't even _know _how well they would understand—but was it really my place to tell them?

They words tumbled out before I could stop them. "I hope you don't," I admitted, tears in my eyes at the very sickening thought of watching them isolate themselves from the world. All my work of looking after them, of keeping them alive, all down the drain to protect the same goddamn place I was trying to leave.

"I really do," I whispered, wiping discreetly at my tears. They looked floored to see me actually crying, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Why can't you tell us?" Embry whispered desperately. It wasn't a question for me though. He was thinking, working frantically to figure it out. My heart throbbed in a painful wish for him to figure it out, to come be my friend again.

"I'm sorry," I said finally, taking a step back. The shaking was getting worse; I had to get away from them or I'd be in big shit.

"Don't go," Jake begged lowly, "Come with us, Lucy, we'll protect you. I'll talk to my dad about it—tonight, ok? You can come live with us?" Damn, I was hard pressed not to burst into tears right there.

"I'm so sorry."

"Lucy!"

I turned to the man who had shouted it across the field. Embry, Quil and Jake did the same, glaring at him. Jake looked ready to fight him; I grabbed his arm but didn't dare tug. "Don't you dare!" I hissed, holding him back. "You don't know what you're doing!"

"He's threatening you, Lucy, the man's a monster," Jake growled, struggling to break free. I held him as close as I dared. Fuck, now Sam was being joined by Paul and Jared, who were watching my close proximity to the boys with dread.

"You'll only hurt yourself!" I snapped, as he finally stopped. Quil and Embry had taken the metaphorical step aside once more to let Jake handle it. Wusses…

"Fine!" he shouted, turning on his heel so sharply even I was surprised. "Go to him then—_go!" _And he swung his arm out to gesture to them. "You made your choice!" I was frozen now, unable to stop myself from looking stung. His words were truly no less than I deserved, no less than what I'd _asked _for, but they hurt nonetheless.

_"Go!" _he repeated, breathing hard. Embry and Quil only watched in disappointment as I ran obediently to my Alpha, tail between my legs and tears in my eyes as I went.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the short chapter. Next one's longer, I promise.<strong>


	3. DogTired

**CHAPTER THREE: Dog-Tired**

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><p>Sam was good to me that day. He let me go home and have a nap—which I'm sure he intended me to do at my house, but when I got there I saw my dad's car pull into the driveway with a young blond attached to his arm, so I promptly turned on my heel and ran for Emily.<p>

I didn't know Emily Young well—or at all, really—but I liked her. She cared for everyone, even me, who had given her boyfriend more shit than he deserved. Really, I felt bad for Sam, playing babysitter to a group of wolves whose numbers were only going to grow with time. He didn't ask to be Alpha and screw everyone's lives, and I was slowly accepting it.

Of course, it didn't hurt that Emily's muffins were fan-fucking-tastic.

I couldn't really enjoy them as much as I'd wanted to, though, given my runny nose and sore, blotchy eyes. Damn I looked like a clown. Or Rudolph. But Emily was the epitome of a mother to me for the rest of the day, taking me by the hand into the house and to her room. I immediately fought the urge to gag at the overwhelming smell of sex—sex with _Sam, _my Alpha. It was bad enough to see his memories (although he tried very hard to keep that to himself, and I was grateful, believe you me), but to see living proof nearly knocked me flat on my ass. She didn't really notice my horrified face though, or she was nice enough not to, as I stared at the bed in horror.

Thank God, she didn't make me sleep on the sex-bed. Instead, she pulled out a bunch of clothes, ransacking the closet for something suitable for me to sleep in. Rubbing my eyes in exhaustion, I apologized for the umpteenth time for the inconvenience.

"Nonsense," she said kindly, holding up a pair of her pajamas to my waist. "Doing this makes me happy." Oh right, because she actually cared about the pack and all that shit. I forgot. I briefly wondered if Emily would've been a better wolf than me; she was certainly more loyal. All I wanted was to stop phasing ASAP and make fun of Quil with Embry and Jake while watching Jake tinker with his car.

"Whatever you say," I said finally in an I-don't-really-understand-why-you're-doing-this-but-you-want-to-so-I'll-let-you way. Also, her boyfriend could eat me for breakfast so… case in point.

Emily flashed a blinding smile, as best she could with her mutilated face, and left me to change out of the jean shorts and print shirt into the borrowed pajama pants and tank top.

She greeted me with a cup of hot chocolate and toast, which I all but inhaled.

"Oops," I muttered, only mildly appalled with my manners. "Sorry, Em."

She only laughed, patting my knee where I sat on the couch, kicked back in front of the TV.

"Don't worry, I'm desensitized to wolf-manners. And you're certainly not the worst. You should see Paul when he's hungry," she rolled her eyes, smiling playfully at me. I grinned back at her, completely relaxed in her house. And it was definitely her house—Alpha boyfriend or not, Emily wore the pants in the relationship.

"Why don't you get some sleep and I'll wake you for dinner?" she offered. I yawned, already feeling the impact of her words as though it was Sam who had ordered me to go to bed.

"I really…shouldn't…" my words were broken up with yawns and my lips smacking, feeling my bones all but melt against the worn cushions.

"Go to sleep, Lucille," Emily coaxed, taking my cup from me as I drifted off, too tired to tell her my name was Lucy.

* * *

><p>Sam wasn't too impressed when he came home to see me crashed on his couch—doubtless, he had planned on stinking up the sex-bed upstairs with Emily—but he only smiled thinly at me when Emily scolded him for his sore attitude.<p>

"She's had such a hard day, Sam," she chided, "Let her rest."

And Sam whisked her away to a part of the house where I could pretend they weren't doing the nasty. Ugh, I didn't even want to think about it.

Time passed slowly, in a sort of haze that left me dumbfounded and always tired. Sam was getting worried. I wasn't supposed to be so sleepy, but I really wasn't supposed to be a wolf either so, what did that say about his knowledge, hmm?

A few weeks passed—I don't know how many—and sneaking out of the house to run patrol with Sam or Jared was becoming routine. Paul was rarely allowed to shift with me. Sam said it was because we fought too much, but he knew as well as I did what the real reason was: Paul Lahote _freaked me out._ He was always glaring, always shouting. He was so eager for a fight, for someone to hit. I hated him, more than I think I hated him from before I knew they were wolves. I was the only one of the pack that was unable to get along with him—anyone outside the pack shared my sentiments. From what I saw when I passed him in the hallways, he was feared by all and liked by few. Jared was one of them, as well as a few girls who liked to bat their eyelashes at him as though that were the universal signal for _let's have sex._

I kept my distance from my boys. From what I saw, they were doing ok. Jake's grades weren't doing as well as I'd have hoped, and Quil was flirting with this total hussy from Forks, and Embry always seemed to be moody.

"He's going to phase soon," Sam said wisely one day, watching me stare at Embry as the boys flung themselves from the cliff. Idiots, I snorted, as Jake shoved Quil with one hand from the ledge. It had to be freezing for a human.

"I know," I grumbled, frowning up at them from where we sat. Sam glanced at me and back up at them.

"It bothers you?"

I scoffed, "Of course it _bothers _me. Everything's going to hell." My misery only heightened when I had to go home and deal with the growing tension between my parents. Of course, Kyrie didn't deal with it. She preferred to sleep over at her boyfriend's house from Forks. Lucky her, I thought glumly, throwing myself quite the fantastic pity party.

So I spent an increasing amount of time at Sam and Emily's, no matter how much it bothered Sam. I'd have left willingly if Emily threw up a fuss, but I couldn't bring myself to care about Sam's horny needs. He had all day to be with her, now that he was graduated high school and had no job save for the duty as Alpha male.

One day, I was chilling outside Emily's house, watching her garden (I was useless when it came to flowers and shit), when I heard a howl from deep in the forest. Once, twice, three times Sam howled. Emily was on her feet at once, moving towards the sound of her beloved imprint's cry, but I pulled her back before she'd even left the porch.

"Don't—let me!" I shouted, pushing her to the house. "I'll find out what's wrong, Em, just go!" Worried more than hurt or stung by my order, she retreated into the safety of her house whilst I was left to see what the fuck was going on.

_This better be good. _Jared had already phased by the time I'd stripped and shifted into my wolf. Paul was a second behind me, with the same opinion as Jared's.

_Jesus, _we all breathed, stunned when we saw Sam's thoughts.

It was a memory. Memories worked differently than speech or thoughts. Depending on how badly we wanted to convey something, it was either blurry or rather clear, like watching a movie.

Sam wanted us to see this memory.

_Billy Black called Sam. Sam answered. Billy says Dr. Cullen wished to speak to him. Sam leaves. Sam appears in the woods—a brief flash of him phasing and then running to the Cullens. Carlisle Cullen, bright golden eyes and a strong sickly scent, greeting him with pleasantries—Sam asks what the fuck he wants _(good boy, Sammy) _and Carlisle says they're leaving, they're gone. One minute he's saying it, the next he's vanished. Sam is stunned, shocked, doubtful, pleased, excited, over the fucking moon, calling for us._

The pictures stopped, and we all were silent, our minds reeling with what this meant.

I couldn't stop the mantra in my head. The Cullens were gone. That meant no more vampires in La Push proximity. That meant no more wolves. That meant no more phasing. That meant my normal life. That meant Jake and Quil and Embry and my house—sure it was shitty, but I'd take it if it meant getting to see my boys again.

_Lucy, _Sam scolded tiredly, and I felt the dread and fear bubble up inside of me. I was running away with myself, according to Sam. His wolf looked sounded sad hearing at me, so pitiful. Full of pity _for me. _I snarled.

_It's true! No more phasing—what's the point? _

_The point is that the Cullens aren't the only leeches out there, _he argued quietly, but firm. So very Sam. Unwilling to incur anyone's wrath but absolutely refusing to take anyone's shit either.

This. Is. _Bullshit_.

_I agree with Lucy, _Jared said in an almost whisper. He saw this going so wrong, the warning bells were ringing in his head. But he still agreed with me. Good boy, Jared.

_The Cullens are the reason we phased. Why can't we just slowly…stop? _Jared sounded so reasonable, so calm. Paul was losing his fucking mind, imagining life without the stress of being a wolf. Back in a time where his body didn't burn off alcohol faster than it could intoxicate him, back in a time where he could hit someone without the danger of killing them, where he could fuck any girl he wanted without the worry of literally destroying their body. He's so delighted he barely hears Sam's orders.

_We have to keep phasing, for now at least. The Cullens already set things in motion—do you really want to leave your friends to phase by themselves, Lucy? _And he's got me there. I couldn't bear the thought of them being alone in this, like Sam was _(clothes ripping bones breaking screaming darkness huge paws a muzzle tail can't get out can't get out monstermonstermonster) _and I knew I would do as he said and keep going wolf, for Jake and Quil and Embry, at least.

_There was more. _And Sam brought us to his reason for our being here. Not just to tell us the great news—and it was still fucking fantastic news—but also about the dumbass Bella Swan.

_I think she's lost. We don't know what Cullen's done. _Edward Cullen, the freaky redhead with the tormented face. I'd seen images of him in Sam's mind, going onto their land to renew the treaty, ensure it was still in place.

_I'm on my way there now. _And he was, I realized with a jolt, as I saw him hunting through the woods of Forks.

_We'll be there, _Jared said quickly, and Paul and I were hot on Jared's tail, running to help Sam in case he needed back-up. But he found her, and I bit back a gasp as I instinctively dropped to my belly when I saw Sam's memory, as though I was the one in danger of being seen by her.

She was curled in a ball on the ground, shaking and fast asleep. Idiot. Her face was white, nearly translucent, and she looked unbelievably tiny and fragile with her hair splayed out around her face, her hands tucked in close to her chest, her teeth chattering in the cold night air.

It was…heartbreaking.

Paul was gagging, pretending to vomit (he had little sympathy for the leech lover) but Sam was of the same opinion as myself. I reached Bella Swan's resting place in time to see Sam phase into his human form and draw on his shorts. Curious, I watched him go to Bella and tell her his name.

Nothing. Nada. It was like she didn't know he'd spoken. Freaky…

What the hell did she see in vampires anyways? I couldn't fathom it. From the few (very few) times I'd seen the Cullens, I'd formed the opinion that they were attractive but creepy as fucking hell. Especially the blond kid Jasper, with his wide angry eyes and tormented face. Beautiful, sure, but you had to look past a _lot _to get there. And they smell worse than my dad's feet after a day of work.

I watched Sam carry her away from the forest, and she started muttering, "He's gone." Over and over.

I trailed Sam as far as I dared, stalking out of the woods after him in shorts and a t-shirt. Flitting along behind him, I watched in the shadows as Charlie Swan appeared, almost unresponsive to Sam's reassurances ("She's alright, she's ok, Chief Swan"). He pulled Bella out of Sam's arms—although it would've been smarter and more practical for Sam to carry her the rest of the way—and turned around, promptly headed back to the house.

"Well," I muttered next to Sam, "_that_ went well." But Sam wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were fixed on someone else, someone ahead of us. I followed his gaze and my heart plummeted into my stomach; I could hardly breathe. Of _course _Jake would be here—he was friends with Bella, after all.

Sam was staring intently at him, so intently that I was reminded forcefully just how much I had hated him when I hadn't started phasing. I couldn't look at Jake; one glance told me he still felt the fear, the uncertainty we'd all felt before. If anything, it had gotten worse—as I'd expected, after I joined them.

I stared at Sam for a moment, before nudging him discreetly. He looked to me sharply, and his gaze softened as he spoke. "Go on," he murmured, giving me a little shove. "I'll be right behind you." A low scoffing sound came from Jake's direction, a sound that seemed suspiciously snide, almost snarky. With one hand on my arm, Sam kept my eyes from wandering to Jake. He gave my shoulder a firm squeeze—"Go _home_."

Uncertain how to feel, I turned on my tail and raced back to Emily's to hopefully calm her down and sneak some dinner before the others got there.

* * *

><p>Life. Was. <em>Boring.<em>

Seriously, it's been so dull since the Cullens left. Mind you, we weren't crawling with vampires or anything, but the need to protect, to phase, was overwhelmingly present when they were around. Now they were gone, and life was about as quiet as it could get in La Push.

Which, for those who don't know, is pretty fucking quiet. Phasing was both good and bad—mostly bad, but it had small upsides. Emily's probably the best of all of them. I know on one hand, she "stole" her cousin's boyfriend from her—by all rights, I shouldn't like her. I've had a certain…disliking for the "other" woman for some years now (_hands mouths kissing groping strange noises daddy and not-mommy)_, but not even the knowledge that she had taken Leah Clearwater's boyfriend from her could get me down. Emily Young was, in every way, _good. _It was literally, honest-to-shit _impossible _to hate her—unless you're Leah, in which case I've come to realize there's some serious hate bubbling beneath your skin (she won't speak to Emily, and Emily doesn't dare force her).

Another was the fact I don't have to go home a lot. A big bonus, one I don't take for granted. I liked Jared well enough to hang out at his place between patrols and school and whatever other shit comes up—_Paul_ was still the bane of my miserable existence, but I put up with him (Sam bribed me; last week, he brought me a batch of Emily's cookies, with my name _all _over them. You don't turn that shit down).

Sam's…actually kinda' awesome. Kiiiinda. As in, I'd never have hung out with him had I not phased, so I don't mind phasing as much when I think about it like that.

It's still not worth the sacrifice.

I'd trade Emily and her cookies, and Jared's dry humor and Sam's quiet company and the escapement of my miserable fucking home _any _day, if I got Jake, Quil and Embry in return.

Jake's still working on the Rabbit. We were _supposed_ to do that together. Don't get me wrong—I'm totally screwed when it comes to working on cars and shit—but I always enjoyed watching Jake mess around with the engine whilst Embry gave solemn input and Quil pretended to help—often making things worse in the meantime. And I'd sit back, jotting down various things Jake said he was gonna need for his car because the kid was fucking useless when it came to remembering things like that, laughing when Quil screwed something up and Jake yelled at him, bantering when Embry made a sarcastic comment about me getting off my ass and helping them (as if I wasn't doing that by just _being _there—the overwhelming stench of testosterone was enough to knock a girl over. I liked to balance things out, if only a little).

October slid into November, which sure enough turned to December. And I'm angry—so angry, all the time—because Sam _promised _Embry or Jake would phase soon. He _promised. _Nevermind the problems about Embry phasing (he undoubtedly would; his temperature was rising and he was growing faster than any kid I'd seen), because given his lineage, he really _shouldn't _be able to phase—that little bit of gossip caused enough problems for the Pack, as we all made silent guesses on who was Embry Call's father. Jared dared to guess Billy. Horrified, I'd struck my fist across his jaw before either of us realized what was happening. Paul stopped it eventually, most surprisingly, and he'd insisted if there was going to be any fighting, he'd damn well better be a part of it. I'd snorted, rolling my eyes and apologizing under my breath to Jared.

Winter also brought on the nuisance that is keeping appearances. Most specifically, dressing for the "weather" as though any of us felt it. What a joke. I was supposed to bundle up on trips to and from school even though I could probably just go it naked (not that I would. It would prove a point though…). School was another hassle. Sam was making us finish—we weren't allowed to drop out on account of phasing—but it was becoming a trying task.

I was still constantly tired.

Sam tried ordering me to go to bed, I'd begged him long enough, but that didn't work either. I just ended up running home, curling up on my mattress and listening to my parents' non-fights escalate (they didn't believe in fighting, or my mom didn't. She was too scared to really admit what was happening). So I didn't sleep there. And I really couldn't take up any more time at Emily's than necessary. So I either went it tired and hurting or I slept outside as a wolf.

Paul was the first to realize what I was doing.

I'd drifted off around seven that night; my patrol had ended nearly three hours past, but when I looked up at my house and saw my sister's room with all the lights on and her and a boy dancing about her room, _naked, _I'd promptly given up on that plan and left.

I still don't know what dreams broadcast like as a wolf. Paul insisted it was stranger than anything else—almost _fluid, _like the thoughts and images could've been his, had they made a lick of sense. I'd dreamt of pointless things (going to University, getting a full-time job, what it would be like to work somewhere in France), but when I woke up to Paul's urgent voice, I was dazed and disoriented.

_What the fuck are you doing sleeping outside? _he shrieked. _I don't shriek! _He did. It wasn't fun. _Why. Are. You. Out_side_? _

I sighed, relishing in the days where I still had my pride. Now, I was a wolf lying under a blanket of snow, trying to figure out why my nose was wet with someone else's saliva…

_(won't get up won't get up why isn't she getting up? Sick? Injured? Wake up wake up wake up Lucy why aren't you at home Lucy? You're just a little girl still Lucy. Don't your parents know you're gone?)_

I flinched instinctively. I saw Paul's memories of when his wolf had swiped his tongue across my muzzle, an action he hadn't knowingly planned on doing—it just happened.

Paul hovered over me as I got to my feet, shaking off the blanket of white coating my back. Paul brushed his nose over my spine, still confused.

_So? Why are you snoozing out here?_

I didn't want to tell him, knew he'd make fun of me for it, but he wasn't quitting, and lying was impossible to do in front of the wolf pack. So my memories flashed between us, me going home and seeing the house as it was. I briefly showed him images of my parents non-fighting, my father nailing his secretary, my mother ignoring her daughters.

I had no interest in going home.

_I was right, _Paul said mildly when I finished. _Your sister is a bitch. And she gets it from your parents._

I should've been mad, but my neck hurt from sleeping in the strange position that my human body was unused to. Plus, it was kinda sweet, in a way only Paul could manage. _Ass_, I thought, but there was a touch of fondness, amusement.

Suddenly flashes from _Paul _echoed in my head, things Paul was projecting to me—whether or not he intended to. His parents, yelling; his mother, breaking dishes against the wall; Paul, going hungry unless he cooked for himself; Paul's father, finally leaving.

It wasn't a surprise. Just like everyone on the rez knew my parents were awful to each other, everyone knew Paul's father had up and left one day a couple years back, and Paul Lahote became the kid others just didn't mess with. He was angry, always angry, and it terrified everyone—but for the first time since meeting him, I didn't look up at him in fear. His life was just as fucked as mine.

Paul's wolf blinked down at me. No thoughts came to his mind; it was as though he wasn't there at all. Finally, _Go get some sleep in your bed, Spencer, _he said shortly, and turned on his tail and left.

So he woke me up from my nap to tell me off? Ass. _Definitely_ an ass.

As I phased, I barely caught a glimpse of Paul thoughts, a vision of him standing in an empty, unused room.


	4. His Bark is Worse than His Bite

**CHAPTER 4: His Bark is Worse than His Bite**

* * *

><p>"You're avoiding us."<p>

I blinked twice quickly up at him, taken aback. He towered over me where I sat, my head bent over my plate as I ignored the idiotic ramblings of the rest of the cafeteria. Try as I did, I couldn't help but catch glimpses of Jake, Quil and Embry, laughing as Quil tossed peas across the table and either Jake or Embry caught them in their mouth.

I glared up at Paul, "What the fuck are you on?" He took a seat unceremoniously, making me scowl further. "Go'way," I muttered darkly, hugging my plate of fries closer. He wasn't known for his outstanding manners.

Paul paid no mind to my possessive nature, folding his hands casually atop the table.

"Coming to Emily's for Christmas?" he asked calmly. I bit back a grimace, shrugging and feigning innocence.

"Dunno. I might be busy, you know, with the holidays."

"Bullshit," he continued in that calm voice—how very unlike Paul Lahote. "I know for a _fact_ your mom's working overtime and your sister's going to Jamaica for the break with her _friends," _he threw quotes around the word, as though they didn't really exist (they didn't, FYI; she hung out with the sort of people that would sleep with your boyfriend with the slightest provocation). "That leaves your dad—and let's face it. The chances of him being both sober and caring are slim to none."

Um, ouch? I frowned at him defensively.

"I'll make do," I insisted lowly. I always did. Mind you, I normally hung out at Billy's house and helped Jake make a turkey (he was useless with cooking; it's a wonder that house eats anything of any value. I suspect Sue Clearwater's still helping out). But whatever. Maybe I could run up north and kill a turkey; that'd be my Christmas dinner. Fuck, throw some potatoes and vegetables in there and it's like there's no difference at all. It all goes down the same.

"Why don't you just drag your sorry ass over to Sam's and have a good time?" Paul demanded, leaning forward and growling lowly. His eyes flashed dangerously; he was still the wolf with the least control, despite my more recent phasing. I seldom lost control anymore—something I took great pride in. Unfortunately my track record wasn't clean, so I still couldn't see my boys.

Why didn't I go? Because I'd feel like the biggest bitch on the face of the planet for subjecting them to my miserable fucking attitude—and I mean a bigger bitch than I already am, literally. I never spent Christmas without seeing the boys, exchanging shitty gifts, singing loud Christmas carols off-tune (I've been told by many people now that it doesn't sound like English when I sing, and I'm not trying to say I have the voice of angels or some BS like that).

"You'll enjoy yourselves more if I'm not there," I murmured sourly, "_Trust_ me." He snorted and tossed a pea from his plate at me. Too startled to stop myself, I opened my mouth and let it drop right in. He burst out laughing at the bewildered look on my face, even as I swallowed it.

"Enough with the fucking moping," he sneered after a moment. "We all had to give shit up. Deal with it—it's a part of life."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "I don't know about _you, _but Sesame Street never prepared me for how to deal with becoming an angsty, hormonal werewolf."

Paul scoffed, "Because you watched shit like Sesame. Everyone knows Barney was the king of life lessons. Sesame just taught you to keep your mother-fucking cookies to yourself."

I couldn't stop the grin from appearing on my face. "You know, we really _do_ give each other a run for the money as to who has the worse potty mouth."

"Don't be retarded," he muttered, "Everyone knows I'm the badass one of the group." We both stood up as he spoke, and without warning, I tackled him to the floor. Everyone in the cafeteria went silent, wordless gasps reverberated around us, and I realized what a fucking dumbass I really was. Paul was shaking dangerously beneath me, and for one horrifying minute, I thought we were going to have to kill a room full of kids who'd seen a Quileute boy phase into a wolf. But then I looked down at Paul and saw him _laughing._

Laughing, the fucking bastard!

"You—hit—like—a—_girl!" _he gasped, and I smiled faintly, thunking him on the chest before standing. "Let's get out of here, before some dumbass teacher sees." He grabbed my hand and lead us outside, laughing all the while. I laughed too, but even through my smiles I couldn't help notice the looks of betrayal on the faces of three boys.

* * *

><p>True to my word, I spent Christmas with the Pack, and actually enjoyed it. Emily had some traditions I had never heard of, and she liked cranberry sauce far too much for my liking, but the turkey was delicious and, as a Christmas gift, the girls got to sit back on the couch and enjoy Christmas specials while the boys did the dishes (my favourite gift to date).<p>

So Jared sang carols and Sam danced with Emily around the tree and Paul and I sat back and laughed at everyone else. Emily had forced me to wear the most godawful pair of festive earrings I'd ever laid eyes on (giant wreaths with a red bow on each one), and Paul was subjected to wearing a pair of reindeer antlers despite his voracious protests ("I'm a wolf, I _fucking_ hunt deer, Emily—I don't wanna dress like one!"). Jared eventually passed out singing along with Bing Crosby and Emily and Sam had retreated to the kitchen (no, I did _not _want to know what for), so Paul and I headed outside to escape the house.

Standing side by side, I looked up at the dark sky. All in all, it hadn't been a bad Christmas—but Paul had been gloating long enough, and I wasn't going to give him any more fuel to that fire.

"So…how did this one compare to the rest?" Paul asked, in a mild enough manner to let me believe he was being genuine.

I smiled in spite of myself, "It was good. Very good." The silent thanks didn't go unnoticed, but Paul just grinned.

"Em loves the holidays. It meant a lot to her that you came."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad I did." Another thanks, this one a little more obvious. Paul's grin became smug.

"Good."

Silence….

"You do anything different with…the others?" he asked, sipping on a tall glass of eggnog. Together, we had polished off roughly eight cartons of it. I downed it like candy.

The others? "Not much different. Jake likes to decorate the garage some years, and I cook the turkey at their house, but other than that," I shrugged, dismissing the conversation. "No, not really."

Of course, the people at Emily's house were drastically different from those I'd normally hang out with—but that went without saying.

"What about you?" I asked, looking up at Paul. "What would you be doing if you weren't a wolf?"

Paul's expression soured. "Me? Probably nothing. Mom likes to put out a few hand-me-down ornaments, but not much. No tree, no turkey. Normally just a box of noodles or some shit like that." He didn't seem too thrilled to be talking about it, so I wisely let the subject drop.

"I have something for you."

I nearly spat out my drink, swallowing roughly, coughing through it all. "Oh? I, umm, I didn't get you anything," I confessed, blushing to my roots. Paul and I didn't really get along—this was a real Christmas miracle.

He gave an uncaring shrug. "Doesn't matter. It didn't cost much." He pulled out a small rectangular box and thrust it over to me. "Here."

Fidgeting nervously, I stared down at the unobtrusive gift in my hands, "I'm really sorry, Paul—I'll make it up to you…"

"Just open the damn thing," he snapped, and I grinned sheepishly.

My breath caught in my throat and my eyes were dangerously wet.

"Holy shit...It's…it's a _key,"_ I whispered in awe, staring up at Paul uncertainly. He wouldn't look at me. "Paul, is this…is this a key to your house?" One nod, sharp and affirmative. I blinked slowly, looking down at the piece of metal in my hands. For something so small, how on earth could it mean so much to someone?

"You hate your house," he said simply. "And I have a spare room"—Paul's memory, looking in an empty, unused room—"so I figured, what the hell?"

My throat was too tight and my heart was racing too fast for me to feel comfortable risking a thank you. I turned away from him, overwhelmed. All this time, I thought he hated me…go figure.

Perplexed by my silence, he looked down at me only to scowl and look away again. "Fuck—if I knew you were one for waterworks, I'd have sent it by post or something—"

"Sorry," I said quickly, blinking back the tears. I was chalking it up to being away from Quil and Jake and Embry, but I knew what it really was. It was Christmas, and it was emotional and Paul had given me this fucking wonderful gift that would literally save me buckets of misery. The Pack was family—and I was starting to understand, perhaps I wasn't losing out after all.

I'd never had a brother before.

When I could talk, I found I didn't want to ruin the silence. Instead, I bumped shoulders with the tall hothead. A tiny grin flitted over his face—he was really handsome, but not exactly my type. I preferred the newfound friendship to anything else.

The snow started to fall, and Paul reached over and draped an arm amiably across my shoulders.

"Merry Christmas," he murmured. I echoed him, starting to think that it really was.

* * *

><p>More time passed.<p>

I still couldn't see them.

February brought promising changes.


	5. A Wolf in the Shadows

**CHAPTER FIVE: A Wolf in the Shadows**

* * *

><p>"It'll be any day now," Sam said for what had to be the thousandth time that week. He had the Pack on call at any given notice, to help the smooth transition from normal to wolf, for Embry Call. Not that there was really any way to <em>help <em>it. How do you give comfort to someone who just exploded into a gigantic wolf? I still felt miserable, and I shifted months ago.

I had to admit, I liked the Pack. No, I suppose I'd even go as far to say I loved them. Spending Christmas with them had helped after all, despite my preconceived notions that it would blow chunks.

Sam had popped the question to Emily on Christmas Day. Yes, it was sweet and romantic and all that shit. He even asked for her father's permission—which had been a sore conversation, after her father awkwardly thanked him for being able to overlook the scars on her face to the real person she was inside. Sam had smiled as if he hadn't been the ones to put them there, and thus, the joyous day finally arrived after weeks of listening to Sam ramble about the ring, the wedding, the nerves he felt.

It was hell.

But worth it, I decided, watching Emily burst into tears and Sam slip the simple engagement ring on her hand. Definitely worth it.

I started eating with them at lunch time, kicking back and listening to Jared and Paul bicker like an old married couple. It was pathetic, but fucking hilarious, if you could tolerate their stupidity. Once, Jared threw a carrot stick at Paul, and my breath caught in my throat; it was such a Quil-thing to do. Sitting there silently, I felt as though my body was collapsing inwardly. I missed them so _fucking _much, it drove me crazy.

Paul and Jared could only mimic them for so long before the illusion shattered like glass. Paul would let out a roaring growl, slug Jared on the arm—hard enough to smash a normal human's upper arm into pieces—and the pair would go at it like warriors.

Quil and Embry never fought like that.

But I had grown accustomed to Paul's outbursts, his violent nature. I didn't grimace when he frogged Jared in the arm, or when he tackled Sam to the ground, or when he growled at any of us. I dealt with it—had to, considering I was now living with him.

It had been awkward at first.

I'd spent a week at my house, thinking over the offer, and during the course of the week, the mushy Christmas spirit had passed and the fights resumed in full force. To my eternal surprise, Paul never revoked the offer –perhaps that's what I was waiting for. I was waiting for him to change his mind. I was giving him a chance to do so, before it was too late to undo the damage.

But it never came.

I didn't bother telling my parents. I wasn't officially moving out, just relocating for a long, _damn long _visit. My sister found out when she saw Sam and Paul hauling my biggest shit out of my room (it was hard to do discreetly, but all things aside, I thought they did well). I guess she told my parents, who in turn came to me with anger and confusion but fell silent when I told them I didn't give a fuck what they wanted—I was _so _outta there.

Paul's mom was cool with the whole thing, if only because I was practically invisible, occupied an unused room in their house and paid rent—which neither bothered to pretend they didn't need desperately. The house was far from perfect (it was truthfully falling apart at the seams and I'd almost prefer to live outside as a wolf, but who the hell was I to complain?) but it was a roof over my head and a place to store my clothes and shit.

I'd asked Paul when I first got there why the room was so unused, so…bare. He'd grunted, grimaced and frowned at me before hulking away to his own room across the hall.

So it had been his parent's room, before his dad ditched them and ran off to New York, or so Paul believed him to be there. And the room he'd left behind was so chalk full of memories (especially bad ones, from what I gathered) that his mom had relocated indefinitely to the basement. I told her in not so many words that if she was ever up to taking back her old master bedroom, I'd give it over happily, but the reply I got strongly suggested I make myself comfy.

Well, what choice did I really have?

* * *

><p>I've been replaced.<p>

It's official. Jacob Black has a new best friend—and damn me if I'm not the smallest bit jealous.

He spends every waking minute with her, laughing with her, bumping shoulders, sharing pizza—things that used to be ours. It hurt, but I knew there was no way in hell I hurt worse than either Embry or Quil—who had, ultimately, been dumped by the new horny Jacob Black. Damn it, they were letting him get away with fucking murder. It was pathetic. He mooned and sighed and all that sappy fairytale shit, and Embry and Quil made fun of him a fair amount, but never such to my liking.

I knew this, because I was spending more and more time hovering in Jake's backyard.

Sam was getting angrier and angrier, but there was really nothing he could do. Technically, I was ordered to patrol the Reservation. And Jake's house constituted a fair part of that. Thus, I patrolled his house—and if I just happened to hear snippets of their conversations, who was I to turn that away?

Jared thought I was masochistic. Sam thought I was lonely. Paul just thought I was fucking stupid, but I couldn't really be bothered to care (I'd seen the shit that went through Paul's mind, I knew how fucked up his childhood had been. I wasn't going to judge the bastard any more than necessary). I missed them, and lying on the ground beneath the garage window, hidden under shadows so no one could see me, I could almost pretend I was a part of their life.

I'm. So. _Pathetic_.

_Finally we agree on something, _Paul sneered, and I ignored him to the best of my abilities. Last time I fought Paul, Sam had banned me from Emily's cooking for a week. It was muthafucking _torture. _So I vowed to myself not to do disobey again. Ever.

(Except visiting Jake's house for prolonged periods of time. That shit was inevitable.)

_What? No witty comeback from the resident dumbass? _He was amused, the fucking asswipe. Gods, I could so easily kill him…

_So come over here and _try it. He was so eager for a fight, like always. So violent, so ruthless, so terrifyingly bloodthirsty. I knew he was as lonely as I was, just as sad and pathetic, even more so—I knew he had gone to the bar, been shot down three times by the same girl working the bar. It was really funny when you thought about it…

_You little bitch! _Uh-oh.

_Paul! _Sam had come to save the day. A tiny drop of guilt welled inside me, before I squelched it casually. I knew he felt the pull of the Pack's needs almost as much as he felt the imprint. Knew he felt the strongest emotions his pack felt—fear, anger, love, sadness, exhaustion. The compulsive need to protect us was a 24-hour gig—one I wasn't envious for.

_Don't provoke your packmates, _he chided, and then repeated in an order to make it official. I was gloating in my head now—_yeah that's right, you fucking pussy, who gets Emily's brownies now?_—and then Sam added, _don't you have a _job _to do?_

Damn it anyways. I was hoping he wouldn't notice my location. _Five more minutes _dad? I snarked.

And Sam did something I'd have never expected.

His heart _warmed. _He _blushed. _I knew wolves physiologically _couldn't _but there was no other way to describe the pink tint to his emotions, the pleased echo in his thoughts. Memories flashed by of him and Emily, the pair of them looking at each other, touching each other, holding and whispering about babies and diapers and pretty unicorns—

_Lucy! _

Jared joined in now. He defended Sam more than Paul and me, combined.

Sam wasn't embarrassed, or at least, not embarrassed about his thoughts. I don't think he appreciated Paul and me making gagging sounds, interspersed with laughter.

Secretly (and because I was a wolf, of course, it wasn't all that secret), I was a little jealous. Any child of Sam and Emily's would be so loved, so happy. I'd have given anything to be raised by someone half the parents they'd be.

_(sorry Lucy, sorry for your parents for your life for taking your friends from you, so sorry) _Sam's unspoken apology echoed ominously in my head.

_Finish patrolling and then head to Emily's for dinner, _Sam ordered, and I got up, shaking out the dirt from my fur as I went. _I'll be home soon._

I did as he ordered and home, I went.

* * *

><p>A dinner at Billy's meant the Clearwaters and Blacks (plus Charlie Swan and his annoying daughter) getting together, and me, watching from the sidelines.<p>

Leah Clearwater was there, too—it was one of the rare times I'd ever gotten a look at her, and what I saw floored me.

In Sam's memories, she was a happy girl—not necessarily a nice one, but certainly not a frigid _bitch. _This girl…she just _radiated _the Queen-Bitch Syndrome. She examined her nails, toyed with her hair, looked down her nose at everyone and, for the most part, never smiled.

I didn't really blame her.

Who on earth would? Sure she hated the world—who wouldn't, in her shoes? The love of her life, the man she thought she would marry, was now engaged to her own cousin. I felt sympathy for the girl and envy for her trivial problems; I almost missed the days when my issues were so simple, not the giant fucking mess it was today.

Quil and Embry strangely didn't show. I felt worry cloud my mind for a moment as I searched for a sign of their arrival, only to be disappointed. Why hadn't they showed? Jake rarely had a get-together without them (Quil was a real carnivore, and his mother was on a veggie-kick. The boy could eat a deer, whole and uncooked, if you let him). Glaring at Jake as a wolf, I settled down under the bushes, waiting for the show to start. Wasn't long before everyone got together to eat dinner on the lawn in the backyard (it made my life so much easier).

Jake and Bella secluded themselves in a corner of the lawn, closest to the edge of the forest, whilst Harry, Charlie and Billy chatted closer to the porch, where it wasn't so difficult to wheel Billy's chair around. Despite the distancing, Seth Clearwater was not to be deterred. Good boy, I thought fondly, watching him shuffle close to Jake. He interrupted whenever Bella seemed to be threatening to take up all of Jake's attention, and Bella, for the most part, seemed _amused _by him. It was kinda funny, although I felt bad to see Seth vying so hard for Jake's approval. I'd almost forgotten the hero-worship he suffered. I didn't know him well myself, but it wasn't uncommon to see him at the Blacks'. Jake liked him (everyone liked him) so he was cool with Seth hanging around. Then again, Jake was a pretty laid-back guy. Made sense.

Things were going good until everyone reconvened for dessert. My mouth was literally watering by now, and I wasn't ashamed to admit that I _may _have snuck out of the shadows to lick the left-overs off of Bella's plate, sitting on her chair, when they went inside to grab dessert. I made it back under the trees by the time they had returned, ignoring Sam's furious scolding in my head. No harm, no foul.

And then Charlie spoke up.

"So Jake, how're things at school?" he asked, genuinely curious. I snorted with fondness; everyone knew Charlie Swan wanted a son—didn't every father? Mine certainly did—and Jacob Black was the closest he ever got to it.

"Good," Jake said cheerfully. I suspiciously noted the close proximity to Bella, the way their fingers brushed, the way he reddened (further) whenever she smiled at him. His crush was escalating… Why oh _why_ did it have to be on Bella the Leech Lover? "Well, math sucks but…yeah…" he laughed and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. Charlie just chuckled.

"Yup, never was good at numbers, myself. But you're working hard? Getting good grades, hanging with your friends." Charlie glanced to Jake's hand, resting dangerously close to Bella's, and I snorted aloud. I would've sworn Billy's head snapped to look at me, but that…that was impossible.

Jake swallowed quickly, and his eyes diverted to the ground. Oh Jake…

"Yeah, I mean, Quil and Embry are good," he said, voice strained with emotions. "They couldn't come out today. Schoolwork." Another snort, this time in incredulity. Quil and Embry, _volunteering _to stay home to do _homework? _Embry, _maybe. _Quil, absolutely _not. _He'd sooner fail than try, sometimes.

"That's too bad," Charlie sounded genuinely disappointed. I knew why; he thought the pair were good for a laugh from time to time. He'd had dinner with them enough times to know them (and myself) relatively well.

"What about your other friend, Lucy?" he asked, looking to Jake to see his reaction. Jake's back stiffened and his fist clenched for half a second. My eyes widened and I felt my heart shatter in that moment.

"She's…fine," Jake gritted out, turning away quickly from him, from Bella. "Think I'll take the plates in. Bella?" he asked, and she hastily followed him inside, their desserts forgotten. Whimpering quietly, I laid my head on my paws.

Yes, I've said it before and I'll say it again. Life. Fucking. _Sucked_. A lot.

The conversation resumed with minimal awkwardness. Seth, for the first time, didn't follow Jake inside. And I couldn't bear being a wolf anymore, listening to Sam's scolding, to Jared's sympathetic ear—thank God, Paul was off somewhere doing who-knows-what. I phased into my human form, slipping into my clothes quickly and quietly. I didn't want to leave, but I wasn't sure if I had the stomach to stay.

During the time I was gone, everyone went inside. Charlie went home and Sue and Leah did dishes while Jake chatted with Bella, while his dad and Harry watched TV. Seth stayed outside, gathering up the last of the cutlery, the chairs, various bags and boxes, and tossing them to the porch to take inside later. He hummed as he worked, a happy little tune, and I was reminded of how young he really was. It was just that much younger than either myself or my boys—it didn't sound too young, but it made the world's difference, psychologically.

I watched him work, intrigued by his happy-go-lucky mood, and I didn't notice where I was stepping. Nearly completely in the open, with no shoes and only a tight pair of shorts and shirt on, I mis-stepped and noisily snapped a branch. It didn't hurt, but it was too loud.

Seth gasped, and everything that followed felt like it was in slow motion.

He turned around, I turned on my heel and ran. He shouted after me—not just, "Hey wait!" but "Lucy!" He shouted _my name. _I'd only taken a few steps by the time I'd realized what he'd said, and the volume with which he was saying it.

Stupid kid was going to totally blow my cover…

"Lucy!" he repeated, running in direction I went. Fuck, if he got lost or hurt, I'd never forgive myself. "Hey, Lu, wait up!" Lu? No one calls me Lu. _Lou_ is a boy's name; I'm not a boy. I'm _Lucy._

Seth didn't get the message.

Groaning, I turned around and walked in his direction. He'd gone a little too far left when he ran after me; I intercepted easily enough and exhaled in a rush, exasperated.

"Seth, I'm over here!"

Seth stopped, foot raised to keep running, and he spun around. He looked so happy, so fucking delighted to see me, that I actually blushed.

And then I looked at him and everything stopped.

He was staring at me with these big brown eyes that were so expressive—eyes I'd never seen before. I wasn't just seeing Seth Clearwater—I was looking into his soul with those eyes. I had looked at him before…but _fuck, _why had I never truly looked? Why had I never seen how incredibly stunning he really was? I was an absolute idiot and I wanted to crawl on my hands and knees, begging his forgiveness for not seeing sooner. He was perfection embodied. No one in the world was more beautiful or kind or funny or charming. No one was Seth Clearwater.

I'd seen it through Sam's mind a hundred times. I'd imagined it even more often. I thought I knew what to expect but nothing—_nothing—_could prepare me for this, for _imprinting._

He was my soul mate.

Gravity did move—but it wasn't just that. It wasn't _just_ gravity moving, but Seth's presence literally _pushing _everything out of the way. Nothing mattered any more. Not Quil or Jake or Embry, not the Pack, not Emily or my family. Money? School? What was _that? _Nothing else existed. Just…just Seth, and his big, warm smile.

I was his.


	6. Scent & a Sound, I'm Lost & I'm Found

**CHAPTER SIX: Scent and a Sound, I'm Lost and I'm Found**

**Disclaimer: (oops, shoud've done this earlier) I own nothing. Otherwise...well, otherwise a LOT would be different.**

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><p>"Lucy?" he asked, and he was so gentle, so perfect. I'm not ashamed to say my eyes watered when he said my name. I was overwhelmed—I'd never felt anything like this, and I was sure I <em>never <em>wanted to feel it with anyone else. He would be my first love and my last love. I adored him.

I would give anything, do anything, be _anything_ for him. I would sell my soul, lie, cheat, steal, _kill, _all for Seth. I wasn't romantic but I was a girl—and at any rate, I didn't really want Seth that way. So young, so fucking innocent.

"Oh," was all I could say, staring at him with a dopey, pathetic look of wonder on my face. He was my height, to my eternal surprise (I wasn't short by any stretch of the imagination, and I hadn't realized he had reached a growth spurt). He stepped closer and I nearly fell over from the wonderful scent he exuded.

"Lucy, where have you been?" he asked eagerly, leaning even closer. I could nearly touch him now…and how I longed to hug him, hold him, stroke his brow and tend to him as he slept. "Everyone misses you."

Everyone? Who?

"Oh," I said again, my voice almost entirely inaudible. I couldn't get over it, couldn't function well enough to speak. Was it supposed to feel like this? I didn't even care. I wanted to be everything to him.

I didn't care anymore that Jake had replaced me with Bella. And I didn't care that I couldn't see my old friends, or that my parents didn't love me the way they should've, or that my sister didn't care about abandoning me on Christmas. I just cared about Seth—I _loved _him.

"Jeez, are you ok?" he asked nervously, and—to my endless pleasure—his hands reached out and gently grabbed ahold of my shoulders. Was I ok? If he kept holding me like that, I could die a happy girl.

Being a wolf was the _best thing ever._

"I…I…" I could only stare at him. My tongue felt like a giant balloon in my mouth.

"I bet you're cold," he said suddenly, pulling me under his arm and walking me back in the direction we had run from. "Why don't we drive you home?" I was his height, so it was a little difficult, but he managed to walk me back to the Blacks' house with ease. He said mindless, comforting words as we walked—he was under the impression I was sick; I was under the impression he was a god—and before long I saw the familiar sight of Billy's porch.

Talk about déjà vu…

Jake had driven Bella home in her truck, for which I was…so very grateful for. I didn't want to hurt him by showering Seth with attention when I wouldn't even speak to him or Quil and Embry. I couldn't help the dumb, wondrous expression on my face. I briefly worried if it were stuck there.

Seth was calling to someone—maybe Billy—but I didn't see who. I was too busy staring at him. He had a boyish face (how old was he? 14? 15?) but it was narrow, thin. There was no baby fat left on him; it was the way he spoke, the way he smiled that gave him this…this endless innocence. I wanted to protect more than anything in the world.

"I think she's sick," he said mildly, tugging me closer. Christ, I couldn't think of the last time I was this close to Jake's house (as a human). "She was standing outside when I saw her. Can we drive her home, dad?" He was making me sound more and more like a stray pet, but I didn't care. He could throw a leash on me and chain me to his house if he wanted, I wouldn't mind.

Harry and Billy were there, and I knew there were worried, confused. I managed, with much difficulty, to rip my eyes long enough to see Billy throw me a bewildered look.

He wasn't surprised to see me at his house, I realized distantly, but rather, attached to Seth Clearwater instead of his son. Sue appeared, and one look at the pair of us had her beaming.

"Course we can," Harry grunted, motioning for us to follow him. "We'll do that now. Billy," he nodded to Jake's dad in way of farewell. Seth gently ushered me through the back door and down the familiar path of his kitchen and dining room, to the hall, and out the front door.

* * *

><p>I kept a hold on Seth the entire time.<p>

Letting go of Seth Clearwater when we reached my house was impossible, implausible and simply _painful, _but by some will of the Spirits, I did it. I was fairly certain I looked pathetic, standing on my doorstep, hand half-raised in farewell to the car that carried my imprint.

Seth's hand was pressed against the back window, his fingers curled loosely against the glass as he stared back at me with, dare I say, longing. Before they left, Seth had gotten out of the car to walk me up the steps.

"You could come over tomorrow," he offered, smiling eagerly at me. "If you want!" If I want? Oh I wanted.

"Ok," I squeaked.

"Cool! Oh, but make sure you sleep lots—I don't want you to be sick!" he added, frowning quickly at me before I smiled forcedly and nodded in agreement.

"Yeah sure. I just gotta sleep lots." My words were almost mechanic, a robotic echo. I was being so strange… Why the hell would he want to hang out with me?

He grinned at me, hugged me once more and darted back down the steps, his hair bouncing on his shoulders as he practically skipped off. When the car left, his face had become drastically more miserable, and my heart ached as I physically restrained myself from running after him.

I stood on my doorstep for half a minute, staring at the trail the car left behind, before I turned and ran to the very forest Seth had carried me from.

I was phased before my feet even touched the floor.

_S'up, my home-bitch? _Paul asked, and I couldn't even find it in myself to yell at him for it. I just thought frantically about the past hour I'd been witness to. Had it really happened? It all seemed too good to be true…

_Sounds like you…no, _Paul whispered, horrified, _no you wouldn't! Tell me you didn't fucking imprint on Seth fucking Clearwater!_

Like my body was no longer controlled by my mind, I lashed out, turning right and sprinting for him, to absolutely _murder _him (_don't call him that don't talk about him don't hurt him I need him I need him he's too good too good don't you dare talk about him)._

_Chill out! _He shouted, and his words drew me up to a rapid halt. _So you imprinted? Way to go. Now you get to be all googly-eyes like Sam. Another wolf I need to avoid, _he grumbled. I rolled my eyes, resuming my run to his house.

_You might as well just call it your house too, _he noted wryly. _You live there now, you realize._

Yeah, it made no sense calling it anything other than my house too. Even if my room only consisted of a mattress and blankets, my dresser and mirror along with a handful of cheap knickknacks (as opposed to the expensive ones…?) and my clothes, it still felt homier than my old house had been. No longer did I fear walking in on my father's affair or my mother working late with a glass of brandy in hand, or my sister throwing obnoxiously large house parties.

I had a home _and _a soulmate.

All the complaining I did felt kinda stupid now.

Paul scoffed mentally. _Damn it, I can't listen to this shit. Go home, kid. I'll see you there. _Kid? He realized we're the same age, right? _Whatever. Just go home, Lucy._

Sorely tempted to run to Seth's and see him instead, I reluctantly turned tail and ran for the cover of my bed (or mattress, I guess) and blankets.

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><p><strong>Chapter title is a line from Duran Duran's <em>Hungry Like the Wolf. <em>Yeah, it's probably gonna appear more...**


	7. One Wolf Down

**CHAPTER SEVEN: One Wolf Down**

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><p>I had a new routine to follow. My days were no longer consumed with watching Jake, Quil and Embry miserably from the sidelines. Now I had to see Seth, too.<p>

Every day I woke up, took my pajamas off and phased into a wolf, ran patrol for two hours, changed back into clothes and went to school. Sam took the day shifts, much like any typical boss, and I ran evening shifts. At school, I tried to keep my head above the water. I felt like I was sinking, constantly drowning under the amount of work being piled on me.

My math teacher dropped the latest test on my desk, avoiding my gaze whilst he smiled and congratulated someone else. Grimacing in fear, I lifted the paper to my eyes, staring down at the giant '48%' in red ink. It wasn't any different from any other math test I'd taken since becoming a wolf, and it wasn't all that far off the essay I wrote in English class or the project I handed in for geography.

"Ouch," Paul muttered sympathetically—empathetically, I realized, with a glance at his own 42—eyeing my paper. "Oh well."

Oh well? Maybe for Paul it was normal, but I'd never failed a math test. Or any test, except for that disaster in grade nine sciences and that wasn't _really _my fault. I wasn't an A+ student, by any means, but I slid by with decent marks. I'd had to, to make sure I could go to college, get a diploma in business or something to come back and help Jake.

So much for that plan.

"Don't sweat it," Paul continued, shoving his test in his tattered book bag. "Everybody fails tests. You're not the only one who bombed this." I wasn't'; looking around at the looks on kids' faces, I knew I wasn't the only one who'd missed the mark with this one, but I was relatively certain I was one of the only ones failing every single fucking class I was in.

Paul and Jared were the only two in my boat, and it freaked me out. Every student had _something, _unless they were the type that really just didn't give a shit. I did give a shit—I wasn't a keener, but I knew when I'd earned my marks and when I hadn't tried at all. And lately, it's been a cross between the pair—I hadn't tried, but only because I was so fucking tired from everything else that I didn't have time.

Math with Paul, English with Quil and Embry, lunch with Jared and Paul acting like the dumbasses they were, science with Jared (between the two of us, our combined marks might scrape a passing grade), and geography with Jake. I was especially pissed with my mark in geography because I knew, if I had been able to pair off with Jake, then I'd be getting better marks. We complimented each other in a lot of ways—when we actually tried at school, we did pretty damn well on assignments—but because Sam had forced me to burn those bridges, I'd had no choice but to either work all the projects alone or to partner up with the pothead in the back of class who didn't care I was gonna fail. Jake did alright; he was pairing up with Britney Littlesea, my cousin that I didn't really talk to—ever. She batted her eyelashes and he blushed when she complimented him, and together they did ok. It wasn't a big secret though: Jake and I worked way fucking better together.

I'd follow Jake, Quil and Embry home, make sure they got to Jake's safe, and run up to the Clearwater's house to see Seth.

Seth Clearwater…was the best thing in my life.

The first day I'd gone to see him after imprinting, he'd greeted me so warmly, I was knocked off my feet by his enthusiasm. Really warmed the cockles of my heart. He was a typical teenage boy, dressed in jeans or gym shorts more often than not, and played sports like an addiction. He was brilliant at it too—except football. He hated football.

When I'd approached him, I'd expected awkwardness, initial uncertainty on both our parts.

I'd seriously under-estimated the power of the imprint.

It was like I knew exactly what to say. It was like there was a little angel hovering over my shoulder, giving subtle hints on topics to pick up on and others to let go. I'd never been great at mingling, but with Seth, it was easier than breathing.

He took me to his mom's diner (after we, _by_ _chance_, stumbled across each other on his way home. "Hey, Lu, what a coincidence!" _Yeah, let's go with that one…_). Leah worked there part-time, but she didn't seem to like me (or anyone) all that much, so we avoided her like the plague. Seth didn't mind.

"Wanna soda?" he asked, going to get one for himself. I grinned ruefully at him.

"No money on me, sorry," I patted my empty pockets in emphasis. I really did have nothing on me. My first thought had been to get to Seth's as quickly as possible.

"That's ok," he laughed, "I don't have to _pay." _And a different waitress handed him two cokes from across the counter, which he carried back to our booth quickly. "Don't worry about it," he added kindly, smiling at the anxious frown on my face. I didn't want him to take stuff just for me.

"You didn't have to," I muttered, taking my drink anyways. Seth shrugged, the bright bubbly look on his boyish face made him so charming.

"But I wanted to."

"Oh. Well, thanks."

"You're welcome. How was your day? Are you feeling better?"

The rest of our conversation was spent discussing school (I carefully avoided all hints of marks and grades), our hobbies (he loved sports, I loved running—and no, I didn't tell him I ran on four legs), our friends at school (he hung out with almost everyone, including Jake, Quil and Embry, on special occasion; I mentioned Paul and Jared but avoided Sam. I didn't know how Sam Uley's name was discussed in their house). We ran through a whole gambit of questions, and it was really fucking sweet. I could've literally spent the rest of my life in Sue's run-down diner with the chipped tables and split leather chairs, just talking to Seth about his life. He had a habit of waving his hands about when he became really excited, or dropping his left ear to his shoulder when he was embarrassed or humble, and he had the cutest chuckle where he laughed twice in quick succession, paused, and laughed again, shaking his head.

I was transfixed.

Sue Clearwater brought out dinner for us around seven o'clock, at which point I realized Sam was going to have my ass because I'd missed my shift, and I downed my plate as quick as possible, shoving my jacket (stupid, lumpy jacket) on my shoulders and hugged Seth goodbye (his hugs were still like fucking crack; I was sincerely, honest to God addicted to them), before making a run for the door.

I was berated by Sam, ran for the next five hours until Paul came out and took over, at which point I raced back to his house and collapsed on the mattress in "my room".

And then I woke up and did it all over again.

* * *

><p>Cold, wet snow melted under my heated toes as I sprinted—fucking <em>flew<em>—across the forest to the sound of pained howling.

The first howl had been a call to get together. That hadn't surprised me so much as pissed me the fuck off. It was my day off, I wasn't supposed to have to deal with this nonsense until six o'clock tomorrow night. I had plans-seeing Seth, primarily-and nothing was gonna' get in my way of them.

Then the second came, and it was different. Someone new.

I adjusted my plans after that.

Instantly, I dragged my ass out of bed, flung open my door to see Paul, half-naked, doing the same. Together, without a word, we moved for the front door (his mom was out) and tore off for the sound of our brothers, in pain.

I'd phased before the trees even covered me, and Paul before that. Neck and neck, we hurtled through the thickets, heads down and anxious, eager, desperate thoughts whirling through our mind.

_What's wrong what's wrong what's wrong?_

And the closer we got, the louder his voice became.

_Helphelphelphelp fuck what's going on paws snout howls Sam Uley don't like him paws furfurfur WOLF MONSTER ABOMINATION!_

I nearly buckled at the onslaught of jumbled words, feelings and questions, and Paul actually drew up to a halt, eyes screwed shut and whining under the complete confusion. I wanted to do the same, and in fact couldn't believe I hadn't, when I heard the voice and _actually listened._

_Embry_.

I broke out into the clearing, with Paul footsteps behind. He was muttering about being interrupted playing his new toy—sorry, _video game—_and inconvenient phasing. I shot him an irritated look before stepping over to the other three wolves of my pack the newest one currently losing his ever-loving mind.

It was actually terrifying. I know Paul, Jared and Sam hated watching me phase for the first time, though I'd never understood why. More than anything, I had taken offence to their horror at me bearing female parts instead of the normal male wolf.

This…this was fucking scary.

Embry thrashed on the ground with only the strict order from Sam keeping him under control. His eyelids were stretched back as wide as they would go, while the eyes roved all over, trying desperately to see something that would explain, something that would help him understand what the _fuck _was going on.

Jared was uneasy, shifting from foot to foot—sorry, make that paw to paw—as he watched the wolf writhe. Sam was patient, exuding confidence and Alpha-power and all that shit. Only through the link of the Pack could we see the horror, the displeasure of Sam's at watching yet another life be ruined by phasing.

Yet another future, wasted.

Paul was mellow, having watched this before. He remembered how I looked—_you were fucking crazy, kid—_and Embry had 'nothing on me'. I wasn't sure why I felt oddly flattered.

My eyes returned to Embry's slowly calming body, his whimpers being silenced by simple exhaustion and boredom—a mental sort of exhaustion, of course, considering how hard we have to work as wolves to actually tire out—and Sam could finally speak to him.

_What's going on? What am I? Why is this happening? Is that Lucy? Sounds like Lucy can't be can't be Lucy's gone she left us gonegonegone._

Yeah? I hadn't been too thrilled to leave them, jackass.

_Oh God, I can hear her in my head. I'm insane, fucking crazy, lost my mind. _Huh, who knew Embry Call was a secret potty-mouth?

_Enough, _Sam's booming Alpha-order had us all dropping down low on our bellies, Embry's instincts being sharper than the rest with the wolf fresh in his blood.

_You are a wolf now, Embry Call, _Sam said calmly—where the fuck did he find the patience?—_You have duties to your people, the Tribe, and to your Pack. You are Pack now. You aren't alone; we will show you how to live like this._

And for the next forty-eight hours, we did.

* * *

><p><strong>Embry's phased! We're on the count-down now! Things are going to pick up soon-hopefully... They should.<strong>


	8. Doggy Dilemmas

**I own nothing (wish I owned Seth...)**

**CHAPTER EIGHT: Doggy Dilemmas**

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><p>I hadn't seen Seth in four days.<p>

Kill. Me. _Now_.

I couldn't bear it; it was as though someone was standing behind me, ramming a blunt knife into my back at every second of the day. But I had no choice. Until Embry was calm again, we were all forced into taking turns babysitting the newest wolf.

And I'll admit it, having Embry with me was pretty fucking awesome.

He was such a _guy._ The way he spoke, laughed, even fucking walked—it was all so typical teenage boy. Jake was freakishly happy all the time, and Quil had a smugness about him that may or may not have been because of him coming into his new buff-body. Embry was just…Embry. A boy. My teenage friend who's a boy.

Who wanted to go cliff-diving. _Again._

Ever since he'd phased, I'd been spending more time with him—and a pathetic amount with Seth. Every fiber of my body literally screamed at me to go find my imprint, but I couldn't bring myself to leave Embry, one of my best friends, alone in this fucking mess. So I was trying to perform a juggling act, one that was failing.

I needed Seth.

In the two weeks it had been since Embry's first phase, I had spent maybe three days with him. If that. Which was _completely _unacceptable. But what was I to do? Embry needed someone, and I understood that better than anyone. Sam had Emily. Jared and Paul were BFFs. And I now had Seth—who admitted the other day that he missed hanging out more.

He _missed _me.

I felt like shit.

But Embry still couldn't control his phasing all that well. The other day he'd exploded when he saw the pizza we bought—no bacon toppings. I mean, I'd expect that kind of temper from _Paul, _but Embry? Sad, just…so sad.

So I decided to put all my energy in helping Embry get over his attitude issues and _then _spend a week with Seth, maybe drive us down to First Beach, have a fire, roast marshmallows. Mmm…yeah I could go for that. And I could wrap up under Seth's arm and laugh with him over all the dumb shit his teachers were making him do for homework and how stupid his friends were and how he needed a haircut but didn't want to cut it because he liked how I laughed when it tickled my cheek when he hugged me—

"Lucy?"

I wheeled around, startled (to my immense shame. I don't even _deserve_ to be called a wolf…). Embry had a mild grin tugging at his lips. With his newfound hairdo, he had the whole cute, shy-guy thing down pat. His eyes darted down to the bottom of the cliff then back to me. Tipping one eyebrow up at me, he asked, "See something?"

I pressed a smile onto my lips, the kind I had to work at so it didn't look like I was using invisible wire to hold my mouth in place. Embry knew me well—too well, sometimes.

"No. I thought I heard," I cut myself off, swallowed and smiled again. "Never mind."

Embry laughed as Paul shoved Jared off the cliff—fuck, I hope no humans were around to see that. Automatically, my eyes glanced down the cliff to the poorly-maintained road along the water. I could only barely make out two people, standing outside a red truck. A guy and a girl. He almost looked like—

But then Embry was grabbing my arm.

"_C'mon, _Lucy!" he shouted, and with a grand leap, we were flying.

* * *

><p>It had been my idea to go to Sam's house—I needed to talk to a girl, ASAP. And Emily was the only girl who knew wolfy-stuff that I felt comfortable talking to.<p>

Located in the heart of La Push, deep in the woods, Sam's house was tucked away under the cover of trees and nature. It was a pretty good setup for them—Sam because he explodes into a wolf and Emily because she doesn't like being seen by the public with her scars—and it worked for the Pack, too. As Alpha, their house was designated as the meeting spot for almost all gatherings or major decisions.

So I'd have to be damn careful not to be seen by anyone other than Emily…

Luckily for me, Sam was out back trying to teach Embry how to fight off a phase and Jared and Paul were on patrol. So I had Emily all to my little self.

"EMILY!"

Maybe I was a little stressed.

"EMILY!"

I hurtled into the bedroom where she was brushing her hair. Startled but not scared, Emily paused mid-stroke, brush in hand. I shifted awkwardly at the door, dancing on my tiptoes with anxiety.

"What's wrong, Lucy?" Her concern was the genuine, caring sort—not at all the kind my mom had shown to me. "Are you hurt?"

"No—I—maybe—_I don't know!" _I wailed, throwing my arms up in the air and rushing to her bed (eww sex-bed) to fall at her feet. "I don't understand what's going on."

With a gentle hand, Emily carded her fingers through my hair. It felt nice, all soothing and relaxing and I was really quite tired although I wished it was Seth's knee my head was propped on and he was the one caressing my hair as we curled up under the night sky and—

"_Lucy!" _Emily flicked me in the forehead. "No going to sleep until you tell me what's wrong! Sam's outside wondering what's wrong."

Yeah, I probably should've been more discreet.

"I…It's…"

"Yes?"

"It's…"

"_Yes?"_

"_It's—"_

"_Lucy!"_

"_I got my period!" _

And Emily went quiet after my half-whispered, half-screamed exclamation. It was, doubtlessly, confusing to hear out of context.

Why would I, a teenage girl well-versed with one's monthlies, be horrified to _have _my period (other than all the fucking cramps they bring, damn mother nature)?

"Oh."

Because I stopped getting them after I phased.

It had been scary more than anything else. I wasn't the _routine _sort of girl. Long gaps were pretty normal for me. But after two months, I'd realized _something _was up. Around December, I was taking pregnancy tests daily, wondering who the fuck knocked me up when I was sleeping (seriously, it was _impossible. _I hadn't even fucking kissed a guy in the last year). Several blood tests and pregnancy tests by the handful later, and I was given the all-clear.

I was perfectly healthy, according to the records. But I had stopped aging.

And it scared the _fuck _out of me.

Emily was the one I'd gone to then, and Emily was the one I was going to now. I knew, logically, Sam and probably Embry could hear everything I was saying and the rest of the Pack would know very soon. But I liked living in the fantasy world where my secrets were my own and my screwed-up body wasn't public knowledge.

"Maybe it just took a while for your body to start up again after the phasing," Emily murmured reasonably. She resumed her task of brushing my hair with her dainty fingers, petting my head like a freaking puppy (mind you, the most adorable, perfect puppy in the whole world. House-trained, too).

"Maybe," I agreed doubtfully. It sounded logical, but I had shit luck these days. For all I knew, it was a foreign virus that meant I was going to die within the next few days. My mouth pursed as I tried to recall everything I'd learned in science (sadly, it didn't take too long to recall it all. Apparently there wasn't much I'd retained).

"You should talk to Sam."

I groaned aloud, "_Emil-eeee!" _My whine didn't sway her. She patted my shoulder in a comforting gesture.

"I know you think it's awkward but he's your Alpha. He's meant to handle things like this, honey. Even if he's a guy."

Ugh, we are _so _not going there. I'd rather live the rest of my wolfy-existence terrified than deal with the awkwardness that was Samuel Uley.

"But _Em—"_

"There's nothing else I can tell you, Lucy. Really, you're going to have to speak to him. He needs to talk to you about something anyways."

I glanced up at her kind, lopsided face, scowled and looked away again. When I'd started hurting an hour ago in my bedroom at Paul's, I hadn't thought much of it. I was used to the cramps, even if they were a bitch to deal with. And then the realization, the horrible understanding, overcame me when I remembered I wasn't _supposed _to get it anymore. Not for now, at least.

"Now?" I asked glumly. Her lips suddenly quirked in a half-grin.

"It's either you go downstairs or stay here by yourself in our bedroom."

With the sex-bed?

Ah, say no more, Emily. Say no more.

At once, I was on my feet and gritting my teeth; there was nothing for it. It would have to be discussed, and the sooner I figured it out, the sooner I saw Seth (my wolf howled in delight).

* * *

><p>It was as bad as I'd expected. Sam had blushed and stammered through the whole thing ("I, uh, I think, uh, maybe Em's right. You know, you, uh, you're—ahem—body just took time to, um, <em>adjust<em>."). Idiot. It wasn't like I was going to start bleeding on him (oh hell, that was gross).

And then he'd moved on to…other topics.

He said things had calmed down with Embry enough that I could stop watching him constantly. Which meant I had free time. Which meant I could go see Seth. Rejoice!

Well, I _could _see him. But Sam had other ideas.

"Lucy, this isn't acceptable," he said, tossing my latest test on his dining room table. He'd spared me what little dignity I had left and ordered the rest of the Pack away from the house (even Emily, although I knew she was in on it).

"It's not _my _fault," I insisted, snatching the most recent failure off the table and shoving it in my lap, as though hiding it would erase the mark. "I don't have any goddamn time!"

"Then _make _time," Sam ordered patiently. I fought the urge to snarl, opting to huff and fold my arms instead.

"You make it sound _easy," _I muttered under my breath. Sam snorted.

"It's not. I know it's not. You know that. But you _gotta _try. Lucy," he pressed both palms flat against the table, staring desperately into my eyes—like he was trying to convey something of the utmost importance. "You _can _get out of here. Eventually. But kid—_you gotta stick it out. _And that means trying. And I know it's not easy, and I know I'm not making it any easier. But you have a job to do. So do other kids, and they balance it. You gotta do it, too."

I moaned in dismay. "But Sa-a-a-_am_!"

He rolled his eyes. "Don't _'But Sam' _me. I want a 60 on the next test. Or better." He leveled me with a cutting stare. "No excuses."

"What if I break both my legs?" I asked mildly. "Or if my house catches fire? Or if I get hit by a car and lose my memories? Or—"

"Lucy." His sharp call silenced me, as he narrowed his eyes severely. "For goodness' sake, what's the likelihood of any of that happening?"

…

"I explode into a wolf on a daily basis to hunt vampires," I observed dryly. "What's the likelihood of _that?" _And, feeling pretty damn pleased with myself, I sauntered out of the kitchen, chucking the test in the garbage as I went.

* * *

><p>So now I had the choice.<p>

Study?

Or Seth?

_Be rational about this, _a voice tried reasoning. _You've been away from Seth for four days. You can handle one more. _Yeah, I _could, _but why should I? Everything in my body was screaming at me to go find him. Soon enough, my legs were simply going to either rebel and carry me to Seth or they were going to buckle and I'd never walk again.

On the other hand…

_Sam will be furious if you don't pass the next test. And you know what it is. _Ugh, math. The bane of my existence. The problem with math class is if you don't understand what you learnt two weeks ago, you don't have a hope in hell of figuring out what you're learning now. The majority of my math class was spent staring at the board with a blank expression and praying that the teacher didn't pick me to answer a question. Paul didn't bother to show up, he just came for the test (which I saw little point in him even coming for, if all he really did anymore was write his name and toss it on the teacher's desk on the way out).

So I need to at least pass this damn test. I'm pretty sure if I don't ace it but _improve, _Sam will get off my case, at least for a while.

But that meant studying.

Which meant time from Seth.

Which _sucked. _

Time for more reasoning. _How much studying have you done so far? _Hmm…none. _Ok, how much of the assigned homework have you done? _Hmm…does the example taken up in class count? _No. _Then…none.

…

_Is this a serious debate? _

Yeah, the little voice was right. I knew what I needed to do.

* * *

><p><em>You really should be studying.<em>

Shut. Up.

My conscience, which sounded suspiciously like Sam (which was weird on so many levels), was riding me the whole way to Seth's house. It was like the mother I never had, always fucking _nagging_.

Go away, I whined mentally. You suck.

_You know I'm a part of you, right, dip-shit?_

Fuck, you're allowed to swear? That just doesn't seem right.

_There's a lot about this that isn't right. Having a conversation with yourself. You going to Seth when you know you should study. _The one saving grace was that my test wasn't until Thursday. It was Tuesday. I had two whole days to sort out that shit.

Seth took priority, easily.

My conscience gave a tired sigh.

_Don't come crying to me when you fail and Sam punishes you for it. _Punishes me? Would he really? _How would I know? I'm a figment in your fucking head! _Ha, oh yeah…a damn noisy figment…

Before I knew it, I was knocking on Seth's door, doing a mental once-over of myself, hoping that I didn't reek of sweat too much. My fears were unfounded, though, because the moment the door opened, I was holding an armful of Seth Clearwater.

And I was in heaven.

He was laughing and rambling about something, I couldn't quite understand his garbled words, but he sounded ecstatic. See?I pointed out to my conscience smugly. Totally worth it.

_We'll see after you get your test back._

Ah, _shut_ _up_.

Seth eventually released me, much to my displeasure. Smiling so widely that I worried for his cheeks, he grasped my hand and pulled me inside.

"—wondering when you'd show. I called your house and your sister said—"

"_Wait, wait, wait!" _I all but shouted, coming to a stop. "You talked to my sister?"

He frowned to himself, "Yeah, I don't think she likes me much." His mouth twisted into a worried frown. I scoffed loudly—if anything, him not getting along with Kyrie was a bonus mark for him.

"That's ok. I'm not overly fond of her myself." I bumped shoulders with him, making him grin. I flopped down on his couch as he stuck in the newest game he'd bought. Apparently it was 'wicked.' And the graphics were 'insane.' I couldn't follow much other than that.

"Oh. Well she said you weren't home and she didn't know where you were"—lying bitch, she could've told him I had moved to Paul's—"and that she'd tell you I called. Did she?" he looked over to me hopefully.

I fought the urge to go punch my sister in the mouth.

"Sorry, Seth," I said, "she didn't. I got really swamped in…in work, and—"

"It's ok."

Blinking rapidly, I stared at Seth. He sat down next to me, watching the screen. I watched Seth, instead. He still had a boyish roundness to his face that made him look sweeter than most teens his age. With a saccharine smile at me, he said, "It's your secret work-stuff with…with _him, _right?" he asked lowly, glancing over his shoulder to the stairs nervously. I frowned, following his gaze and realized Leah was home.

_Sam_ was the equivalent of a cuss word in this house, apparently.

"Yeah, I guess…" I fished around awkwardly for a way out of this topic. We were treading dangerous waters. "It's complicated though—"

"That's ok. It's not my business—you don't need to explain." And, with a jolt, I realized he truly felt that way. He wasn't putting it on for me or sending mixed messages (oh yeah, he was a _guy. _Only girls pull shit like that). He truly believed he had no business knowing my whole life-story, but all I wanted to do was include him in every part of it. I had never noticed how much avoiding the topic of Sam and, in turn, my shifting bothered me.

"Although I wish you'd tell me why you were hiding behind the bushes at Jake's house. Or why you won't let me tell him that I saw you. Or that we're hanging out." His frown became more defined was the list went on. Shit, he was going to realize that I wasn't worth the trouble, that Jake was more important because he idolized him and he didn't really know me and I was a terrible friend, really, because I couldn't spend much time—

"Lu?" he asked, peering closely at me. He tilted his head, eyes wide with that familiar look of intrigue and concern (he was always worried about me. I was torn between flattery and offense).

"You look like you're worrying too much about things," he observed casually, reaching out to ruffle my hair with a fond grin. "I said I _wish_ you could tell me. I know there are things you can't."

"You…you do?"

"Sure," he agreed naturally, as though it were obvious. "Same way Dad won't talk about the tribal meetings or what…what _he's _doing, with you and Embry and the others." Seth's eyes skimmed across the room to the stairs and turned back to me, smiling sweetly again.

"It's ok. You can tell me whatever you want. When you're ready," he added, when I went to open my mouth in protest. I wanted to tell him. I was _ready _to tell him.

But he wasn't ready to know. And Sam wasn't ready for him to find out.

"Thanks, Seth," I mumbled, staring incredulously at my imprint. How the fuck had I gotten so lucky with him?

"No prob," he turned back to the screen with an eager grin. "Now, do you remember how the buttons work?"

I rolled my eyes, moaning loudly. "Let's face it, Seth, video-gaming's just _not_ one of my talents."

He laughed loudly, eyes crinkling at the corners. He looked simultaneously older and younger when he laughed, the same as when he smiled. "Maybe. But don't think I'll go easy on you for it!"

My eyes softened; I wasn't really listening or paying attention to what we were doing, preferring to watch him enthusiastically jab at buttons and make combinations I'd probably need a manual to learn instead. With bright peals of laughter, he tipped his head back and howled in delight as he watched my character get killed for the umpteenth time.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

><p><strong>*Happy squee* I love Seth scenes! They're my favourite to write.<strong>

**(Hopefully, though it's up for debate still) next chapter: Jake goes to the movies with Bella. Lucy tags along, though not on purpose.**

**Need I say more?**


	9. In the Doghouse

**I own nothing. But we all knew that...**

**CHAPTER NINE: In the Doghouse**

* * *

><p>I was in total shit from Sam for not studying.<p>

(Still…completely worth it).

Seth and I had played video games for the majority of the day, laughed at my incompetence, and ordered extra-cheese pizza. It was pretty awesome, I'm not going to lie. And then I went home. And guess who was waiting for me with arms folded and mouth pressed into a deep frown?

"If you frown like that all the time, your face will be stuck like that," I said solemnly as Sam stared silently down at me. Shifting uncomfortably, I stood feet from him, resisting the urge to turn around and hightail it out of there.

"Where were you?" he demanded quietly. I swallowed thickly, tugging at my ponytail.

"Umm…out?"

"_Where_?"

Ah, what the hell. There was no use trying to avoid it. "Seth's."

His eyes flashed dangerously. Behind him, in the shadows, Paul shifted into the light. He had a smirk on his face (asshole) as he undid his cut-offs and took off to start his patrol.

Sam stared at me for a long moment. And I felt every bit of disappointment he wanted me to. With sharp, unhappy eyes, Sam sighed tiredly.

"I still expect a pass," he said at length. I nodded slowly.

"Ok."

"You better study. _All_ day tomorrow." It wasn't an order, I knew that. I also knew if I disobeyed his non-command, I was in shit up to my eyeballs.

"Ok."

And like the wind, he was gone. I summed up my feelings rather nicely in one succinct word.

"Fuck."

* * *

><p>You know what? Math is <em>hard. <em>Math had never come easily for me, but trying to teach myself a whole unit in four hours just wasn't gonna happen. I needed help, and with a groan of realization, I knew precisely whose help I needed.

Sam's.

It wasn't a secret that he'd graduated with honors (lucky bastard hadn't phased until _after _he finished school). And I knew he was decent in math, but going to Sam for help meant conceding defeat to some fight going on between us. I wasn't sure what it was about, but _like hell _I was gonna lose. Nuh-uh, not happening. I all but threw myself in my homework (and got a wicked headache from it).

I went to my math class, stared blankly at the board as it filled with review problems, copied them down as well as the answers, and left.

Paul met up with me half way home.

"So…" he grinned, "How did the studying go last night?"

"Shut your mouth," I snapped, tossing my bag over my shoulder and walking out of the building. Sam had rigged some shit with the tribe so the Pack members were allowed to leave class whenever we wanted. Well, we were _allowed. _Didn't mean we were supposed to do it on a regular basis.

Which, you know, I kinda did.

"Times like these I thank the spirits that I don't have to worry about some dumbass imprint-shit," he commented. At once, I spun around and slugged him in the shoulder. Grunting, he felt for where my fist had crushed the bone, glaring at me. "Holy fuck, you don't have to be so _moody_ about it. _Relax_. What the hell is _Samuel _gonna do if you fail? He's not you dad."

No, and my dad probably cared less than anyone. Probably had too much alcohol or too much sex to care at this point in the day…11:17 in the morning. Yeah, way too late for him to care. I hadn't spoken to my parents ever since I basically disowned myself from the family, and they seemed ok with it (that fucking hurt, but I tried not to think about it. Them not caring meant my freedom was so much easier to obtain). I actually had lunch with Kyrie the other day (who knows why. She just showed up randomly and asked me to meet her for lunch. I thought she was gonna tell me she was pregnant but all she said was that she'd applied to some colleges. She had stayed an extra year to get her marks up. I wondered if she would be successful).

"I don't have time for this," I mumbled, and left him in the parking lot, snickering (at me). And I didn't have time for him.

There was work to do.

* * *

><p>My math teacher was an ok guy, actually. Sure, I never listened to what he had to say, and sure, I made fun of the bald spot on the back of his head, the way everyone else did. And yeah, there was that time he caught me doodling a crude drawing of him—or <em>someone <em>who he happened to think looked like him. I argued against him till I was blue in the face, but he didn't believe me.

Go figure.

But all in all, I knew he was an ok guy. Not a bad, creepy, or boring teacher. I just hated his class.

I also hated the fact that he could mark tests overnight.

"I stayed awake till two in the morning," he said, laughing, "Because I was so excited to see the look on all your faces when you got them back."

Everyone let out groans, making him laugh more. He dropped a test on Paul's desk. With a bored glance, Paul's eyes skimmed the red notation and stuffed it in his backpack, looking at me to give me a mild, nonchalant wink. My heart seemed to be stuck in my throat; I was rendered silent, incapable of the production of any and all sounds.

I felt the soft gust of air as he dropped the seven-page math test on my desk, my eyes squeezed shut in fear.

I fought vampires for a living and I was terrified of my math test. _What a fucking joke._

Fighting the urge to run away from it, screaming blue bloody murder, I cracked one eye open. It was face down. I steeled my nerves, grabbed the corner of the test between my thumb and forefinger. My heart was hammering in my ribcage. So much was hanging on this damn mark; I didn't want to let Sam down. Fuck that, I didn't want to let _Seth_ down—any more than I already had. If Sam cut my precious time with Seth in half because of my fucking mistakes I was going to…

Despite the fact I sincerely believed I was about to pass out due to undue stress, I looked at my mark.

With shaking hands, I slowly stuffed the test into my bag, avoiding eye contact with everyone as the bell went and signaled the end of the period. The rest of the day followed in its usual manner, with me ducking away from any encounters with Jake and Quil and Embry coming and sitting with me at lunch. When the bell rang to signal it was time to go home, I left without a word to anyone.

I didn't go to Seth's. And I didn't go to creep on Jake or Quil. I went directly to Sam's, where I found him cleaning in the kitchen with Emily.

He took one look at me and froze. His eyes swept over my tense frame and a look of dread crossed his face.

"Well?"

I stared back at him blankly; it felt like it had been hours since I had last blinked.

"Lucy? How's it going?"

"I got my test back."

Sam nodded slowly at me. Emily took her leave without a word, knowing this wasn't her conversation to participate in. This was mine and Sam's. Sam's eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"_And?"_

I took a deep breath of air, clutching the paper between my hands so tightly that it ripped a little.

"…sixty-two…"

And as one, the pair of us burst into wild cheers.

And I knew I was forgiven.

* * *

><p>"We have to celebrate!" Seth insisted for the fifth time. "Lu, we gotta!"<p>

"It's not a big deal," I said for the _sixth_ time that night. "I just…studied hard." Damn hard. Like, burn my eyes out, hard. Seriously, I wasn't sure how I'd pulled it off. Miraculously, I'd scraped a C-. As in, kinda-average, but just barely.

It was enough for me.

And it was a big deal, but not for the reasons he was thinking. This test meant me having a little more freedom, until the next one came around. Which meant more time with him. Which meant…well, I didn't really have to go on. Time with Seth is always ideal.

"Yeah, and you got _over sixty percent!" _Seth was floored—I wasn't too sure whether to be flattered or insulted. I didn't really care either way. "No one in your shoes has ever done that!"

He was referring, of course, to the fact that I hadn't passed a math test this year. Not a-one. Which, of course, I had blurted out to him earlier that day when I showed up on his doorstep, clutching my test and jumping up and down, screaming, _"I did it! I did it!" _at the top of my lungs.

"Seriously, we _gotta_ do something to celebrate," Seth repeated with only the slightest whine to his voice. "Hey, I know! We should see a movie!"

A movie? With Seth? Ah, hell with it. Why not? "Sure. Which ones do you have?"

Confusion filled his face. "Which do I…? _Oh_, no Lucy! I meant _out. _Like, Port Angeles. For a _movie. _In theatres," he added at my unchanging stare of befuddlement.

_A movie? With Seth? _Things were looking better and…more awkward by the minute.

But I was incapable of saying no, damn you imprint-magic, so I answered him, "Ok."

"Ok?"

I shrugged, smiling widely at him (I was ninety percent certain my face was stuck like that. Which sucked because how was I supposed to scare off vampires if I smiled at them all the time? It wasn't even a creepy smile, just a freakishly happy, proud smile. Useless for fighting vampires).

"Yeah, let's do it. What's out right now?"

And Seth listed off a whole bunch of movies I'd never even _heard_ of, let alone seen the trailers for (incidentally, werewolf plus school equals no time for TV). Finally, he got to a title that perked my interests.

"Face Punch?" I echoed in disbelief. "That's an actual movie?" Laughing, Seth nodded eagerly at me.

"Yeah, crazy, huh? It's supposed to be _so_ stupid, it's funny."

That sounded… "Perfect."

* * *

><p>It's not a date.<p>

It's not a date.

It's _so _not a date.

_Then why am I getting all gussied up?_

I glared at my reflection, watching Emily in the mirror, working on my hair. She'd insisted on curling it and styling it for the night. I didn't have much time before the movie started, and even less considering the driving time it would take to get out to Port Angeles, where the movie was playing. But Emily had gotten ahold of me, and that was the end of it.

"You look beautiful," she squealed in excitement. "Sam! Come see!"

Yeah, but it wasn't _just Sam _that came. Sam, Embry and Jared appeared in the doorway, food in hand and smirk on their mouths.

"_Ooh look who's all beautified!" _Jared snickered, walking over and tugging a curl. I scowled up at him.

"Shut your fucking mouth," I snapped. "Just 'cause you're jealous…"

"Yeah, don't worry, Jare," Embry laughed, "Maybe Emily could do something with your hair, put some blush on your cheeks—hey!" Embry grabbed his arm, holding the spot Jared had just punched. "Yeesh, learn to take a joke, man."

"Hush, you two," Emily scolded, eyeing me like I was her masterpiece. With a solemn nod, she declared, "You're finished. Go get him, tiger."

"Wolf," Embry corrected with a grin. She rolled her eyes, smiling sweetly at me and nudging me to the door. Nudging me to the car, which I'd be using to go pick up Seth. And from there…

…I wasn't sure _where _I was headed.

But it definitely was _not _a date.

* * *

><p>We got in ten minutes late, but Seth insisted it didn't matter. Grabbing the first two seats we could find, we sat down and got comfy. Without a word, Seth reached over and grabbed my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. I was unable to resist holding tight to him, trying to keep the delighted smile off my face. First, I <em>passed <em>my damn math test. Now, I was on a _non-date _with my imprint.

Life was fucking awesome.

(Except for the fact that this movie was shit).

Half an hour into the movie and I was already regretting picking this dumbass piece of shit. How the hell was this passing off for cinematography? Hollywood, you're seriously letting me down, here.

Seth wasn't looking too impressed, either. He snorted at the corny lines (we both laughed at multiple parts I was fairly certain weren't meant to be funny). He rolled his eyes at the hokey lines, and nearly choked on his drink due to the absurdity of the script.

Beyond watching Seth, I was seriously unimpressed.

"This is stupid," I whined, looking over my shoulder to see a blond kid rush out of the theatre. Fuck, this movie was so bad, it was making the audience members _flee for their sanity. _"Let's blow this popstand and get ice cream."

"I'm not done my popcorn!" Seth whined at once. The couple next to me glared, to which I simply bared my teeth and hissed. They ignored us the rest of the night.

"Take it with," I offered, desperate to leave. Two more people had left, from what I could see in my peripheral. "We'll do something better, Seth. Like…poke our eyes out with spoons."

He chuckled, before heaving a great sigh. "Yeah, this movie _does _stink. Alright, let's go."

"_Finally," _the woman next to us muttered. I sneered theatrically down at her.

"Like you're actually missing anything," I snapped, holding tight to Seth's hand as he all but dragged me from the movie theatre.

"Can you believe the garbage they try to make us teenagers watch?" I muttered in disbelief. "Utter…garbage." My swearing was cut to a minimum around Seth. Something about him…I _really _disliked swearing in front of the kid.

"Yeah, you said it," Seth was all but dancing next to me as we strolled outside the doors. I couldn't help feeling amused with the way Seth was practically skipping from the theatre. What the hell was he so excited about?

And then I saw him glance down at our hands, grin widely, and take another bouncy step.

Oh.

_Remember what you were saying—something about 'this is not a date?'_

Shut up, I grumbled to my conscience.

I was about to nip that one in the bud before I heard raised voices coming from around the corner. Curiosity got the better of me, and Seth as well, it seemed. Together, we peered around the railing where three people stood, one kid (the blond who'd run from the theatre) I didn't recognize.

The other two I knew.

My stomach dropped somewhere into the lower region of my left knee. _Oh shit, _I thought frantically.

Please don't turn around, please don't turn around, _please don't turn around…_

But he did. Of course he did.

"Lucy?..._Seth?"_

Shit, shit, shit, shitty-shit-shit…

To top it all off, he looked pissed to begin with. Like, _angry. _I'd never seen him angry, not since I 'broke up' with him, Quil and Embry.

"_What the hell is going on?" _Jacob bellowed, glaring at the pair of us. He took one look at my hand fastened with Seth's and froze. "This can't be happening…" he muttered, hysterically. "This _so _cannot be happening…"

But it was.

I was caught on my non-date by none other than Jacob Black, my ex-best friend. The one I'd told we couldn't be friends because of _something. _The one I hadn't spoken to in months. The one who _definitely _wouldn't understand why the hell I was holding hands with Seth Clearwater, who had never really been a good friend of mine until recently—something I'd kept hidden from Jake.

Until now.

Once more, I felt my life's predicament summed up quite nicely with one, short word from my mouth.

"Fuck."


	10. Who Let the Dogs Out?

**I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER TEN: Who Let the Dogs Out? (Lucy Did)**

* * *

><p>Sometimes, you really just have to take a step back and wonder what the fuck is going on with your life.<p>

Me, I found I had to do that _way _too often.

"Jake," I begged repeatedly, hauling him by the arm. "_Please_ calm down."

He continued shaking, the same as he'd done not ten minutes ago, when he saw me and Seth in the theatre. With wild, angry eyes swiveling about, he looked like he was searching for something. Anything.

A way out.

I was familiar with the feeling, the urge to free yourself. It felt like everything was clamping down on you, pressuring you, pushing and pushing and there was no way out. So the shaking became worse. And worse. And _worse. _

Until finally…

I threw Jacob in the cover of the trees by his arm, and not a moment too soon. He exploded. Quite literally, his skin exploded. Hair sprouted out from his body, bones cracked and snapped, one after the other. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his mouth opened in a silent scream of pain. Absolute agony.

I stripped the damn skirt Emily had forced me to wear off my body, kicked it away with the nylons (fuck, girl-clothes were so awkward to strip out of in a rush). I didn't bother with the shirt—I just phased.

Jake was hysterical, and rightfully so. Standing at his impressive horse-size height, Jacob looked ready to pass out from shock.

_This isn't happening. This can't be happening._

_Jake, _I thought firmly, _calm down. It'll be ok._

_OK? _His horrified whisper of a question broke my heart. _How can this be OK? Damn it, Lucy, I'm a monster!_

_Stop, _I soothed desperately. I needed Sam, badly. I didn't know how to deal with a new wolf—let alone the one that was supposed to become Alpha. _It's part of who we are. Jacob, it's just us. We're still Lucy and Jake. I promise._

Jake's thoughts were too scared, too wild to be spoken to. He took off like a bolt of lightning, tail swishing behind him as he ran. I followed him, fervently hoping he wouldn't do anything too stupid.

Sam finally phased.

_Jacob Black, __**calm**_ _**down**_. And under the order, Jake stopped running. We weren't far from Sam's house, thank God—without knowing it, Jacob had run for the Pack's central hub. Sam's low tenor continued to speak to him. It was different than the way he'd spoken to Embry, or myself. Back then, it had been an _order. _As in, I _would _calm down and I _would _listen because _that's_ what he ordered me to do.

With Jake, Sam was much more…coaxing. Like he was _asking, _not telling.

_He's being careful, _I realized—or rather, my wolf told me. _He doesn't want to set off an Alpha male. _

No shit—I didn't blame Sam. Jake was a fucking skyscraper, combined with heavy-duty military equipment. Everything about him, except for his wild, terrified eyes, screamed 'destroyer.' He was an Alpha in its truest form. I'd never noticed the differences (I'd had nothing to compare him to) but I knew then and there that Sam wasn't meant to be the Alpha of this pack.

It was Jacob's, the moment he phased.

Sam was ignoring me, chanting in low, dulcet tones to Jake. The kid I'd known for years was slowly relaxing, though the horror was a constant. I think having me with him helped somewhat—if only a little. I wasn't too sure how much to interfere. I _wanted _to say so many things to him, but I wasn't sure how welcome I'd be.

After abandoning him, Quil and Embry for months because I hadn't wanted to put them in danger, I'd done the very thing I'd set out _not _to do.

I had jump-started Jacob's phase.

There was no denying it, and that hurt me deep in my heart in a place I hadn't even known existed.

* * *

><p>"<em>Fuck."<em>

_My one word seemed to set things in motion, and fast—so fast, in fact, that I could hardly keep my head straight._

_Jake was phasing. In a movie theatre. In front of my imprint, some random kid from Forks and Jake's new BFF (and don't get me __**started **__on her). And to top it all off (because really, my life didn't suck enough), the people were being let out of the movie now._

_Just what I needed. A fucking crowd._

_I made up my mind in a split decision. I didn't have the time to linger on choices—it was either risk exposure or hurt Seth's feelings and ditch him._

"_Bella—can you call for a ride for you and Mike and Seth?" I was already shoving Jake out of the theatre, pushing frantically against his chest. He was trembling faster, violently. _

"_Uh—"_

"_Great. Seth—I'm so sorry!" I shouted, trying to avoid his face. I couldn't bear the disappointment I was so certain I'd find. "I'll explain it later, I promise!" But that was a lie. I couldn't explain a goddamn thing in this mess. _

"_Wait—where are you going?" Seth was shouting after me, among the crowd of audience members. I guess that was a blessing in disguise; at least I didn't have to worry about him running after me._

"_Jake—he's sick!" I called, not really __**lying. **__Definitely understating, though. He was fucking turning into a wolf in front of my eyes. "I gotta' get him home!"_

_Bella was too stunned to follow me, and Blondie didn't seem to care overmuch. Good, another thing not to worry about. If things went my way, he wouldn't remember any of this in a month from now._

_(Yeah, like that's gonna happen)._

_As for Jacob, he moved backwards with a quiet, confused acceptance. He didn't feel right, and I could completely relate. The itch was probably so strong that it hurt by now—not quite the bone-breaking pain, but getting there. I hadn't gotten far from the doors where he collapsed on his hands and knees._

"_Rough night!" I laughed awkwardly at some stunned by-passers. A man and woman both looked on in fear (naturally they were scared for the kid. They probably should've been scared for themselves), but they left after some pretty rude words from my mouth. Hey—whatever keeps them safe, right?_

_I almost bodily __**rolled **__Jake away from the steps, ushering him through the parking lot. I could feel the phase—where the fuck was Sam? If he was using his damn sex-bed, I was gonna kill him._

_Sex, at a time like this…the shame…_

_I'll admit, I wasn't all together there and present. I think I was in shock as much as Jake—maybe more, considering I knew what was happening to him. There was no denying the fear in his big brown eyes, though—something which ripped me in half._

"_What's happening?" he cried out, hugging his middle. Well, that wouldn't help him. He was going to phase not matter how tightly he curled in on himself._

"_Just relax," I said as calmly as possible (I was still half-gone, mentally). "It'll be over quick."_

_Wrong words._

"_I'm __**dying?" **__His horrified shout was accompanied by a thud as I hurled him behind a tree. _

"_Shh!" I hissed, searching frantically for eavesdroppers. Particularly Swan and my poor imprint (who I couldn't believe I fucking left with her). "It'll be ok, Jake—you're not dying, for fuck's sake."_

"_Luce—" His final word before he gave one last tremble and, following a swift push from my merciless, desperate hands, he exploded._

* * *

><p>Jacob was a natural.<p>

I knew that pretty fast, but when he phased back into a human within twenty-four hours, let alone the _four fucking hours_ it actually took, I felt it safe to say we had our new Alpha.

Except…Jacob didn't like that. In the slightest.

_I don't wanna be your damn leader! _he shouted—he hadn't quite grasped the fact that we could hear him just fine, despite it being in our heads. We all cringed involuntarily, scowling mentally at him. His fears were understandable, though. He thought that being _better _at this made him more of a monster than he already was.

I preferred the term, _genetic_ _mutation_.

_I don't care what you freaking __**prefer, **__Lucy! _Jake's head hung miserably between his gigantic front paws. _I don't want to be the best monster of all of us._

_Cheer up, man, _Paul offered in the most unhelpful way possible. _You could be a leech._

_A what?_

Damn it, Paul!

Paul only snickered, and all at once (in a far-too-fast onslaught of information), everything was revealed. And not just wolves, no—though that too. Our rapid-healing, our immortality, our explosive nature, our speed, our stamina, our enhanced senses, our need for secrecy, our inability to leave La Push (that one was possibly the toughest pill to swallow. No one blamed Jake for acting out on that one—we'd all done worse). And imprinting (more on that one later, though, because Jake didn't really want to consider what _that_ meant, for the time being).

And then the Cold Ones.

Vampires.

It's hard trying to explain something to a wolf via the pack-link, because our thoughts come out in a very jumbled manner. It's not a cut and dry explanation; it's more like a sudden definition of words and thoughts and memories. It is _damn _hard to follow for an experienced wolf, let alone a brand new one.

Jake…Jake followed it _freakishly _well.

_Would you __**cut**__**it**__**out**__ with that natural-wolf crap? _Jake snarled, his words tinged with fear, almost visibly so. _I'm not some kind of…of…._

_Alpha? _Paul broke out into loud guffaws, like a donkey. _Hey! _Oops.

_Vampires are real, _Jake was repeating to himself as he paced restlessly. Many _wants_ and _needs_ popped up in his head. Billy was a prominent one for both. He needed his father, and no one could begrudge him that. And he was hungry—yeah, we _definitely _understood that one. Tired, yep. Irritated, double-yep. And Bella.

I swore softly in my mind, waiting for the explosion.

And explode he did.

_WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE HER? _Jake wasn't just mad—he was furious. After two hours of trying to calm him down, we were at square one again. Probably worse than square one—more like, square negative five. Unless that puts us back before he phased, in which case, where are we now? What's worse than square one? Or is square _one _before he phased—in which case, what square are we on now? Is this square five? Six? Who knows? What kind of dumb saying is _that?_

_Holy shit, would you shut up? _Paul was trying desperately to shut the pair of us up, and I snickered unwillingly at his impatience.

_I can't do this, _Jake begged frantically. Sam was growing angrier with Paul and myself by the minute—having his to-be Alpha freshly-phased probably wasn't helping matters, either. _I can't, _Jake repeated. _I can't deal with people in my head at all hours of the day. I just…can't._

_You get used to it, _Paul reassured. More like lied. I still hadn't gotten used to it.

Jake was replaying various memories of himself with Bella, unused to the feeling of people watching your every thought, literally. Hugging her, laughing with her (or at her, because she didn't smile a whole hell of a lot), kissing her—

_Whoa, whoa, whoa! _I shouted, stunned. _You did __**not **__kiss the leech-lover._

Jacob roared. _Don't call her that!_

_Why not? _I asked him reasonably enough—alright, I was fucking pissed at the tone he took. But I still felt enough guilt over making him phase that it tamed my overbearing anger. _It's what she is. Look at the facts._

And I showed him the memory of Sam and myself finding her, curled on the forest floor.

'He's gone,' she repeated numbly, as Sam carted her to her father's waiting arms. She was tiny and fragile and it was still kinda-heartbreaking, even after she started totally using Jake for the happy sunshine coming from him.

Sam was pissed off, and even more so now that I'd picked that memory to replay. I knew he didn't like remembering her small body, curled up like a child's on the damp ground, with the scent of leech almost overpoweringly strong.

_Enough, _he snapped (_finally_—I'd been waiting for this). _Go home and sleep. Lucy, you're on babysitting duty with Jared tomorrow, 6 till noon. Paul, you and Embry, noon till 6 at night._

_No can do, Alpha, _I said cheerfully, thinking of Seth. _I gotta fix things with Seth (he needs me needs me gotta explain)._

_Sorry Lucy, _Sam said, and I knew I wasn't going to like whatever the fuck came out of his mouth. _I need you tomorrow._

_Damn._

* * *

><p>As I'd done with Embry when he first phased, I spent most of the next day with Jacob. The poor guy was hurting something fierce—and the whole world knew it. So instead of taking time off like Sam had allotted for me, I was spending every minute with Jake, when I knew, <em>knew <em>it deep in my soul, that Seth was somewhere, hurting.

Billy had admitted that Bella had called, several times, and Jake found messages, several, on the machine. Grimacing, most likely dreading the conversation that was to come (the one that _had _to come, because with Sam there was no choice). Jake was upset, but all in all, his control over his wolf was incredible. After two days of sleeping at Jake's house, most often in his garage in the backseat of his Rabbit (alone, I'd like to add), after the two days of watching him lose his cool every few hours and recover even faster, I felt ready to ask for a break.

I wanted to see Seth. I needed to. Nothing was more important than fixing the giant fucking mess I'd unintentionally created—and at the same time, I was absolutely terrified to try. What the fuck was I going to tell him this time? _Sorry Seth, I'm a werewolf. I knew Jake was about to shift for the first time and I didn't want him to kill anyone so I ditched you with Swan and Blondie. But it was to protect you, I swear._

Yeah, that'd go over well.

Honestly, I was ready to give it a shot, but Sam was oddly firm about me keeping my mouth shut.

"No, Lucy," he said for the thousandth time after I'd asked to let Seth in on the Big Secret. "Not yet. He's still too young."

Well that was just bullshit.

(But I never protested, oddly enough).

I left Jake laughing in Sam's backyard with Embry and Jared, tossing a medicine ball around as a baseball, using their wolfy-strength to keep from damaging their hands. Their booming howls echoed across the yard as I walked away, grinning and nervous and just…one giant mess.

That's all this was, really. One giant mess.

I covered my eyes as I walked in (I'd learned to give ample warning and look away when trying to find Sam or Emily, especially if they were alone. Together. God forbid, in their room…). "SAM?"

Thankfully, they were just cuddling on the couch. Sam had one beefy arm draped over Emily's slim shoulders, hugging the scarred half of her body close to him, peppering kisses along the raised lines of her skin like he could heal them with doggy-love.

(The idea was far-fetched, but I didn't doubt the fact he'd probably tried).

"What's up, Lucy?" Emily asked, smiling genuinely at me. I returned the gesture stiffly, clasping my hands behind my back. Losing control because of my nerves would be _the worst _thing ever.

"I need to talk to Sam. You mind?"

Emily raised one eyebrow, looking up at Sam. The man in question said nothing, staring impassively at me with an expression that seemed to know _exactly_ what I was thinking. "This won't take long, Em," reassured Sam, patting her hip comfortingly. She kissed his chin chastely and swept away into a different room, leaving us to talk.

"Sam…"

The awkward word was all I could get out. He nodded in understanding.

"You gotta see Seth," he said quietly, "Yeah, I figured. Don't worry about patrol tonight—I was thinking of letting Jake run it by himself for a few hours, let him get used to being wolf before having to share his thoughts with everyone."

"You're gonna' leave him alone?" My surprise was obvious; I couldn't find the will to hide it, not on top of everything else. "Already?"

Sam gave a mild shrug, presumably unoffended. "You've seen how good Jake is. I know you have."

"Well, _yeah_, but—"

"I'll be at the ready the whole time," he said gently, standing up to pat me on the shoulder. "Don't worry. Now," he clapped his hands briskly, "I don't think you came here to talk about Jake, now did you?"

I flushed in remembrance. "No, I-I didn't." I twisted my fingers nervously, biting my lip. "I want to see Seth but…I haven't got a _fucking _clue what to say!"

With wide, pleading eyes, I silently implored my Alpha for guidance. He didn't chastise my cussing, so I knew he was busy thinking about something to tell me, some comforting shred of information that would shed light on the situation, enough so that I wasn't shaking like a leaf when I went to see my imprint.

All Sam said was, "Have you thought of apologizing?"

I blinked up at him.

_That's it?_

Without meaning to, the words came out aloud. "That's all you got? _Apologize? _We're talking about me _ditching _Seth for my _ex-best friend, _and sending him home with _Bella Swan, _who he barely knows from a fucking hole in the ground, for reasons that I _can't even explain! _And you want me to just _apologize? _Holy shit," I breathed, stunned. "You gotta be fucking pulling my leg. Yanking my chain. Pulling the wool over my eyes."

"Are you finished yet?"

I took in a deep cleansing breath, and stopped pacing after a pause. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good." Sam pushed me into a chair and sat opposite from me. "Sit," he ordered (a tad unnecessarily, I think).

"Lucy," he began in a low voice, "I know Seth. You seem to be forgetting that I spent a lot of time with the kid, not long ago." Oh yeah, when he dated Leah. Fuck, I'd forgotten entirely. "I know what he's like. The kid can't hold a grudge to save his life. He'd probably hang out with _me _if I really tried," Sam made it sound like a ludicrous idea—and it was. Seth hanging out with his sister's evil ex-boyfriend? Yeah, not likely…

Then again…it _is _Seth. (My heart did that warm expanding thing it always did when I thought of him).

"And you've got the imprint working on your side," he added calmly, leaning forward with his elbows braced on his knees. "Trust me—apologize to him and _mean it, _and you just might be surprised, Lucy."

"Yeah," I said slowly, frowning, "Or he'll hate me and never talk to me again."

Sam snorted in exasperation. "Get out of my house and go find the boy, you idiot," he threw in a tousle to my hair, laughing as I scowled over my shoulder at him and went to find my imprint—for better or for worse.

* * *

><p><strong>So is Seth going to forgive her? What's Jake going to do about Bella? And what about poor Quil?<strong>

**I just wanted to say that I'm so excited writing this! Normally, I struggle with certain parts of my stories, but this came surprisingly easy. I am INTENSELY excited to post chapter...twelve or thirteen. Maybe fourteen-whatever. It's coming up.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Lucy Steps in It

**All of this? It's not mine. *Pathetic sigh***

**CHAPTER ELEVEN: Lucy Steps in It (Doggy Poop)**

* * *

><p>I must've stood outside the Clearwater house for the better part of an hour, one fist raised, frozen as though I were a statue. The deep frown on my face hadn't moved either—I was stuck.<p>

I had no idea how the hell to go about this.

Did I just blurt it out? Did I try to be suave about this? Did I bring it up immediately or wait and gage his reaction to my presence first?

_Does it really matter? _I reasoned internally with myself. _Either he'll forgive you…or he won't._

I cringed; it mattered. It _so _mattered. If there was a right way to go about this that would help my odds, then I'd gladly take it. Because I _needed _Seth, more than anything in this world.

Abruptly the door swung open.

Leah Clearwater and I had avoided any and all interaction for the obvious reason that I was fraternizing with the enemy, Samuel Uley, and his fiancée, Emily Young (incidentally her cousin, as well as boyfriend-stealer). Besides that, she was a year older than me, hung out with _no one _and avoided any and all reasons to smile. Together, we'd be, like…I dunno, _catastrophic_.

With a cold, calculating expression on her face, she stared at me as though trying to determine whether or not I was a bug that needed to be squished or let free.

I desperately prayed it was _let_ _free_…

"Were you ever planning on knocking?" she asked coolly, arms folded over a curvy chest. Leaning against the doorframe, she was the perfect image of power, disdain and protective older sister—a dangerous combination for someone in my shoes. Mind you, I was a werewolf with the ability to snap her spine in two with the flick of my fingers, but really, that's the easy way out.

"I was getting there," I said defensively, a blush rising to my skin. She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Look, I don't have a _damn_ clue what you were doing sending my kid brother home with _Isabella Swan, _but I do know he was pretty upset. And _then _you ignored his calls." It was probably best for me to interrupt her rant before it took flight; already I could sense impending danger brewing behind her tone.

"Yeah, I'm a bitch," I said hastily, stepping past her. "But I really need to see him. Apologize, grovel, beg for forgiveness—that kind of thing."

She scoffed, "If you think I'm going to miss _that, _then—"

"_Leah, who's at the door?"_

My heart palpitated; Leah stopped speaking as well. All things aside, I wasn't too sure how willing she was to let me go speak to him. I was going to have to fight her on this one.

"No one," she called, glaring at me as though daring me to say something.

We both waited for his answer, sneering at each other, standing at the landing of the stairs leading to his room.

"…_Are you sure? I thought I heard voices!"_

"The mailman—_hey!" _She reached to grab me but I was too quick. Darting around her long, athletic arms, I rushed for the stairs and my goal—Seth's room, presumably with Seth inside it.

He was outside the door when I got to him.

We both were too stunned to say much. I was panting, more so out of fear than exhaustion, considering how much it took to tire out a wolf. He was wearing jeans and a black print-tee, long thinly-muscled arms braced on either side of his open door. I couldn't see much of his room over his shoulder—I couldn't see much of anything past his face.

He was shocked.

Blinking slowly twice, he stared at me with incredulity, wet his lips to speak, and simply shut his mouth. Eventually he straightened up, and I followed suit; we both looked at each other for a long moment.

"Seth," I breathed, too overwhelmed to bother with tears. I realized I was going to simply say it—the words were on the tip of my tongue, _right there, _when he spoke.

"Don't," he murmured, glancing to the landing of the stairs. Leah was glowering at me, nose wrinkled in distaste. I felt like howling in victory at besting her defense tactics, but refrained; insulting Seth's sister wouldn't help my cause much. "Let's go outside," he suggested, walking past me to stalk down the stairs. He had an awkward, lanky gait, in between tween and teenager; he'd grown too much too soon, and now his body was trying its best to adjust.

He led me outside to the open backyard we'd sat in many times before. Before, we used to kick our shoes off, bury our toes in the grass and laugh over random points of interest. But that was then.

Now Seth was looking at me, with an expectant yet dreading expression on his face. And I had a feeling, no matter how I approached this, it simply wasn't going to end well.

"So…"

He trailed off uncertainly, staring at me as he rubbed the back of his neck. His bangs hung in front of his eyes, soft, fluffy wisps of hair that made him look sweeter than he already was—which was saying something. My hands were shaking, though I was pretty sure it wasn't from a need to phase.

I was so fucking scared…

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, wanting to look away but unable to tear my eyes from him. "Seth—if I could do _anything _to make it up to you, believe me, _I would. _I'm _so _sorry, you have no idea—"

"I know," he said quietly, dropping on his backside to the ground. He drew his knees to his chest, hugging them close to rest his chin atop his bent knees. "I know you're sorry, Lucy."

Lucy, not Lu. My heart clenched; please don't push me away, Seth. Please, please, please…

"It's so complicated," I said in a small voice—I felt miniscule whenever I apologized, especially to Seth. "There are things involved I'm literally _forbidden _from telling you. If I could—Seth, I'd move Heaven and earth if I thought it would help. Please," I begged lowly. No tears had appeared, from either of us, but it wasn't from lack of emotion. I could feel the tension, the hurt, the betrayal, rolling off Seth in waves.

Even if I'd done it for his own good, I'd hurt him in a way no one deserved to be hurt.

"Jake was sick," I said softly. "He needed help."

"So why couldn't I help you?" Seth retorted, staring up at me. I had crouched down to speak to his face, but still hovered slightly over his curled, prone form. "Why didn't you let me come with you?"

"I _wanted _to," I tried explaining. "It's like—Jake had this sickness that I've _already _had, so I knew I wouldn't get it, but you…" Well, Seth _couldn't _just 'catch it' from Jake, but he could get a whole hell of a lot else from him, including a nice set of scars across his boyish face. "I couldn't risk it," I finished, my voice tight and strained with emotion.

Seth wasn't looking at me, staring at his feet. "More secrets?" he asked glumly. "Do I have to lie to Jake about this too?"

"No," I said honestly. "You…you probably won't be seeing Jake for a while, actually." And that was the truth; as long as Jake was a wolf and Seth wasn't (something I prayed _never _changed), his interactions with Jake would be limited. By me, mostly (there was no way in hell I would be letting Seth near the Pack. It was way too risky).

Seth nodded tiredly, laying his head in his hands. He looked devastated; my heart felt like it was constantly splitting into a million little pieces.

"If I could," I repeated, wanting so badly to reach out and touch his long black locks. His face hidden from me, Seth said nothing, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. "If I could…"

"But you can't," he said sadly. "You can't tell me…and that's not going to change anytime soon, is it?"

Was it? I couldn't be sure. The only way he could be told was if Sam removed the order against me telling him or if Seth phased. I was strongly against the latter, and Sam was adamant about the former. So it seemed we were stuck.

"No," my vocal cords were tight and constricted. I coughed weakly, clearing my throat. "No, it…it won't."

Seth sighed, and looked up at me. His gaze struck me down like Zeus' thunder bolt, splitting me in a jagged line down the middle.

Disappointed. That's how he looked.

"If you can't be honest with me…" he said slowly, frowning up at me, "I don't see how…we can work." We. Us. I felt my eyes widen and my emotions simply…shut down.

"Don't say that," I pleaded fiercely. I caved into my longings and seized his print shirt. "Don't do this!"

"I'm not doing anything," he argued, just as resolutely as myself. "You're the one who can't tell me why you left me on our date!"

The words came out before I could really think about what I was saying.

"It wasn't a date!"

…

I can't describe the look on Seth's face in that moment. And even if I could, I wouldn't. It hurt too badly.

"Oh." Now his voice was very small. In one fluid movement he stood and stepped back from me. With his back towards me, he repeated in a tiny voice, "_Oh_."

_Eat your words, eat your words, eat your words—damn you! _I swore to myself. I hadn't thought through what I was saying—only that it was the truth. For me, anyways. I hadn't said it to hurt him, only to justify my situation. _It wasn't a date so it's not __**that **__bad! _

Clearly it had been the wrong thing to say.

Clearly for Seth, at least…it _had_ been a date.

I still wasn't crying. I'm not normally the sappy girl, contrary to the past scenarios I've wound myself into, but this…this kind of thing I never handled well.

The break up.

Seth still wasn't looking at me.

"I didn't mean—Seth, I…" I broke off. What could I say? The damage had been done. "Seth, I like you." He flinched—doubtlessly expecting the words _as a friend _to follow immediately thereafter. "I like you a lot—screw that, _I love you. _Don't you understand? _I love you!" _My hysteria was building but no tears came. Not one.

Weird…

"I'd die for you," I whispered honestly. "Please, you gotta believe me when I say it, man…"

Somehow, I'd gone from apologizing, to rebuking his argument about our non-date, to telling him I liked him, then loved him, and now I was telling him I would die for him. _For fuck's sake, shut up Lucy. Just…stop talking! You're making things worse!_

I swallowed; I knew when to listen to the handy voice in my head. "Ok," I exhaled loudly. "Ok. _Ok. _This is what's going to happen. I'm going to leave. Ok? Then I'm going to come back tomorrow, and…I dunno…take us somewhere nice. Private. And we can just…have a do-over, of _everything. _Ok?"

I don't think I'd asked the same question to someone more times in my life.

"No."

Seth turned to face me. He wasn't crying either—thank God, or I'd kill myself, perhaps actually literally—but he wasn't happy. I'd hurt him. I'd made him sad.

So now, on top of forcing my best friend into a phase, I had hurt my imprint's feelings. Someone just…shoot me. Shoot me now.

"Leave, Lucy," he said softly. "I can't…you gotta… Just _go_."

Leave? Yeah, I could leave. "Ok," I was back to that word again. "Yeah, ok. I'll leave—I'll be back sometime tomorrow, ok? Noonish?" Earlier? Later? Whenever the fuck he wanted me—I was willing to sleep on his porch if it meant his forgiveness.

Seth was shaking his head slowly, firmly. "No, Lucy. Don't come back. I don't…I don't know if we can…hang out…anymore." His eyes became glossy—mine were still dry, although I was certain I was hurting a thousand times worse. "It's too much. I'm sorry Lucy—I can't. I just can't deal with this anymore. The secrets. The confusion. It's not fair, Lucy!"

He wasn't yelling. He wasn't quiet. He wasn't gentle or passionate or angry or upset—he was bland. Other than the wetness in his eyes, there was no indication that he was hurting. But the tears gave him away—I knew I had indeed hurt him. Worse?

I'd broken his heart.

"You're right," I said in a squeaky voice. "I just…hum… I'll just leave, then."

And I did as he asked, turning on my heel and stepping slowly away from the scene of the crime (the second one. The first was in the movie theatre). I didn't hear him move behind me, whether it be to retreat further into the forest or to come after me. He stayed put.

And my eyes were dry. They stayed dry even after I passed Leah, who was sneering down at me with such vigor I thought I'd actually spontaneously combust. They stayed dry as I walked the long road down to Sam's. They stayed dry as I side-stepped a concerned Jake and Embry, batting away their worry like pesky bugs.

I found Emily working in the kitchen, chopping apples for fruit salad. Without a word, I walked up behind her and laid my head on her back, between her shoulder blades. The small expanse of skin there was perfectly shaped for someone's cheek to rest in, her spine wasn't oddly angled so it didn't poke me or shift awkwardly as she turned around to face me.

"Oh," she murmured, reaching up to trace the skin under my eyes. She sounded surprised, stunned, actually. I was surprised too—my eyes were still dry. "Lucy…I'm so sorry."

"Why?" I asked mechanically. "It's my own fault." I paused, whispering, "It's my own _damn_ fault."

"Oh _Lucy, _honey," she breathed, reaching up to pull my head against her shoulder. "There, there…"

And that's all it took for the dam to break.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter sort of took on a mind of its own. It's shorter than I'd intended it to be, but...meh. Shorter chapters equal more frequent updates!<strong>

**Up next (hopefully, unless some other chapter gets in the way): Embry and Jake learn what their friend was up to as a wolf, prior to their joining her-what _did_ Lucy do in her spare time when she wasn't _wolfing out?_ *winks***

**Anywho, thanks for reading!**


	12. Throwing the Dog a Bone

**Guess how much of this I own? Nothing! Surprised? **

**CHAPTER TWELVE: Throwing the Dog a Bone**

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><p>I couldn't obey Seth's order.<p>

I came back the next day with every intention of banging down his door to apologize again, only to come face to face with a tired, grumpy Harry Clearwater. The older Quileute stared down at me with a raised eyebrow, noting the scowl on my face, no doubt.

"He doesn't want to see you," he said bluntly, sighing roughly while one hand patted a bloated belly. I had heard Harry was a fit man—at one point in his life. He was a little wide around the middle now, unlike Seth's trim fitting.

"Yeah, I know," I rubbed the back of my neck uncertainly. "I wanted to apologize. Again."

"He's not budging," Harry said quietly, stepping outside to shut the door behind him. "Believe me, I've tried. But he's got his momma's stubbornness. When that boy's made his mind up on something…"

"He's stuck on it," I finished in equally low tones.

And now's he's made his mind up on not seeing me. Ever, it seemed.

I let out a frustrated huff, "How am I supposed to make it better if he won't even let me see him!" I barely resisted letting out a scream of distress, collapsing on the porch swing. I flopped backwards, the back of my hand flung out across my eyes.

"You just gotta work on the kid," Harry advised wisely. "He's crazy about you—ain't that the half of it, though."

I didn't bother asking what he meant by that. "Yeah, I f…. I screwed up there." My awkward stumble went ignored (though doubtfully not unnoticed) by Harry, who simply sat down next to me with a grunt.

"Look, kiddo," Harry said, bracing a hand comfortingly on my shoulder. "I like you. A lot. So does Sue—I know you two are made for each other. And I know he ain't ready—not yet, anyhow," Harry added with a mild shrug. "But the problem is the heart wants what the heart wants, you follow?"

I nodded, "Yeah. I still screwed up at the theatre, feelings aside."

He snorted, nodding, "Yeah. But that wasn't your fault—and soon as Seth sees that, it'll be ok again. You just gotta give him space."

Space.

You know how hard it is for a wolf to give their imprint _space_? It's like trying not to imagine elephants with yellow polka dots right after someone says, "DON'T IMAGINE ELEPHANTS WITH YELLOW POLKA DOTS!" You just see them, everywhere.

So naturally…I was unable to comply.

I came and knocked on their door the next day. And the day after that. And after that. And every day, either Harry or Sue appeared, with an expression torn between pity and exasperation.

"He'll come find you when he's ready," Sue promised with a gentle, reassuring smile. I tried to return it the first few times, before giving up and simply sulking off. It was getting harder to convince myself to do anything—including going to school. Eating. Speaking at all.

And everyone _noticed, _it wasn't like they were blind. But they said nothing. Nothing of any use, at least. Jake wasn't sure how to handle it, neither was Embry. I was their sister now, as officially as it could unofficially be, but the strong tie between us didn't change the fact that things were _different _between us.

They were no longer my main priority.

I don't know who was the most bothered by that, me or them. It wasn't like they didn't _matter, _but there was no denying that Seth was the most important now. I'm not sure how to explain it—it was like being bumped down in the hierarchy after being at the top for…forever, really. Or it felt like forever.

One day they were my world—literally the main people in my life. Then they just…weren't.

And that was hard. Damn hard.

* * *

><p>Two weeks passed.<p>

No word from Seth.

* * *

><p>I watched as Quil got in Bella's car, and hung my giant head in misery. He was all alone, the final wolf yet to shift—that we knew of. And he was <em>so<em> depressed that he was spending time with _Bella Swan. _You know it's bad when he's hanging out with _her_…

_Watch it, _Jake said sharply, watching the scene unfold from my eyesight. I rolled my eyes and returned to running after the truck.

Last week, Jake had gone back to school. He probably could've gone sooner, but Sam insisted on leaving a large enough absence to account for the physical changes in Jacob Black's body. And _fuck, _if I wasn't batting the girls off him with a stick before, I'd be using a gun now. The boy was ripped; as his not-quite sister, I felt only mildly uncomfortable expressing his hotness in words.

He. Was. _Fit._

Not even just fit—I could handle _just_ _fit_. He was pumped, ripped, stacked—whatever the fuck you wanted to call it, he had muscles on his muscles. He was a little broader than Paul, around Sam's height, and by far larger than Jared, Embry or me (who am I kidding—we all know I'm the smallest).

Naturally, it made sense for all the girls to be clambering over him when he got back—until they saw him followed by me and Embry. And without a word, they knew.

_He was Sam's._

Sounds weird, but that's what they called it. Sam's. I was one of them, same with Embry, and now Jake. I was _them—_not an outsider, but not really a part of the student body anymore. I was different. Exclusive. Separate from them yet…still a student, like them.

The only glimpses I caught of Seth were when I walked in and out of the cafeteria (most of the time to sit and watch everyone else eat. I lost my appetite). Sitting across the room with his circle of boisterous friends, Seth chatted amicably with everyone. Laughed with everyone. Smiled at everyone.

Everyone but me.

Me, he treated like…like a nobody. Like I didn't exist. Sometimes, his eyes would brush across mine (I didn't bother trying not to stare at him. It was impossible) and a small wrinkle would appear in his brow. But other than that, he gave no real indication that he'd seen me.

I felt hollow inside.

(And to top it off, we all had to deal with Jake's bitching at all of us about not seeing Bella. Right, because _that_ was the equivalent of being separated from your soul-mate. Fucking moron).

School just brought a mess of problems, and Quil was one of the biggest. He was growing fast, but not fast enough. Another month, it seemed. I'd grimaced when I'd heard Sam's admission. A month? With no Quil? Worse—with Quil _alone? _Shit, that was so bad. My heart would've hurt more except I think it was too broken to feel much of anything anymore.

I spent most of my time slipping into my old ways. Following Quil and Seth, mostly.

I'd recently found Quil walking down the side of the road, after the little mishap an hour ago. After finding Bella, Quil started telling her about how he tried to come talk to us, and Embry ran away whilst Jake and I tried to look as indifferent as possible. Cold-hearted bitch, that's what I was. A masochistic one at that, always running after my lonely friends, watching them suffer when I knew there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.

_What are you talking about—watching them suffer? _Jake's confused, and I saw this conversation going _so _wrong. Jared and Paul were wary too.

Nothing. Nothing at all. I tried to keep repeating it in hopes of it being true, but then Paul piped up—damn rat-bastard—and a flood of sentences was assaulting our minds.

_Sam thinks I'm lonely. Paul thinks I'm stupid…spending prolonged periods of time at Jake's garage…so lonely… I've been replaced. Bella Swan is abusing my best friend. I should be protecting him. I wish I could protect them all. I've been replaced…and I'm jealous. I miss them soooo much. But I've been replaced. _

That was my voice. But it wasn't coming from my. Fucking. Mouth.

_PAUL!_

Paul shrugged. He was tired of pretending he didn't know I had hurt over them. He was tired of watching me act like I had had a bang-up good time with Sam, Jared and himself, before Embry phased. He was tired of being a wolf with me and watching me mope over my friends so he told Jake and Embry _everything. _

Fuck.

Hurt and horrified and simply _humiliated_, I sprinted away from road, leaving Quil with Bella (_I should be protecting him) _and I ran from Jake and Embry and Jared and Paul, who were planning to head first to Jake's house to confront Bella, then after me. I was ignoring Jake's thoughts, Embry's sympathetic whines, Jared's relieved silence and Paul's gloating.

_Leave. Me. Alone._

And I phased into my human body, too exhausted and too miserable to care about putting my clothes on, running the rest of the way to my house.

* * *

><p>When I got home, I grabbed the tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer and gorged myself on sugary delights, trying (and failing) to forget the excruciating conversations that were sure to come. Stupid Paul and his meddling behavior… Who the hell did he think he was anyways? I scowled, shoving the spoon in my mouth, ignoring the chastising I'd receive from Emily, were she there to see it, for eating out of the container like an animal…however much I <em>was<em>.

The doorbell rang about an hour into my pity-party, and I got up mechanically, presumably to go tell someone I didn't want what they were selling, or no, Paul _isn't_ home for a quick fuck, go look somewhere else.

I had opened the door, too tired to figure out who it was before answering (but yes, I'll admit it: I was hoping for Seth). In the time I had opened the door and blinked, ready to ask what they wanted, I had my arms full of one Jacob Black.

I blinked once. Twice.

"Jake?"

He didn't answer, hugging me tight. I'd sooner die than say it out loud, but Jake's hugs were like crack for the affection-deprived daughters. Not like Seth's hugs that made me want to smother him with love and sappy shit like that, because those were _mine_ (or they were. Before)_. _Jake's were to be shared with everyone because you can't fucking deny a gift like that. Automatically, I folded my arms around his waist. He hadn't showered recently, and had just run through mud, dirt and whatever animal crap was on the ground, but I didn't really care.

I was hugging my friend again.

This was different from the _I'm-glad-you're-talking-to-me_ hug we'd had earlier. And it was different from the _hi-nice-to-see-you _hug. This was Jake's trademark _let-me-squeeze-the-life-out-of-you_ hug that healed any doubts you had about whether or not fairytales came true and unicorns existed and Prince Charming was just a heartbeat away and shit like that.

Relishing in the warmth, I felt only mild disappointment when he pulled away. Those hugs weren't all that common. I looked up at him—fuck, he towered over me like a skyscraper now, not like the little weedy kid I kicked a soccer ball with—and saw exhaustion, sadness and guilt in his eyes. My heart twisted painfully.

"What-?"

"Today's been a shitty day," he said quietly, and I knew he meant it if he was cussing. I didn't dare speak. "I'm pretty really miserable, and I was _hoping_ to spend some time with my best friend to cheer me up—I missed her lots."

He said it as if I was capable of turning him away. As fucking _if._

"Yeah?" I grumbled, stepping aside to let him in, "She missed you too."

She did miss him—but I wasn't sure if I was playing along with the conversation the way Jake intended me to. I knew what Bella considered herself, and I knew what Jake had called himself in respect to Bella. He was someone's best friend, but I wasn't sure he was mine anymore. Quil and Embry don't count—boys have this messed up code that says it's ok to have more than one BFF. Girls are somewhat…challenged, in that sense. Sure, you could _say _you have more than one best friend, but deep down, realistically, you know there's only one.

I knew there was only one for me.

It felt like I was losing him, like I was still losing him, and our friendship was drowning in the chaos of the supernatural world—along with my friendship with Seth. It totally sucked, but if he was willing to pretend, to act as though we were just two teens with an appreciation for vintage cars and extra-cheese pizza, then who was I to turn him down?

He smiled at me, the thousand-watt smile, and laced our fingers together. Somewhere inside my heart, the gaping wound he'd left behind healed and I found myself walking to the TV with a remarkably better attitude than I'd had in a long time. Two weeks, to be exact.

* * *

><p>"So…<em>why<em> was today 'shitty'?" I asked, leaning back against the single-seater. Jake was heating up some taquitos in the microwave, and I was quite happy to sit back and let him do the work.

Jake frowned, cringing. "I talked to Bella today. Told her to go away. That she wasn't wanted." His shoulders went stiff, as though he were trying to ward off the pain with his physical stature. I couldn't see his face.

"It was for her own good, Jake," I murmured, all too familiar with the feelings of self-sacrifice. "You didn't want to hurt her."

"I know I didn't," Jake said, coming back with lunch and sitting across the table from me. "I _never _want to hurt her, _ever. _But I did," he sighed, laying his head in his open hands. "And it hurts…bad."

Oh, the bitter sting of love…what a bitch. I exhaled in a gust of air, reaching across the table and clapping him on the arm.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I whispered, eyeing him sympathetically. "I really don't think there's anything comforting I can tell you."

Jake didn't say anything for a moment, just sat there with his head in his hands, the epitome of a brokenhearted teenage boy, when he finally reached out and caught my hand as I went to take it back. He gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You don't have to say anything, Lucy," he mumbled, as he pressed my hand atop his head, wearing it like a soothing ice pack. Or hot towel I suppose is more accurate. "Just…just stay with me."

He didn't look up at me—and I think we were both grateful he didn't. He was borderline crying and embarrassed to the extreme. I patted his head tenderly, if awkwardly, with a warmth even I didn't know I had in me—except for when it comes to Seth.

"Of course," I tried not to sound so emotional but strong, the way Jake needed me, "of course I will."

He nodded, and we sat there, letting lunch get cold. We didn't say anything, but that was ok; we didn't need to.

* * *

><p>"It's so frustrating," I complained to Jake, eating our lunch (make that dinner, because it was almost pitch black out) on the couch, flopped over as we stared mindlessly at the television. "Because I <em>know <em>Seth would forgive me if I could just fucking _tell _him—and it's not like he's never heard the stories," I grumbled, scowling as I bit off another chunk of the taquito.

"Stupid Sam and his damn order…" Jake muttered under his breath. I could practically see his mind working, searching for the loop. "Bella knows about _vampires _but she can't know about wolves? We're the good guys!"

I nodded fervently, "Fucking right, we are!"

Truthfully? I wasn't all that sorry for him. I know it sounds callous, but it's _Isabella Swan. _She's a leech-loving, fragile, little slip of a girl who can't stay on her own two feet long enough to walk across her bedroom floor. Jake could do better—beyond better. I don't know how well he could do, but it might as well be fucking Aphrodite compared to Bella Swan.

She wasn't even his imprint. There was no fucking way in hell he was hurting more than me.

"I just need to find a way around it," he said to himself, smacking a curled fist into an open palm. He jostled his shoulders restlessly. "There's gotta be a way to tell her without _saying_ it…"

I frowned warily at him. "Jake, if you break the gag-order, Sam's gonna be pissed." Fuck, pissed didn't even begin to describe it. Sam would be bat-shit furious—_I'd _be bat-shit furious.

"I know," my best friend huffed, laying his head in his hands. "It's just so…"

"Frustrating," I surmised succinctly. And it was. "I know. Seth's the son of a council member—his dad has told him almost every tribal legend since he could crawl."

"Yeah," Jake said mildly, downing another wrap, "I get your anger. But you can't expect _Seth_ to guess it—he thinks they're just stories. _Bella freaking knows—"_

Abruptly, Jacob froze, his jaw hanging open. His hand was halfway to his open mouth, food in hand. Like a statue, Jake sat, completely still.

"Jacob?" I waved a hand in front of his face, "Hey, Jake!"

"I have to go," he said monotonously. "I—oh, man, I have to go. Right now. I'll talk to you later, Lucy!"

And like that, he was gone. _Weirdo_.

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><p><strong>I don't like long ANs so I'll try to keep this short. <strong>

**First off, I just wanted to clarify that some of Lucy's opinions aren't my own. For instance, the belief girls can only have one best friend-not true for me. But different strokes for different folks, eh? It just fit for Lucy's character. So if she ever explicates a belief that you don't agree with, bear in mind that I'm not trying to preach anything. It's purely fictional.**

**Second, I wanted to give fair warning for the upcoming chapters. Now, I don't like (unreasonable) character bashing, and I avoid it as much as possible, but Bella's coming into the story in the next chapter and Lucy...won't get along with her. Because it's in 1st POV, Bella's going to come across as rather...feeble? Weak? At any rate, Lucy ain't gonna be BFFs with her. Consider this fair warning, mkay?**

**Anywho, thanks for reading! Next chapter should be up soon...I hope...**


	13. The Wolf's Outta the Bag

**I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN: The Wolf's Outta' the Bag**

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><p><em>I ran. I ran until my lungs were going to burst. I ran until my feet—paws—bled. I ran and I didn't look back. Trees and roads and signs blurred past me as I ran from it. From Sam. From Jake. From Bella. From school, phasing, leeches, patrol. From Seth.<em>

_From everything._

* * *

><p><em>TWO HOURS EARLIER…<em>

The petite girl storming across the field would've made me laugh, seeing her raging expression, had I not known why she was mad. Had I not known why she was mad at us, I'd have been confused. But I knew why. Or I had a damn good idea.

Jake fucking _told_ _her_ _The_ _Secret_.

And now she was furious…with us? Well, didn't _that_ make a whole whack of sense…

"What did you do to him?" she shouted at Sam, who maintained his cool pretty well. I eyed her, torn between respect for her bravery or anger for shouting at my Alpha. Bella Swan wasn't exactly bite-sized or anything, but by no means was she fierce or intimidating. A tiny, little slip of a girl with pale skin and dark, expressive brown eyes. That's all she was. That, and a whole lotta' anger—and I thought it was understandably so.

Then she crossed the line.

With both hands raised, she shoved Sam. _She_ _mother-fucking shoved my Alpha_. And I saw red.

I thought I had pretty good control over my temper by now—I'd been phased longer than half the pack, I _should _have had better control—but seeing her push Sam made me tremble as though I was a new wolf. It just…rubbed me the absolute _wrong _way. Not to mention, the separation from Seth was driving my wolf insane—almost literally. I glared down at her—oh yeah, I fucking _towered _over her.

"Keep your _fucking _hands _off _him," I snarled lowly. She took a step back, uncertainty in her eyes. Had I been in better control, I'd probably have felt bad for scaring her like that. As it was, my shaking was slowly residing, as I locked the tremors into my hands.

Meanwhile, Paul ignored our little altercation, speaking over me. "What did _we_ do? What did _he_ do? What did he tell you?" Paul was almost leering at her. His nostrils flared and his chest puffed out. He was _itching_ for a fight in the way Paul Lahote always did, like a sickness. His anger was festering inside of him, and the Pack knew it well.

"The three of you! Everyone _calm down,_" Sam growled, grabbing both Paul and myself. Paul's anger was riling me up; I felt myself shaking against my will once more.

Bella ignored Sam, just as Paul and I did. "Nothing! He tells me _nothing_ cause' he's scared of you."

Paul and I couldn't help it; we burst out laughing. It was possibly the farthest thing from the truth, now. If anything, we were all a little intimidated by Jake and his natural talent. Bella looked at me, and I knew she was pissed off. I wondered briefly how much she knew of my history with her wolf-buddy.

"You're supposed to be his _friend_!" she hissed, furiously. Evidently she knew enough. "What kind of friend just _abandons_ someone?" Incidentally, Jake had done the same thing to _her, _but you don't hear _her _complaining.

"What kind of friend _uses_ Jake just to deal with her miserable, fucking problems," I spat, sneering down at her. Fuck it, I was being such a bitch…Jake was gonna' be _so _pissed. My anger was running rampant inside my body, though; after two weeks of not seeing Seth, I was beyond emotional. It had been a steady build, and Bella was my breaking point.

Bella recoiled at my words, stung, before her expression hardened and her hand snapped forward and struck my cheek.

I blinked, stunned.

_You fucking bitch._

It didn't hurt—don't be stupid, of course it didn't—but if I had been out of control before, I was _wild _now. My shoulders shook, my back trembled and I felt myself begin to blur in and out of shape. It didn't hurt as it once had, but the sharp ache in my jaw signaled what was to come…

I was going to kill Isabella Swan.

* * *

><p>Jake had appeared out of nowhere, and he came running—at me—shouting for Bella to get <em>down<em>, and I couldn't help but agree with him. But Jake rushing at me—no matter what his reasons were—didn't seem to sit well with Paul, and before I knew it, Paul had shoved me out of the way, where I exploded into a wolf and he followed my action not a second behind.

Sam joined the fray and kept me occupied—I was still out for blood—and knocked me back long enough to order me to stand down. Jake and Paul were going at it viciously in dangerous proximity to Bella. I watched with hazy eyes as Jake slowly, but surely, pushed Paul out of the way long enough to herd him into the forest.

I stayed crouched on my belly as Sam had ordered. With my eyes fixed on the ground, I tuned out Jake and Paul's raging fight, both verbal and physical. Sam was mediating; I could only make out the dull murmur of his voice, so wrapped up I was in my anger.

Bella was being held back by Embry, who eyed me with a faint grin.

"Always had a temper, Luce," he murmured, grinning wider. I just rumbled at him, looking away in embarrassment.

Knowing better than to disobey—even if I wasn't under the Alpha command—I stayed crouched down as Bella piled into her truck, looking as white as a sheet and horrified, followed by Embry and Jared, who were laughing and making bets. I worked on calming myself down, knowing Sam would never let me come back to his house if he thought I was still worked up.

They drove off, Embry laughing as they went, and left me, rampant as a wolf on the wet ground.

* * *

><p>Jake and Paul all but sauntered into the house, snorting and pushing at each other like the little girls they were. Scowling, I trailed after them, head down and eyes burning holes in the floor. I had no interest in being with any of them at the moment, thank you kindly. I really needed to go for a run…and maybe try to see Seth. Again.<p>

Jake was standing with Bella, a relaxed smile on his face whilst Paul began shoving a muffin into his mouth, glancing over his shoulder to toss a quick apology to the Leech-Lover.

"Lucy!" I looked up to Sam, a wary frown on my face. He had that looked that promised I was gonna be in shit _real_ soon. "Don't you have anything you'd like to say?"

Did I?

I thought about it; Bella pushed Sam, Bella was using Jake, Bella _slapped _me…

Nah, I'm good, thanks.

I swallowed a mouthful of Emily's muffins (they weren't her brownies but _damn _could she cook) after chewing carefully. I continued to avoid making eye-contact with anyone. "No, not really."

Sam growled lowly, and so did Jake. _Fuck you, Jacob, _I thought sourly. I was so pissed with him, I didn't know where to begin.

"_Lucy," _Sam warned, and Emily braced a hand soothingly on her mate's chest, pushing gently.

"Sorry," I snapped, glaring at Bella. The twiggy girl looked like a blood vessel had burst in her forehead and was causing trauma in her brain or some shit like that. Her face was so red, I was somewhat concerned for her life.

"Don't worry about it," she said hastily. "Sorry for, um…hitting you, you know…"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Seriously, Jake? This one?

"Whatever."

My sourness was ignored as they went on to talk battle-tactics and strategies. Turns out, the redheaded leech sniffing around was after Bella. I thought back to when Jake told me about when they took out the dreadlock-leech (I had been out of commission, moping at Seth's doorstep). Earlier this morning, she'd had us on the run, again. We all were itching to just _finish _her off and get it over with. But she was smart.

You know, for a _leech_.

Sam tried to offer Swan an out, explaining to her the dangers of werewolves, but she refused. She didn't want to put Charlie in danger.

…I guess she wasn't _that _bad…

I still don't like her. And then they said something that definitely caught my attention. "We're gonna have to double up on shifts." At once, everyone's mouth dropped open. We already _had _doubled up on patrol shifts; this wasn't adding twice as much as originally, this was growing _exponentially _(yeah, I'm paying attention in math class. Good for me, I know). Paul began to shake violently.

"_More_ patrol duties?" he hissed, eyes flashing dangerously. Sam cut him off with a glare. That didn't stop me.

"You have _got _to be shitting me."

I was regretfully ignored. Sam just turned to me and began speaking.

"Lucy, I need you to take a shift tonight—"

"No."

Everyone spun around to look at me. Paul was watching with an arched brow, a softly amused look on his face. Sam and Jake looked perturbed—scratch that, they looked furious.

"What was that?" Sam growled, gripping the edge of the table. So I wasn't the only one inches from losing my temper. Cool.

"I said _no. _Hell _no. _Today's my only day off!" I folded my arms and braced myself for the impact; I wasn't budging on this. I had _plans, _and even if it was just sitting outside Seth's doorstep, it still counted as a plan. My words were followed with a rumbling growl; Sam gripped the table so tightly, I heard it creak.

"C'mon, Luce," Embry said awkwardly, trying to diffuse the tension. He flicked his bangs from his face, jerking his chin. "We all have to give stuff up."

Oh, I had heard that same line before. _Stuff?_ Yeah, I had to give stuff up. I had to give a _lot _of stuff up. My marks, my future, my whole fucking life—even my miserable house wasn't mine anymore (though I wasn't really complaining about that). But this wasn't just asking to give up stuff—this was asking me to give up the last of my free time saved for apologizing to one Seth Clearwater.

I. Was. _Pissed_. And Sam didn't seem to give a flying fuck about it.

"Lucy, you _are _going to patrol tonight—"

"I'm not doing _anything. _I want to see Seth."

They all looked floored, but none interfered. Emily had a worried frown marring her already scarred face. Jake braced Bella against his chest—for fuck's sake, if I hadn't killed her yet, I wasn't going to do it.

Sam wasn't bothered by my boldness. He raised both eyebrows for a quick second, then smoothly said, "No. I need you to—"

"Maybe I should rephrase: I'm _going _to see Seth. I will do whatever the fuck you want me to do _later. _Not now. I am _going _to see _Seth."_

And complete, utter silence filled the room.

Emily's eyes were terrified, darting anxiously between me and Sam. It looked like she thought he was going to kill me—a part of me thought so too. Sam was pretty patient but not _that _patient.

Maybe I'd pushed a little too far. But there was no going back now.

Jared muttered something about bets to Embry, who just hushed him frantically, watching the pair of us like the latest action movie. Paul sighed and rolled his eyes, grunting as he got up from the table and went outside, grumbling, "I'm too old for this shit," as he went.

Sam still hadn't said anything.

"He won't even speak to you!" Jake shouted, banging his hand on the counter angrily. He was glaring at me—he wanted me to protect Bella and give up any time I had for Seth? Asshole. "What the hell's the point in you—"

"_Because you were fucking phasing in a movie theatre!" _

"_Because you were holding hands with some __**kid, **__when you wouldn't even look at me!" _he yelled back, his face distorted with rage. _"You were the one __**stupid **__enough to ditch him!"_

"_Shut your fucking mouth!" _I roared, lunging at him from across the table. Embry was smoothly ushering Bella and Emily out of the room. Jared had me by the arms, yanking me back a few steps, but not enough distance to keep from spitting a glob of saliva at my old best friend.

Jake sneered furiously at me, wiping a large hand over his face and the spit on his chin, before stomping out of the room to find his goddamn leech-lover.

I was left in Jared's hands, almost pinned against the table. I glared up at Samuel Uley, who had come to stand in front of me.

"You're losing control because you haven't seen Seth," Sam said shortly. "You need to get control of your wolf. You can't let it rule your emotions like this."

"I wouldn't _have _to if _someone _let me off my leash once in a while. Is this how you're going to be with your own kids? A fucking _controlling _bastard of a father—like your own?"

Wrong. So wrong. So bad. Such a wrong, bad thing to say. The human, rational part of me was beyond floored with my new attitude issues. Sam was completely right—my wolf had me by the reigns. I thought I'd gotten control back from it when I phased into a human on the way to Sam's, but it seemed not.

I was savage.

Sam's face didn't change, but I caught little gestures in his hands, flashes of emotion in his eyes. I knew he had daddy issues, I knew he was scared of being like his good-for-nothing pig of a father, and I'd used it against him.

The worst part? My wolf didn't even care.

"Lucy," he gritted out lowly. "As your _Alpha—"_

"_I'm not your fucking slave!"_

That part was all me. I had had enough. I was sick of it—literally sick from it. Seeing Jake with Bella—this random chick who was _using _my best friend who was just so fucking stupid that he didn't even see it—seeing him with her when I couldn't even see my own _imprint, _the other half to my damn soul, had shattered what little resolve I had left. To top it all off, Sam was now making me _apologize _to the same chick who fucking _pushed him. _I was in trouble for _defending my Alpha, _something that was honest to God out of my control. And he wanted to give me more orders? _Hell no._

I wanted _out. _

I yanked myself from Jared's grasp, who was staring at me with a pathetically stunned look on his face. I stormed and raged as I spoke, throwing my hands in the air over my head, shouting as loud as I could at him—at anyone, at no one, at the world. Just for someone to hear me—even if it was only myself.

"You get to see your imprint _every_ _damn_ _day_! You know how often I see Seth anymore? A glance in the halls—if I'm _lucky! _It's _bullshit_! I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm _sick_ of having to hide my life from Seth, I'm sick of the secrets, of the sacrifices. I am so motherfucking _tired _of bending over backwards to accommodate every _miserable_ fucking person on the Res! So NO, I'm NOT going to do whatever you want now. You're worried about keeping Bella safe _now_? Well, I worry about Seth—_every_ _fucking_ _second!"_

"Lucille!" Sam's shouts came constantly, but so long as I heard no order, I ran. I simply turned for the door and left—the tremors were so bad, I could hardly see my hands. I blurred in and out of existence as I slipped into the forest, beaten down by fury, betrayal and mind-numbing exhaustion that ran deep in my bones.

I was finished.

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><p><strong>Phew...sorry for the wait. I agonized over this chapter for DAYS, perhaps a tad unnecessarily. I can't decide how I feel about Lucy's tantrum. After my most awesomest friend, BloomingDahlia16, previewed the chap for me and said it was all good, I went ahead and submitted it. The story really clips along from here until Eclipse, so don't be startled by the faster time frame.<strong>

**Thanks for reading!**


	14. Ain't Nothing But a Hound Dog

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN: Aint' Nothing But a Hound Dog…**

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><p><em>You know, if you just apologized, you could come back.<em>

Paul's suggestion, what he'd echoed several times in the past hour, still hadn't convinced me of my safety. Nor was I feeling particularly apologetic, at any rate. After being shot down by Seth—repeatedly—I wasn't sure how much more groveling I could stand to do for _Seth_, let alone Sam.

I had fled the Uley house with rage fueling my actions. At the end of their driveway, I'd shed my clothes and ran. Not for anywhere in particular—I was too worked up to "see" Seth (as though he'd actually speak to _me)_ and I wasn't interested in going home and moping over my hasty actions.

So instead I ran north.

I stuck to the trees, darting across roads only when necessary. Slowly, the Pack's mind faded from my head until I was left with nothing but silence. I was alone in my own head, just as I'd always wanted.

I hated it.

I hated the silence, I hated living as my wolf with no thoughts to keep me company but my own. Partially because I missed my Pack but also, my thoughts were fucking _pathetic. _After a little over seventy hours of being completely miserable, I turned tail and began the loop back to La Push. I wanted a shower and hot food and my bed, even if it was just a mattress.

I even missed Paul. Kinda. Maybe a little. (Definitely not Sam, or Jake. I was still too upset with the pair of them to miss them, although I knew I was well on my way). I had to apologize to Sam, at any rate. Yeah, I knew I _had_ to.

That didn't mean I wanted to.

Paul had met me halfway between La Push and wherever I'd been (Canada? Who knows. Somewhere north. And snowing). To my surprise, he admitted he'd wanted to follow me as soon as he had heard what had happened but Sam had laid the law.

I saw him in Paul's memories, _"Absolutely no one is to go after Lucille Spencer, without my expressed permission." _So Paul had sulked around—okay, okay, he _waited patiently, _as he insists—until they could no longer hear me, and then Sam finally relented and allowed Paul, and _only_ Paul, to come after me.

_I couldn't take Black's moping, _he grumbled. In his head, he imagined Jake, lying face down on the couch, crying his eyes out for me. At least, I hope it was his imagination. Otherwise that was just _sad. _

Paul snickered, _He's just bitching, won't shut up about how you ran off without giving anyone any warning. _And he showed a real memory of Jake, glaring at his plate of food before he snapped, "She can't just leave when the redhead is around! How could she just run off?"

I scoffed, anger niggling at my chest again. I had thought Jake and I were all in the clear when I apologized to him for making him phase. When he saw how torn up I was over Seth's resentment to me, he'd revoked his anger swiftly without explanation. Satisfied, I had thought we could make progress to becoming BFFs again.

Guess we were a ways off, still.

Embry was tactfully ignoring any conversation about me with Jake, Paul explained as we loped through the trees to La Push. According to Paul, Jared and Embry were reluctant to get in the middle of anything. Paul had rather obstinately showed his stance on the matter by walking out of Sam's house, then coming back and insisting he was allowed to go after me.

_I'll have you know, I took a whack of shit from Sam for you, _he scowled at me, but I knew what he meant.

_Thanks Paul. It won't happen again. _That was the truth, at least. I had learned one thing, if only one thing, during my stint away from La Push.

I couldn't handle the distance from Seth.

It had made me want to be ill—physically ill—the farther I ran. I couldn't eat much without feeling nauseous but _not _eating made me too tired to run far. I couldn't sleep but was always tired. I was exhausted but on edge at the same time.

I burned without him and at the same time, felt nothing at all.

Even standing outside his front door was better than nothing, and I knew that now. I knew I would have to try again, I'd have to go beg for him on his doorstep like a cheap whore, but I couldn't steel myself to do it just yet. My ego was still recovering after the last particularly cold rejection.

I knew it wasn't Seth's fault. I had hurt him—perhaps more so when I tried to apologize than when I actually screwed up and left him. I still couldn't get over my own words, _it wasn't a date._

Idiot. Moron. Stupid bitch. Those such words came to mind when I thought of when I had said that to him. What the _hell _had I been thinking?

_If there ever was a way to reject your imprint, that was it._

Paul tried not to blatantly agree with me but the silent conviction was there, churning in his thoughts.

We moved in silence after that.

When at last we reached the border and familiar shades of green, I relaxed and breathed deep. I moaned and agonized over whether or not I would bother apologizing to Sam now or tomorrow. In the middle of my laboring, Paul spoke up.

_Hey, I almost forgot, _he said suddenly, flashing an image of Bella Swan before me. _Swan wants to speak with you. _

_She **what?** _Fuck, did the girl have a death wish? Seriously—_what the fuck?_

_I dunno, but Jake told me she wanted to see you when you got back. Probably to do girly shit—maybe you'll braid each other's hair and have pillow fights and eat ice cream. Maybe you can have a cry-fest over how you were both dumped. _His callous words had a touch of humor—he thought he was funny.

I didn't.

_Fuck you, _I snapped, and turned on my heel, headed to Swan's house. I could deal with Sam later. And Seth. And maybe Jake, if I still had time. For now, I wanted to know what Isabella Swan wanted to speak with me for.

I knew I would have to go talk to Sam, sooner rather than later, but I wasn't sure I could deal with it. He'd be good about it, as good as he could be, that wasn't what I was worried about. It was just…getting the words out. I didn't _want_ to apologize. I didn't want to start running laps around the border. I didn't want to hunt down a leech. All I really wanted was to fix shit with Jake and make sure Embry was dealing with his daddy-issues ok and get Quil and pull us all together. And I needed to fix things with Seth. Badly.

But first. Bella Swan.

I ran up to her house around ten in the morning. After debating if I should bring anything to be polite, I gave up, shrugging my shoulders mildly and turning tail to run for Chief Swan's place. If any good could come of Jake and Bella's friendship being healed, it was Charlie being friends with Billy again. I knew the pair were thick as thieves and bonded over the loss of their women and kids and fishing. And I liked Charlie. He was a good guy (something I felt Bella appreciated entirely too little, but who was I to give a fuck?).

She was home, alone, sitting down to eat her breakfast. She had a pale, sickly sort of pallor that had nothing to do with her genes. She looked _ill. _All the time, she seemed like she was ready to be sick. I fought the grimace, knocking on her back door.

I might as well have fired a gun in the air, for how she jumped.

Heart beat flying, she spun around to face me, mouth open in a silent scream. I raised one lithe eyebrow at her.

_Can I come in? _I mouthed in a bored way.

After a pause, she got up and walked to the glass door, flipping the lock down.

"Come in," she mumbled, blushing a dark red.

"Thanks," I drawled, eyeing her house in speculation. I couldn't remember a time I'd ever set foot in their house. Charlie seldom had people over, more out of convenience than embarrassment. Sue was on the Res, and considering neither Charlie nor Billy (or Harry, really) could cook, it made more sense for him to just drive down and meet them there.

"So…" I rocked on my heels tensely. It was a quaint little kitchenette with a round, wooden table tucked in the corner. She had a frying pan soaking in the sink, egg shells scattered on the counter and the smell of bacon permeated through the room.

"You wanted to see me?"

"I…" she trailed off, standing awkwardly behind me. I wheeled around, brows raised. I realized she was surprised to see me—which was only fair, honestly. I doubted any of the other wolves even knew I was back yet, not if they hadn't seen Paul yet. Well, Sam probably knew (Alpha's intuition). And if Sam knew, Emily knew.

"I got back a few hours ago," I summed up shortly. "Paul got me. 'Said you were looking to speak to me."

"Yeah," she said faintly, still trying to recover her breath. "Yeah, I—do you want to take a seat? Can I, umm, make you something?" Considering there was a strong likelihood that she'd lace my food with something, I passed down the eggs and bacon but sat nonetheless.

"So?" I repeated, staring up at her meek form.

"Umm…yes," she began, toying with her hands. She bit her lip, frowning in concentration. "I wanted to…_talk _to you, about…Ja…cob…" She broke the name into two awkward parts. It was a relief to know she was still as weird as she'd been when I'd left.

I fought an eye roll. "What about Jake?"

She took a seat opposite me, staring at her hands. Looking at her, I tried to see what Jake saw in her (a difficult task, considering I was a heterosexual, imprinted wolf that never looked at _men _that way, let alone another female). Studying her petite facial structure, I guess I could see the prettiness to her. She had dainty features without the tiny body. She was an average height, average looking girl. Nothing truly extraordinary came to mind when looking at her, other than the fact that she'd dated and been dumped by a hundred year-old virgin.

There was nothing _wrong _with her, there was just…_nothing _there.

She took a deep breath. "I want you guys to be friends again."

I was glad I'd turned down her breakfast offer, else I'd be spitting yokes at her.

"I'm _sorry?"_

"He misses you," she explained lowly, meeting my gaze with determination. "He missed you before, back when he was human still. He _loves _you, and I think he just…doesn't know how to fix things again. But he wants to," she added quickly, fervently. "Can't you just…forgive and forget?"

"Like you did?" I snapped, the words sprung to mind without thinking.

She flushed darker but nodded. "Yes. Like me."

I made a _tch _sound between my teeth, looking away in haughty boredom. I couldn't believe I'd actually been sucked into coming here, thinking it was _important. _What an idiot I was.

"When Jake wants to talk to me, he can come find me," I said tiredly, going to stand. "If that's all—"

"No," Bella said hastily, standing as well. "I…I wanted to apologize. Again. For everything," she added, with a timid smile.

I didn't return it.

She kept trying. "I was wrong. I thought you were bad for Jake, and I kinda…well…" she trailed off, wincing to herself. I froze, narrowing my eyes on her.

"You trash-talked me?" I glowered at her. "Made me the villain?"

"I said things about you to him that were wrong," she whispered ashamedly. "And I'm sorry. I thought you and Sam…I thought you were in some kind of _gang_, and Jake wanted to _save _you. He had a _plan, _Lucy, him and Embry and Quil, and then Embry phased and they all chickened out. I thought you were…_corrupting _him or something. He's…he's so perfect," Bella gushed, a tearful look to her face.

I felt myself caving against my will.

"And then, you had me drive Seth home…" her voice was a tired whisper, barely a noise at all. I strained to hear her. "I had met him before. I thought you were stealing Jake, and that you were planning on doing the same to Seth."

My heart palpitated. Stopped. Started up again, at a thousand beats a minute.

"You said something to Seth," I said blankly. I wasn't sure if I was breathing properly; the moment of weakness was over, gone as quickly as it had come. "You _said _something…to _my _Seth."

"I'm sorry," she repeated firmly. She wiped at her eyes quickly, trying to talk through her tears. "He's a good kid and I didn't want _that _happening to anyone else."

The funniest thing was, neither did I. We both ultimately wanted the same thing. But that didn't change the fact at hand.

"_What the fuck did you say?"_

She gulped. I wasn't looking at her anymore. Both hands were clutching the handle to the door, as I tried to maintain my calm. I was hanging onto my humanity by a thread.

"I told him…you were dangerous. That you had hurt Jake, and…and he shouldn't be friends with you anymore."

I barely got the door open in time before I exploded.

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><p>I didn't run off, not this time. I didn't want it to become a bad habit. Besides, if Sam found out I had come and gone without seeing him, I'd be in deep shit.<p>

I had to talk to Seth. I had to tell him how completely I had fucked up but that Bella had, too. Bella was wrong. I wasn't dangerous for him. I wanted nothing more than to _protect _him. How was I supposed to do that with everyone working against me, though?

In the end, I turned tail and headed to Sam's. I could only hide for so long before it was defined as cowardly. Logically, I _knew _I'd have to face Sam and Jacob—properly, not behind my anger—but I really didn't want to. Inexorably, I wanted to avoid any and all contact between myself and my Alpha (Sam, not Jake—which was still in and of itself a big fucking mess). Paul tried to be unbiased about the matter, but even he was trying to subtly coerce me into talking to Sam.

"Quit being a fucking pussy and go talk to him." Yeah, it was the same old bluntness only Paul had mastered.

Without either word or order otherwise, I turned tail and ran for Sam's, trying to ignore the thriving anxiety, flourishing in my chest. I hadn't been alone with Sam Uley since my fated return. And now I was about to face him with a furious temper.

Yeah, I'm just _that_ smart.

I procrastinated for four hours or so—long enough to calm down and _not _feel the urge to rip someone's head off. Because that would be _so bad._

I grabbed a pair of shorts hidden under the dirt by Sam's house and slipped the over-sized t-shirt on as well. The shorts were a little too big (they were meant for the boys) but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I grit my teeth and walked the short distance into Sam's house, steeling my nerves to apologize, only to come up short.

Only Emily was home.

I could smell her inside the house, much like I had Bella at her home, but I was terribly confused. At first, I thought Sam was phased and I had missed him—before I realized that was impossible. The only ones in my head were Jared and Paul, and I'd turned back into my human form not five minutes ago. So Sam wasn't a wolf.

But he wasn't with Emily. I don't think I can explain _how fucking weird _that was.

I made to turn around and go home—Sam wasn't here, there was no point in staying—until I caught wind of Emily's scent.

Salty. Wet. Quick, uneven heartbeat.

She was crying.

Without thinking, I ran to the house. Yeah, this had _bad _written in big, block letters. Emily was upset. Sam wasn't here. Sam wasn't a wolf, either. Sam was missing and Emily was crying.

_Something's up._

"EMILY!" I shouted, storming about their house. Emily Young was curled up in a ball on the sofa, head tucked between her drawn-up knees, arms folded around her long legs. I froze, too stunned to go to her. I'd never seen her cry, I don't think, in all the months of knowing her. Not once had she looked so…fragile. Even if she _had _been, she'd never looked it. She hadn't _wanted _to look it, but she certainly did, now.

"Emily," I repeated, snapping out of my trance to rush to her. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes found mine. Not an ounce of surprise filtered through them—they were too filled with sorrow to be occupied with any other emotion. Her mouth was turned down in the shape of a small 'o' as she took in gulping sobs and gasps.

"H-Har-ry," she blubbered, tears streaming thick and furious. "Ha-a-arry C-Clear-water's…_dead!" _And she broke into noisy sobs once more.

The words took a long time to sink in. Instinctively, I reached out and rubbed her thin shoulder in a comforting gesture. My mind was shut down, my face was devoid of emotion, I was sure of it. I could only stare at her as she shook with her cries.

"When?" I found myself asking. "How long?" No sooner had I asked the question than the phone started ringing. With my eyes trained on Emily, I reached behind me and lifted the phone from its cradle, pressing it to my ear.

Without so much as a _hello, _Sam's voice came in clearly. "Emily, I'm leaving the hospital. Billy—"

"It's not Emily," I heard myself more than actually realizing that I had spoken, "it's Lucy."

Half a beat of silence, then Sam resumed his speech. "You're with Em?"

"Yeah. I got her."

"Ok. Listen, I'm leaving the hospital. Things are…things are a bit of a mess, Lucy. Sue's staying to take care of things—Charlie Swan's gonna' stay with her—and she sent her kids home just now."

Her kids. Leah and Seth. I strained my ears, trying to avoid passing out on the carpet. Everything was…such a blur. Such a fucking mess. I managed, in my state of delirium, to understand the silent message Sam was conveying to me.

_Seth is going to be alone._

Leah would be too wrapped up in her own grief and shock to help Seth deal with his. Seth needed someone—and I was exactly that person. But who would be there for Leah? (Certainly not Sam).

"Lucy?"

I swallowed, standing up and walking a few paces from Emily, who had slowly stopped her crying. Harry was her uncle, I remembered vacantly. The very uncle she hadn't spoken to since Sam's ill-fated imprinting. I didn't bother trying to wrap my head around her problems—I had to deal with enough as it was.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here."

"Give him an hour," Sam's orders came quick and carefully. He'd thought about this. "Give him time to deal and get settled in his house. And then…" he trailed off uncertainly. _And then you can go to him. _Yes, I had every intention of doing so.

But an hour? A whole fucking hour?

"Sam—"

My arguments were cut off swiftly by Sam. "I can't deal with anymore problems right now, Lucy. First Swan, now Harry."

Wait…what?

I hadn't realized I'd spoken that aloud, too, until Sam answered my questions, exhaustedly. "Bella Swan tried to go cliff-diving today."

Oh. Cliff-diving? In this weather? Hell, I wouldn't even try that. It was in a state of torrential downpour right now. To go cliff-diving in this weather, in that water, was suicide.

_Oh._

"Holy fuck—is she ok?" I avoided looking at Emily's now horrified face. _Who else was injured_, she mouthed to me. I batted a lazy hand at her.

"She's fine. Jake jumped in and dragged her out."

"Oh. Jesus…" I breathed, my mind slowly catching up to me. Emily was tugging at my shoulder, reaching for the phone (her phone) that I was holding just out of her arm's length.

"_Sam!" _she shouted finally, leaning over my shoulder to gasp into the receiver.

Those were the magic fucking words, it seemed.

"Is that Emily?" he demanded, his voice distorted by its growl. "Put her on—_now_, Lucille!"

Oh, for the love of… "Here," I snapped, thrusting the phone into Emily's flexing hand, demanding the communication device. "Talk to your lover." And with my cold words, I turned on my heel and walked jerkily out of the room, escaping the stuffy atmosphere of death and destruction.

Harry Clearwater was dead.

Sue had no husband.

Leah had lost the two men most important in her life.

Seth had no father.

I stepped outside Sam's house and stood on his doorstep, staring out into the forest. Everything sort of…crashed down on me, and without warning, I crumpled on the porch in a heap and began to cry, as loudly as possible, for the loss of one man, of one family's happiness, of Seth's innocence.

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><p><strong>You would not <em>believe<em> the epic struggles I had with this chapter. Originally...well, it doesn't matter. Basically, I spent the past day rewriting the plot for the next four chapters because the timeline got screwed up. This chap is longer because the next one isn't, but it should be up soon.**

**Thanks for reading! And for those who have been reviewing, an even bigger thanks! It's very encouraging, I appreciate it immensely!**


	15. Cryin' All the Time

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN: …Cryin' All the Time**

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><p>I watched the minute hand move on the Uley clock, waiting impatiently for it to reach 4:07, exactly one hour from when I had received the order from Sam to leave Seth alone for an hour. I wasn't sure <em>why <em>it made sense, but even to me, it did. I didn't want Seth to be alone, but I knew he would need a moment.

Fuck, he'd need so much longer than _a moment. _He would need years to recover from it all.

Thank _God _he didn't have to deal with shifting and patrols and leeches.

Emily and Sam were upstairs, discussing something or other related to the funeral to be held for Harry on Saturday. Two days. That's all Seth had before he had to lay his father to rest. Two days to say goodbye to his childhood, goodbye to the man that had raised him, loved him, taught him to be the man he (almost) is (he's still so damn young).

I didn't bother saying goodbye when the long-awaited minute finally reached the seven. Sam was being comforted by Emily—I was certain they didn't want to be disturbed right now.

So I just left.

The run to Seth's house wasn't a long one from Sam's, but it felt like a mile. I felt Seth's pain the closer I got to his house. I _felt _it, coming in waves from him like a ripple. My heart, already constricted with Harry's death, felt like it was being squished in someone's fist, forcing dark red blood to ooze from it in squelching gasps. I felt like I was dying from the sheer magnitude of pain and misery coming from the Clearwater house, such emotion that was damn-near _tangible. _

Sue wasn't in yet. I knew Charlie Swan well enough to know he wouldn't leave her until she was stable enough to handle two kids that were just as torn up as she. He'd probably drive her, too.

Leah still had no one.

I wanted to help Leah. I didn't love her like a sister or shit like that, but I loved Seth, who loved Leah _as her brother. _Naturally, I wanted to help Leah, too.

Except I couldn't. I literally couldn't. Seth needed me, and he took priority _every damn time. _

I didn't knock. I wasn't stupid—I knew no one would've come to answer. After letting myself in, I kicked off my shoes and took off for the direction of Seth's scent. Leah was in her room, door locked and warding off anyone and everyone, but even the thick wooden door couldn't contain the sound of her muffled sobs.

Nor could Seth's door contain the sound of his. I didn't hesitate, just laid a flat hand on his door and pressed.

I wasn't sure how to help him—if I even could—but I knew I had to try. I literally _had to. _Watching him cry was like watching someone take a baseball bat to my chest, over and over again. He was crying so hard his shoulders didn't just shake—they jerked. It wasn't the sort that warns us when a wolf will phase. This was pain, a physical grief that brought an ache deeper than the marrow of your bones. It was something you felt in your _soul. _

I couldn't stop him from feeling like that, but I would try to help him live through it. Because without him…without Seth Clearwater, I was nothing. Without him, I would cease to exist; I'd become neither shadow nor ghost, but simply stop living. I'd vanish off the face of the earth without him. My _wolf_ would vanish—and she'd drag the human-me right along with her.

I moved slowly at first. However strongly I felt—and it was certainly strong—I knew he wouldn't be so receptive to me if I went to hug him right away, which sucked, but I'd have to make do with what I had. Seth was crying so hard, I was sure he didn't even realize I was standing in his room; me, nearly naked except for the slip of a shirt I wore and the tight booty-shorts I carried with me at all times. Taking careful, precise steps, I slid from the spot in his doorway until I was next to his bed, then I was sitting on the mattress, close to his head. He was curled in a tight ball, his face hidden in his hands. I'd have heard his sobs from outside his door even without my inhuman hearing abilities. Each one tore through me, the way each one tore through him.

I so desperately wanted to cry for him, with him. I wanted to suck his pain away, I wanted it to become _my_ pain, and only my pain. I wanted to lock us in a room and protect him from the world's cruelties. I wanted to kiss his face a thousand times until he fell into a deep, peaceful slumber. So many things I wanted, but I had to choose which ones were truly possible. I couldn't shield him from the cold hand of Death, and _fuck, _did that hurt. But perhaps…perhaps I could cover him long enough so he could heal again. Like an umbrella in a storm. I'd give him shelter when he needed it.

His back was to me so I couldn't see his face—his perfect, sweet, innocent face. Perhaps it was best. I wouldn't be able to handle watching his mouth open with each cry, couldn't watch his eyes squeeze shut with each tear. Listening to it was horrible enough.

I didn't give him any warning other than the soft sound of my breathing, which I was certain went ignored by him. He'd felt the bed creak when I sat, I knew he had, and I couldn't resist laying my palms across each shoulder blade. They were wide, strong and shaking. His russet skin was hot—burning—and his shirt was nearly soaked through with either sweat or water from the rain. I didn't care either way, but I knew he was human and he was, therefor, vulnerable to illnesses. Fear seized my heart like an eagle's talons over his prey. He couldn't get sick, I couldn't bear watching it. It would kill me.

At once, I began to rub circles on his back. The shirt was a nuisance to work around, but I managed well enough. Seth didn't stop crying, but as I worked his back, the sharpness to the cries weakened and the pitiful shaking abated. To my eternal surprise, he rolled over quite suddenly, and soon I had my arms awkwardly cradling his head as he hugged my waist, lying on his side.

Seth hid his face in my hip, but I felt his mouth open with silent sobs, gasping against my clothes. I soothed him as best I could, keeping him pinned to my side. His hair was long—so beautiful—though not as long as Jacob's. It looked soft, so much that I couldn't resist carding a hand through it, just once.

Oh. It _was _soft.

I stroked his head once, twice, three times, and soon enough I was running my fingers through his hair, cooing to him, begging him to take deep breaths, silently wishing for him to relax because I had him and nothing would get to him. And slowly, so slowly, his sobs subsided and he laid quite still in my arms.

"Seth," I murmured, touching his cheek carefully (his eyes were still hidden), "Why don't we get you out of your wet clothes?"

He didn't say anything except sighed as he released the hold on my waist. Without a word, I got up and looked around his room. It was a typical boy's room, with dark blue walls and various sports posters taped to the walls. Various childhood artifacts were scattered on the shelves, in the dresser, on the window sill and his blue comforter was kicked to the end of the bed, lying tangled amongst the sheets. I sniffed out his shirts, grabbing a white wife beater and a pair of blue track pants.

"Here," I murmured, handing him the sweats, "Umm, why don't you put this on?" I turned around, standing awkwardly at the door as I waited for him to change. I heard quiet sniffling and little, hushed sobs as he slid out of his jeans and into the pants. My face flushed in embarrassment, and I wondered if this was even legal.

I turned back around to see Seth struggling with his shirt. He almost looked too tired to really try taking it off. My heart gave a sharp twinge, and I walked over quickly to him.

"Let me help," I said softly, and he stopped his struggling at once, sitting calmly as I lifted the hem upwards and off him, sliding it over his head in one smooth motion. Shirtless, he stood silently in the middle of the room, looking very out of place.

I didn't look at him much—it felt too weird, seeing his small, defined muscles and _knowing _we'd be together but we _couldn't _because I just…didn't see him like that. Not yet.

"You left," he mumbled vaguely, watching my hands sort out the layers of fabric as I got the new shirt ready for him to put on.

"I came back," I scooted around the awkward half-question, not really wanting to deal with _that _mess just yet.

"For me," Seth said, and it wasn't a question, thank God. He knew why I was here. He knew it wasn't for Sue or Leah or some inherent need to do good—because Lord knows it didn't exist in me. I was there for him, just him.

"Yeah," I whispered, holding out the clean shirt. "Arms up."

He managed to tug the new shirt on with ease, after which I gently braced either hand on his shoulders and pressed down, coaxing him to sit again. There were bags under the bags on his eyes; he was in dire need of sleep.

"Lie down, Seth," I mumbled (it felt way too fucking good saying his name), reaching down and grabbing his knees, lifting them on to the mattress and straightening them out. I tugged the socks off his feet, rolling a wooly sock over each foot instead.

Numbly, Seth laid back and curled on his side, his back to the door (and to me). Walking over to where his head laid, I stood there for a minute, listening to his heart beat slow down, his breathing, albeit shaky, even out. For a long minute, all I did was listen to him.

And then he spoke again.

"Will you stay?" he whispered.

Heart clenched with the overwhelming amount of fucking _love _and _grief_ I felt mixed in my chest, I felt like the only one who understood what he was asking.

_Don't leave me like Dad did._

I couldn't stay. And I couldn't lie. I _couldn't_ lie. I really _shouldn't_ lie. I wouldn't, not now, not ever.

But the words came before I could stop them. "Of course," I said softly, gently brushing my palm over his arm. One slow, nimble hand reached out and latched onto the hand stroking his arm. Seth slowly dragged my hand across his chest, tucking it under his arm like the cover of his blanket; he pulled my hand and me with it, until it was tucked into his side, between the mattress and his rib cage.

I saw little choice in the situation.

I tucked my body close against his back, laying my cheek on the corner of his pillow and brushed my nose against the curls tickling his neck. My arm around his middle tightened comfortably, and the grip of his hand on mine relaxed but didn't go away.

With that, I slid into an uneasy sleep, trying desperately not to think of the foolish promise I'd just made.

* * *

><p><strong>*Groans in self-loathing* Sorry for the late update and short chapter (worst combination ever, I know). I agonize over timelines, constantly-something which is starting to make me seriously re-read upcoming chapters I've written. Hence the gaps between updates, which mainly consist of me staring at my computer, worrying about its accuracy and finally relenting and just posting the damn thing.<strong>

**Anyhow! Coming up: Lucy's promise comes back to bite her in the ass.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	16. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie**

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><p><em>I woke up the next morning next to a still-sleeping Seth. We were a tumble of arms and legs, one half of his limbs strewn across mine. It was one of those nights where I felt as though I'd shut my eyes and opened them a second later. Still exhausted, still fatigued, I laid on my side with an elbow propping me up to stare down over Seth's body.<em>

_Sleeping like this, he looked so young. His face, once lined in agony, had smoothed out into its boyish state once more. His face was soaked in sweat, the only thing that was off about him._

_It took me a moment to realize—oh yeah, that was my fault. He wasn't used to my heat, my body temperature, in addition to the layer of blankets he was under. Guilt tugged at my heart but I was completely unable to move._

_Seth hadn't released my hand._

_I was both floored and entirely unsurprised. It was so natural, like my hand belonged wrapped in his. He had it clutched to his chest now, the way a small child would hold a beloved stuffed bear. He needed the comfort and I was helpless to stop him from taking it. How could I? How could I just get up and leave him? It was too hard, too painful to even consider._

_My hand was resting atop the shirt I'd dressed him in the night before—the horrible night that had drained him so thoroughly. The collar of his shirt was wide enough that it revealed part of his clavicle. Without thinking, I brushed my fingertips over where his heart beat, deep in thought._

_I wanted to help him. I needed to help him. I knew what he needed. __**Me**__. I just…didn't know how to go about giving me to him—especially when he already had me._

_Did I tell him? Should I say it out loud? That sounded weird. And lame. I didn't need words to express my feelings for him—I fucking __**knew**__ what they were. _

_Strong._

_Overwhelming._

_Pure._

_Really, really, wonderful._

_Inside my body, my wolf was restless; it wanted out, it wanted release. I had spoiled it rotten by running for three days and being locked up wasn't making it happy, imprint or not. It wanted me to phase, to go for a quick run._

_But I couldn't leave, nor could I pull my hand away. I __**couldn't**__. It was as though the single touch had melded me to his skin, despite the thin layer of fabric between my open hand and his chest. Despite the fabric between our skin, he looked better than he had yesterday, when he'd been so weary, so somnolent._

_Despite the fabric between our skin…_

_In one tentative move, I had slipped my hand under the top of his over-sized shirt. My fingertips barely grazed his chest; my palm rested securely over his heart without pressing down too firmly. Things felt almost as they'd been, before. When I'd known exactly what to say, what to do. I was confident once more—I was what he needed. Me._

_And that…that was pretty incredible to know, and at the same time, __**damn **__**scary**__._

_How could I prove it? How could I show him that I was his, the same way he was irrevocably mine? I acted on my own freewill once more. Deftly lifting his own hand to my skin, I slid his burning fingers under the collar of my own shirt, far enough so he could feel my heart beat. The very heart that beat for him._

_**Damn, you're such a girl, Lucy. **_

_Well yeah. I was. And I think…I could finally accept my emotional state for what it was. Feeling things didn't make you any less strong. Because feeling this kind of love wasn't easy—it took strength. And courage—a lot of it._

_I pressed both my hands down, with one hand to his heart and one hand of his to mine._

"_It's yours," I whispered. And that's all I whispered, because that summed it all up. Seth knew the capacity a heart had to love—he had known it before I did. He didn't have to hear me ramble on about taking a bullet for him, because he already understood exactly what I had meant when I said, "I love you."_

_All I said was, "It's yours," because that's all that needed to be said._

* * *

><p>Jacob didn't go to the funeral.<p>

It was one of the first things I'd noticed, and when I did notice it, I was fucking _furious. _The fires of hell couldn't compare to the wrath Jacob Black would face when I got my hands on him. Forget Seth—_pfft, as if—_Jake should've been there for Billy. For _Harry. _The man had been an uncle to Jake, and Jake had the muthafucking _audacity_ to blow it off?

I saw red.

The rest of the pack was there, if not all in human form then at least present. Paul was doing a patrol around the service; I could hear him even where I stood, with a firm hand wrapped around Seth's.

It had been as I'd feared. Seth hadn't let me go, not once.

From the moment he woke, Seth kept a close eye on my movements. I felt him watching me intently, with a focus that unsettled Sue and Leah (the latter of which eyed me with a constant mistrust. I knew it was only a matter of time before _that _blew up in my face). It wasn't all that hard to understand Seth's clinginess. He'd just lost his father and it _hurt. _I knew it hurt, I felt it coming off him like a strong cologne. Though it killed me to feel it, I couldn't bring myself to leave his side.

He _needed_ me.

Imprinting did work both ways—I knew that from Emily. She said that sometimes, she felt Sam's emotions the same way I felt Seth's. She said that she was never as happy as when she had Sam with her, no matter what was going on. It was something ingrained in her to love him, to need him. Beyond imprinting, there was a trust there that was unbreakable, as thick and binding as steel cables.

So I numbed Seth.

The conclusion wasn't all that hard to come to, after seeing the way he acted when his mother told him to go shower for the funeral (she didn't call it the funeral; she just said, "Seth, go clean-up for later."). When she left, I quietly explained to him what exactly she had meant. Seth had nodded blankly, and then tugged me along, pulling me up the stairs until I finally realized his intentions.

Oh hell…

"Seth, go shower," I murmured, trying to be as gentle as possible. Everyone in their family cried now; even stone-cold Leah couldn't stop her crying, and nothing I did, no matter how I numbed Seth, nothing could fix it.

Truthfully, I really needed to get back to the Pack. I'd felt a cry of distress hours ago, but the imprint had kept my feet planted firmly at Seth's side. Even when he slept, he had a control over me I wasn't sure I liked—but what could I do about it?

Seth hadn't appreciated the order. In fact, I'd go as far as to say he hated it.

"But…" he spluttered. "But…you said you'd stay! You promised!" his misery was etched in his face. I frowned up at him (damn he was tall. Almost too tall. I tipped my chin up to look him in the eye).

"And I'll be right here. But you gotta go shower," I resisted the urge to grimace, looking away. "_Now_."

With a hurt look, Seth turned and stomped off into the bathroom. He wasn't an angry kid. It just…didn't suit him. I was the bitch in the…"relationship" (literally, yes _I know. _Very fucking funny). But Seth was going through something most kids didn't have to deal with until they were way older. He _shouldn't _have to deal with this. It was so unfair.

And now he was taking it out on everyone, including me. _Great_.

Seth had showered in about two minutes, and when he came out of the bathroom, it looked as though he'd smacked the towel over his body a few times, threw on some clothes (thankfully, I hadn't had to dress him since that first time in his bedroom) and all but fled from the room.

The terror and agony on his face had crushed my heart, and his shaking didn't subside until several minutes later, after holding him for a lengthy period of time. With the separation from me, I knew he was free to feel all the grief in the world—and it had terrified him.

I was on his bed, back propped up against the wall as I pulled him close to my chest. My legs hooked around his waist as he curled up in my arms and slowly slid into a peaceful daydream. His wet hair brushed my mouth; with one hand holding his middle, my other free hand reached up and smoothed the damp curls back, away from his face.

"I missed school."

His comment was offhanded, as though he were observing the weather, but the way it bothered him struck a chord in me.

"I'll help you get caught up," I promised quietly—never mind the fact he was probably five times smarter than I was. He nodded.

"Cool. Thanks, Lu." Lu. The stupid nickname had stuck—so much that I didn't bat an eyelash at it anymore.

"Don't worry about it," I mumbled, frowning mildly. Everything about it felt so…off. And my fears were only further increased when he nodded once more.

"Ok. I won't."

And from the way he fell asleep immediately after saying that, he didn't.

* * *

><p>The funeral was painful to sit through. I know they aren't meant to be enjoyable, but sweet Jesus… that had been <em>agony. <em>Sheer bloody agony, wrapped up in forty minutes. Sue had spoken (or tried to), Charlie had come up and walked her to her seat and Billy took over, though he wasn't much better. I remembered the last funeral I had been to. Sarah Black's.

I knew Billy was probably thinking of the same thing.

Leah hadn't spoken to anyone. Sam looked sorely tempted to hug her, hold her, but he kept his distance. Just as well; she looked like she'd kill anyone who tried to touch her anyways. I looked after Seth to the best of my abilities. After everything we'd been through, I was desperately tempted to write a damn book about this for future wolf-generations. _How to Survive Your Imprint's Grief, _by Lucy Spencer. A How-To from her series, _My Life as a Wolf._

If Sam wasn't watching Leah, he was watching me. Or more specifically, me and Seth. His eyes narrowed and he frowned deeply at me, watching me grip Seth's hand in a comforting notion.

Seth didn't cry once.

I'd have been concerned had it not meant the fact that I didn't have to deal with Seth's grief. Whatever imprint mojo was going on, it was working fucking miracles over here.

At the end, everyone left—I still couldn't find Jacob Black—and I was left with the Clearwater family and the Pack. Leah took one look at Sam and grimaced, marching home with her mother. We all followed them back to their house to help fix dinner, clean up a bit. It wasn't that it was a Quileute tradition—it was just something everyone felt needed to be done. Emily had suggested it to Sam and…well… _Emily _had suggested it. To _Sam._

Needless to say, the pack was roped into helping the Clearwater household after the funeral, along with various relatives from out of town, and very good friends. Charlie said he had to get back home—Bella was there—and he left, red-eyed and defeated.

Most adults were busy comforting Sue, trying to cheer her up and tell her stories about Harry—like she didn't know everything there was to know about the man. Leah had locked herself in her room and none were to enter under pain of death.

I was standing in the backyard with Seth when I heard my name.

"Lucy!" called my Alpha. I spun around to see Sam standing there, feet should-width apart, a frown etched on his face. "Come here, please." Ah, fuck. That was an order. Cursing his wolfy-powers, I took one stride towards him and froze.

Seth still had a grip on my hand.

"Where are you going?" he looked terrified again. The same way he always looked when we were split up. His grip tightened, and I wasn't sure if it was intentional or not.

"I'll be right back," I promised quickly. "I just gotta see Sam for a sec—won't be long."

"Can I come?" he asked hopefully. A low rumble of thunder echoed in the clouds over our heads.

I shook my head slowly, catching the look on Sam's glowering face in my peripheral. Damn, he wasn't making this easy. "I don't think so. He just needs to talk to me for a second, Seth. I'll be right back."

Seth frowned at Sam, then at me. "About what?"

Pushy kid, wasn't he?

I sighed. "I dunno, Seth. He's fucking weird." The sharp frown on Seth's forehead reminded me how little I swore in front of him; shame welled inside of me against my will. I didn't _like _swearing in front of him; it made me feel dirty. Like I was tainting him with my presence.

Seth began shaking his head, "Can't you do it _later_?"

Against my will, I was starting to get pissy.

"Seth, if I do it later, then I'll have to _leave. _If I do it now, you'll see me the _entire time. _I'm just over there, Seth!" I thrust one pointed finger out at the man in the shadows, hovering along the forest's edge.

At once, Seth swallowed and nodded reluctantly. "O-ok…" he muttered, frowning at Sam.

My heart softened. Damn imprint mojo….

"I'll be _right back," _I repeated.

And with that, I was walking to Sam. I couldn't bear the sight of Seth's face, watching us intently as he waited for my return. Sam had his arms folded—a sure sign he was pissed off. I wrinkled my nose; just _great_.

His frown only got worse as I approached him.

"What do you want?" I muttered irritably. Seth's emotions were screwing with my own. All his turmoil, his grief, seemed to be rubbing off on me. I was bitching more than usual.

And with a severity only Alphas possessed, Sam said, "This has to stop."

I stared at him incomprehensively.

"You're numbing Seth to his real feelings, Lucille," he scolded. "It's not right."

My mouth dropped and my expression turned to horror. "What the _fuck do you mean? 'It's not right?'_ Horse-shit!"

"Watch your tone," he growled, but I couldn't be bothered. My outrage fueled my words.

"If that was _Emily _in pain, you'd be doing the same fucking thing! This is fucking _bull-shit! _You fucking hypocrite!" I bellowed, as loudly as I could. Sam snarled lowly.

"I said _watch your tone. _People are looking."

"Then _let me go back!" _I hissed, eyes wide with fury. I felt ready to spit fire at him soon. I _wanted_ to—I wanted to rear back and land a glob of saliva straight on his face, I was so pissed with him for fucking wasting my time.

"I don't want to order you to stop, but damn it, Lucille, if you don't stop this on your own, then I'm going to have to."

I was matching his growls with my own ferocity. "_If that was Emily—"_

"_I'd be doing the same thing, _yes it's true, Lucy!" Sam snapped, gripping my arm tightly in his. He shook it quickly, as though trying to shake common sense into my body. "And you'd be telling me the same thing I'm telling you!"

…_Confused_…

Sam's gaze softened, but he didn't let go of my arm. "I _would _be doing the same thing if it were Emily in pain. I'd want to keep her numb too. But you know, Lucy, you _know _that that isn't right. Making someone numb…isn't the same as making someone happy. Seth's gotta feel pain—he's gotta feel something, Lucy, not nothing at all. It's not healthy."

"Fuck you," I whispered, but the heart wasn't in it. I stared emotionlessly at his chest. "If I was human, you'd never be telling me this."

Sam sighed, blowing air from his cheeks. With a tired glance to the sky, he shook his head, casting his gaze back down to me. "You're right. I'd be telling you that Seth needs you, now more than ever. But you're not human. And what he needs…is time."

He was right…and I'd known it before he said anything. Seth wasn't dealing with anything. When I was with him, I let him feel nothing at all. Because I cared about him. Because it was easier for him to live that way.

But it would hurt him in the long run…

"I'm a shitty imprinter," I croaked, humiliated. All my decisions from the last forty-eight hours seemed to spring up and simultaneously smack me in the face. Sam crushed me against his chest, bracing his palms on my back. I was wearing a black dress Emily had let me borrow for the…occasion. It fit (barely) and it was plain and appropriate. It did the job just fine.

"You only did what any of us would've done—believe me, I understand," he vowed strongly, then a bitter chuckle. "_Believe me. _I know the need to comfort your imprint is strong—but you have to realize that what's best for them…isn't always what's easiest. Why do you think I'm here instead of with Emily?"

I stood silently for a long minute and let the question fall—it felt like hours had passed by the time I was ready to speak to him. From under my bangs, I peered up at my Alpha. He had an unusual look of concern and sympathy (empathy) on his face.

Drawing in a deep breath, I steeled my nerves and prayed for the spirits to give me strength.

Fuck, I was going to need it.

"You need to order me."

Sam blinked slowly, incomprehensively at me. With a deliberate motion, he uncrossed his arms and flexed his hands mildly at his sides. "Order you to _what?" _he asked carefully, frowning as though he were tasting the words, trying to grasp what I'd said.

"I can't…" I trailed off, feeling sick with myself. I had known it was wrong, from the very start. I wasn't comforting Seth, I was _hurting _him. So much for me being his perfect match—I couldn't even look after him properly. "I need you to order me to do it. To…to…"

"To leave him alone," Sam said quietly, understandingly. I nodded jerkily; my head felt detached from its body. _I _felt detached from my body. I'd never had an out-of-body experience before. Imprinting and shifting and all the other supernatural crap, that was different. I'd _dealt _with that.

This…this was like being told I had to sever my arm off, with no anesthesia. And I had to do it, fast.

"I won't be able to do it. I'll cave," my head hung in shame. With a gentle pat on the shoulder, Sam squeezed my arm in reassurance.

"Lucy, you are _not _to spend your day with Seth. You are going to go over there and tell him you'll see him later—_gently_. Don't tell him when. Don't tell him why. Your job is to help him get over his pain—not numb him to it." He released my arm, watching my face break and crumple in two.

"You're doing it for his own good, Luce," he murmured, touching my cheek briefly, before turning and walking off, leaving me with the hardest job I'd ever had.

* * *

><p>As Sam ordered, I didn't speak to Seth for the rest of the day after our conversation outside Seth's house.<p>

But I slept under his window, trying to block out his cries when they were the only thing in the world I could hear.

* * *

><p><strong>Here's hoping I explained Sam's reasoning well enough so that it doesn't sound stupid. Lucy makes Seth's grief vanish; he can't heal from his father's death because of the imprint's "magic," I guess you could say.<strong>

**And a quick fact: the title of the chapter, _Let Sleeping Dogs Lie_, is an idiomatic phrase meaning, "to leave a situation undisturbed." In case you were wondering.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	17. A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

**I own nothing...although if I was ever going to own a chapter, I wish it was this one *winks***

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing**

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><p>Giving Seth space incidentally meant leaving him for under twenty-four hours and crawling back to him long before an entire day had come and gone.<p>

I was incapable—literally physiologically incapable—of leaving him alone while he was in _pain. _I _heard _him, damn it; I heard him crying in his room all night, until his sobs quieted and became muffled sniffles. He finally fell asleep around two AM, whispering _dad_ in a soft exhalation of air. My heart was in a state of constant agony; grieving, I'd decided, sucked. A lot.

The only "good" that came out of my separation from Seth was my knowledge over what the hell had happened while I was busy minding Seth.

Jacob wasn't phasing. He'd phased once, sometime after Harry's funeral, and Paul had been phased at the time.

Paul got me caught up on what had happened. A Cullen—not Bella's leech, but one of them—had returned to Forks because she had some freaky talent to See the future or some shit like that. She had Seen Bella jump off the damn cliff and then Jake saved her—but of course (_of course) _she couldn't See werewolves. We were too unpredictable, or something like that (I'll admit, I didn't care all that much, so long as she couldn't See us). She came back to Forks to be with Charlie whilst helping with the funeral plans. Somehow, word had gotten back to Bella's leech of an ex-lover that she was dead and when he called to confirm her death, Jake picked up the phone and told him Charlie was at a funeral. _A _funeral—not Harry's funeral. The dumbass bloodsucker went to kill himself—this was where I got confused.

_What the fuck does a vulture have to do with vampires? _Hell, if he wanted to die, he could just come to La Push—I'd be glad to help with any of his suicidal tendencies.

_Volturi, _Paul corrected lazily. He found the whole thing as ridiculous as I did. _Vampire kings or some bull shit like that. _

Huh. Just when you think you can't be any more surprised by the world than you already are…

So Bella, in typical leech-loving fashion, had gone and run off to Italy to save her boy-toy. Never mind the fact that Jake was pleading with her—literally begging—for her to stay with him and _not _get herself killed after we had worked so hard protecting her from the redhead and dreadlocks.

Jacob had locked himself in his room, refusing to take any shifts. He was waiting for Bella to come back and, should any vampire be with her, to kill it and win over her love.

He was going to get his heart broken.

I wanted to feel bad for him—I was entirely certain that the pity I felt for him was too disconnected from my heart to be genuine. But I was too drained from Seth's emotions and the funeral and Harry's death to give Jake's trauma much thought. I wanted to help him but I wasn't some invincible goddess—contrary to popular belief, yes I know—and I was, frankly, fucking exhausted. Seth was slowly getting himself dressed in between the tears and the crying and the aching in his chest (which I _still_ felt like my own pain).

I finally snapped. I was slowly learning more and more about the imprint and, something I was gradually wrapping my head around, was that imprint trumped Alpha.

Sam's orders sort of…faded. Like a quiet echo in my head, whereas Seth stood brilliantly in my mind. I wasn't sure how long Sam had meant for me to keep away from Seth, but I couldn't anymore. On its own accord, my body phased back into human form and I dressed after quickly showering at home (being a werewolf didn't stop bad BO from making its appearance).

By this point in my relationship with Seth, I'd had enough hard confrontations with him that I wasn't all that scared to speak with him anymore. Tough love didn't bother me as much as it used to. Sam had been right; Seth needed to face the reality of the situation and take a few hours by himself to cope.

And I wasn't allowed to crowd him every minute of the day. I didn't want someone that was dependent on me—I wanted Seth to be able to stand on his own two feet. It pained me to say it, but there was a chance, a damn good chance, that something could…render me _unable_ to look after Seth. I worked in a dangerous business. And, God forbid, should the day come where he didn't have me to lean on, I needed to know that he could survive on his own.

Because, more important than anything else in this world, he had to live. My mind recoiled from the thought of losing him—it honestly shied away from the merest thought of it. Trying to envision a world without Seth Clearwater was equivalent to imagining the apocalypse.

It was just a bad scene all around.

I almost didn't bother with knocking, but when I reached their house, I heard someone in the kitchen, fumbling about. And I knew if it was Leah, I would be considered the equivalent of used kitty litter that needed to be tossed outside—and _she'd _be the one to do it, especially after I brought _Sam Uley _into their house, the shame of it all. Poor Sam _really_ wanted to help. I tried to ignore his thoughts when Leah came up—an awkward topic, but because I sucked at hiding private thoughts, it was one that came up often with me. I was the kind of person that, the moment someone phased, my first instinct was to replay every bad, weird, stupid or just plain _awkward_ thing I'd done from the last time they'd seen me.

It was probably for the best I was imprinted on Seth because I couldn't have hidden memories from any one-night stands I'd have had otherwise, like Paul did, and Seth's age meant I rarely experienced sexually attracted thoughts for him. I mean, I knew he was gorgeous and everything, and the _wanting_ was probably just yet to come, but it wasn't there yet—not for me. Some of the thoughts that the boys had, though, could knock you on your ass, they were so dirty.

(And yes, I'd seen some things from Sam's mind I _really_ wish I could erase from my head but I can't so let's just not talk about it—and _no_, they _weren't_ always memories of Emily).

I knocked and heard Leah's voice call for Seth to come down; she had always had a sort of sixth sense for when I was visiting and made it a habit of avoiding looking at me.

Seth's footsteps sounded off. His body moved…not _sluggishly _but they lacked a buoyancy I'd always loved to hear. When he opened the door to see me, I was proud to say he was fully dressed and, in the strictest sense of the word, whole.

Only my wolf and I saw the cracks like a dilapidated statue, falling apart into pieces.

He didn't seem all that surprised to see me, but the lack of enthusiasm tore at me. I really hadn't wanted to leave him, but it was just another thing I wasn't allowed to say, damn Sam and his stupid orders (never mind the fact I'd asked for it).

"You're back." The words were spoken flatly, with a strange, heavy amount of resignation that I hated hearing more than anything. As though I'd been sucker-punched, I exhaled, nodding once. We stood in silence for three seconds, him staring blankly at me and me staring miserably at my feet.

Oh, hell with it. I decided to go for broke and just say it. "Seth," I begged lowly, my gaze snapping up to meet his. "You _had_ to have a moment alone. I never _left _you—I just gave you what you needed."

His mouth twisted unhappily. I knew he wasn't really mad, but hurt that I'd left him alone. Again. "Since when do you know what's _best _for me?" Seth snapped, huffing and folding his arms. I frowned warily; brat-itude from Seth was highly, _highly _unusual.

"Since always." My short response elicited a scoff from the teenager, which in turn made me glower up at him—I was still _me_ under the imprint, and I was losing control over my patience. I felt like I was falling apart at the seams, much like my pack was. Staring up at him with a sharp, reproachful glare, I hadn't noticed until then that he'd suffered another growth spurt.

Seth seemingly relented, be it because he felt bad or just didn't care why I acted as I had. "Whatever," he muttered glumly, turning on his heel and walking into their kitchen. He left the door wide open, though, and I took that as an ok to follow him. I trailed after my imprint slowly, morosely, and feeling confused all the while. Was this what his grief had turned into? Anger? It made no sense to me, but what did I know of grief, of despair? I'd never lost someone important to me from death, other than my grandfather when I was eight or nine, and that was hardly comparable. I had barely known the old man. This was _Harry Clearwater, _Seth's father, his closest kin.

What did I know of grief like that?

Like a shadow, I slunk after him, hugging close to him but not so much that I was detectable to him. Leah was staring blankly into her cereal—Sue was out, apparently. I suppose Leah was eating whatever she could manage to make for herself in her state of depression.

"Are you hungry?"

My eyes snapped up to look at Seth, who had a weary, tired expression on his face that I absolutely _hated, _so similar to the resigned tread in his footsteps.

"What?"

His eyes softened somewhat under my confusion and I caught the barest hint of my Seth peak through. "Would you like something to eat?"

"Oh," I blinked rapidly, too startled to think properly. "No. I ate."

Three whole words! What a miracle…

"Ok," he said simply, turning back to the bowl in hand. I took a seat across from Leah, avoiding eye contact with her at all costs. Together, the three of us sat, silent. Leah and Seth ate whilst I stared at the table cloth. I hadn't known Harry that well. Not as well as I'd have liked, at any rate. I had wanted to know the father of my imprint. I had wanted to know a father period—a proper one, not my drunken father.

I wanted a dad.

The longing came with such sharp, vivid clarity that I was nearly knocked off-balance by the force of it. I had never truly experienced a father before. My own had loved me, perhaps, at one point—before the alcohol, the women and sex and all the lies to my mother. I _had _a father, but never had I had a dad.

And now it seemed I never would.

My thoughts were rattled by the sound of Leah throwing her fist down on the old, worn-out table. It gave a sharp crack of pain, whining under the force of the blow. Her face was marred with deep, blinding anger—but what the hell was she pissed about? I watched her facial expressions, baffled. Fury like none other distorted her features almost beyond recognition. This wasn't Queen Bitch Syndrome—this was something entirely different.

"I'm _sick _of this!" she shouted, and with one hand, sent her bowl full of milk flying across the table…

…Into Seth's lap.

"LEAH!" he roared indignantly, looking down at his soaked pants and back up to his seething sister. I only sat, jaw agape, completely gobsmacked. I mean, where the fuck was this coming from?

I might as well have been invisible for all my being there did. Leah and Seth were currently engaged in WWIII of the Sibling Wars, and I was ruefully stuck in the middle (with a hefty favoring for Seth's side). But when Seth began throwing spoons at Leah and she, in turn, started to grab the nearest chair, I felt it best to intervene.

"Whoa!" I yelled loudly, reaching over with one hand and forcefully shoving the chair Leah was trying to use as a baseball bat to the floor. "Let's just back up a tic and breathe!" They took my advice as an order and, to my eternal surprise, both fell silent, standing on opposite sides of the admittedly tiny room.

"Good. Ok," I took my own advice and drew in a deep, cleansing breath. "Now. Does _someone_ want to tell me what the _fuck _is going on?"

Seth didn't bat an eyelash at the curse, which in itself told me something was truly amiss. Leah just glared at her brother like he was the scum of the earth—me, she ignored entirely.

I mean…_what the fuck?_

"Seriously," I said firmly, taking each of their expressions in turn. "I must've dozed off and missed something because I am _completely _lost here."

Seth grumbled at his sister's direction, "I need some air."

"Me too," Leah snapped.

"Me three," I added, more to keep an eye on the pair of them than actual need for the outdoors. Being outside only made my wolf go mad with the need to phase. Fresh air and all that shit, you know.

"Actually," Seth amended, shuddering with suppressed rage, "I need to change my clothes." And he stormed off, muttering darkly about his sister and her bizarre freak-outs. Leah had already stepped outside when Seth came back down, wearing a new pair of jeans. Without a word, he exited via the backdoor and into the yard. I followed along behind him, exhaling loudly through my nose.

Leah had stalked off to the farthest corner of their backyard—a nice sized lot, plenty of room to stretch one's human legs—whilst Seth leaned up against the side of his house, glaring bullets at Leah.

"Easy there, tiger," I joked, bumping shoulders with him. "You know what's up with her?"

Seth grimaced at her, shrugging. "Who knows? Did you see her? She's crazy." I was sorely tempted to believe him…but something was off. And it wasn't just Leah or Seth—it was me.

I felt the need to scratch something beneath my skin, like there was a constant, aching itch inside me. Rolling my shoulders as though to ward away the discomfort, I cracked my neck loudly, eyeing the forest. Most houses in La Push backed onto the dense woods. Which was lucky for anyone in the Pack, considering I could simply hop outside my door and phase twenty feet from my bedroom.

Now? Now, the forest felt…bad. I didn't like it. My face twitched, my nostrils flared. Something was very, very wrong. Leah's pacing at the edge of the grass came to an abrupt halt, and she clamped both hands over her mouth, let out a horrified gag, looking like she was going to be sick. I made to walk to her when she spoke.

"Holy shit—_what is that smell?"_

Seth was frowning, "What smell?" He looked to me, as though to share in my confusion, and came up short to find me with my eyes practically popping out of their sockets. "Lucy? You ok?"

Fuck my life. I was so stupid—how did I not smell it before?

Something Sam had told me _ages _ago rang in my head, something I'd long since forgotten.

_We're most sensitive to smells and sounds after we first phase. _After the first shift, I'd adjusted to the smells and sounds and it became normal. I barely noticed that I was supernaturally gifted anymore.

Leah? _Leah Clearwater?_

Oddly, all I could think was: _at least I'm not the only girl._

Seth was still confused, walking over to me. "Lucy, what's—" but I stopped him there. His fingers had brushed mine.

_His very hot fingers._

"Oh _shit," _I swore loudly, looking from Leah to Seth with horror. "Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. FUCK!" I screamed, threw my fists in the air. Seth was panicking and Leah was still gagging from the stench of a leech that was _approaching us as I live and breathe._

_Damn._

Seth smelt it, too, by now. "Whoa!" he gasped, and he too covered his mouth with his hands. "What's that smell?"

Leah dropped to her knees. At first, I thought she was retching with the horrid stench coming in stronger—and then I noticed her hands start to shake. Like she was holding a jackhammer, her hands quivered; the motion crept out along her body like a horror movie—a very real horror movie that I was trapped in and one whose climax I did _not _want to see.

"Leah!" I shouted, and moved to run to her. But then Seth crumpled, too. "Seth!"

I couldn't phase now. It would terrify them. Not that they wouldn't find out soon enough…as in, within the next five minutes. But to make them watch, and terrify them so badly that they might hurt themselves due to their fear, was wrong. And yet, I couldn't _not _phase because there was a damn leech running in our direction, if not directly for me.

_For fuck's sake!_

"Why is it _always _me?" I yelled, snatching my shirt at the hem and lifting upwards. "Why is it always _me _who has to deal with this shit?"

Seth was too preoccupied with his shaking to notice my shirtless state. My shorts soon followed (I didn't believe in running about commando, thank you very little, unlike certain boys that shall remain nameless). Leah was nearly there.

A howl was my savior.

Someone—I was fairly certain it was Jared—was running the leech away from us.

_Thank God._

But the damage was done. And right before my eyes, I felt my heart snap in two as Seth cried out for me to help him because he ached in places he didn't even know could hurt. Leah was breathing loudly through her nose, trying to mute her screaming. They had never looked more alike, bent over, hugging their middles, releasing low groans and cries of pain.

Damn it, Sam was going to be so messed up over Leah's phase. Hell, _she _was going to be so messed up over her phase. Any recovery she'd made from Sam dumping her would be destroyed—worse, she'd be even more messed up than before. Poor Leah. Poor Sam—holy shit, poor Emily, too, because I'm pretty sure having her fiancé share his private thoughts and conversations with her cousin, his ex-lover, was the last thing she wanted.

Sam came bursting through the forest line, in human form, doing up his shorts as he ran. He had a frantic look in his eyes—I knew he felt it. He'd told me all about the strange pull on his heart when a new member phased. I knew he'd felt it now.

"Lucy, what—" he froze, his eyes landing on Leah and Seth. Particularly on Leah. _"No!" _And he sprinted to her, dropping to his knees in front of her. Much like I knelt before Seth, he did so before Leah, reaching out to try and cup her face. His eyes were brimming with such intense sorrow and agony that I had to look away. But he had her; Leah was being looked after.

Except…Leah didn't _want _to be looked after. Not by Sam, anyways.

"YOU!" she roared, glaring up at Sam with all the hatred of a thousand burning suns.

And with that, she exploded.

Seth struggled in my grip—I had a hold on his face, trying to both calm him and stop him from looking at his newly-phased werewolf sister. "Lucy, what's going on?" he panted, clutching his middle. _"Oww!"_

I felt tears of desperation blur my vision. "Oh Seth, calm down, baby, please calm down…" Sam phased and ushered Leah's grey wolf away from the open space and into the woods. Someone else approached Seth and me from behind. I heard their footsteps quicken as they leapt the fence blocking us from the outside world.

And I was still shirtless and short-less. Just my luck.

"Lucy," Embry said, too startled to stop himself. "What's—oh, _shit_!"

Yes, my thoughts exactly. But I didn't even acknowledge Embry's presence; everything inside me was focused intently on Seth, Seth's sweaty face, Seth's trembling hands, Seth's sobs wracking his body. Seth, Seth, Seth. I could think of nothing else but Seth—which was, in short, nothing new.

A few tears spilt over. Because there was no way this was going to end well. I held him tightly—if there was ever a time I wanted to numb Seth, it was now. But even as I tried, wrapping my arms securely around his body despite Embry's loud warnings, I knew it was hopeless. Anger seized my heart so suddenly and fiercely, I was rocked by the power of it. My imprinting could numb Seth's grief but not stop his phasing? Are you fucking kidding me? Where's the fairness in that?

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, as Seth cried out again. "Oh baby… I'm _so _sorry…"

I'm not sure if Seth heard me. He was nearly screaming with pain, and with each scream, a new dagger embedded itself in my skin. I gripped him still, mentally willing the pain to go away, to take me instead.

I don't think he heard me. I was almost certain he hadn't, in fact. Embry knew what was happening and, in the nick of time, my old friend had clasped my shoulder and jerked, _hard, _pulling me away just before my imprint followed his sister's actions and shed his skin, successfully changing his future, forever.

* * *

><p><strong>Important AN: I'm screwing with the ages. I completely forgot to give the head's up, so here it is, albeit late. Lucy, Jake, Embry and Quil are Bella's age. It has to be this way because...well, that's for me to know and you to find out! It may change later, but chances of that are slim.<strong>

**So...exciting chapter? I'm excited, personally, because we're almost done New Moon and then I get to rip into Eclipse. **

**Because I'm paranoid that I made Leah look like a lunatic (alliteration!), I just wanted to clarify that I didn't do it intentionally. Jake said he phased from something Billy said when he was _happy_ after seeing Bella. I figured it wouldn't take much to set off a pair of kids who had lost their dad. Sorry if it was awkward, I'm probably gonna go back and edit that later. Not now. Now, I want to get the next chapter out ASAP!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Oh! And I enabled anonymous reviews! I hadn't realized I had it disabled...oops! **


	18. Puppy Love

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: Puppy Love**

* * *

><p>Seth bolted the moment he phased and I, lying sideways in Embry's arms, just stared at his tail as he fled. I watched him until his sandy-brown fur was out of sight, the tears still wet on my cheeks. Embry was silent next to me, both of us breathing hard as I clutched his arm and he held onto me with equal vigor.<p>

_Did that just happen?_

"Yeah," Embry said in disbelief. Oops—I'd spoken aloud. "Jesus…"

Slowly, I released my grip on Embry. My eyes were focused on Seth's invisible body, focused in the direction I knew he was headed. Heart ramming against my ribs, I turned to look at Embry. My old friend was watching me with a look of intense concern.

"You ok, Luce?"

No, I wasn't. I wanted to cry. I mean, I didn't _like_ crying, but I really wanted to break down in his arms then and there, and just sleep for a year. But that was cowardly. And I _wasn't_ a coward. And…and with every passing moment, a very frightened Seth was running farther and farther from me. And he was possibly at risk of hurting himself. And…and…_what the hell was I doing here?_

"Embry," I gasped, lurching to my feet. "Fuck—we have to go. _C'mon!"_

I didn't bother removing my bra and panties, I just jumped and phased, midstride. I'd done it enough times so that I had the hang of it. I was no natural, but I was pretty damn awesome, if I do say so myself.

(Except for letting Seth run off. That was stupidity in its fullest form.)

The world wasn't _quiet_ when I was a human, but when I phased into the pack mind that time, it felt like the world had exploded into sound.

Leah was shouting at Sam—she understood what had happened but was having a hard time grasping the reality of the situation—and Sam was flooded with guilt and grief and, if I looked hard enough, the tiny fraction of love that had survived the imprint. And didn't _that_ just suck because Leah's heart was practically _built _on her love for Sam. Seth and Sue were in her heart, too, so was Harry (which caused enough problems in itself) but it was Sam that her soul had loved. And now…now she had to not only accept the reality but _see _it with her own two eyes that Sam Uley was honestly and truly in love with her cousin.

Beneath her anger and fury and fear was a terribly loud, consuming tidal wave of hurt.

I left Leah and Sam to hash things out—what could I have done, anyways? There was really nothing either could say to make it better—and hunted down my imprint.

I was used to thinking about Seth, constantly. When I first imprinted, his name had been a loud, keening chant in my head, but over time, I'd grown accustomed to his presence in my mind. It became…not _silent_, but softer. I could focus on other things, too—it was gradual, and only with _a lot _of time and practice, but I was slowly able to ignore the constant tug of the imprint.

But the moment I phased into Seth's mind, there was really only one distinguishable thought I could make.

_Seth_.

It wasn't a chant, either. No, it was a roaring, tumultuous, cacophony of noises that screamed Seth. My thoughts overlapped, became warped, unclear, unfocused. All I could make out was _Seth _and I was fairly certain any wolf in my head was terrified of me and my psychological state. Which was only fair, considering I, too, was terrified, like never before.

Seth was bewildered—I was able to find him, through Leah's screams and Sam's overwhelming, endless guilt and Embry's terror. Jared had phased out of his wolf form from the sheer chaos of sounds in the pack mind—whatever leech he'd been hunting had slipped past him under the amount of bedlam.

I found Seth's eyesight and focused long enough to see where he was—he was fast, but I was certain I could catch up. I recognized the trees, the craggy stretch of land by the beaches. Not too far from where he was, there was a cavern, jutting out the side of a cliff—not _our _cliffs, but ones I'd seen in my travels on patrol. I kept some clothes there. If I could stop Seth's running for just a moment…

But Seth was wild and out of control. His thoughts were as disorganized as mine, if not worse. I could, at the very least, concentrate on Seth. He, however, was barely able to string together a strand of related words.

_Tree bush smell Leah milk anger rock dirt school paws tail tree Dad Mom Leah sad anger sad warm Lucy Lucy Lucy…_

I almost buckled under the confusion, but kept running through sheer force of will. I had to find him. I had to—it wasn't just me or my wolf but something deeper and stronger than the pair of us combined. I _had _to find Seth and I _had _to help him.

_Slow down, _I urged him. _Slow down, Seth, and I can explain. Slow down. _

Embry was coming to help me—neither of us wanted to touch the Leah-Sam situation with a ten-foot pole. Sam was nearly incompetent with apologies—_sorry Leah, God, I'm so sorry—_and Leah was brokenhearted, effectively snapped in two. I ached for them but had more important things to worry about.

Reaching Seth, for one.

_He's stopping, _Embry's realization brought me out of my wandering thoughts. I saw he was right—Seth was coming to a gradual halt not far from where the cliff with my clothes was. Relief flooded my veins; if I could just get a second to phase…

But then something odd happened. Barreling footsteps came up from behind me, ones I knew well. I pushed faster—what the hell was he doing?

_What are you doing, Embry? _I wanted to shout it at him, but any more noise in the Pack mind and I think I'd go insane. _Back off and wait for me to talk to him—_

_No._

I couldn't formulate words as Embry's short answer brought me to a brief, jerking break in footsteps. _I _was supposed to be the one with Seth, _I _was the one he needed. He didn't need _Embry_; he needed me.

_Not yet, _Embry argued calmly. There was a defensive edge to his words—I realized I'd offended him with my reasoning, he'd misinterpreted and jumped to conclusions (_don't need Embry no one needs Embry not wanted not even by his father_) and I immediately backpedaled.

_You know I didn't mean it like that—_

_Yeah, _Embry said quickly, and I knew he'd be flushing in embarrassment, were he human. _I know. But you gotta stay back, just for a minute._

My outrage needed no words. _**Why**__?_

Embry continued the run to Seth, with me trailing uncertainly behind him. Seth had stopped now, and Embry was standing not far from him. Had he looked—had he concentrated on our thoughts, even—Seth would've seen the pair of us standing not far from him. But he was too far gone with fear to notice us, or anything except for the newfound form his body took.

It was, without a doubt, the saddest thing I'd ever seen. His wolf was sandy brown—quite a handsome wolf—and the smallest male in the Pack. But even _he _was abnormally large for a wolf, just a fraction bigger than myself. And with his size, discretion was a struggle he hadn't grasped yet. Seth was trying—and failing—to become invisible, shooting backwards under a tangle of branches and leaves which made up a large bush. His tail curled automatically between his legs, his head drooped and his ears went down with distress. Soft whimpers came from his mouth and, from the jerking of his shoulders, I knew he was crying.

_What am I?_

His hoarse whisper was all he could ask and it was what made me finally relent to Embry's command.

Embry was still explaining it to me—_no dude wants to be seen like this, much less by a __**girl. **__I'll try and get him to phase back, but if I can't, I'll call you. Go get some clothes for you and him. And me, _he added quickly.

With one last look to Seth, I turned on my heel and ran for the hidden clothes. It wasn't a long run, but with my speed, it was even shorter. The last thing I heard before I phased into my human form was Embry telling Seth how lucky he really was.

* * *

><p>I killed as much time as I could dressing myself; it wasn't a particularly trying task, but I knew that getting Seth to phase into his human form could take hours, days, maybe.<p>

No matter. I'll wait.

As I fastened the button of my shorts, I contemplated what this meant for Seth and myself. He would know about imprinting now—I'll be honest and admit that that was the main thought on my mind. Everything shuffled about in the background whilst I wondered, and not with some small degree of dread, what his reaction to it would be.

He was, by nature, a kind, gentle person. Stubborn as a mule, perhaps, but generally sweet and loving. It was Seth—malicious and cruel didn't go in the same sentence as he. I knew him to be accepting and, on the whole, an up-beat person (I overlooked the past four days for obvious reasons, naturally).

And yet…I _couldn't_ overlook the last four days, for surely they would have to be taken into consideration, too. How Seth Clearwater may have reacted prior to his father's death may very well be completely different from how he'd be _after_ Harry's death.

I hadn't told Embry how much to reveal to Seth about imprinting; we hadn't even brushed the topic. The fact that it was my imprint running from me was irrelevant; all that mattered was that it was _Seth. _Beyond the imprint, I loved him, well and truly.

I hadn't given much thought to why we, wolves, imprint. Everyone had their own theory, and everyone was entitled to one. Sam's thought was that it was to make stronger wolves—ultimately, imprints were breeding machines for the boys and studs for the girls. And that was plausible—except where do Seth and I fit in to that? Was I the breeding machine? In which case, what was the point in me phasing, if I was just supposed to supply puppies for the Pack?

Jared thought it was along the same lines, with a heavy emphasis on bloodlines. Fine, let's assume his theory was true. Emily Young had enough Quileute blood in her veins to maintain the gene and keep any babies she and Sam had strong wolves. Except…I had imprinted on Seth. Seth Clearwater, who was from, by and large, the more 'pure' lineage. Hell, it was better than _mine, _me, who had phased months before he had.

And if Seth was of pure lineage…then what was wrong with Leah? What did she have that Sam's wolf hadn't liked? I frowned in sympathy for her; how could anyone make heads or tails of that?

Paul thought the whole concept was bullshit. He 'stuck it to the man'—err, I mean Spirits?—by screwing as many girls as he could in his free-time—and yes, there were many for him to choose from. Jacob didn't like imprinting, either, but I knew it was for the sheer fact that he hadn't done so on Bella and, ergo, had no claim on her. Embry was apathetic on the matter, save for the smidge of jealousy I caught from him when he saw Emily kiss Sam. No one blamed him for his misery there—the pair of them were so in love that it would make Romeo and Juliet ill. That wasn't jealousy for the imprint Embry felt, but a longing for something Sam had and he didn't. He wanted _someone. _

As for me…well, I couldn't make sense of any of it. What was the point of it all? Sure, I loved Seth, and yes, I had this supernatural sixth sense when it came to his well-being, but beyond that… What was really the point of it? Babies? Better warriors?

Or was it…something _more?_

Could it be that I, Lucille Spencer, was simply _meant _to be with Seth? And that me phasing into the wolf had sort of…opened my eyes to it? Could it be that imprinting was merely synonymous for fate?

I slumped down against the wall of rocks, feeling more confused now than I had been before.

* * *

><p>I didn't phase for several hours after finding my clothes. Upon dressing myself, I sought out two pairs of pants for Embry and Seth and walked in hapless circles about the thicket. The sun had set; I had been waiting for Seth for well over eight hours to turn into his human form, and the longer I waited, the more I doubted it would happen. My feet wandered on their own accord; I wish I had dragged Paul with me or something, to keep me company until Seth was unfurry.<p>

Finally—_finally—_in the darkness and under the glow of the moon, I heard the most beautiful sound in the world.

"_Lu-u-u-u-u-cy!" _It echoed throughout the forest, more than loud enough for my ears to catch it. That, and the owner of the voice. _"Lu-u-u-u-u-u-u-cy!"_

I tore off in the direction of Embry's voice like a bullet from a gun. My hunger, boredom and worry vanished, left with a growing excitement at the thought of seeing Seth—the human boy. Well, shape-shifter now.

And then it wasn't just Embry's voice calling.

"Lucy!" in the deep baritones of Sam Uley. "Lucy!" in the sultry, snarky tones of Paul Lahote. "Lucy!" in the laughing roars of Jared Cameron. Over and over they called my name until I broke out into the clearing they were in. It wasn't far from Sam's house, but far enough that we were completely and utterly secluded. With the treacherous upward-run we made chasing after Seth and Leah, no hiker would find us here. At least, none that were human.

Sam, Jared and Paul were all standing there, hands on hips and small grins of anticipation on their mouths. Sam's expression looked…troubled, haunted, and I realized Leah was nowhere to be found.

I would worry about that later.

They looked like brothers—and, I realized with a jolt, that's what they were. It's what _we _were: a family. They all had looks of amusement and eagerness on their faces—for me.

They were _happy_ for me.

I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my throat at any given moment; I was panting though unexhausted. Shaking, unafraid. I was _excited._ Nervous, yeah—hell yes, actually—but my increasing heart rate wasn't from stress or worry. My brothers looked, for the most part, completely relaxed, which meant Seth was ok.

Wasn't he?

"Where is he?" I asked, breathless. "Where's-?"

"You're holding the last two pairs of shorts," Jared interrupted with a sly grin. "There are two butt-naked wolves hiding in the bushes. Just over there." He jerked his chin over his shoulder, behind him to where the clearing stopped and the trees became thick once more. My eyes followed the motion unconsciously, and I stilled when I heard the subtle snap of a branch from that direction. I could make out the faint murmur of breaths, the sound of two heartbeats, one much faster and frantic than the other.

Suddenly, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Sam"—I gasped, reaching out for my Alpha—"_Sam!" _He was at my side in an instant, prying the jeans from my hands and passing them behind him to Jared's waiting hands. "What if—what if I made a mistake?" my words tumbled out in a jumble. "What if—what if my wolf was wrong and he…and he doesn't…" I couldn't get the words out. Literally, they choked in my throat and died, as though my heart was subconsciously telling me to shut up—don't even _go_ there, Lucy. I saw stars.

"It'll be fine," Sam reassured, running a kind hand down my arm. "You two…" he trailed off, a tired smile on his face as he let the statement hang. "He's been asking for you." And with that, he stepped aside, where behind him stood none other than _my _Seth Clearwater.

* * *

><p>I deliberately avoided his eyes.<p>

The moment I saw him, I stared obstinately at his feet. Paul chuckled lowly behind me, Jared snorted and Sam rolled his eyes. Embry walked over to where his brothers were standing and joined them in their observations. I felt a little like a captive animal in a zoo, being introduced to her prospective mate while the zookeepers monitored our reactions.

Seth was very still. He walked out into the open and didn't move from there. I, too, shared in his statuesque response, holding myself frozen like a figurine. Together, we formed a bizarre mirror.

He _looked_ the same. I had, for some reason, been expecting webbed feet or something along those lines. Never mind the fact that I was a wolf, myself, and knew _logically_ that other than my height and body temperature, I truly didn't look different from the girl I had been a year ago. But I _felt_ different, and I felt like everyone saw the changes in me, too. So I looked and tried to see the changes in him.

First, his feet. They were long and skinny, but not freakishly so. It was the only part of his body that moved—every few seconds, he would wiggle and curl his toes. I relaxed a fraction more; that was a very Seth-the-human movement. My eyes wandered up his legs and I blinked in surprise. Dark curls covered his (very, _very) _toned calves, but no more so than Sam's or Paul's legs. His knees looked the same and from there, he was covered by jeans. My eyes darted quickly over his zipper and to his navel—and darted back down to peek again—but I really couldn't compare _that _part of him to anything else, so I just assumed that there was nothing new…_there_.

Then I found his stomach.

He'd always been skinny. Even before the imprint, I had known that. He was a scrawny, slightly gangly kid who seriously had to grow into his body. And now….

_Now_…

I swallowed reflexively and tried to ignore the tightening sensation in the pit of my stomach. The small, defined muscles had become more…pronounced, so that I could count them. I could probably trace them with my fingers, too—and then I stopped that train of thought, lest I wonder what else I could trace his abs with—like my tongue—_no! _I blinked rapidly, skirting my eyes to his shoulders, broad but still Seth. His elbows—Seth. His hands, long-fingers and round palms—Seth.

And finally, I could procrastinate no more.

I tried to draw it out—not knowing was killing me, but the thought of him _not _loving me as I loved him was absolutely crushing, more powerful than my curiosity. Fate, it seemed, had other plans. My gaze was pulled—yes, _pulled_, by some force not controlled by me—up past his neck, his chin, his lips. I kept moving upwards until, at last, I saw his cheekbones, his lower eyelashes, the white of his eyes—

Time stopped.

It was like the first time I imprinted…and nothing like it, at all.

Imprinting on Seth had shown me our future, our life together and how he was _everything. _Imprinting on Seth broke me free from all my other responsibilities, like a pair of scissors snapping every cable grounding me to the earth. Imprinting on Seth had pushed everything out of the way, until only Seth was standing.

And this…this was so similar. And so _completely_, _totally_ different.

I saw our pasts. I saw our lives entwined to this point, like thread. Hopelessly tangled together, made into something stronger, more secure. Like a quilt. It was like being reconnected to the earth—but it wasn't _my _earth. It was Seth's. I was irrevocably tied to Seth, so thoroughly knotted to him that no army could break us apart. All the strings that had vanished reappeared, reconnected and lead back to one focus: Seth.

When the moment was over, the feeling remained.

Seth's eyes never left mine as I walked to him—was _pulled_ to him, by the same invisible force that had pulled my eyes up to meet his. My blank expression broke when I saw the look of absolute wonder, joy and _peace _on Seth's face. I started smiling so hard it actually hurt but I was too damn happy. I couldn't stop myself. I kept smiling and Seth kept staring and the rest of the world faded.

"Oh," Seth whispered, as I stopped to stand not two feet from him. I could reach out and touch him now, if I wanted. And I did want, badly.

My mind was taken back to when I imprinted on him, back to my reaction as he cared for me, took me to my house. And all I could say then was, "Oh." I smiled wider at the memory, although I had no idea how it was possible; I was fairly certain my face was defying some sort of law by smiling this much. I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Hi."

Seth's Adam's apple bobbed as he, too, swallowed loudly. "_Oh."_

I'd like to say girly, sweet giggles tickled from my throat and it sounded like bells or wind chimes. Unfortunately, I'd be lying. Instead, I snorted—noisily. I nodded at him in greeting.

"Good to see you, Seth," his name came out in a strangled way, due to the dryness in my mouth. He didn't seem to care all that much—his face split into a smile I was certain was as large as mine, though mine was not nearly as attractive. Bright white teeth shone as he stared down at me with reverence in his gaze.

And then he said the sweetest thing I had ever heard.

"_Lu_."

* * *

><p><strong>Excitement! I'm glad this is finally posted. One more chapter, then New Moon is DONE (cue happy dance).<strong>

**You should all know that I nearly cut this chapter off right when Sam steps aside to reveal Seth, but I didn't have the heart to do it. Hopefully it was worth the eighteen chapters of waiting!**

**Thanks for reading! And for those who review, thanks again! I really, _really _appreciate feedback! *winks***


	19. Frolick Like Pups

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**CHAPTER NINETEEN: Frolick Like Pups**

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><p>I felt like I was flying. Both physically and metaphorically. I was so fucking happy, I wondered if I was going to spring right off the ground like Peter Pan and fly to Neverland (fuck, I can't believe I just thought that).<p>

I tore through the forest with Seth at my heels, playfully snapping at me as though he was going to catch me. _As if. _I pushed harder, ran faster, left him in the dust.

_That's what you think._

And suddenly, a giant blur of sandy-brown fur soared overhead and dropped to the ground, several feet ahead of me, moving seamlessly into a low crouch, ready to pounce. His expressive eyes danced with mischief. I came to an abrupt halt, studying him warily.

_Don't you dare, _I warned, backing away slightly. I eyed the mud on his paws in distaste, mindful of my own dirty toes. At least _I _wasn't full of burs and dirt-clods.

_Watch me, _Seth responded with tones of equal daringness.

And then he sprung.

I darted left, trying to avoid the flailing paws, but he toppled on me nonetheless. We rolled several feet, knocking over two trees, until I hit a large boulder and came to a screeching stop, the pair of us barking all the way. Seth was atop of me, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he stared down at me with a look akin to happiness, for a wolf. He gave a bark, his own way of laughing, and lapped his tongue across my muzzle.

_Gotcha._

The smugness didn't bother me—how could I be bothered? I had Seth. Everything was so _perfect. _

It had taken a brief moment for Seth to come to his senses after the imprint—scratch that, it had taken a _long _moment. And then when he had…

"You're…you're…" he seemed to have trouble forming words. I grinned self-consciously up at him.

"Are you disappointed?" I teased, but the nervous edge was impossible to hide. At once, he broke the distance between us and crushed me to his chest. My face fit nicely under his jaw if I tilted my head—he was far shorter than the other male wolves in the Pack, but I knew that would change soon.

"Disappointed," Seth echoed, scoffing. "I…I don't think I've ever been so…_happy." _He breathed the word against my skin as though he thought it impossible. I smiled automatically; his happiness meant my happiness. My arms gripped him tighter to me.

"I'm sorry I left," I whispered into his neck, unable to hold it in any longer. "I really am. I _never _wanted to—"

"I know," Seth murmured, pulling away from me just to cup my face in his hands. "They showed me, everything. Lu," he became pained, staring into my eyes with a beseeching, pleading edge. "I'm _so _sorry. For everything. For…for the movie theatre, and after, and yesterday…" he blinked rapidly, but I saw the glimmer of tears. My breath hitched in my chest, and I shook my head quickly.

"Don't apologize," I begged lowly, but he continued.

"I missed you the _whole_ time and I was too stubborn—too _stupid_," he made a weak attempt at chuckling, and ended up frowning to himself. "I should've—"

"Let's forget it," I begged, taking both his hands in mine and squeezing reassuringly. "I don't want to think about mistakes right now."

Seth's eyes melted and he smiled sweetly once more. "No, me neither."

The rest of the Pack was still standing there, looking amused at our interactions.

"Someone hand me a bucket, before I vomit," Paul grumbled, but there was a smirk on his face.

I leaned around Seth to glare at him. "Piss off, Paulie," I snapped, grinning at the angry flush to his skin.

"_Don't call me that!" _

Seth and I both laughed, hugging each other once more. It all felt so…so…wonderful. I felt like it was the end, the final chapter of our happily ever after. Never mind the fact that Victoria was on the loose and at least one Cullen was back and Jake was holed up in his bedroom and Bella Swan was in Italy facing some vultures, I had Seth.

It felt like a happy ending to _me_.

"I want to run," Seth's quiet admission had us all turning back to him (except for myself—my attention had never really left him). Sam was speaking behind us, and I knew he was nodding with understanding.

"It's the wolf. You're still very new, you probably won't be able to resist phasing for a few weeks." Seth looked quickly back to Sam, then to me again, flashing me one of his most heartbreakingly-beautiful smiles.

"Well? Wanna join me?"

I threw my head back and laughed, "I thought you'd never ask."

Seth's eyes lit up like I'd told him Christmas was coming early. "Yeah? Ok…. Ok…" he paused, taking a step back from me and staring hard at his hands. We were all silent as we watched him, and I tried to hide the growing grin on my face. Seth blinked several times and narrowed his eyes at his hands. His lips moved, and I realized he was talking to himself.

'_Phase, phase, phase, phase, phase…" _he chanted, nearly inaudibly.

"Um…Seth?"

His eyes snapped up to meet mine. I tried to smile as kindly as possible. "Yeah?"

"Something wrong?"

Seth took a deep breath, ducking his head as he tried to hide his blush. "Do you…I mean…do you know how to… How do I…?"

"Phase?"

I burst out laughing at the pleading expression on his face and the growing embarrassment. "Oh Seth, it's ok! It's hard to do it at will, at first. You'll get better."

"The easiest way for a new wolf to phase is by getting angry," Sam piped up from behind us, not unkindly. I snickered in amusement at Seth's put-out expression, then giggled at his indignant huff in my direction, covering my mouth with my hands. I knew he was only playing.

"But…" Seth faltered, touching my cheek with his fingertips. "I'm _not_ angry. I'm…I'm _so happy." _His marveling tone made me blush.

"Not a problem," Paul said cheerfully, and before I could stop him, he took a deep breath, cleared his throat and made it as though he was going to recite a speech. But all that came out of his mouth was, "_Damn_, that Lucy-chick is one sexy piece of ass." The words were mechanical, spoken with zero feeling and almost as though he'd read them off a cue-card. But how he said it didn't matter; Seth exploded almost instantaneously.

"Paul!" I cried, exasperated, hugging Seth's furry neck to keep him from lunging at my brother-in-arms. "For God's sake! It was the last pair of pants you guys had saved!"

"Damn," Jared muttered, glancing around at the scraps of fabric fluttering to the ground. "Think it's salvageable?"

I didn't bother dignifying it with a answer as I eyed one square-inch piece of fabric flutter in the wind. "You _are_ kidding, right?"

Sam ignored us, snapping at Paul, "Go home. Take Jared and Embry with you." They ran off obediently as he looked to me, "You've got patrol with Seth tonight." Was that a teasing smirk I saw on his face? "Think you can handle it?" Oh, that was _definitely _a smirk I saw. I raised an eyebrow impishly at my Alpha.

"Better than _you, _old man," I sniffed imperiously at him—Seth calmed down as Paul darted off through the trees with his brothers. His grumbles slowly vanished.

"Watch it, little girl," Sam warned, but there was a grin on his face. It melted into one of solemnity, with a touch of grief. It was the same look I saw whenever Leah was mentioned to him. He tipped his head in Seth's direction, "Take care of him."

Before I could clamp down on the instinctive reaction, my wolf reared its head and I snarled lowly, bearing my teeth at him with fury. How _dare_ he lecture me on how to look after my imprint—as though _he _had done any better? _(claws slashing screaming blood Emily blood EmilybloodEmilybloodEMILY)_

At once, I was grateful that he hadn't heard that thought. No matter—he saw it on my face.

"Yeah, I know you will," he murmured, tipping his head softly in acknowledgement to me—perhaps a bit of an apology as well. I ignored him, still too wound up to respond. He sighed, "Be in bed by dawn."

And with that, he left us.

* * *

><p>An hour later, we were circling the border of La Push for the third time, racing each other faster, harder than ever.<p>

Phasing into Seth's mind—his orderly, calm mind, not the fiasco I'd seen earlier—was beautiful. It was all too beautiful—I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the catch in the plan.

But none came.

I'd seen how Sam looks at Emily, both with my own two eyes and through _his, _and I knew how I felt about Seth. Scratch that—I knew I felt a _lot _for Seth. I had _no_ idea how to define or describe it. And I still didn't know what I thought about the reason for imprinting, but I decided I didn't give a shit what it was for.

I loved it.

When I first phased and saw Seth's mind after the imprint, after all the chaos and confusion I'd witnessed not half a day ago, I couldn't believe it was the same thoughts I was seeing. Countless memories and dreams and just bodiless voices floated through Seth's head, of the sweetest sort—and they were all about me.

_Come on, Seth, that's not what I look like! _I argued in disbelief, but Seth stubbornly resisted.

_It is, _he voiced strongly. _It's how I see you._

Flash after flash of my face overwhelmed me, overwhelmed us both. His mind was like a scrapbook, pressing all his favorite moments with me into preservation and locking me forever into his memories, bound in a thick, protective leather that was made to age with grace. In his mind, my eyes shone brighter, my hair was more luscious, my smile more contagious.

He thought I was honest-to-God beautiful.

_Seth, _I somehow whispered in my mind. His name reverberated in my head, as it always did. _Seth. Seth, Seth, Seth._ I thought of him, just him. The way he smiled, the way his hair tickled my scalp, the way he spoke about his friends, the way he laughed, the way his thumb brushed my hand when he held it, the way his chest rose and fell with each breath he took, the way his heart beat the same strong, steady beat like the sweetest kind of music. What being with him felt like—what being _without _him felt like.

_I'm so sorry, _I repeated, over and over. I didn't want to linger on the bad, but I was incapable of helping it. I remembered the way he looked that awful day after the movie theatre fiasco. I remembered the way his face crumpled, the way his heart shattered into pieces almost visibly. And the way my heart followed suit.

_Please, _Seth breathed. Tears stung in his eyes—these memories weren't new to him. _Please, Lu. Don't think about that anymore. I love you. And I'm…I'm __**so **__sorry. __**So sorry. **__So very, very sorry. _

I knew that. I had known it for a while. I knew he wasn't happy when we fought, I knew he didn't enjoy it. _I didn't, _he said firmly. _I hated being away from you. And if I was smarter…I'd have grown up and just accepted your apology. It's what friends do, isn't it?_

Yes, it was. But…_friends _seemed so simple a word to be using for us. What were we? Not lovers or boyfriend and girlfriend or man and wife or brother and sister. We weren't related or connected or tied or chained in any other way than _imprinted. _

_That's what we are, _Seth said suddenly. _Imprints. _It didn't need any more of an explanation—anyone who didn't already know what an imprint was, didn't warrant an explanation. And anyone who _did_ know, already understood.

I was Seth Clearwater's imprint. He was mine.

And that's truthfully the only way to honestly put it.

Seth was happy—well and truly _happy. _Sad, still, because of Harry—_hurts, Lucy, it hurts, but I love you—_but so happy to be with me, wholly this time. I examined his mind thoroughly, unable to help myself. The need to know whether my imprint was ok far outweighed any sense of propriety my wolf felt. I searched and searched…

And couldn't believe what I'd found.

My breath was stolen from my chest; I thought for sure that his imprint on me would leave some negative side effect on Seth, send him back to his grief. I had thought the imprint would numb him for a few hours then send him spiraling into his depression once more. And certainly there was misery, there was agony, because he loved Harry and he'd never see him again—and for that, there was a pain inside his chest I couldn't fathom. But beyond that, I couldn't believe, couldn't wrap my head around, how wrong I was! The imprint hadn't _numbed_ Seth, and his imprinting on me hadn't damaged him.

It had _healed _him.

I saw the connection between us clearly, like bandages over a gaping wound. Freshly stitching together, mending on its own accord for the simple fact that he had me now. And he did have me—for however long he wanted me.

_Forever, _he whispered sappily in my mind. My heart melted—I had never heard of something more right. _Forever and ever, Lucy. _It wasn't the words he said—although they alone were enough to bring me to my knees. No, it was the way he said it. It was the amount of happiness saturated in his voice, the overwhelming amount of _joy. _He had imprinted on me and he was happy for it—beyond that, he was blissful. He didn't just want me—he wanted me _forever._

Yeah, that sounded good to me too.

* * *

><p><strong>One Week Later…<strong>

Hovering in the forest behind him, I watched as Jake confronted Bella and her leech. I was uneasy, edgy and desperately missing Seth—never a good combination. Edward and Jake exchanged cold words, Jake reminded him of the treaty and Bella snapped.

"The treaty states no Cullen can bite a human—_bite, _not kill," Jake said firmly. Bella stared at him in confusion before clarity dawned on her face.

"It's none of your business!" she hissed, eyes wide with fury. Ugh, I grimaced in distaste. Why was I not surprised? After all we'd done for her, all we'd sacrificed, she was throwing it away.

_We should have left her for Victoria._

When Bella told Jake that she was choosing Edward, that it wasn't even a fucking _choice_, I turned and hid in the bushes to phase. I couldn't watch and say nothing—vampires be damned, I wanted to throttle Bella's pasty head from her scrawny shoulders. And I was sincerely looking forward to giving her the news…

With a broken howl, Jacob Black raced into the woods, leaving his love and his _love's_ love alone—all for me.

"I should've known," I said mildly, startling Bella as I walked into the open. Edward stood before her, frowning down at me with a warning look that made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle. What the fuck did she see in him? He had a cold look to his eyes, a rigid posture, a mild, disapproving sneer. His clothes looked like they had been flown in from Milan but on his body they seemed bizarrely out of place—like a young boy playing dress-up. My gaze turned back to Bella. "I should've known all along what you'd do to him—it's not a surprise, I must say."

Bella blinked, stung at the (accurate) accusation. "I can't live without Edward. I love him—I love Jake too, but not like that, Lucy. You know that." Maybe I did, maybe I didn't; all I knew for sure was that my best friend was running as fast as his feet could take him north, away from La Push, away from his family, his home.

Away from me.

"You never discouraged him," I said lowly, choking down my growls lest Edward take them wrong (or perhaps right, all things considered). "You never pushed him to find someone else."

And to that she had no comeback. Her face fell, her eyes filled with tears and she took a deep shuddering breath. Charlie was shouting now—I was certain he was going to come out looking for her soon. Time to wrap this sucker up.

"I didn't come here to scold you," I said coolly, glancing at Edward's face, growing tighter and angrier with each passing second. So he'd picked up on what I was here for.

Good.

"And I didn't come here to remind your leech about the treaty—he knows it," I grumbled, eyeing him briefly before turning to Swan. She frowned up at me. "I came to tell you to stay away from La Push."

She was staggered. "W-what?" she gasped, no tears or crying, just a horrified sort of realization.

"Stay away from La Push," I repeated calmly. "You're not welcome in Treaty lines anymore—not if you've decided to side with vampires."

"B-but," she fumbled, searching for reasoning, "I haven't… You can't," she paused, hope flickering in her eyes. "You can't tell me that! You're not Chief, and you're not Alpha. Your word means nothing."

Coldly, I sneered, bearing my teeth at her. She took a step back as Edward stepped forward.

"Watch it, mutt," he growled sharply. I rolled my eyes, ignoring his theatrics.

"Actually, it _is _from the Alpha. My orders come from Sam." Boldly, I looked up at Edward. _Do you deny the truth in my words? _And he didn't. He couldn't, not when he saw the memory replayed in my head. He didn't bother saying that it was _my _idea, and it was _I _who begged Sam, pleaded with him, to give the command.

Watching Edward, I'd say if I didn't know better, he was almost…_pleased. _

"Jacob's my best friend," she said quietly, biting her lip as tears dripped to the floor. And I felt nothing for her, I couldn't even draw the tiniest ounce of sympathy for her. How could she willingly choose vampires over wolves? Who was the one to abandon her? Who had attacked her? (At once, my conscience reminded me I had done the same when I first met her but that was neither here nor there, really.)

"And _I _will look after him," I said coldly. "Someone has to." She spun around and dug her fists into Edward's chest, whether it was out of anger or grief, I wasn't sure. And I didn't care. My wolf was spiraling again—spiraling wildly out of control. She was mad; she hated seeing Jacob upset. She knew I loved Jake, we both did. Even if the wolf didn't understand why Jake wasn't Alpha when he was fucking _born _for the part, she loved him still. And all she cared about was the fact that the human was hurting him.

_Punishment is necessary. _Over and over again, my wolf was _demanding _it of me. _Punishment is necessary. _I had known the wolf would seek some sort of retribution against the girl, so I'd found a way to give it to her, without risking the lives of anyone.

Really, I thought it was an extraordinary improvement.

"You've aligned yourself with the Cullens," I continued, happy with myself as Bella gave a shuddering cry. "I won't have someone like you on _my _land, walking with _my _family, _my _friends. We protect people, Swan, and after we kill the redhead," I shrugged, turning swiftly on my back as Charlie came running with his gun, "You're not our responsibility to protect."

And I hauled my ass outta there, desperate to leave the stench of vampires behind me. I heard Bella and Edward turn around and head back to her home as I left, fury clouding my vision. Fucking Bella Swan and her fucking problems. She was _ruining _my best friend's happiness—the anger I felt on behalf of Jacob was indescribable.

She used him.

I didn't phase, to my eternal surprise. I just ran, gliding over the branches and roots with ease. Faster and faster I pumped my legs, eager to return to Seth and his warm hugs.

I wasn't the only one with that idea in mind, though.

The scent and familiar sound of his heart grew stronger and stronger with each stride until finally, with his welcoming smile and shining eyes, Seth met me halfway, leaning casually against the large trunk of a tree, arms folded and one foot propped up behind him. He looked like a model with his boyish smile and dimples. The urge to pepper his face in kisses nearly overthrew me—I had yet to have _that talk _with him, the one where I tell him he's really too young for me (only fifteen years old—his voice still fucking cracked at times) and we can't _really _date, not yet. And I knew—I mean I _really _knew—that it wasn't going to be pretty. There'd be yelling and screaming and probably tears.

But I loved him.

And I was pretty damn certain he loved me.

So as he enfolded me in his long spindly arms, I held onto him for my ever-loving life and squeezed and I just forgot about all the problems I knew I'd have to face. _Soon_. Jacob was gone. The Cullens were back. Victoria was _still _fucking making a mess of things. Seth was still grieving over Harry's death. Sam wanted Jake to become Alpha. Leah wanted Sam to go fuck himself—her words, not mine. My parents were getting a divorce and moving away—something I'd only found out through a town gossip, not two days ago—imagine my surprise.

So life was kinda screwy. And yeah, it sucked at times. But I learned to take what I could get and make the most of it.

And somehow…I was lucky enough to get Seth. There was no way I was going to let that gift got to waste.

"Jake's run off," I said mildly, burying my face in Seth's warm scent.

He held me tight. "He'll come back. You know that."

I nodded against his skin, wiping my nose on his shoulder. He made a grossed-out sound, sending us both into fits of giggles.

"_I'm_ here," Seth whispered, and my heart clenched at the honesty in his words. I'm here. I won't leave you. I'll look after you.

"Forever." I didn't ask it—I remembered what he'd told me. _Forever. _

He answered anyways, "Yeah."

"_Good_."

* * *

><p><strong>THE END.<strong>

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><p><strong>(Well, for now. Someone asked if I'm continuing with Eclipse, etc. HA, yes. Of course I am! This story kinda took on a mind of its own. It was supposed to be a one-shot, originally. (I know, WTF?). Anyways, after this chapter, there's an interlude which <em>should <em>be up later today. It's very short. And then I'll get started with Eclipse. The first chapter is pretty much written, so...fingers crossed I don't get writer's block anytime soon. OH, and I wanted to say that Lucy was supposed to come across as a bit of a bitch to Bella in the end, so...if you didn't like her actions, no worries. She's not always in the right, eh? And if you _did _like her, then...I'm glad!).**

**As always, thanks for reading!**


	20. Interlude

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**INTERLUDE**

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><p>You're out of milk. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but your mom is throwing a fit because it's only been three days since you last bought milk. Oh sure, you could argue with her, but you know there's no point because she's in one of her moods and really, it just isn't worth it.<p>

So now you're hoofing it outside, turning a shoulder to the wind as you walk up the stretch of road to the convenience store Amanda Cameron owns, Jared's mom. You're cold, wet and hungry and to top it off, you stuck the pair of shoes on your feet with a hole in the heel, and now the water's seeped through so your feet make squishing sounds with every step.

(You ruefully think that it would've been infinitely easier had your mother sent your older brother to the store _in his car _but you guess that's all moot now.)

The store is almost entirely empty when you get there, save for Mrs. Cameron working the cash register. You grab your milk and haul ass outta' there.

Or try to.

The door opens—cue the jingling bell—and in steps none other than the resident cult of La Push.

You're pretty familiar with them—you have a math class with Embry Call and you took swimming lessons with Seth Clearwater—_Seth Clearwater?_ Your eyes bug out of your head before you can stop yourself, because there is _no way _that is the same boy who helped you learn to front-crawl.

But then again, you also knew Sam Uley, the beanpole who was head-over-heels for Leah Clearwater. And now he's the Incredible Hulk with a deformed fiancée—who just so happens to be Leah's _cousin. _Talked about a messed up family. You've heard your mother ramble on at the dinner table about Sue Clearwater and how she _cannot believe_ that she didn't strangle Emily Young—niece or not—for what she did to her daughter. Emily is generally shunned by the people of La Push, although Sam certainly throws his weight around for her—and now that he weighs the equivalent of an elephant, he's got a lot to throw around.

Behind Seth, or at least who you're _pretty_ sure is Seth, is Lucy Spencer, the girl that is almost never in school anymore, just like the rest of them. Seth is the most recent, and you shouldn't be surprised to see his fit body, but you are. All you can remember is the gangly kid from the pool.

You duck your head and try to become invisible. You and your friends are quite guilty of speculating, constantly, what exactly it is that Sam and his gang do for La Push. The way the elders go on about him, it's as though they think the sun shines from his ass. You want to know why. Why is he revered like a god—him, the cheating scum who dumped the love of his life for his _cousin?_ Or Paul Lahote, who probably has enough charges on his records to send him to jail but his affiliation with the Almighty Sam Uley seems to have saved his ungrateful hide—a pity, you decide, because you never liked him anyways. He got into a bar fight with your older brother about a year ago and your brother still complains about his ribs every time it rains—and in La Push, rain is almost habitual.

Paul isn't with them, though, and for that you're extremely grateful. The others aren't so bad. They don't make you feel as…uneasy, as Paul does.

Some kids from Forks mentioned to you that they look like brothers—and sisters, you add, when you remember Lucy. At first, you're pissed off ("Because we're Quileute?") but now you have to agree with them. They _do _look the same. Like, you _know _who's who and who know all their names, but they all blend into one person, with that stupid, dumbass tattoo on their shoulder.

Jared is in the lead.

"Hey mom," he greets his mother with a quick kiss. "Just swinging by for groceries."

"Uh-huh," his mother sounds extraordinarily suspicious. "I bet you are. Eaten poor Emily out of house and home yet?"

Jared laughs, and his friends chuckle. Lucy stands impassively behind Seth, a somber look on her face. She's thinking about something, thinking hard. You really wish you knew what. You really, _really _wish you had a camera, to record proof that this conversation actually happened. You are actually standing in the presence of the majority of _Sam's followers _and just _wait _until your friends hear about this.

Amanda Cameron smiles at Seth and Lucy, "So you're part of the gang, now, Seth?"

Gang? Your ears perk and you take longer than usual to pick out the milk. You can't help it—your curiosity is peaked.

Lucy scoffs lowly. "_Please _don't call it a gang, Mrs. Cameron. We get enough shit from the kids at school…"

Amanda just shakes her head, "You know what I mean, dear. So, Seth?"

Seth smiles widely and, to your eternal surprise, he reaches out behind him for Lucy's hand. She steps forward and takes it, sending you into a further state of shock.

"_Finally," _Seth answers Mrs. Cameron after a pause. "I hated being on the outs."

Lucy huffs, almost defensively. "It's not like _I _enjoyed it…"

At once, Seth is chuckling, tugging her closer. "S'ok, Lu, I'm here now." He wraps his arm around her waist and hold her close.

Your eyebrows go up automatically when you catch sight of the expression on Seth's face as he looks at Lucy. He watches her with excessive amounts of adoration and fealty. He looks at her like she's made of some precious jewels and it _floors _you. Oh, you don't think she's _un_attractive. She's a pretty enough girl, with expressive eyes. But…the way Seth looks at her, like she's the most coveted treasure in the entire world, has you reeling.

It's just _Lucy!_

Lucy, the same girl who you happen to know is failing all her classes. The same girl who hasn't been to school in…a month? Getting close to it. The same girl who hangs out—_willingly—_with Paul Lahote. And she's got _Kyrie Spencer _as her sister—no good can come from being related to people like that. You know Kyrie, she spent the night with your brother once or twice, and you know that she effectively squashed his heart afterwards when he asked her for a _relationship. _And maybe you hold it against Lucy just a little bit—but why shouldn't you? What has _she _done that makes her any better than her sister?

What has Lucy Spencer got that makes her so wanted by Seth Clearwater, the most wanted guy in his grade?

Lucy just smiles at Seth as he squeezes her hand, and then Seth tears his eyes away from her—suddenly, like it physically pains him to do so.

But Lucy's gaze stays on Seth long after he looks away. Something, some mask you didn't know she was wearing, slips and you see Lucy's face as she looks at Seth. The amount of love there is almost sickening; she's looking at Seth like he's the eighth World Wonder, similar to the way a puppy looks at their owner. Like she'd do anything for him. You wonder what on earth happened between the pair of them to make them look that way at each other. You can't recall anyone your age ever looking that way at _anyone. _It's kind of incredible, you think bitterly, eyeing their entwined hands and you take your milk to the counter to pay. How could anyone feel that much for someone at the age they're at?

You pay for your milk, take your change, and walk in your squishy, soggy shoes to the front door. But you catch another glimpse of Lucy as you walk.

She's _still_ looking at Seth. And she's _still _got that look on her face.

When you finally get home, it's only there you decide that Lucy Spencer is kinda beautiful.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah... Random, I know, but I wanted something to separate the story into parts, since I'm not posting three separate stories. And this seemed to fit.<strong>

**I'm going to try to update as soon as possible, but it's that goddamn time of year when exams and essays are due. Don't fret though. Fanfiction is like crack for me.**

**Thanks for reading! **


	21. The Invisible Line

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: The Invisible Line**

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><p>I woke to the feeling of heat. The sunlight, streaming down through the window, tangled under dark blue covers, and a hot, smooth hand, sliding comfortably against my bare belly. I exhaled contentedly, perfectly relaxed with the warm weight, so much so that I started to smile in my state of blissful unawareness. It felt like an almost unconscious movement as the fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt and eased upwards, massaging my ribs as it went.<p>

I gave a strangled yelp when I realized what the fuck was going on.

"Seth!" I hissed, batting his hand away—and not a moment too soon. Had he gone any farther and he'd have found a new set of curves, above my ribs. I looked over my shoulder and sighed—I had been right. It _was _an unconscious movement; he'd been asleep. Or faking it, which was honestly just as likely. Seth had taken to pushing his limits on a frequent basis.

He opened one eye and smiled blearily at me. We were entwined together in his bed, both fully-clothed (I had to sneak out, as soon as possible, because if Sue or, God forbid, _Leah _caught us together, I was doggy chow). I grimaced, correcting the statement.

We _were _fully-clothed, when I went to sleep. Seth had even been wearing a shirt at my insistence. Somehow—_somehow—_in the middle of the night, Seth had ended up out of his shirt and track-pants, left in just his boxers. It wasn't unusual. In fact, I was surprised he even bothered keeping his boxers on.

I rolled out of bed, dropping a lazy kiss on his chin. He was still grinning (I rarely lost my temper with him, in spite of his childish games) and as I retreated into the bathroom to brush my teeth, I heard him slink out of bed (hopefully to put some pants on, although I wasn't going to bother holding my breath).

My sneaky little imprint was constantly toeing the boundaries, crossing any invisible lines I'd made and pushing me as far as I dared go. Not that I really was complaining—and he knew it. Damn it, he _knew_ I was helpless to resist him.

But I couldn't do it, not yet. So I _did_ resist him, for the both of us.

"Morning," Seth chirped, coming around behind me and wrapping his lanky arms around my waist. He was growing, and fast. He now stood a few inches over my head and was positively gleeful about it. I rolled my eyes but smiled, turning around to come face-to-chest with his bare skin.

"Seth," I scolded, frowning mildly at the taut pectorals directly in front of me. At least he'd put on his sweat pants. My nose nearly brushed his skin—his very sculpted, defined, soft skin—_bad Lucy! _I raised an eyebrow up at him, "Where is your shirt?"

With a giddy shrug, Seth said, "Must've gotten lost."

"Oh indeed. If you don't mind…" I nodded to his dresser, "We've got class soon."

Yeah. _School_. I'd stopped going when Victoria, the bitch of the century, came and started killing humans on our land, but now that the Cullens were back and pulling their weight, I was 'free to return to class.'

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Now all the Pack—minus Sam and Leah, because they were graduated, and minus Seth, because he was smart—had tutors and _sessions _that were fucking _mandatory _to attend (and I do mean _mandatory. _Sam had pulled the Alpha-bullshit and ordered our asses to school. The only times we were allowed to skip was if we were on patrol or there was an emergency. He also defined _emergency _for us in very, _very _clear terms). It was the only way the principle would let us back into the school, Sam's Disciples or not. The Council had pulled some strings—more like ropes of steel—and wrangled us back into our classes, after a two months' absence.

Today…I was going to class.

It all felt so surreal. I had thrown the hissy-fit of a lifetime when Sam told us we, the Protectors of La Push, were going to fucking high school, like _normal _kids. What a joke. I chased vampires for a living, spent most nights in my soul-mate's bed and—oh yeah—exploded into a wolf on a day-to-day basis.

High school. _Honestly._

Of course, having Seth helped, immensely. He was actually _excited _to get back, for whatever reason. I couldn't find one; he couldn't speak to his old friends, he couldn't play any of his sports, he couldn't join any clubs, and catching up in class was going to be a _pain in the ass. _But whenever I broached the subject, he blushed and shrugged casually, a tiny grin flitting over his face. I dropped the topic; I'd find out what he was so pleased about soon enough.

And today was that day.

"Hey, Lu!" I looked over my shoulder, already throwing on my jacket (fucking appearances to keep). Immediately, I groaned and looked away.

_"Oh, for the love of…" _I snuck another peek at Seth, who was still shirtless and now, to my dismay, without pants, as well. His black boxers sat low on his hips, and if I looked close enough, I could see dark curls forming a happy-trail down, down, down—_fuck!_ "Seth!" I snapped, "_Where are your clothes?"_

A tiny pout flitted over Seth's face. He wasn't arrogant, I knew that, but _he_ knew what I thought of him. He knew I loved him and, because of the imprint—fuck it, _with_ or _without_ the imprint—he knew sexual attraction was _bound _to follow. The problem was, even if there were individual instances that pointed to the contrary, I _didn't _see him like that. Gorgeous, beautiful, attractive—yes, yes, yes. I wouldn't deny that I was _attracted _to him, that would be a blatant lie.

But how on earth could I take someone seriously with _that face?_

I loved Seth, all types of Seth, and there were many. One of my favorites, of course, was the just-woke-up Seth. His hair was tousled, his eyes still half-lidded and, when he saw me, a goofy, still-sleepy smile curved his mouth. He looked so sweet, so innocent, so _young. How was I supposed to be sexually attracted to him?_

Still… With that body?

How could I not?

"I wanted your opinion," he said, letting out a loud yawn. He held, in his hands, two shirts. One was blue with a kooky slogan on the front, the other was red with stripes. I fought a smile, pressing my lips shut.

"I like both," I said, unable to hide the grin. "What do _you _want?"

Seth thought about it, staring between his hands for a long time, before he finally shrugged and said, "I want to go back to bed. With you," he added, smiling sweetly at me.

Yeah, I pretty much melted like butter in the sun.

I sauntered over to Seth, surveying him speculatively. "_Unfortunately_"—and it was damn unfortunate—"we have school. And I have to run home and get some clothes. And _you," _I leaned in close to his mouth, feeling bold and enjoying the way his eyes went wide and his tongue wetted his lips, "you _really _need to get dressed." With a playful smack on his rump—_mmm nice ass—_I stepped around him and leapt out through his window, startled and horrified by my own actions.

_What the fuck was I doing?_

I couldn't keep this up. I couldn't—my ovaries were going to implode if I wasn't careful. Everything he did was so sweet and cute and fucking _innocent. _And I was corrupting him. Me and my fucking horny wolf.

_You want him. He wants you. The boy is **clearly** sexually ready—what's stopping you?_

What's stopping me? Oh, lemme see… _the law?_

_Human laws don't apply to wolves._

Maybe not, I reasoned, but they certainly apply to their human counterparts.

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><p><em>"Can't believe they're back."<em>

_"Thought we finally got away from them."_

_"Who do they think they are—running around like God's gift to men?"_

_"Hot damn, I hope Paul's back."_

I grimaced as the onslaught of voices ruthlessly attacked my ears. Tell me what was it, exactly, that made humankind so damn _nosy_? I hefted my backpack higher on my shoulder, sneering at two girls as I walked over to Seth and Embry.

"Never thought I'd be back _here," _Embry admitted lowly to me. I glowered at the same two girls who were eyeing Seth with _extreme _curiosity.

"Never _wanted _to be…" I added miserably. And I didn't—however much I'd wanted to graduate and work at Jacob's mechanic shop, I had _not _wanted to suffer through four years of high school to get to it. It was torturous before I phased and it sucked just as badly now. Worse, because I had no life outside of school other than phasing. I mean, sure I'd made my peace with it—how could I not, when it gave me Seth?—but it didn't stop me from _wanting _things.

"Aww, c'mon, Lu," Seth bumped our shoulders, jostling his own backpack. He'd opted for the blue shirt, in the end, with black shorts. He looked good—_when didn't he? _"We're together now!"

I glanced up at him, unable to withhold the suspicious tint to my gaze. "Yeah," I agreed slowly. "That's pretty awesome." And it was, but why did I have the feeling Seth was planning something that was _not _pretty awesome?

Seth kept grinning as he entwined our hands together. Great, because I needed any more people looking at me than there already were. But he looked so damn happy and his hand was so warm and soft and I really, _really _loved holding his hand, so…

"How long till first period starts?" I asked, trying to sound upbeat. Paul and Jared caught up with us as we walked.

"Bout…ten minutes," Embry said, with a glance to his watch. I didn't know why he bothered wearing one, truthfully. I'd given up after destroying three.

I took in a deep breath and clutched Seth's hand. Fuck, now I wasn't going to want to let go. "Well, no use waiting."

"Fuck, I hate this place," Paul grumbled darkly, the angry scowl on his face only serving to make several heart-beats from girls at the school go a-flutter.

"You and me, both, man," I sighed, "You and me, both."

No sooner had I spoken than Seth had started gesturing to the end of the parking lot. An unknown car was parked sideways across two spaces, and through the dirty windows I could barely make out a face—a girl, young, but a little older than me. I was confused one minute as to why Seth had pointed her out, then suddenly, I saw her and it all made sense.

She stepped out of the car—she looked no different than the last I'd seen her, wearing tall black boots and a tight pink tank top that just reached the waistline of tight skinny jeans. Her hair was done up in an unusually conservative manner, and though her sunglasses hid her eyes, I knew she was frowning. Her mouth twisted ever so slightly at the corners and her brow was pinched, knotting together as she caught sight of me. While she smiled wickedly at Paul—who scoffed and walked away—she watched the rest of the boys with disdain.

Me, she ignored entirely.

"Kyrie?" I was surprised. I hadn't seen my sister anywhere near a school in ages. Nor had I seen her behind the wheel of a car. I took a careful whiff as she approached us in her high-heel boots—at least she was sober. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," she said tersely, taking off the glasses in classic Kyrie-fashion. Her movements were slow, deliberate, almost overly-planned, as though she was trying to be prepared at all times to look 'cool.' "Alone," she added, sneering at my hand linked with Seth's.

I made eye contact with Seth who just shrugged; he knew from my memories that we weren't close, like he and Leah were. My sister and I had always tolerated each other, if you could say that. Truthfully, after she went to high school, we never really spoke to one another on a personal level. Jake, Quil and Embry became my confidents—I had no use for the girly chitchat. Any advice I needed, I got from the internet.

Kyrie led us away to her car, where she reached into her pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. It didn't surprise me—even if I hadn't smelt it on her before she'd even stepped out of the vehicle, I knew her well enough to expect that she'd take up smoking or drinking or other drug activities.

She took a long drag and sighed, peering at me after a moment. "I'm leaving."

I blinked. It was _not _what I'd expected. "What?"

"You heard me. I'm leaving."

I rolled my eyes; I knew what she'd said, but I didn't have a clue what she meant—or what I was supposed to do with this information. "Yeah, I got that. Where are you _going?"_

"Does it matter?" said Kyrie, raising her eyebrows in disbelief at me. "Will you really give a shit when I leave?"

Would I? I felt like I ought to, since she was my blood and all, but honestly…

I looked to Seth and relaxed. I _had_ a family, a damn good one. I wish I'd gotten along better with Kyrie, but the fact of the matter was that we didn't, and we wouldn't, ever. Any chance of that happening was ended when I phased into a wolf and she sold her soul to the bottle of Jack Daniels I knew she kept in her bedside dresser.

And yet…

I shrugged mildly. "I guess I'll miss you. Where are you going?"

She smiled in her typical twisted way; she was too similar to Leah when she did that. I shuddered at the comparison—having Leah as a sister, as my own flesh and blood, would suck ass. Seriously. That girl was as temperamental as a pregnant woman. It was only her tie to Seth that saved her ass from getting beaten by me, on countless occasions. Sure, I felt _bad _for her, but I couldn't bring myself to bother trying to help. She brought too much of it on herself.

_That's cold, _the voice that sounded like Seth scolded. I shoved it aside—I'll deal with that later.

"Dunno," she admitted with a blush. "I just… I need to get outta this dump. I got enough money, I won't starve, so you don't have to worry about that shit or nothin'," she promised crudely. "Probably head for Port Angeles for now. Maybe Seattle. Work my way out of the state." She released another puff of smoke. I pulled a face, trying not to cough too audibly.

"Well," I scrambled for words. "Good luck." My offering made her both grin and grimace.

"Yeah. You too," she nodded towards the boys not too far from me. My boys. "You still stickin' with them?"

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question. Oh yeah, I was in this for life. "Yup."

"You're happy?"

Was I? I glanced over at Seth's smiling face, as he chatted amiably with Embry and Jared.

"Yeah," I whispered, smiling serenely at them. The smile almost felt strange being on my face; I wasn't used to the feeling of peace. Nowadays, my life was built on excitement.

"Well," Kyrie laid a hand on the handle of the car door. "You have my number. Take care."

An odd lump formed in my throat. Huh. Maybe I'd miss her more than I thought. "Yeah. You too."

She didn't answer, just hopped in the car and sped off, leaving me standing silently in the absence of her car. My parents had left. I had no other immediate family. As far as blood went, I was well and truly alone. The realization shattered me momentarily, leaving me stunned on the blacktop. I stood there where she'd left me for a good five minutes—it seemed the others knew to leave me alone for a moment.

But more and more cars were showing up, and I knew the bell would be ringing soon. I was wasting time moping out here over someone I really didn't know that well—when I heard footsteps behind me.

"I leave you for five minutes, and you become a mindless zombie? Typical, Spencer. _Typical_."

A grin flitted over my face, unable to help myself, before I drew my face into a somber sneer, turning slowly on my heel to the owner of the voice.

He looked just as I remembered him, if somewhat rougher 'round the edges. He was wearing dark blue jeans with ripped knees and a form-fitted white shirt to show off his hardly-earned muscles—great, because I really needed to deal with slutty girls throwing themselves at his feet, more so than they already did.

"Jacob Black," I greeted blandly, in a flat tone. "Still as much of a dumbass as ever. Good to see some things don't change—no matter how I _wish_ they would." My face turned sympathetic, "I mean, _how _does your father do it? Putting up with you _all the time. _That man deserves a fucking raise."

Jake laughed good-naturedly. He smiled differently now—not quite the sunny, funny Jake I knew as a little girl, but someone else now. And only someone who knew him like I did could've seen it. He was something else. Someone more bitter, more jaded, more cynical.

_Heartbroken._

"Luce," he murmured, a touch of fondness lingered in his gaze even as the sorrow took over. I heard the unspoken words, the hidden apology—I always did.

Behind him, Seth, Jared, Embry and Paul stood uncertainly, watching the reunion between us. Seth had a mild frown flickering in his features that I knew I'd have to talk to him about later—I could recognize the signs of jealousy as much as anyone else. And it was stupid of Seth to feel that way—as if I'd _ever_ feel romantically for Jacob Black. _Puh-lease. _We're talking about the kid who put worms in my hair after his dad told him the story of Medusa. It's not the kind of thing a girl just gets over.

Which was just as well, I thought sourly, since he was madly, helplessly, foolishly in love with one Isabella Marie Swan.

(I may have called Victoria the bitch of the century. Let me retract that statement: she was _tied _for it.)

"Missed you," I said shortly. Jake grinned and relaxed—I hadn't noticed the tenseness in his shoulders. He fell into stride with me as I walked to the rest of the group.

"S'up, Baby Alpha," Paul sneered at Jake—it was a touchy subject with Paul Lahote, always had been. Alpha-status was always something that Paul had felt belonged to Sam. Sam Uley had worked for it, hurt for it, suffered for it. Sam _earned _it. And now Jake had phased and was the true Alpha and he didn't even _want it. _

According to Paul, "Ain't no fucking way I'm following some dinky little kid who's pussy-whipped by the leech-loving _bitch."_

Regretfully, he wasn't the only one that shared that eloquent opinion. I knew Jared was somewhere along the same lines and, deep inside him, Sam was, too. But Sam was smart, and he knew that his wolf wasn't meant to be the Alpha. He _knew _it—no matter how much he loved us, loved us _all_—and he knew Jacob would eventually succumb to the demands of his wolf and step up.

He also knew if it wasn't done peaceably, it was gonna be one _hell_ of a showdown.

Jake snarled at Paul, who I didn't worry about considering I knew he could give it as good as he got and then some, but starting a bloodbath in the middle of the high school's parking lot was truly undesirable for all of us, so I shuffled easily between the pair, linking arms with Seth. He'd come to my side fluidly, as though he'd known what I was going to do before even _I _did.

The creepy magic of imprinting, everyone.

"_Let's_ go," I urged, giving Jake a push forward with my free hand. He moved forwards, albeit tightly and moodily. Embry walked over to him and the pair began chatting on the way to class.

"That fucker's gonna get it if he's not careful," said Paul, his eyes blazing angrily at my oldest friend. Jared was silent beside him, like myself and Seth. If it was one thing my momma taught me, it was to never get involved in politics, if I wasn't willing to take the fight.

And this was a fight you couldn't _pay _me to touch.

Paul was messed up and all, but I still loved the guy. Yeah, I said it—I loved Paul. He was pretty awesome for a big brother. He'd turned eighteen a week ago and, ever since, had been the sole owner of the house, after his mom moved out to live with her sister on the Makah reservation. I didn't blame her, her house held some pretty screwed up memories. But _Paul_ blamed her. I knew, as well as anyone with access to his most private thoughts, that he was pissed that his mom had ditched him like his dad did.

At least she gave him an address and weekly phone calls. Which, you know, was more than I could say for _my_ parents. And now, it seemed, my sister.

But Paul hadn't kicked me out when his mom left, to my surprise. Nor had he ditched the house at his first chance and moved out. No, he actually _stayed. _And let me stay with him. So now I shared a house with the resident man-whore of La Push, who, for whatever twisted reason of his own, had decided to put up with my bullshit.

So I loved Paul, but I also loved the crap outta Jake. And I respected Sam, if not loved him in some sense, too. And now Sam wanted Jacob to become Alpha who didn't want to be Alpha but who didn't like Paul who wanted Sam to be Alpha who kinda wanted to be Alpha but who wanted to eventually retire to live with Emily and stink up the sex-bed and pop out a few kids.

See? Not touching that mess with a ten foot pole.

The bell went, and kids began flocking to their homeroom classes. I glanced down at my schedule—it had been so long since my last time in class, I'd honestly forgotten which class was first. That probably wasn't a good sign.

"See you on the other side," Jared muttered grimly to me, headed off to class, along with Paul. Embry and Jake had already left, which left me standing in the hall with Seth Clearwater.

He smiled sweetly down at me, his eyes crinkled in the corners. "I'll save you a seat at lunch," he promised, and I giggled before I could contain myself. The combination of nerves, dread and, of course, suffused happiness from the imprint connection made me act erratically.

Perhaps the reason why Seth thought he could get away with what he tried.

I went up on my tiptoes to hug him—he smelt so good, felt so nice—and he slowly leaned down, what I presumed to be, to hug me. In a sort of slow-motion effect, he bent down, tipped his chin out, raised his hands and cupped my face—

_Holy shit._

When I realized what he was doing, I did the only thing I could think to do.

I flung my face into his shoulder. As hard as I possibly could.

"Mmmm," I moaned in pain, squeezing my eyes shut and feeling for any breaks in my nose. No blood—a good sign. Seth was awkwardly kissing my neck, from when he'd meant to kiss my mouth. Horrified, I stood there in his arms for a full three seconds when I pulled away.

Talk about crossing invisible lines…

I opened my mouth to say something, then shut it with a click. At least no one was watching us.

_That's your first concern? **No one's watching you? **Who gives a shit—look at your imprint!_

I obeyed my conscience—who I was starting to realize was actually my wolf—and shifted my guilty gaze to meet Seth's. There was disappointment in his eyes and a dejected glaze to his face that made my heart clench. His head drooped—wasn't I the biggest fucking bitch on the face of the planet?

I decided to salvage what little of the morning I could. Stretching up on my toes, I leaned in and pressed one tight, closed-mouth kiss to his cheek. "See you at lunch?" My uncertain half-question snapped him out of his stupor, and he grinned feebly, nodding once at me.

"Yeah. I'll see you, Lu."

And with that he was off. I watched him drift between people until his shaggy mop of black curls had vanished, receded from my sight. Only then did I allow myself to sag against my locker, dimly noting that I was definitely going to be late for class.

I couldn't bring myself to care. My eyes shut tightly as I banged my skull on the locker door a few times for good measure.

"You _fucking_ idiot," I whispered to myself. _Now you've done it, Lucy. See? You let Seth blur all the lines and now you're going to have to define them all over again. _Not that I'd ever really set them in the first place—which was my first mistake.

I couldn't date Seth. Not now. It wouldn't be fair; it wouldn't be a real relationship. I'd be constantly telling Seth _no, _like I already was. When I start dating him—and I have every intention of doing so—but when I start, I have no intention of telling him no. Ever.

He'd be sixteen soon enough. All I had to do was wait a little longer. I knew it wasn't that bad, I knew some girls were fine with it—but I wasn't. It was me who was holding our relationship back. And I knew that, but I couldn't change it any more than Seth could change his age prior to his birthday.

_Age is just a number! _my wolf whined.

But it was an important number. The _age of consent. _Sure, I knew "it" was technically allowed, so long as I was within 60 months of his age—yes, I _did _look that up online—but it felt wrong. I was too old and he was too young, just for now. It didn't have all that much to do with the age difference between us, actually, as much as it was Seth's age alone. He was _too young. _I couldn't ask him for the relationship I wanted, being just _that _much older. I was just that much more ready than he. Not to sound cocky, or anything, I was just stating the truth. But Seth would be older soon. He was growing up before my eyes, literally. He'd sprouted up in height, put on some pounds of muscle, gained a wisdom to his gaze that excited me as much as it did unnerve me. He was _so close _but not close enough.

So all Seth had to do was wait. Just a _little _longer…

_Then you should talk to Seth, _a voice nudged and insisted—my goddamn wolf. I ignored the scolding as I always did and sat for a few minutes before running to class.

I couldn't decide which I was angrier over: that I'd almost kissed a fifteen year-old or that I'd pushed him away.

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><p><strong>I'm baaaaack! I thought long and hard about this chapter, since it really sets up Seth's personality in their relationship. And in the end, I couldn't picture him acting any other way. Stephenie Meyer never really gets any deeper into his character than his pure heart. Sure, he's pure, but he's still a teenage boy. A boy who has access to his dream-girl's mind and <em>knows <em>that she loves him, too. Ergo, he makes the logical jump to dating. Besides that, sneaky-Seth is just my favorite Seth in the whole world! (fangirl squee)**

**And I know the age difference isn't so extreme. Two years? Big whoop. For Lucy, though, it _is_. Please don't take it as me critcizing anyone's choice in partners. I have a _good_ feeling Lucy'll come to her senses. *winks* It just might take a while...**

**(Thanks for reading, as always. Reviews are extremely encouraging!)**

**NEXT CHAPTER: The Week from Hell**


	22. The Week from Hell

**Ack! So, I'm an idiot. I totally thought that Jake and Bella were one year apart, but they're two, aren't they? So yeah, Lucy and Seth are three years apart. Oops! *awkward laugh* Thanks to the reviewer who asked how old Lucy is (ally0212), or I'd probably have never picked up on it!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO: The Week from Hell**

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><p>From my disastrous goodbye to Seth, my day sort of fell into shit. Scratch that—my whole week did. It was all about the drama—no break-time for Lucy, it seemed. It was one fucking debacle after the next; I felt like I never ate, never slept, never truly relaxed. Even when I was with Seth I was tense.<p>

In short…it was the week from hell.

Shit, not because anything really _terrible _happened. Individually, most of it was kinda-sorta-awesome. Mostly.

On Monday, Jared imprinted on "some chick," Paul tells me, in class. Paul insisted she's been making googly-eyes at him for the better part of five years or so, which immediately made me roll my eyes. Five years? I didn't know whether to be pissed at her for waiting around for him so long or pissed with _him_ for taking so goddamn long to get his head out of his ass.

He took her to meet us all at lunch—because that's the first thing you do when you imprint, right? Introduce her—possibly the most timid, shy, _fragile _girl I'd ever met—to the entire fucking pack of _wolves. _

Yeah, if that didn't spell disaster, I don't know what did.

"Guys," Jared grinned at us with an idiotic, blinding smile. I had to blink to clear my eyes from the overwhelming brightness to his face. "This is _Kim Connweller._"He said her name like she was the Messiah, come to save us all.

I swallowed a bite of my sandwich, taking in the sight of the girl I'd known for ten years. "Hey, Kim," I drawled, "How did you find the pop quiz?"

Kim blushed, surprised I was talking to her. It wasn't _common_ for me to talk to her—or anyone outside the Pack, really—but why the hell did she look at me like I had just sprouted wings and proclaimed I liked eating babies every Wednesday night? I knew her well enough; she was in at least one of my classes every year since high school started, and I was in her home room class in grades two, five, and seven.

"Oh—good. I thought it was—well, I mean, what did _you_ think?" she asked breathlessly, eyes wide. I was vacantly aware of the fact that everyone in the cafeteria was casting not-so-subtle eyebrow-raises in our direction.

I gave a bland shrug, unwilling to admit the fact that I'd almost certainly failed it. Jared drank in the scene like he was witnessing a miracle.

"You _know _each other?" he breathed, turning his gaze away from Kim for the first time since he'd paraded her over here.

Embry scoffed lowly, "_Dude, _we've known her for _forever," _he shared an eye-roll with me.

Seth was the only one to be half as chipper as Jared. "Good to see you, Kim! You came to my mom's diner sometimes, right?"

"Oh!" she squeaked. I fought the urge to jab my fork into my eyes. Jeez, Jared was a fucking moron for just bringing her over here. "Yes. I do. I mean, I did. I don't _now _obviously, because it's not open but I—I mean, I –"

She broke off when low snarls began gurgling in my throat. Eyes wide with terror, she stepped back uncertainly into Jared's chest—who immediately yanked her behind him and glared down at me with a predatory scowl. Which, naturally, set Seth off, who was so damn unused to the sudden need to protect the imprint and Jared was fucking scowling at me because I was fucking snarling at his imprint who was fucking _stupid _enough to bring up Sue's small business and the fact that it was closed now.

Because Harry Clearwater was dead.

It had been a fast decision. Sue sold it to a young couple who could pay a decent amount—enough to last her a while, until she figured out what to do in the meantime. I didn't blame her for selling, but I know Seth and Leah weren't happy about it. It had been _theirs, _like a second house, and it was just one more thing taken away from them—just like their father. Seth recoiled from almost all and any sort of communication about the subject of his father's premature passing, which broke my heart but he was doing well enough to get through a day. I still didn't think he'd made it through a whole day without crying, but I couldn't blame him. I knew Seth idolized Harry, twice as much as he'd idolized Jacob Black.

Jacob Black. A whole new can of worms.

Jake had taken to vanishing periodically and reappearing at his own convenience, which was fucking bullshit because how the hell was Billy supposed to get around at all now? Who was supposed to help him? Certainly not his rotten daughters who'd fucking ditched him as soon as possible. And not Charlie Swan, his best friend who lived in Forks and _had to _keep an eye on his _own_ daughter because she was dating a real dead _vampire_, despite the fact her best friend—the same one who happened to be in love with her and worked so damn hard to put her together again—had begged her to give _him_ a chance, instead of the corpse. And Harry was gone, Sue was grieving and couldn't do the heavier tasks, Sam had a fucking _Pack _to run, and no one else had the goddamn time. So now we were all pulling twice as many shifts as we'd normally be doing to help out with Billy on the chance that Jake up-and-left again because of Bella-motherfucking-Swan.

Yeah, my BFF had lost his mind when she'd broken his heart.

"Cool it," Paul ordered, glaring at the three of us. He bumped his elbow with mine. "She didn't mean any harm by it—for fuck's sake, Seth, I barely fucking touched her!" Seth, who had glowered at Paul when he'd nudged me, slowly backed off, curling me tighter into his side. I kept my eyes on Paul, unwilling—and perhaps a little nervous—to look at Jared and Kim.

Without so much as a sound, Jared took Kim by the hand and left.

"Way to go," Embry muttered around a mouthful of food. "Jared's gonna' tear you a new one for that."

"I'd like to see him try," Seth hissed under his breath. I fought the urge to grin—a protective Seth was just the freaking cutest thing in the world. He twisted his mouth unhappily into a pout, making me pat his hand comfortingly. I was doing a wonderful job ignoring any and all conversations with Seth about the incident that morning—something he seemed content to go along with.

For now.

"Jared won't try anything. I'll apologize to him tonight on patrol." And I would—and I did. Jared had been pissed, as to be expected, and he didn't take Kim back to our table for another three days after it, but he forgave me when he saw I was honestly and genuinely reacting instinctively, because of the wolf. He knew the feeling, he understood now that he'd imprinted.

Imprinting. It was becoming more and more common.

On Tuesday, I started my tutorials with a young guy named Ace. Whatever, everyone knew it was a stagename meant to sound cool. He was an ok guy, if somewhat bland. Not that I cared—I sure as shit wasn't looking for a romance. He was from Forks, so he wasn't entirely up to date on the privileges granted to members of the La Push gang, which meant he was kinda baffled on how the school hadn't just expelled us all by now.

"We got friends in high places," Embry said as honestly as possible. I guess it was the truth. Sam had arranged a lot of it, and Sam's word was weighed the most by the Council—although everyone knew if Jake stepped up, he'd take priority.

The tutorial was long. And Painful. And just…_gah_. I wanted to pull my hair out by the end of the first half hour.

"Are you following this?" I hissed to Paul, waving the math sheet in front of him. "_Are you fucking following this?"_

"_Does it look like I'm following this?" _he snapped in return. He held out his own blank sheet with a pointed look.

Well, at least I wasn't the only one screwed.

Seth took to his classes nicely, for the most part. Monday went well, and Tuesday was even better. Academically, I mean. I knew Seth had a bunch of friends, he was too damn loveable for his own good, and I knew it killed him that he couldn't talk to any of them, but he insisted having me around was helping the most.

"You're more important," Seth promised, giving my hand a squeeze.

Yeah, the hand-holding was common for us. I'd accepted the fact that touch was vital for imprints; companionship wasn't enough. I mean, it was _great _but I couldn't focus on anything if Seth was in the room if I didn't have a little bit of skin-on-skin touch. The only problem now was that I had to be careful—very careful. I kept my face turned away from his if we weren't speaking to one another, and most of the time kept my chin tucked down so my mouth was tilted away from Seth. I wasn't just worried about him trying to lay one on me—I was worried about me trying the same to him.

Sam had me patrolling by myself anymore. I'd asked him if I could do my shifts alone for the next few days, until I got my head sorted out. Of course, I didn't tell him the last part, but given the look in his eyes, he knew what I was thinking. It was for the best, really, that I ran by myself. My head was one crazy-ass place to be nowadays, and the last thing I wanted was for my whole pack to know my every last thought about the guy I fully planned on spending the rest of my life with.

When Wednesday rolled around, my life picked up again.

I tried my best to avoid being too lovey-dovey with Seth at school, drawing the damn invisible line at hand-holding, but—as it did every other time—the line was effectively snapped in two when Seth came and pinned me to a locker (not even _mine) _and wrapped his hands around my waist, nuzzling my neck affectionately. And, because I'm such a sucker for the kid, I laughed and held tight to him, sweeping my fingers in his hair.

The pair of us, too wrapped up in each other, laughed and giggled like hormonal teenagers as the rest of the world passed us by. Luckily, no teacher saw us, because while we weren't making out in the middle of the classroom, I knew the scene we were making was far more intimate than some of the soft-porn I'd seen take place between classes. Often times, it was those grade nine couples that had just found "true love" and felt the need to show off to every single fucking person that they were in a "relationship" and the rest of the world was forced to watch.

I knew what Seth and I were doing wasn't, by any means, like that, but the action of him skirting his nose down the column of my throat, of the gentle bite he gave my shoulder, the way he touched our noses together, it all felt so much more sexual and intimate than any kiss could've done. And this time, unlike the mishap in the hall on Monday, I _knew_ people were watching.

And still I didn't drag myself away.

"_Are you kidding me?" _I jumped then, bumping my head against the locker door as Seth and I both swiveled about for the very familiar voice. Standing at the end of the hall, evidently having just finished his lunch, was none other than Quil Ateara V. My good friend—or who used to be my good friend—was taller now. Not by much, but definitely taller. Muscular. Stronger. Angrier.

So angry, in fact, he looked ready to explode. _Literally._

Seth and I moved as one, sprinting down the hall as quickly as a human was able to whilst trying to remain calm. This would be the first time Seth saw someone else phase for the first time and I knew, from watching Embry, Jake and the Clearwater siblings that it wasn't a pretty picture. It was scary—almost as scary for those watching as it was for the one phasing.

Quil glared at me as though I had just told him that I killed his father. He began shouting at me even as Seth and I started awkwardly herding him outside. Jake and Embry caught up halfway—I was beyond relieved that Jake was here. Having an Alpha, even if it was one who hadn't stepped up to the plate yet, would help immensely.

"—_isn't fair! You ditch me for months and now __**Clearwater **__is allowed in? Screw you! I hate you—I don't even __**want **__to be one of you!" _The commotion Quil was making would've been funny were it not for the fact that I knew what was going to happen. The bell went and everyone who had started staring at us slowly, unwillingly dispersed. Jake and Embry manhandled Quil until they reached the forest. Seth and I ran ahead into the trees and shed our clothes—separately, of course—and shifted. By the time we'd come back, Quil was collapsed on the ground, shaking. Jake and Embry were crouched over top of him, trying their best to coax him through it.

"Don't fight it, man," Embry advised lowly. In the distance, I could barely make out Jared and Paul running towards us. "Just let it happen."

"It'll be easier this way," Jake was Quil honestly. "Hell, you'll probably be thrilled."

Yeah, he would, but Quil had no idea what either of them were talking about, and I could see his fear as clear as daylight. He let out a low, guttural sound, hugging himself tighter. Why was that every new wolf's first instinct, to hold themselves tightly? I think I'd done the same, but to be honest, it seemed so foolish now. As though you could stop yourself from changing by gripping your flesh and willing yourself not to phase.

Quil's bones broke, his skin blurred, his body contorted on the floor. Everyone was silent as Seth and I crept out the shadows, and Quil's mind suddenly came into hearing.

_Ow, ow, ow, ow, _he chanted, unable to think anything else. Seth and I were being cautious, trying not to think of anything too alarming.

_Quil?_

Quil jumped, shocked, _Lucy? Seth? What's going on? I can hear you but I'm not talking—what the hell is going on? I'm so confused—why did you leave me, Lucy? Why did you take Jake and Embry but not me? Why wasn't I good enough?_

Oh, Quil… I let out a soft whine, dropping my head as I approached him. He'd yet to realize he was sporting four paws and a muzzle.

_I'm WHAT? _Quil's wolf, a handsome-looking chocolate brown stud with a large burly chest, began turning and twisting about in circles. He began to panic—Seth howled for back-up.

_Quil! _I tried reaching out to him, _Quil, you're one of us, now. Jake was right—it is better this way. Don't you remember the stories? The legends? We're descended from wolves, Quil. Don't you remember? We're protectors. That's why I left you, Quil. That's the only reason I'd have ever left you._

Slowly, my words got to him.

_I'm a wolf. _His mind was reeling and no one blamed him. Jake phased into his giant russet counter-part, joined by Embry. Both were an undeniable mixture of happiness, relief and sorrow. Just like myself.

_We're sorry, man, _Embry repeated lowly, ears pushed back, head dipped down. _We weren't paying attention. Everything got crazy and, before we knew it… _He flashed an image of myself and Seth dragging Quil out by his armpits, frantic and desperate.

_Things got out of hand, _Jake agreed somberly. _But we're here now. How you doing, Quil?_

Paul and Jared left when they saw we had things under control again. It was bizarrely anticlimactic, as though all the excitement from the past few weeks had dulled down the rush of seeing Quil phase. The strangest sense of disappointment filled me, if only briefly.

_Well, he certainly didn't phase in a movie theatre, _I noted to myself, and Embry chuckled. Jake was indignant and Seth was oddly quiet _(Lucy leaving gone Bella's car Lucy left gone left alone picked Jake)_. Guilt tugged viciously at my heartstrings, while Seth apologized over and over.

_I didn't mean it like that, _said Seth, fervently. _I'm not upset anymore, I swear. _But he was. He had every right to be. I had abandoned him on our first date—and it was a date. I'd been stupid to try and deny it.

_Ugh, enough imprinting-crap, _Embry groaned. _We still have to tell Quil all the junk about leeches and that stuff._

_Leeches? _Quil struck up the oddest memory of picking the little black leeches off his feet after cliff-diving, watching the blood ooze from the bite marks left from the creepy little bastards. I wanted to laugh at the image, but Jake stopped us all.

_Embry's right, _he said firmly. _Seth, Lucy, go back to class. We'll show Quil the ropes. _I pouted miserably—I wanted to be there for Quil, too—but I knew if Sam found out any more people had ditched than absolutely necessary, we'd be in shit.

I sighed, _Later Quil._

_Bye Quil, _Seth added, and his mind vanished first. I concentrated on becoming human once more and, sure enough, my bones molded, my fur receded into my body, my jaw rolled back into place. I stretched, naked, and slipped into my clothes before going back to class.

Thursday came and went. Quil was doing fantastically—absurdly so, for a new wolf. Mostly he was just so damn pleased with himself for phasing. He was finally part of the gang—I mean, _pack_—and he was over the fucking moon about it. Having Quil as a wolf was…pretty much the best thing that had happened since Seth imprinted. He was fucking _hilarious._ He had the most wicked sense of humor, and he was smart enough to use it to his advantage. You know what a smart kid, a sense of humor and lots of free time equal? _Hell_. Fucking hilarious for everyone else, sure, but for those who were victims of his torment…

It _sucked _ass.

The most recent testimony to this was, of course, lunch time. Jared had stayed with Sam to watch Quil so it was just Seth, Embry, Paul and myself.

"I'm just _saying_ if they really want me to do better in school, some bribery would be nice."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, staring at Paul with an unimpressed glaze over my eyes. "Shocking as this may seem, they aren't allowed to hire prostitutes to teach you math."

"Yeah," Embry piped up, waving his chicken leg emphatically at Paul, "It'd cost too much."

"Prositutes?" Paul demanded, faking horror. "Who said anything about prostitutes? I'm just talking about a few strippers here and there. To appeal to my five senses, y'know what I mean?"

"_No." _My blunt answer made the other two boys snicker. Paul scoffed and went to respond when a phone went off. And I say _a _phonebecause there was no fucking way it was any of ours.

"…_lock it, polka-dot-it_

_Country-five and hip-hop it…" _

The ringer blared loudly, and none made any sign of answering their phone. Paul let out a growl, "For fuck's sake—whose goddamn phone is that?"

Seth frowned mildly, "Paul…"

The hot-tempered wolf kept swirling about, glaring at people. "Seriously, people! Answer your fucking phone!"

By now, Embry was calling Paul's name, too. "Hey Paul, I think it's—"

"…_shake it out, head to toe_

_Put it all together—that's how we roll!"_

"_Whose motherfucking phone is that?" _Paul roared, gripping the table.

"PAUL!"

Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at us. At Paul, specifically. He turned at faced me with a snarl—_"What?"_

Without a word, I reached for Paul's jean-pocket and took out a slim black phone, the display screen reading the words, _"CALL WAITING: QUIL ATEARA."_

The entire caf erupted into laughter—I mean, _howls _of laughter. Paul stared at the phone in his hands, eyes wide with fury. Seth and Embry were shaking on either side of me, although I knew it wasn't out of fear. They both had hands over their mouths, shoulders jerking, muffled snorts bursting from their lips.

In the end, we ended up with one smashed phone, six calls to the school in regards to Paul's temper, and Quil got a broken nose out of the whole mess, but was it worth it?

Hell yes.

I was still chuckling to myself as I gathered my books from my last class and went to pick up the rest of my things from my locker. Seth had patrol right after school, so he couldn't stick around long enough to say bye. That was ok—I had my tutoring session at four, anyways. Any time where one of us was free and the other wasn't felt like a waste—why would I have bothered with school if I could've been spending that precious time with my imprint? But Sam had put his proverbial foot down like any parent, adamant that we have some sort of education to fall back on after our lives settle down and we stop phasing. I don't see the point in the whole thing, to be honest, but I went along with his shenanigans because…well…I had no choice, really.

I stepped out of the class, still grinning at the memory of the look on Quil's face as Paul chased him with a baseball bat and Emily was screeching, _"NOT IN THE HOUSE!" _and she was running after the pair of them, armed with a frying pan. Sam had ended the fight fairly quickly, but not fast enough to spare Quil's poor nose from being crushed with one hard swing from Paul.

My mind wandering, I almost didn't hear the three girls as I left the class, speaking to quiet for a human to hear but none so softly for a wolf.

"—believe it. I can't. I mean, he's the cutest thing _ever!"_ Slutty girl number one popped a bubble obnoxiously, the sneer was almost visible in her words.

"What the fuck is _she _doing with him?" Slutty girl number two was vicious, savage. I ignored them, avoiding their gaze I had no interest in getting involved in the petty politics of my high school. I had enough to deal with at home. I swung my locker open and tried to block them out but they were so damn _loud. _

"Look at her, like some fucking wrestler on steroids. What a waste of a good body on that face—she's got teeth like a fucking beaver."

I froze, my hand stilled over some books I'd been grabbing. I wasn't unused to trash talk from girls, but something felt different this time. Like…more personal. I strained my ears—they were fucking _watching _me and they somehow didn't notice that I'd picked up on who they were talking about.

Me.

"I mean, she's living with Paul La-_hottie_," the girls tittered and giggled at the mention of Paul's name. The other girl who'd spoken ignored them. "Probably spreads her legs for him every night—why else would he let her live with him?"

"I heard Paul told everyone that wasn't true," the second piped up, almost unwillingly. Like she'd been hoping I was a slut incognito—_bitch_.

_Let's kill her, _my wolf leered. _One girl can't hurt._

I clamped down on my animal instincts, hard. I knew I should probably be leaving to avoid confrontation, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I was too consumed—I _wanted _them to say something. _Go ahead, _my wolf and I taunted, _we dare you._

They fucking dared.

"What does it matter? She's fucking Seth every night. It's disgusting—he still looks like a twelve year-old," the third grimaced. "Cute as ever, sure, but still… What self-respecting senior girl would suck some fifteen year-old's cock?"

The other two gasped while I gripped the locker. It dented under my hands. My blood boiled, simmered like I was standing under hot flames. My wolf writhed, roared, dug at my chest to be set free.

_One girl, _she whispered to me, _just one._

_NO, _I was firm on this, but my resolve was weakening. Her words echoed in my head—I'd never wanted to hurt someone so badly in my life. Not even Bella Swan. Fuck, not even _Victoria. _

The second girl was squealing in disgust and fascination. "You don't think she _actually_…?" she trailed off, but the shocked question could stand on its own.

"Please," the first scoffed, "didn't you see them in the halls the other day? He practically fucked her against the locker. And you heard what Kittredge said—Seth confirmed the rumors. They're fully _dating."_

"That's gross," the second muttered. "Bet it isn't the first cherry she's popped—fucking slut."

I saw red.

_The second one, _my wolf was giddy. _We'll kill the second one. Make her the example. It's not so bad—look at her face. A face not even a mother could love._

Without a word to my inner-wolf, I slammed my locker shut and wheeled around to face the girls. I didn't know them well, only by face, and I didn't care. I'd remember the look of fear in their eyes for the rest of my life. I have no idea how I looked, but if it reflected how I felt at all, I might've been comparable to a brand-new she-devil. The other two that hadn't spoken most recently actually took a step back, but something hardened in the second girl's eyes.

_Goodie, _my wolf crowed. _It'll be easy—no sympathy. Look at her, she's __**begging **__for it._

"_What_ _did_ _you_ _say?"_ I punctuated each word with a nearly silent growl, just enough to amplify my question. I was so furious, I was beyond cussing. The girl had one hand propped on her hip, a look of extreme distaste on her face. I'd never noticed before how hated we were, how hated _I _was. I work to slaughter the creatures trying to kill them, I give up my future, my hopes, my dreams, and this is how I'm repaid?

Trash talk from some lowlife, cock-sucking _cunt?_

(So maybe I wasn't beyond swearing. I'd have thought for sure, if I was ever going to be that angry, it'd be now.)

After she spoke, I almost wish she hadn't. It would have spared me a lot of awkwardness and trouble later on. But even now, knowing what was to come, I can't say I'd have changed how that day played out. At least, not this part. "You heard me," she hissed, her eyes flashing—with fear, I realized gleefully. "_Cradle-robber."_

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! And, should you elect to do so, thanks for reviewing!<strong>


	23. Banishment

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: Banishment**

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><p>I'd really like to say that I shattered Slutty-Girl's fucking face in with my fist, but I'm sorry to say that that would be a lie.<p>

"You filthy fucking slut—" I roared, and no sooner had I said it then Paul had run over and seized me around the waist—just in time to stop me from ripping the handful of hair I had a grip on out of her head—and hefting me up into the air to cart me away like a child. I was certainly kicking and screaming like one. My fury was incomparable. My rage, insurmountable. I wanted nothing more than for Paul to release me and let me strangle the girl, but he was adamantly dragging me to his car.

I had struggled against Paul's hold well out of the school, where everyone was looking at us like I was crazy. Fuck, I probably looked crazy. My eyes were bugging out of my head, my mouth flapping as I screeched slurs at anyone that would listen. A kid in the parking lot, wearing an old leather jacket, raised his eyebrows at me, unafraid, and an amused smile flitted over his face. I snapped at him.

"What the fuck do you think you're looking at, Fonzie?" Some other kids laughed, as Paul strapped me into his car—literally strapped me in.

"Would you _shut up?" _he growled lowly as he did up my seatbelt. I swatted at his hands irritably.

"Fuck off," I muttered, wriggling in the confining straps. Paul said nothing as he started up the car and sped off out of the parking lot. My heart was ramming against my ribs as I stared at the trees that drove by us in a blur. My anger, boiling under my skin, was abating. My head was clearing and I was left with this long-awaited, overwhelming sense of horror I knew was coming the moment Seth tried kissing me in the hall.

_Seth confirmed it, _Slutty-Girl's words rang in my head like a terrible, wailing siren. I tried to block it out, but I just _couldn't. _I couldn't stop thinking about it, thinking about what she'd said. _Seth confirmed the rumors. They're fully __**dating. **_

_Dating._

_Dating._

Seth confirmed that we were _dating—_when we had done no such thing.

I wasn't sure whether to be mad or not. It wasn't all that big of a deal. After all, wasn't dating sure to come? If not within the year, then sooner? What was the big deal if Seth told everyone we were together, when it was the very thing I would—eventually—want?

_Because, _a voice—entirely different from my wolf—said quietly, _he never asked. He never said anything._

Yeah, but was that so wrong? So what, he told everyone that we were together. So _what_ that he let the world know he was mine. Wasn't it what I wanted? What I'd _always _wanted, for as long as I'd been imprinted? I may not have been willing to sleep with Seth, in that way, but I was certainly comfortable declaring to anyone and everyone that he was mine, just as I was his. I knew it deep in the fabric of my soul, and I knew Seth knew it, too.

So why on earth did it bother me so much?

"You're over-thinking things," Paul interrupted me blandly. "Nothing that traumatizing happened."

"You must've missed the part where she called me a cradle-robber," the words themselves made me quiver with suppressed anger, "or where she said Seth was telling people we're together."

"Nah, I heard it," Paul shrugged, turning a sharp left on his street—our street, I corrected myself automatically. I lived there, now. It was _my _home, too. I certainly helped pay for it with the stipulations the Tribal Council gave the members of the Pack.

"And?"

Paul sent me a cutting look with an eyebrow crooked at me. "So what? What's the big fucking deal, Lucy? It's not like you're ever gonna date anyone else, are you?" He pulled into the driveway but didn't get out of the car. "What's the problem?"

I frowned, mulishly. "The _problem _is that he's spreading rumors about us that are _not, _contrary to your belief, true! I love him, but I'm not dating him! Not yet," I added in a low undertone. Paul was barely refraining from rolling his eyes. He propped his elbow up on the head rest, stretching his arm out across the back of my seat, too. I glared up at him.

"You wanna know what I think?"

"Probably not."

He ignored me, save for sending me an exasperated scowl. "_I _think you're touchy and moody, and you need to take a break and leave Seth alone for a while." He made a disgusted face, "I also think we're never having a fucking heart-to-heart again. Ever. These things fucking freak me out."

I snorted, "Yeah, me too. Any time I get evidence that you're a human being, my world is rocked a little."

A cocky grin spread over his face. "Did you just say that I rock your world?" He leered suggestively at me. "Maybe you're upset about Seth telling people you two are dating for a _whole _'nother reason, baby."

"Piss off!" I spat, flushing. Fuck, I _had_ just said that, hadn't I? Ugh. I hate it when Paul puts words in my mouth—he's damn good at it, too.

Paul sat in the car, laughing his fool head off, as I stalked inside the house and took his advice. Shit—I had totally forgotten about the tutoring session. Sam was going to have my head. I'd literally forgotten—it was the only way I'd been able to escape the Alpha-order to attend all study meetings. I decided, if I wanted to keep my head, I should probably find a way to prove it to Sam that I was actually working. I buckled down around 3:30 and sat, surrounded by snacks and drinks to help me get through the fifty million fucking math questions that had been assigned.

Come 11 o'clock, I was too exhausted to try sneaking out to see Seth. I texted him to let him know where I'd be, at home, resting my aching brain, and crashed on the couch, fucking _drained. _

No sooner had my head hit the pillow than something alerted me.

A loud, urgent howl.

My eyes snapped open. I was gripping the blanket covers—had I imagined it? I paused, waiting for another. I heard shuffling about in Paul's room. Had he heard it, too? My heart flew at an increasing rate as I concentrated and, not even two seconds after waking, I heard another howl, louder than the first.

Desperate. Pleading. A sharp, high intonation that screamed for help—literally.

I didn't bother with the front door; flinging my window open, I lurched out the gaping hole in the wall and sprinted through the overgrown backyard, moving and searching for the source of the howl. Who was it, Sam? Jake? I couldn't place it. I'd never heard one of my brothers—or Leah—sound like that. Unnerved, I darted between the trees, got into the thicket, and phased.

Paul joined my thoughts not half a second after me, and the rest of the pack followed suit.

_Leech, _it had been Jared that was phased. _Redheaded leech. She's __**here**__._

_Let's fucking finish this, _Paul grumbled, _I'm sick of it. _

I was half-tempted to phase back into my human self. The chaos of nine wolves shared one link was causing one gigantic cluster-fuck of voices, thoughts, fears. Seth's voice found mine.

_Lucy where are you Lucy? _His chanting didn't let up until I reached his side, the pair of us running in the direction of Jared and the increasing stench of leeches.

My brow furrowed in distaste; why the hell was the smell _so _strong? It didn't make sense to me, but what part of any of this did? I was a fucking beast. There were so many things wrong with this picture, I had no clue where to begin.

But seriously…the scent was enough to knock you over. Jake was leading three of us to the east, Sam took the rest of us west.

_It's the Cullens, _Jake sneered, the sourness saturated in his tone was almost tangible. He oozed contempt and displeasure. _Hatred. _The way he hated the Cullens was so much more than any of us felt, it was potent. _Their scent is strong, now that they've moved back._

Oh. Yeah, I probably should've figured that out.

_It's ok, Lucy, _Seth was quick to reassure. _I didn't figure it out either. _

_**Keep your minds focused, **_Sam boomed, angry. _I don't want to deal with this bitch any longer._

Sam was cussing. _Sam Uley _was cussing. I was mind-blown, floored, momentarily blinded by the rareness of this moment.

_We ought to get that in writing, _I noted distantly. Paul was exasperated, Quil was too excited to hear me.

_Lucille Spencer, so help me, __**focus. **_My surprised turned to anger—Sam had fucking Alpha-ordered me! My mind instantly turned to the hunt. We were approaching the ravine. I could hear the Cullens from here—Jesus, they were making so much racket, it was a wonder they were able to catch anything at all, ever.

"_She's getting away!" _one of them shouted.

"_No, she won't!" _I could barely make out a blond with scars marring his stone-cold flesh.

And then the wolves arrived.

Jaws snapping, teeth grinding, we roared through the forest like the Devil himself was on our heels. Branches tore at our fur, but I didn't care. I wouldn't care—I was too consumed with the leech in front of me. Along the side of the ravine, we ran and ran and ran. The Cullens followed us, covering the opposite side of the treaty line.

Jacob and Embry were _right there, _they had her—_get her, Jake! _I yelled it as loud as I could. The other wolves lunged in excitement, as Jake snapped once, twice, three times—

She fucking got away.

_Keep going, _Sam bellowed, _this isn't over!_

It wasn't. She darted between the Cullens like they were nothing more than a maze. The big one made a leap at her—and failed spectacularly, I might add—and then the scarred one followed suit. We shuffled uncertainly on the other side of the river, trying to choose a direction to head. Left or right? Left or right?

Paul and Seth turned right, and raced back the way we came. Seth was scared, I knew it and it broke my heart, but he was born to hunt vampires. It was instinctual; the boy knew what he was doing.

Paul? He was a whole new level of _naturally talented._

Paul was a fighter even before he phased, and he worked out, too. You know what that made for? A damn scary wolf. We reached the same spot Victoria had jumped on to reach our land, where Victoria was coming again—but Seth was in the lead.

My heart stuttered, my mind went blank. I was running as fast as I could—my feet were literally bleeding, I was tearing through the dirt so furiously—but I knew I wouldn't make it. I couldn't. All I could see was Seth and Victoria, with Victoria's hands outstretched, ready to grab him, to _hurt _him, _my Seth—_

_PAUL! _I shrieked, _HELP HIM!_

But I was wrongly terrified, or rather, scared of the wrong leech. Victoria landed and sped off, as smooth as fucking butter. But someone else was coming, someone big and large and powerful—"EMMETT, DON'T!" a voice screeched.

Paul heeded my prayer and lunged in front of Seth, taking on the first vampire he saw.

A Cullen.

His jaws snapped and he damn near got a piece of the bastard. He would've, had the leech not backed away, landing in the coursing stream below. He hauled himself out of the water, glaring at us. Ignoring Sam's attempts at restraining us, several wolves made the effort to slip through and get a bite.

'Emmett' was putting up quite the fight, snarling angrily at us.

I phased, stepping quickly into the plain green dress—sans underwear—and running for the edge of the cliffs.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I snapped, scowling down at him. My hair was a rat's nest, my body probably reeked of BO, and my limbs were caked in mud and grime, but I didn't care. I was too furious to care. "This is _our land. _You don't fucking cross the line!"

"It's no-man's land!" he yelled. "You stupid mutts—we could've had her!"

Sam joined my side, whilst Seth and Paul circled me, restlessly. Paul bared his fangs angrily at Emmett, while the burly vampire was joined by who was clearly his mate, and the rest of his family followed. Except for Edward—he was strangely missing.

"She just showed out of nowhere," I argued, adamantly. "None of us were ready for that." I directed all my anger at him so I couldn't be mad with Paul. He had only done as I'd asked, protecting Seth.

Never mind the fact that Emmett had a point… Had Paul let him through, we might've caught her.

"We had a plan!" Emmett shouted, clenching his fists. "This was one of the only chances we were gonna' get—!"

Sam growled beside me—he'd caught on to the same thing I had. "Hold up," I said loudly, a whole new level of rage flooding my veins. "Are you telling me," I asked quietly, "that you _knew _the redhead was coming?"

Carlisle stepped forwards as the petite vampire cringed and her mate, the scarred one, shielded her from our view. The doctor had both hands raised in a peaceful gesture.

"We only found out recently," he said smoothly.

"Wait up," Embry—who'd just appeared, in human form—was frowning in confusion at the Cullens. "Where's your mind-reader?"

Jake growled but Sam raised a hand to silence him. He was frowning, too. "Where _is _the other one? I would've thought you'd have all hands on deck."

I looked to the doctor expectantly, but it was the tiny one who answered. "He took Bella away to her mother's, they flew out not long ago." Jake phased in the bushes and came out, doing up his zipper as he walked.

"They flew?" I echoed flatly. "You had enough time to get fucking _Swan _out of the country, but you couldn't call and tell your fucking neighbors a leech was coming? _What the fuck?" _My anger was only fueled with the sight of distaste on Carlisle's wife's face every time I swore. So she had sensitive ears? So what. Better get fucking used to it.

"We would've had Bella let you know," Carlisle soothed quickly, "but when you banned her from your land—"

"_YOU DID WHAT?"_

Everyone turned to look at Jake, who was staring at me with such fury, I thought I would die on the spot. I think he wished I would.

Fuck. I had so much explaining to do.

* * *

><p><em>When Bella had chosen Edward over Jacob—fucking moronic decision, if I ever saw one—I went to Sam almost immediately, looking for his expressed permission to act as I wanted to. I <strong>wanted<strong> to punish her. I **wanted** her to feel some semblance of pain, like Jacob felt._

_"She's picked the leeches over us!" I hissed, glaring up at Sam. "It's not fucking fair—or right! I don't want her anywhere near my family. Not if she's going to thank us like this."_

_Sam was torn. He didn't know how to react to Bella choosing to date a vampire. None of us did, but Sam had his own reasons, I knew that. Jacob hadn't imprinted, and that was really the bottom line. Sam had seen what imprinting did to someone, what it was capable of—he looked at a reminder of it every time he kissed Emily's scars—and he knew, as we all did, that the chances of Jake imprinting were becoming more and more likely._

_Sam may not have liked Swan, but he didn't want that sort of pain on **anyone.** Ergo, punishing Bella for doing what he'd wanted her to do—refuse Jake—felt wrong to him._

_Still, the knowledge that she'd sided with the Cullens rankled in his chest, and I knew that. I knew it well—and yeah, I may have played to that a little, but I needed to use all the cards I had._

_"She shouldn't be on our land," I insisted lowly. "She's walking with the enemy now—she shouldn't be allowed to change her fucking mind whenever she wants." I saw the gradual realization dawning on his face and went in for the kill. "I'll go. I'll follow Jake when he talks to Cullen about the Treaty, and when Jake leaves, I'll go in for the kill."_

_**"Lucy!"**_

_"I meant it figuratively!" I lied. Perhaps that had been pushing it too much. I backtracked to my original argument. "You gotta say it, Sam. The mind-reader won't believe me unless you say it, and I can prove it to him."_

_So Sam had said it. And I had smiled through each word._

_I had told Bella she was banned from La Push so long as she was one of them. It was only fair, when one thinks about it. I mean, why the fuck should she get any more from us than she already has? We were already practically serving her night and day to keep her safe. If she didn't respect that by keeping away from the fucking bloodsuckers, why should I waste any more time on her than absolutely necessary?_

_I had **not** told Jake._

_Knowing Jake as I did, I knew that the likelihood of him feeling the same as I did was slim to none. He loved Bella—or he thought he did. I was still trying to determine that one, myself. Regardless of how I felt, I was positive that Jake wouldn't see her banishment as a blessing. Luckily, I was used to doing thankless jobs._

_I came, I saw, I banished—and then I kept my motherfucking mouth **shut.** You know why? Because I had **known** something like this would happen. I had sure as shit **known.**_

* * *

><p>"What does he mean by that?" Jake shouted, twisting in Sam's arms, trying to reach me. Seth was standing protectively in front of me, which just made me uneasy. If he got hurt defending me, I'd never forgive myself. Ever. And then I'd never forgive Jake and that would <em>kill <em>me.

"Lucy, go home!" Sam yelled, squeezing his arms tightly around Jake in a mock-up of a hug. "Now!"

Jake shouted obscenities at me as I left, and the rest of the wolves phased out of their wolf form to walk with me, or stand between me and Jake. All except Seth—he stayed in wolf form.

"Lucy!" Jake shouted after me—I hadn't even realized that the Cullens had left until I was being led through the forest by Quil. Embry was speaking loudly with Jake—not out of anger, but just to be heard.

"—did what she thought was right, man! You're an idiot when you're with Bella, she doesn't want you—" I cringed, walking closer to Quil. He shot me a sympathetic grin, bumping shoulders with me. Seth trotted along at my side, his tail swished uneasily until we were out of hearing range of Jacob.

"Don't beat yourself up, Lucy," Quil insisted lowly. "You were following Sam's orders, we all know that. Jake'll see it, too. Hey—how did he never find out?"

I sighed, momentarily ignoring Quil's question. I hadn't wanted Jake to hate me for this. If that's what doing this meant…it was almost worth it having Bella around, if it meant I would get my best friend. Almost.

"I dunno. I guess the only wolf phased with him was either Sam or Jared," and both were known for their exceptional control, such was the unspoken addition. Jacob, whenever he pulled his Vanishing Act, was always instructed by Sam to phase back within five hours. Always. He wasn't allowed to simply live forever as the animal; no _way _was that healthy. The guy needed a better outlet, I'm telling you.

Seth licked my hand, pulling me from my mopey thoughts, and I let out a girly squeal. "Oh, _yucky, _Seth!" I grimaced, shaking off the slobber. Seth gave two barks, clearly laughing, and I couldn't help but break out into a smile, too. Victoriously, Seth wagged his tail and ran a little ahead of us, never too far from arm's reach.

Quil and I walked in mostly silence, detouring to Emily's house after Quil declared that he smelled the wafting scent of Emily's infamous muffins. I was still so wound up from the chase, the thrill of the hunt. I repressed the shudders as I stepped out of the forest into Sam's backyard. Seth hung back to shift into his human body without prying eyes. Not that I'd look.

_Don't be so sure of that. _

I wouldn't. Ever. Not before we were both ready, both prepared. And when we were ready—_damn. _It was getting to be so hard not to think of him that way. I was sorely grateful for Quil's question, unknowingly saving me from my guilt.

"Whose car is that?" Quil asked with a frown. I looked to where his eyes were focused, and saw the blue Pontiac sitting in Emily's driveway.

"Oh yeah, Emily has relatives over," I smiled at Seth as he joined us, all previous thoughts forgotten as he wrapped his hand around mine. Now that the hunt was over, I could remember why I'd been so ritually avoiding him. We had yet to discuss what I'd overheard at school, and I wasn't looking forwards to that particular talk. I mean, was it even _necessary_? Couldn't I just…ignore it for a while and hope it goes away?

_Please be serious. _My wolf and conscience were on the same page, here. _Talk to him. You're treating him like some dirty secret—he deserves more than that. _Oh, I'd known he deserved more than me for a _long _time—they weren't telling me anything I didn't know, there.

Regardless, I'd never let another girl have him, anyways. Seth Clearwater was _mine. _And I don't share nicely.

"You don't say," said Quil absent-mindedly. As we approached, the front door swung open and out walked Emily with a man and woman, all smiles. The man wore jeans and a green t-shirt, and the woman wore a flower-print skirt and tan shirt. They both looked Quileute.

"—be back on Friday. Thank you so much for doing this. It's been so long since we've had time alone. Not that we don't love Claire—"

"I understand," Emily smiled warmly, as best as she could with her scars. "It was wonderful seeing you. Don't worry about anything, I'll take care of her. I promise."

"Oh Em," the woman kissed Emily's cheek. "We know you will."

"Be careful," the man warned, "Claire has a habit of slipping away on you. One moment you're doing dishes, the next you're washing mud off her body."

Emily laughed and shook her head. "I'll keep an eye on her at all times. Feel free to call whenever you like." Only I could hear the serious undercurrent to her voice; she most definitely would be keeping an eye on Claire at all times, especially with a leech in the area. Emily had been asking to babysit for weeks now, and when her family was willing to let her watch the girl, they decided to pick the worst time imaginable.

The woman shot one last uncertain glance in the direction of the house, then slid into the passenger seat. Quil, Seth and I hung back in the cover of darkness—the sun wasn't going to come up for another few hours. I wondered what on earth had kept Emily's relatives at her house for so long as we waited for the car to leave. Having random kids appear out of your backyard and then storm your house for food probably wouldn't make the best first impression.

As the car drove out of sight, Emily turned to where we stood and rolled her eyes. "Come on in, there are leftovers in the fridge."

Quil whooped and darted in the house, letting the screen door clatter shut. From inside, Emily shouted, _"QUIL!" _and the sound of crying could be heard. Not Quil crying—although that would've been fucking hilarious—but a little girl. A _very _little girl.

"Must be Claire," I murmured to Seth. He nodded.

"Yeah, she's only two. I haven't seen her since she was a baby." Oh yeah, he was related to Emily. I'd forgotten entirely—for some reason, I connected only Leah to Emily, and left Seth as someone entirely separate. Can you blame me? Seth was the polar opposite of Leah; it's hard seeing them related in any way.

"So was that Emily's brother or sister?" I asked quietly as we stepped inside. The crying had quieted but loud sniffles could still be heard. Poor kid.

"Her sister. She married Rodney four years ago, just out of high school." I hummed in interest, stepping inside.

What I saw completely floored me.

It was Emily, with a small, sweet little girl in her arms. The girl, who was obviously Claire, was red in the face from crying, but was wailing no more. In fact, she had gone completely silent. She had dimples, I could see that, and they lit up when she smiled a gap-toothed grin from her aunt's arms…

…straight at Quil.

Quil, I'd never seen like this. He had a muffin in his mouth, halfway between swallowing and chewing, and some crumbs dropped and scattered on the floor. His fiery eyes were almost unbearably soft, his eyebrows, raised in complete wonder. He downed his muffin, making a low choking sound before coughing and clearing his throat. Claire giggled, ducking her head in Emily's shoulder before peeking back up at Quil.

Quil smiled now at her, completely enthralled by her. She began to squirm in Emily's arms, "Down!" she demanded.

I made the connection first.

"Holy…" Seth breathed, watching our brother with shock. I could hardly breathe; Quil couldn't have…. He didn't….. He _couldn't—_

"Down!" Claire asked again, and this time Quil took a step forwards, moving around the table between them.

And Emily took a step back.

"You—" she gasped, and understanding washed over her face like a tidal wave. _"You didn't!" _she screamed. _"Not my niece!"_

Claire began to cry. Quil began to panic. Emily was still screaming at Quil like he was the Devil.

I'd thought _for sure _the excitement in my week had ended. I'd thought the drama was done—but I was wrong, it seemed. Horribly, terribly wrong. And when Seth walked into the fray, awkwardly trying to stop Quil from snatching up Claire, who was wailing to be put down and whacking her teddy on Emily, who looked like she wanted to turn into a wolf just to throttle Quil, I did the only thing I could think to do.

Even if it wasn't really funny. Even if it was totally inappropriate and there were a million better, far more _useful _things I could be doing, all I could do was laugh.

* * *

><p><strong>These chapters are taking on minds of their own! I swear...<strong>

**Next chapter: Submission**

**Thanks for reading!**


	24. Submission

**I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR: Submission**

* * *

><p>After ten minutes of sheer bloody chaos, I, with the help of Seth, managed to get things semi-calm. Or calm enough to sort through it all.<p>

Emily refused to let Quil touch Claire, but Quil refused to just sit back and let Claire cry without doing anything to help. So Seth had taken the little girl upstairs, hushing her all the way (my heart had done odd flip-flops seeing him hold a child, but I'd squashed that down relatively quickly).

And then we sat down, and the accusations flew.

"She's a _baby!" _Emily hissed, eyes wide with tears and fury. I sat diplomatically at the head of the table—Jesus, what was taking Sam so long? I was confused, not only because what he was doing shouldn't have taken more than fifteen minutes, but because _Emily was distraught. _I'd practically doubled over when Seth was grieving for Harry, and here Emily was, raging at Quil, and Sam had yet to show.

It was _weird. _

"I'm not in love with her!" Quil hissed back, hands shaking with his own anger at the accusation. I stiffened, eyeing his trembling limbs with fear. If anything happened to Emily because of Quil, because I couldn't handle the situation, Sam might actually kill me.

"Cool it, Quil," I murmured sharply. We were all speaking as softly as possible for Claire's sake. I could hear Seth upstairs, making strange creaking noises that I realized was him, bouncing up and down on his heels as he tried to rock Claire to sleep. When I figured it out, I nearly swooned from the cute-overload.

"Let's let Quil explain what happened," I suggested slowly, bracing one hand on Quil's chest, trying to keep him pinned to his chair. From across the table, Emily glared expectantly at Quil.

My friend took a deep breath, presumably to calm himself, and tried articulating just what had happened. "I imprinted on her," he confessed, his head down as he stared at her hands. "I didn't mean to—Emily, you know it's not a choice. But I did and it's…. It's _nothing _like your imprint with Seth, Lucy, or Sam's imprint on you, Emily. It's something _so _different." He looked up at us then, shifting his eager gaze between us. "She's…she's _so _special. I mean, I'd _die _for her already—because she needs that protection. I've been inside Sam's head when he thinks of you, Emily, and I feel nothing like that. Well, maybe in a way, but I'm not…" he fumbled for words, "I'm not—_in love _or some sick shit like that. All I want," Quil's voice became thick and squeaky. "All I want…is to protect her. Make her happy. Look after her—like a child. Like I'm her brother or something. Emily, I swear, that is _it. _If I felt anything…_else, _I'd tell you. I'd be too horrified—I'd ask you to kill me here and now."

Our eyes met, and I stared at him for a long, _long _time. Sam burst into the house, shouting at everyone about everything, really, until he finally got Emily in his arms and calmed down. And even as the others filtered into the room—all except Jake—I watched Quil closely, trying to see his honesty.

Truthfully? I could find no lie in his face. And he was a terrible liar; had he been bullshitting me, I'd have him busted in a matter of seconds.

Seth was still upstairs when Sam took over the conversation—thank God, because I was _beat. _Between the hunt, the fight with Jake, and Quil imprinting, I was exhausted. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and sleep for the week. My eyes turned to the staircase. Should I get Seth? I chewed my lip in deliberation.

Paul cleared his throat behind me. "Lucy."

The way he said my name drew my focus to him. I frowned at him, confused. The infamous hothead gave me a pointed look. "A break, _remember_?" he mouthed most of it to me, so Seth wouldn't hear it upstairs, but I knew exactly what he'd said. Oh yeah—he'd told me to spend some time away from Seth.

But leaving without saying goodbye? That felt icky to me.

Seeing my indecision, Paul rolled his eyes and grumbled. "I'll tell the kid you said bye," he muttered. I could barely make out what he said as Sam started yelling, having just been told Quil had imprinted.

"_—a baby, Quil! For God's sake, **a baby!" **_I felt bad for Quil, more than anything else. He would never date anyone else. Never fall in love at the same time his friends did. Never get married at the same time as his friends, or have babies when they did, or do any of that stuff. We'd all be old by the time Claire was even ready for dating. I felt so terrible for Quil but at the same time, I was _so fucking tired. _So I took up Paul's offer and, without word or notion otherwise, I left.

But my night wasn't over.

Not even by a long shot.

* * *

><p>He was waiting for me when I got there. I should've expected him, really, because when the rest of us took hours—almost a whole day—to learn how to phase back, it had taken Jacob a little over two hours, and that was honestly only because it was easier to explain the way things worked as a wolf when sharing the Pack link. Now that he'd had so much practice at it, phasing in fits of anger was no problem for him.<p>

He wasn't on the porch, but a few feet away, giving it distance whilst being undeniably in my way.

Just far enough to phase, if he wanted to.

And, because I was tired and worn-out and simply incapable of doing anything else, I walked right up to him, coming short just a few feet away from him. For a long moment, we stared in silence at one another. He wore no shirt, but the mask over his face seemed to stretch over his body, fitting perfectly to his skin. I, who had never had trouble reading him, found him impossible to decipher.

Would that I could use that kind of power. Unfortunately, I knew it was like reading a book with me; I gave my emotions away far too easily.

Any trace of fear I felt was feeble, a weak echo of what it might've been, had I been completely alert. As it was, I could barely bring myself to stand upright, staring boldly into his eyes. He could be pissed at me all he wanted, I was still the kid he'd grown up with, played with, dissected cars with. I was still the one who had punched Wyatt Falcon at eleven years old when he made fun of Jake's then-deceased mom, who had learnt to drive with him, who had snuck him his first beer from Kyrie's stash.

I was the one who hugged him at Sarah Black's funeral as he cried, when his sisters were too upset and Billy was as good as dead, himself. It had been me—_me—_and I'd be damned if I let him show me any less respect than I deserved, as someone who loved him honestly and wholly.

I knew, however, he expected the same respect from me. And I knew he thought I had betrayed him, badly, by forbidding Bella to visit. Maybe I had, but I had made that decision only with the intention of protecting him, since he wouldn't protect himself. But that didn't fix this—if anything, it made it worse.

So really…I had no idea what to expect from this conversation.

"You had no right," Jacob said quietly, anger shining in his eyes. At least I could find some emotion. The blank expression had freaked me out. "_None."_

I was used to Jake's temper; contrary to how most everyone else saw him, I knew he was capable of becoming angry even prior to his explosion into the wolf. It was rare, certainly, but it happened. The only thing that was different now was the fact that he snapped more often, got angrier easier.

And now it was regretfully directed at me.

"I did what I had to do," my voice was deliberately low. "She wasn't going to let you go otherwise, Jake."

"She also couldn't have taken me back!" Jake shouted, throwing his hands in the air, fury leaking out of him. It was the one thing I could find in him, his hate. My heart still gives a painful throb at the memory of his face; I could scarcely believe what he'd been reduced to. Charming, happy-go-lucky Jacob Black, now a hollowed-out shell of a man, broken, and swept under the constant tidal wave of fury.

His rage only fueled mine—it's how we were. It's how we'd always been. We fed off of each other's emotions, which unfortunately included resentment. I glared at him, twisting my voice with heavy, thick sarcasm dripping from my words. "I'm sorry—I missed the part where she _chose _you."

Jake recoiled momentarily and guilt ate at me for that split second, before he hardened and my heart did the same. Someone had to do it. Someone had to tell him how it was, straight to his face, and if Embry and Quil were too chicken, I wasn't afraid of getting my hands dirty.

"I'm not a _child," _Jake hissed. His fists clenched dangerously at his sides. Squeezing his hands so tightly, his arms began to shake. "I'm not _your _responsibility."

"Then fucking take care of yourself!" I yelled, walking dangerously close to his face. Our noses were inches apart. I sincerely thanked Paul's mom for picking a house with few neighbors around. "It's not like I _enjoy _babysitting you, but someone's gotta do it!"

"Damn it, Lucy, this isn't your fucking place! Go help someone else—God knows you've got _enough_ problems. Take your pick!"

His cold words floored me; I hadn't expected him to say thank you, but he was generally pretty understanding.

"Fuck you, you arrogant little shit!" I sneered, eyeing him as though he was revolting. Our anger was getting out of hand; I was counting down the seconds before one of us said something we couldn't take back, before one of us irrevocably crossed that damn invisible line that keeps showing up in my life like a fucking pop-up on a computer.

"You wanna talk about someone with problems? Lemme getcha' a mirror," I was breathing heavily, my voice rose and fell in volume. I was too tired to maintain a constant roar, but I gave it my best effort.

"Come _on, _Lucy, let's cut the crap. You only want to interfere in everyone else's lives because you don't like dealing with the issues in _your _life!"

"What the fuck am I avoiding?" I screeched. The urge to rip my shorn locks out had never been stronger. My heart jerked and jabbed in my chest—with ire, instead of fear or excitement—which was normally the case, as of late.

"Aw, _c'mon_ Lucy!" Jake looked disgusted. "You can fool the world but I know you better. Be honest: you haven't got a clue what you're doing with Seth."

I froze. I felt a little like I'd been thrown off a ledge and landed on my back, dazed, winded, too stunned and scared to say anything because I didn't have a clue what would come out of my mouth.

"Your family's ditched you, your grades are garbage—you've got no foreseeable future, except for Seth. So you're holding onto him—"

"Shut up."

"—but you don't know what you're doing with him—"

"_Shut. Up."_

"—but he's the _only _thing you've got left, so you're holding on with all you've got. _Aren't you?"_

_"SHUT UP!" _I shrieked, "He's fucking _mine—_which is more than you can say for your filthy little _slut!"_

_"Don't you dare talk about her like that!" _Jacob's face was so contorted, so warped, he was almost unrecognizable. He was starting to blur—I was too. It was only a matter of time. _Tick, tock, tick, tock…_

"Why not?" I asked, shaking. I took a few steps away from him. "It's probably true—I'll bet she fucks Cullen every night—hard. Doesn't that _bother you?_ She's fucking _used goods _and you still want her leech-loving ass!" _Tick, tock…_

"LUCY!"

_Tick, tock…_

I was bellowing at the top of my lungs to be heard over him. I can't imagine how we looked, raving at each other like a pair of loons. But all I knew was that I couldn't stop—I'd opened the flood of things I wanted to say, and I couldn't keep them in, anymore.

"You know what I think? I think it's a set-up! I bet Cullen's turning her into a bloodsucker as we speak and you are the _last _thing on her mind!"

Huh. I'd have thought for sure Jake would be the one to cross the line. I was wrong.

It was me.

_How many times have you gotten into near-fights lately? _My conscience sounded exhausted, as though she was tired of trying to battle with my temper. I didn't think there were that many, except I'd been so furious with everyone, as of late.

Jacob was running at me, his body snapping smoothly into a bent-over position, his arms stretched, his legs grew. As his jaw erupted into fur, I didn't think twice.

I met him head-on.

This time, there was no Paul holding me back. There was no threat of being seen, of discovery, of killing a fragile, mortal girl. There was only me and Jacob—only, I don't think we were even _that _anymore. When I phased, there were no voices I could distinguish, no single recognizable sound over the other. At most, all I could make out was anger. Red. Blood. Violence. I wasn't even sure it was Jacob thinking it—for all I knew, our thoughts had merged into one.

Distantly—_very _distantly—I was aware of Embry's voice, horrified, frantic, but faint. Far too faint to make me take notice.

_Definitely _too faint for Jacob to notice.

If I was mostly wolf, then Jacob was detached from his self entirely. Jacob Black was well and gone—in his place, a very large, very angry _Alpha _wolf that I never had a hope in hell of beating.

I'm not even sure it was worth being called a fight, to be honest. It was over in a matter of moves.

Move one: leap under Jacob's belly. Narrowly avoided flexing claws—close one.

Move two: double back. Take Jacob's paw-swipe across the mouth. Fall back.

Move three: snap at Jake's front leg—the closest limb available. Graze fur—success!

Final move: Jacob's jaw, closing around the neck. Defeat.

I struggled for all of three seconds when not-Jacob growled. I still couldn't hear thoughts from him. I'd be damned if I admitted it, but it was _scary. _He was there but _not_ there at the same time, and it fucking freaked me out. Not-Jacob squeezed his mouth dangerously tight—I whimpered instinctively as the canines pricked my skin, bringing tiny droplets of crimson into my fur. Slobber from not-Jacob's mouth dripped and matted in my fur.

I could distantly hear a voice screaming at us, at Jacob. _"JAKE! You'regonnakillher!" _Jacob ignored Embry's frantic screaming—Jacob ignored everything. Not-Jacob was the one in control.

_SUBMIT._

It was the only word I could get from him, because it was the only thing that would appease him. And it was the very _last_ thing I wanted to do. The teeth around my jugular pushed in deeper. His wolf was violent, holding on by a thread. I knew it was only Jake's strong sense of humanity that was keeping me alive.

**_SUBMIT._**

The order was too strong, the compulsion too great. From my spot crouched down under him, I slowly fell to my side, exposing my vulnerable belly. Crumpled over like a broken figurine, unbalanced, unstable, the embarrassment slowly set in.

_Damn, _I thought to myself, as I, Lucy Spencer, the human, slowly came back into control over my body. I knew I hadn't stood a chance but still…

Damn.

* * *

><p><strong>Ack, sorry for the long wait and short chapter. Truthfully, I have no idea where this came from. I wrote it weeks ago and it just...sat there, as I tried to rewrite it (didn't happen, obviously). Evidently when I write something out, I can't change it. Literally. No other plot made sense. Jake would logically be furious, in my opinion (and Lucy doesn't take anything lying down). Hence, I ended up liking this, but it just took me awhile to figure out what the hell I was doing with it. Sorry again for the wait. Here's hoping it was worth it...? <strong>

**On another note, saw Hunger Games! Fucking awesome cast. Can't wait to dabble in _that _fanfiction! *winks***

**Thanks for reading! Your reviews are inspiring!**


	25. The Point of No Return

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE:** **The Point of No Return**

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><p>"Quil sided with Jake, I guess?" My words were far more bitter than I'd expected them to be. I glared sullenly up at Embry, who sat before me on the bed, tending to my closing wounds. He, to my eternal shock, glared right back.<p>

_"No. _He's actually too pissed off with the pair of you—he's with Claire." I almost scoffed aloud at his words—as though Quil was being _forced _into spending time with Claire. As though I'd done him a disservice. _Please. _I knew all too well the constant tug from imprinting; there was no way he was unhappy spending time with Claire.

"And Seth?" my voice became nervous. Was he mad at me? I didn't know if I could bear it; the very thought of him being upset…

"He's outside," Embry confessed, dabbing at the right side of my neck, now. "Sam doesn't want him seeing you until your wounds are completely gone."

The pricks around my neck, large red dots from where Jake's canines had sunk in, were healing abnormally slowly. Or abnormally for me, anyways. It was still faster than the average human's and I suppose for that, I had to be grateful.

"Why not?" I said.

Embry shot me a pointed look that clearly said, "You're stupid." He wiped away the last of the dried and crusted blood, grimacing as he spoke. "Seth'll flip when he sees your neck. Then he'll go crazy on Jake."

I resisted the urge to snort. "So? Jake can handle him."

"Uh, _yeah_, he _can," _Embry emphasized. The "you're stupid" look hadn't gone away; if anything, it had become more pronounced. And like lightning, it hit me.

Fuck, I _was _stupid. Of course Jake would have no problem fighting off Seth. Seth, who even I could beat in a fight. And if I could beat him…and Jake had just injured _me_… My heart lodged uncomfortably in my throat as I was rendered sufficiently speechless.

If Seth attacked Jake, what was Jacob capable of doing to _him? _

As though reading the look of blinding panic in my eyes, Embry was quick to soothe. "Paul has him pinned down outside—Sam's orders won't work on him right now."

Relief flooded me—Paul could handle my sneaky little imprint, I was certain. I nodded sluggishly. The adrenaline had all but worn off, and in its place was a bone-deep weariness I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to sleep off. "Imprint trumps alpha."

It was Embry's turn to scoff. "Tell that to Sam."

Sam.

I felt my insides coil and writhe; I hadn't breathed a word of what happened in the fight to anyone, and Embry had respected my obvious wishes and kept quiet. I knew it would come out eventually—something of this magnitude was impossible to contain.

_Submit, _Jacob's wolf had ordered. _Submit, _he'd said.

And _submit_, I did.

I didn't want to think about what that meant, but I was unable to stop my mind from wandering. The last of my punctures closed over—I felt it, even without Embry's quiet hum of approval and relief—but I gave no outward notice to it. Too wrapped up in worry, I sat, immobile, distant, shut off from the world.

I had submitted to Jacob—or if not Jacob, then his wolf. Jake didn't want to be Alpha—_ever, _as far as I was aware—and yet his wolf clearly did. I'd felt it, I'd heard his wolf thrumming with pleasure when I flopped down, belly-up, and openly displayed my obedience. And before I phased out, I heard the wolf, Jacob's wolf, whisper, _"Pack." _

I felt like a fucking _animal _and I _hated _it.

I hated even more, perhaps, that I couldn't even blame Jake for it. I tried, Lord knows I did, but I couldn't. What had he done that I, on the most base, animalistic of levels, hadn't deserved? I'd kept Bella from seeing him, I'd omitted that fact to him, I insulted him when he found out, and then I spurred him into attacking. Had he messed up? Sure, if you were looking at it as a strictly man vs. man fight.

But it wasn't man vs. man. It was as much internally combatting the beast as it was us combatting each other. And it was a fight _everyone _had lost. Except maybe Jake's wolf.

What did this mean? Was I part of Jacob's pack? Did this apply to everyone? What about Seth? Would Sam ever bow down to another Alpha? If he didn't, would I get to see Seth? Had Jake even _accepted _his Alpha status?

My head reeled with questions, and soon Embry simply left me. He saw he wasn't going to be getting any conversation out of me any time soon and, after taking all the bloody towels out of my room, he left, the dish of water in hand, leaving me wallowing in my misery and guilt.

I couldn't get Jake's words out of my head for the life of me. _He's the only thing you've got left, so you're holding on with all you've got. _

I flinched at the memory; it wasn't true. It _couldn't _be true. Jake had missed the mark on this one, an uncommon occurrence for my best friend—or who used to be, at any rate. He thought I loved Seth for the imprint, because Seth was a break in the constant fear I felt for my future. But he had gotten it backwards—I didn't love Seth because he brought me relief from the fear. Seth soothed my fears of the future so successfully _because_ I loved him. I recalled a saying I'd heard ages ago that had never made sense to me, but was so obvious now. _Immature love says 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' _That was how I loved Seth—desperately, dearly, with a raw, unfettered sort of longing that never went away, no matter how close I was to him. And for that, for that love, I needed him. Because how on earth was I supposed to live without it? Without _him? _I couldn't. It was inconceivable, the very notion of it made my stomach roll over.

Jake's words stung, I wasn't going to lie about it. Of course, it really wasn't anything I hadn't deserved, at least in the eyes of Jake's wolf. I deserved the puncture marks, and more.

I couldn't recall much after the fight than the sound of Seth, bellowing at Jake as he appeared from the forest, and the feel of Jake being forcibly ripped from my neck. Sam was there, yelling at him, yelling at us _both _because he knew all too well there was no way he'd have acted like this without strong provocation. Provocation I, of course, had given him. Leah and Embry had carried me upstairs, Leah threw some clothes over me to cover what little of my nude body she could, and then Embry had asked—_demanded_—for her to leave, to leave me to him. I listened to Sam outside for the few seconds he and Jake stayed in the open. Paul had helped in restraining Jacob from coming into the house after me, and Jared and Sam had slowly but surely pushed him into the cover of the woods as the sun rose.

I could barely make out the sound of Seth's wolf, jaws snapping as Paul fought to keep him back away from me. Other than Embry, no one was allowed to go near me—I'd heard Sam say that, too.

_"Until I figure out what's going on, Jacob and Lucy are to be left alone." _But my wounds kept bleeding for longer than they should've, and Embry wrangled a compromise out of Sam. He was allowed to help clean me up, get me healed, then leave me alone. I'd just pushed away my only ticket of information to the outside world for the foreseeable future, all because of my sullen attitude. And I was sullen, though it wasn't just for my hurt pride.

The biting sting around my neck hurt almost as much as the invisible wound around my heart. As Jake's jaws clenched down on my flesh, he'd done the same thing to my soul. Though I was in the wrong as much as he—I had, after all, attacked him with as much vigor as he'd attacked me—I couldn't shake the feeling of…of _betrayal _I felt.

_Jacob Black attacked me. _

The words were all so wrong—more than wrong, I simply couldn't comprehend them. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my best friend had actually sunk his fangs into my throat and squeezed, deep. Deep enough to leave scars for the next three hours afterwards, anyways. My fingers lifted to shakily touch the punctured flesh, tender and still healing. It all replayed in one great, horrid loop—Jake jumping, both of us phasing, Jake biting and grinding fangs into my skin. It hurt, but not nearly as much as the betrayal. Jacob hadn't done so much as kick me since we were seven and I had trampled over his sandcastle when he ate the last two cookies (he was only allotted one).

My eyes closed, only to open once more. I couldn't sleep. All I could see was Jacob's anger, Jacob's _hatred. _Too scared to drift away into unconsciousness, I stayed awake until exhaustion took over and forced me to deal with my nightmares. I curled up on my mattress and tried my best to sleep, despite the constant wetness in my eyes.

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><p>I woke up late Sunday afternoon to see Paul standing in my doorway.<p>

Rubbing at my eyes, and hitching the sheet a little tighter to my chest, I shot Paul an irritated glare from my place, flopped over on the mattress.

"What time is it?"

"About four," Paul said mildly, leaning comfortably against the bedpost. "You feeling any better?"

I didn't answer, instead looking over to the flecks of blood on the carpet next to me. I scrunched up my nose in distaste. Blood didn't really bother me, but that didn't mean I got a kick out of looking at anyone's blood, much less _mine_.

"How bad was it?" I asked, swinging my legs off the mattress, stretching them out with a satisfying crick and crack. The wolf in the doorway took a few steps into the room.

"Pretty bad. You had blood gushing out, with it being a neck injury and everything. Don't you remember?"

It was kind of hazy, to be perfectly honest, but I didn't really care. All that mattered was finding Seth first, then trying to work things out with Jacob. And talk to Sam. And—fuck, Jake probably would want me to go talk to Swan or some shit like that. Ain't no way, ain't no how that was happening, but Jacob Black was nothing if not perseverant.

"Yeah, most of it," I lied, carefully stroking the most vulnerable skin on my body, just under my jaw. I couldn't feel the marks, which meant it was healed over, but I knew from the way Paul was staring at me that they hadn't vanished. Why not was beyond me; wolves don't scar, certainly not from such pinpricks like those, but I didn't like thinking about it. It made my stomach curl with dread—like I _knew _something had gone wrong.

Paul rolled his eyes and dropped into a crouch, sitting at the end of my mattress. Draping his arms over his bent knees, he leaned forwards, staring at the blood just like I was.

"Jake was bang outta line," he said finally, not looking at me. I sighed very quietly, but not quiet enough. Paul turned his gaze to me for only half a second before looking back at the carpet. "He was. And because I know you, and I know how much you love the fucker, I know you're beating yourself up over nothing. It's stupid, Lucy."

"I'm not beating—"

"You _are, _and everyone knows it. Why do you think Jake's running laps of the forest?" His rhetorical answer stunned me, but not for the reason he thought.

"Wait—what are you talking about? Jake's running laps?"

"Yup."

His short answer irked me. "Well _shit, _don't ramble. It'd be a shame to answer my questions for once in your life." Paul rolled his eyes and I would've sworn I heard him mutter something about theatricality and drama queens, but he saw the glower on my face and, to my delight, hastened to remedy the situation.

"No one knows what he's doing," Paul admitted with a faint scowl. "He's running it human, and we aren't to speak to him until he comes to talk to _you," _he said with a note of finality.

I digested this as I watched Paul get up and head for the door.

"Sam said Seth can come talk to you tomorrow," Paul said from the doorway, hand braced on the frame.

"Uh…ok."

Paul nodded at my stilted, tense response and took off. Was I supposed to know what that meant? Irritated with everyone, I threw myself back against the mattress once more and relaxed into the sheets.

Oh, right—_talk. _Fuck, I'd totally forgotten the events from Friday with the girls at the locker. Did Paul really mean for me to deal with that _now? _Talk about unfairness… I wrinkled my nose in displeasure; didn't I deserve a break? Seth would understand. It wasn't like I was mad at him or anything. Well, not anymore. My anger had all but evaporated in all the chaos with chasing the redhead and being attacked by Jake.

No, I decided stubbornly. I didn't have to talk to Seth about this just yet. I mean, what good would it do? We'd both be upset, hurt, and confused. No, there was no reason to drag this up just yet. Later, I promised myself, like maybe next week. Seth had a math test anyways—could I really be so selfish to distract him like that, all to satisfy my own troubles? That'd be completely wrong of me. Yes, I was positive of it: there was no way I could talk to Seth right now. Absolutely none.

_You've got to be kidding me. _The snarky comment that came from within me was forcefully brushed aside; I had already made my mind up on the matter. No talking to Seth—about _that _anyways.

Knowing Seth wouldn't be coming by until tomorrow, I spent my day lounging about the house, mostly in my room. Paul flitted in and out of the building, but rarely went far. I had the distinct impression he'd been ordered to watch me and make sure I didn't hurt myself, but I knew if I asked and got that answer, I'd freak out. So I just kept my mouth shut as I scribbled down answers to my homework.

By ten at night, I was exhausted. I tried not to let Paul find out, considering I'd only been up for six hours or so and I fucking _knew _he'd flip his lid if he thought I was having troubles healing. (Which, you know, I kinda _was.) _The scabs fell off and the skin was closed over but it was still tender and sore. I avoided touching my neck in fear of tearing the skin unintentionally; Paul eyed the wounds with such suspicion, as though they were going to tear open at any given moment.

"'M gonna go finish my homework," I slurred, rubbing discreetly at my eyes as I got up off the couch and stumbled away into my bedroom. I felt Paul's concerned gaze follow me down the hall until I was safe inside my bedroom—damn, I didn't even recognize the man anymore. Where was the kickass douche that beat up fifteen year olds for the hell of it?

In the end, I could barely haul myself into the bed before I had slipped into the land of nod once more.

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><p>I hadn't been asleep for long, I knew that much. Maybe two or three hours, at most. Large rough hands brought me into consciousness. Soft, warm, nimble fingers I felt I should recognize right away. And I did—I just couldn't put the name to the face, yet. Not in my state of drowsiness.<p>

The room was dark when I opened my eyes, my front pressed against the wall. A gentle hand was clutching at my shoulder, and had I been completely unconscious, I still would've felt the urgency, the desperation, the fear. I didn't move, even as the other hand pulled back my hair, revealing my neck. The large, quarter-sized dots that stamp my skin in two semi circles around the juncture where neck meets shoulder were almost healed. But not quite—the skin was slightly raised, I felt it as his fingertips traced each one.

My pillow was wet—I distantly recalled the feeling of tears smattering my pillow and horrid embarrassment welled inside me for all of two seconds before I finally—_finally—_woke up.

"Seth," I murmured instinctively, and my hand stretched out behind me to latch onto him, any part of him. I was rewarded with a wet, tired chuckle.

Oh. _Not _Seth.

"No," he said softly, unnecessarily. And I wondered how stupid I could be, not knowing him sooner. Disappointment and surprise fought for dominance in my heart—was I happy to see him or sad that it wasn't Seth? I flopped over onto my back and stared up at him—he'd changed almost impossible amounts since last I'd seen him. A day? Less? I couldn't be sure.

It didn't matter, I realized, as my fingers ghosted across the skin under his eyes, too stunned to speak. The red swollen skin looked so painful. I couldn't imagine how long he'd been crying, how much his head hurt. I hadn't seen him look anything like this since the funeral—_the _funeral—and I felt sick just looking at him.

"Lucy," his voice cracked on my name. His head leaned slightly against my fingers, and his eyes closed. I stared blankly up at him as his mouth trembled. "I'm _so, so _sorry." His breath caught in his chest, and I couldn't care less what the hell had happened with me and him and Sam.

_How could I ever be scared of you?_

We tumbled off my mattress as I launched myself into his arms, hugging him fiercely. His apologies were endless—"so sorry, I don't know what happened, I swear! I'm so, _so _sorry"—and I believed every word of it. He tucked my head under his chin (I still had a hard time believing he was _this big, _that he was the same boy I made sand castles with) and squeezed the ever-loving-life out of me.

"I know, Jake," was all I said. "I'm…I'm sorry for what I said." But not what I did. I couldn't apologize for that—I _couldn't. _It was something programmed into me. I couldn't even honestly say that I wanted to feel some regret or remorse—no, I was completely certain in what I had done. I was glad that I had gone to such lengths to keep him safe.

But I hated hurting him. For that, I was sorry.

He didn't say anything for a long time, and when he did, I had to strain my ears to hear him. "I didn't mean a word of it," he said lowly. My heart jerked unsteadily from within my ribcage. "None. I just — I really don't know what happened, Luce."

"Yeah, me too," I said with equal softness. Paul was in the next room, I was certain of it. I was also pretty damn certain he was lying in his bed, wide awake, listening to our every word and monitoring the scene should things get out of hand. Stupid wolf, I thought fondly.

I hugged Jake tightly as he continued to apologize. "My wolf — it just…_exploded. _I couldn't contain it, it's never been so _angry. _One minute I was yelling, the next…you were…I had…" Jake pulled away, covering his face with his hands. "God, what have I _done?"_

"It's ok," I said instinctively, because it definitely wasn't, but I so hated seeing him like this, I was helpless to do anything but lie.

Jake ploughed on, tugging viciously at his short locks. "I talked to Sam — he's…he's still Alpha. I'm not…Lucy, I don't know _what _happened, but I'm not stepping up." I nodded mechanically; I'd expected this. So I still answered to Sam then. Good. That was good—it meant I could be with Seth still.

So what was with the disappointment I felt?

Jacob was oblivious to my unhappiness, too caught up in his guilt. He rocked back and forth, muffling his miserable words with his hands. "It's ok, Jake." I repeated, more firmly. "It's _ok. _I – I should've told you about…what I did." My awkward stammering brought Jake slowly out of his misery. Casting his sullen gaze towards me, I flinched at the flicker of anger and…guilt?

"Yes," he said somberly. "You should've, but I understand why you didn't. But…Lucy, I meant what I said. It's not your job to make sure I don't get hurt. I'm a big boy, Luce," he drawled sarcastically. "You gotta trust that I can take care of myself. Lucy, you _can't _interfere in things like this."

"It was for the good of the Tribe —"

"You didn't do this for them," he said instantly, brow furrowing in reproach. "And you didn't tell me about banning Bella because you knew I'd stop it."

My heart sank.

"You're going to talk to Bella." My voice was flat, even to my own ears. It wasn't a question; I knew he missed her. But I'd hoped, foolishly, that he'd sit back and allow me to keep her away from him, to just simply accept the fact that she was out of our lives now, for good.

"I already did."

My mouth fell open a little, my eyes widened. He…he did _what? _I leaned away from him, pressing my back against the wall. The feeling of betrayal came roaring back. "You did _what?"_

Jake was entirely unapologetic. "I called her. Earlier today. I needed to make sure…" he swallowed, "that you were wrong. About…about her disappearance."

Oh. _Oh. _What I had said before — _I bet it's all a set-up. _I told him Edward was probably changing Bella as we spoke; I should've known it'd piss him off enough to call her. _Damn it, _how had I encouraged him to do the very thing I was trying to stop? Before, when he had first phased and was forced to stay away from Bella — things were easier then — I had accidentally given him the idea to tell her about the wolves without actually _saying _anything. And now I had provided the motivation he needed to pick up the phone and talk to her, as opposed to ignoring her at every turn.

Fuck. If I didn't hate her so much, I could be the best match-maker _ever. _Pushing them together was all I was capable of doing, apparently.

"And?"

Jake shrugged, leaning back on his hands, propped up behind him. "I hung up before she could say anything. She sounded like herself." He paused for only a second, before confessing quietly, "I'm going to see her tomorrow."

Silence. Silence stretched between us like this great chasm of nothingness, cold and dark hands unfurling and pushing us apart. Bella. Bella Swan was pushing us apart. I had felt the distance months ago, not long after Jake's first phase. I had felt the separation take hold and grip us tightly in its hands. I had pretended, from then to now, that it wasn't happening, that I wasn't steadily losing my best friend to the human leech-lover, but this was it.

This was the point of no return for Jacob Black and Lucille Spencer.

As though reading my mind, Jake's eyes became laced with anguish. "I'm sorry," he said gently. But firm — he was certain in what he wanted. And he wanted her — he was choosing her over me, over his family. Disappointed didn't cover half of how I felt. Maybe this was the disappointment he felt when I chose Seth, over and over again. I'd always choose Seth Clearwater. Not just because of the imprint, but because he was _Seth. _Mine. My Seth. And if Jake saw Bella the same way I saw Seth…then how could I blame him for picking her? It rankled, obviously, but I couldn't be mad. I just…couldn't.

"Me too." She really was a danger to our Tribe, all things aside. If he was going to pick her over La Push's safety…over _Seth's _safety, then that was that. I couldn't stop him from seeing her any more than he could stop me from hating her.

"Can…can we still…?" Jake looked up to me hopefully. Damn, I wanted to be so furious with him, but the look in his eyes just melted my icy heart.

"I'll always love you like a brother," I mumbled truthfully, blushing hotly under his intense stare. "_Obviously_."

Jake chuckled in a wet laugh. "Sure, sure. Love you too, Lucy." But he knew. He knew things wouldn't be the same between us, ever again. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was time we let our friendship go unspoken; Seth was my priority now, just as Bella's humanity was his. There was no point in pretending. I didn't have the time to deal with my imprint's sneakiness _and _Jake's stupidity. Jake was right, in that sense: he really wasn't my responsibility now. Any claim I felt over him was gone. My mind brought up the image of Seth's face, twisting in jealousy as he watched Jake and me, and I knew I had to do this, much as I detested it. If Seth ever acted like he had some _claim_ over another girl (other than Leah)… My heart leapt into my mouth. Oh yes, I'd kill her, no doubt about it.

So maybe it really was for the best…but it felt like the _worst. _

"I have to go," Jake said. He stood up, and I craned my neck as I watched him walk to the window. "I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yup," I mumbled, tears burning shamefully in my eyes. _Talk_. Not like two people who had grown up together, no. We would be different then. We weren't Jake-and-Lucy, joined at the hip. That had died when I phased – I was just too stubborn to admit it. We were just Jacob and Lucy, those two kids who grew up together and fell in love with other people. I had never loved Jacob that way, thank God, but I'd almost _expected _that I would, some day. In a clichéd way, like the whole best-friends-grow-up-and-fall-in-love. But that wasn't our lot in life, and it never had been — with or without the imprinting, I was meant to be with Seth. I had no business acting like the concerned girlfriend in Jacob's life. Just friends, good friends. That's all we were. If Jacob wanted to make mistakes and follow Bella around like a puppy...that's his choice.

I looked away as he swung one foot over the window sill and paused halfway. Jake's eyes burned holes in my skin, his gaze was so intense.

"See you, Luce." And with that he was gone.

I sucked in a deep breath as a single tear escaped. One tear, that's all I'd allow.

"Goodbye, Jacob."

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><p><strong>Ack, I feel so bad for slow updates, but life gets in the way (curse you, life). I just wanted to clarify: Lucy and Jake are still friends. It's just different now, you know, no more casually touching or him sneaking into her bedroom. You know, the stuff Bella <em>should've <em>stopped doing when she chose Edward. But whatever, I'm not judging or anything... *rolls eyes***

**Anyhow, I'm still figuring out what the hell is going on in Eclipse. I have things mostly sorted out, but the wolf-life in La Push is largely left up to the imagination in Eclipse, so it's a little more difficult, ya'know?**

**Hopefully I made all the reactions and emotions clear. I feel like sometimes I can't explain things the way I want... Meh. Thanks for reading! Reviews make my day ;)**


	26. Claire Da Vinci

**I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX: Claire Da Vinci**

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><p>I was woken by the sound of light snores in my ear. I knew almost immediately that I had slept in—not that it was surprising in the least. I no longer ached in my neck, but the exhaustion had only finally faded. For a moment, I was baffled and pleased with the amazing recovery I'd made, wolf magic and all, considering the blood I'd lost. That, and it was another wolf that had hurt me, which always took longer to heal.<p>

I opened my eyes and realized just _why _I felt so much better.

When I first looked at the mop of black hair next to my face, my heart gave a sharp jolt and I feared it was Jacob, but nearly simultaneously I relaxed and took in a deep breath of relief. Not Jacob.

"Seth," I whispered, unable to stop myself. His forehead was pressed to my shoulder so I couldn't see his face, and his arms were wrapped securely around my waist. The light snoring abruptly stopped and his breathing became…stronger. Not as soft as it was when he slept.

"Lu," he mumbled back, and I was graced with the sight of two dark, soulful eyes peering up at me with brief confusion, followed by complete love and adoration. _"Lucy," _he repeated, a smile stretching his face, and his face was buried in my neck again.

My hands wrapped automatically around his back to hug him tightly to me. Seth. My Seth. Seeing him eased any doubts I felt about the whole conversation with Jacob. I _was _right; I loved Seth because he was wonderful, charming, sweet. Because he was Seth and no one in this world or the next could ever compare.

I loved him, and that was that.

"Mmm," I hummed in delight. "This is a nice surprise."

Seth pulled away to smile sheepishly at me. Had his eyes always twinkled like that? Why did he seem infinitely more wonderful than he already was?

Seth spoke. "Sam told me I couldn't come see you this weekend. Took me a while to figure out that that meant I could come after midnight on Sunday."

I laughed and it felt good. "I'm glad you figured it out," I said, reaching up a hand to comb through his silky hair. "I've missed you."

He snorted, "Not nearly as much as I've missed you."

Oh _Seth_…

Suddenly his smile fell and his gaze became solemn; my stomach churned unpleasantly at the drastic change in his attitude. "I was worried," Seth admitted in a dark tone. "No one would let me near you. No one would even _tell me _what had happened or who was watching you or who was keeping Ja…" he broke off, ducking his head down to rest it on my shoulder again. The action pulled on my heartstrings, as well as bringing a knot of guilt securely into my stomach. He wanted to know who had kept Jake away from me, when I knew the answer. No one. No one had stopped Jacob from seeing me but everyone had stopped Seth. The thought made me ill with remorse. "I was so scared."

"I'm ok," I said instantly, holding him tightly to my skin, as Seth's hips came to rest over mine and he settled his knee between my legs. He held onto me desperately, sniffling occasionally, brushing his nose over my neck.

"Sorry I couldn't protect you," he said quietly. "Sorry I couldn't fight for you."

"Shh," I murmured, combing fingers through his hair. "I know you wanted to. I know they had to stop you from trying."

Seth scowled now, the emotion ugly and misplaced on his face. "They didn't even let me _try. _They knew what Jacob did to you and they didn't let me _try _to protect you, to…to make him hurt for what he had done, to make sure you were _safe. _They didn't let me near you and I was so scared that you were gonna leave me and…and…just…_damn it _Lucy!" he cried, and buried his face against my neck, shuddering violently. I listened to him breathe heavily for what felt like hours, as I waited for him to calm down.

"I'm ok, Seth," was all I said, over and over. "I'm ok."

After what felt like hours, Seth calmed down and pulled away from me. _A_ _first_, I thought, sitting up as he pulled his knee from between mine, and rolled off the mattress. He was blushing, evidently embarrassed by his display of fear. I fought a smile at his sweet innocence, looking up to the window instead, only to find the sun glaring down from high in the sky.

"What time is it?"

Seth glanced at my clock, positioned out of my line of sight. "Almost eleven. If we hurry, we could make the last two periods of the day."

"_Whoopee." _Seth flashed me a quick grin at my sardonic drawl and stood, offering me a hand.

"Get dressed," he suggested. "I'll wait for you. We can go together." As I dressed, I listened to Seth shuffling about downstairs in the kitchen. Drawers opening could be heard, followed by plastic bags crinkling and the scraping of a knife over bread. Sandwiches, I realized, my mouth watering. I was ravenous; I hadn't eaten properly in hours—a tough feat for a werewolf.

By the time I was primped and ready to go, Seth had four sandwiches packed and ready to go, with drinks, two apples, and a box of cookies. "You know me well," I commented, grinning at the overwhelming amount of food.

Paul had left the car, which was simply a godsend; he was patrolling for the last two periods of the day and wouldn't have been able to get the car until late that night. Keys in hand, I slid into the driver's seat with Seth riding shotgun. And I realized, with a grimace, that Seth wasn't old enough to drive. Wasn't even old enough to _learn._

_Too damn young._

Seth's happy chatter as we drove kept my thoughts from becoming overly bitter. I hadn't forgotten the conversation with Jacob, which grated uncomfortably against my chest. Seth evidently knew something was amiss, but was too kind to ask. Another thing that made me love him even more.

"I talked to Embry." I glanced over to see Seth looking out the window, an unreadable expression on his face. My brow constricted in confusion.

"Oh yeah?"

Seth nodded. "Yeah." And he fell silent again. Full-on frowning now, my eyes continuously darted between Seth and the road ahead of me. What was with the cryptic comments? He clearly had something on his mind.

"_And_?"

My imprint gave a long, exaggerated sigh. "You should probably talk to him. He, uh, he needs someone to talk to." Well, wasn't _that_ just confusing as hell.

"Seth, if something's wrong with Embry—"

"He's ok," Seth argued quickly, shaking his head. "He just needs a friend to talk to. Like, his _best _friend?" He smiled fleetingly at me, too briefly. I pursed my lips in a thin line. His best friend? Using the term loosely, I suppose I fit the name. Quil was a much better fit for it, though. I adored Embry, but even I could admit that I hadn't been all that great of a friend to him, as of late. Between Jake's drama and Seth's father dying, Embry had sort of slipped my mind. Guilt churned unpleasantly in my belly and I frowned at the dashboard. What was so wrong with Embry that Seth was bringing it to my attention whilst at the same time being deliberately evasive?

Perhaps I wasn't the only wolf hiding something from my imprint.

"I'll talk to him," I promised slowly, unhappy with myself. Seth looked relieved and he smiled in a much sincerer fashion.

"Thanks, Lu." And we fell into silence, as I frantically went through a list of things that could be wrong.

We arrived at La Push High School with thirty minutes of lunch left to go. The parking lot had scattered students milling about, some eating lunch, some smoking, some just goofing off. Seth and I meandered through the parking lot, stopping only when one young girl Seth's age and her group of friends caught sight of Seth. They were scattered around the front steps, chatting about sports tryouts when one round-faced girl saw him.

"Hi Seth!"

My imprint's head turned automatically at the sound of his name. I, who had already been watching the girl, felt my eyes narrow as they honed in on her like when a bird of prey finds his dinner.

Seth's eyes finally located the girl and he, too, smiled. "Oh, hey Amy!" After sending her a friendly wave, he took my hand and dragged me away from my spot, where I'd been glaring the girl into dust. Something about the eagerness in her voice, the happy shake of her hand as she waved, the chipper smile she sent him—it made my stomach churn and my jaw clench.

I finally recognized her, after a minute, as being Brady Fuller's sister. Brady himself was only thirteen, in grade eight, but he was best friends with my cousin, Colin Littlesea. I wasn't close to either of them, but when we were younger and our parents had made an attempt at getting along, Kyrie and I had been forced to spend multiple dinners at their house. Occasionally, Amy would tag along and go hang out with my cousin, Britney, but I never really took notice of either of them.

"Good friend?" I asked, making an attempt for nonchalance. Seth didn't seem to pick up anything out of the ordinary.

"Huh? Oh, I guess. She used to come to the diner a lot."

Oh, I'll bet she did, especially when it was Seth waiting tables. That _hussy_. I looked over my shoulder to shoot her one last glare before the front doors closed behind us. Amy Fuller didn't matter, I decided, as I gripped Seth's hand and we walked inside. I shot him a reassuring smile as we went. When we reached the cafeteria, I located our usual table without difficulty and promptly rolled my eyes.

"Oh, for the love of…"

Jared had carrot sticks shoved up his nose, while Embry had two sticks of celery somehow maneuvered under his upper lip, against his gums, and both were making grotesque faces at each other. Fucking idiots. Paul was snickering into his plate of food, Kim looked embarrassed—not that I blamed her—and Quil and Jake were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey!" Embry shouted, waving us needlessly over. Seth and I sat, albeit warily. My eyes were racking over Embry's face and body for physical injuries; had he fought with Jake after cleaning me up? It seemed unlikely. Then again, me fighting with Jacob was an unlikely event in and of itself.

But no, Embry looked perfectly intact. And he sounded fine. Happy. Amused. I fought the urge to seize him by the front of his shirt and shake out the issues plaguing him by force. I tried to play it cool, instead.

"I don't want to know," I said flatly, raising a hand to silence whatever stupid explanation Embry was about to offer for the vegetables inserted in his nostrils. "Seriously, don't. Just…ignore us." Yeah, ignore us while I try to figure out what's wrong with Embry…

Kim giggled at Jared's blush, timidly leaning forward to peck him on the cheek in what I think was meant to be a comforting gesture. Jared's face lit up as though she'd offered to let him sleep with her right then and there, and any embarrassment was flushed from his face. Plucking the orange vegetables from out of his face, Embry leaned forward, watching Seth and I start to eat.

"How you feeling, Luce?" Me? What about _him_?

His quiet question drew everyone's head in my direction, Kim included although she looked extremely confused. Right, she wasn't in on The Secret, yet. Jared was planning on telling her this Friday, so she had the weekend to "think about it," Jared had tried to reason. More like "run and hide," knowing Kim. Again, I couldn't blame her for that.

"I'm fine," I shrugged off their concern—Kim was frowning at me, puzzled, and Seth had a tight arm locked around my shoulders. I was just grateful that the marks on my neck had mostly faded.

"Lucy was sick over the weekend," Paul explained blandly to the human girl. "Doesn't know how to look after herself."

"Yeah," Jared muttered, a wry grin spreading over his face. "Her decisions really _bite her _in the ass!" Paul muttered something with a small smirk as he chowed down on his lunch that sounded suspiciously like _her neck, _when Seth slammed his can of pop down.

"_Shut up!" _he snarled, tugging me protectively close to his body. "Just _shut your mouth!"_

"Easy, man," Embry scolded, bracing a firm hand on Seth's shoulder, opposite to the one I had a hold on. "They're just screwing around."

Seth's darkened face didn't light up for the rest of lunch.

In a desperate attempt to change the conversation, my eyes found Embry and I blurted out, "Where's Quil?"

Paul made a sound of disgust, resuming his eating.

"At Emily's. Babysitting Claire." Embry sent me a significant look that I was clearly supposed to take as _I can't say anything else with Kim here. _It didn't matter; I put the pieces together, myself. Claire was going to be leaving at the end of the week. It only made sense, really, for Quil to spend as much time with his imprint as possible, two year-old or not.

I nodded slowly, chewing on the sandwich Seth made. "Oh. Ok. Sam's keeping an eye on…things?" Things like the redheaded leech, I wanted to ask. Uninformed imprints were _super _inconvenient.

Jared hummed in confirmation. "With Leah." Sam and Leah? Well wasn't _that _the best fucking idea in the world. My eyes instinctively met Seth's and I saw the helplessness, the misery reflected in his gaze. What could we really do about them? Leah couldn't stop phasing, it was physically impossible. Nor could she simply not pull her weight—I knew that myself. I had wanted to. I had almost tried. For a brief stint of time, I _had _run away, but the pull of the imprint (and some curt words from Paul) had pulled me back.

But subjecting her to her ex-fiancé's thoughts on his soul mate seemed so…_cruel._

The topic of the two ex-lovers was dropped when it became apparent that nothing could be said about them that wouldn't tip Kim off to something strange going on. I kinda felt bad for the human, since it was glaringly obvious she was being excluded from the conversation. Jared, sensing the same thing, moved the conversation into more neutral territories, like school and tests and the creepy supply teacher he had in first period.

Jacob Black's absence was not mentioned. Not once.

* * *

><p>At the end of the day, I dropped Seth off at his house with the promise to be back later.<p>

"I'll stop by tonight," I said, hopping back into the car. "I have…things I have to do." Namely, discuss life with Embry.

Seth, because he knew me so well, nodded solemnly. "Ok, Lu. I'll see you soon."

"Soon," I echoed as a promise. And I rolled out of the driveway, catching a glimpse of Seth greeting his mom with an enthusiastic hug. Smiling to myself for a moment, I let my mind wander before I remembered what I was doing. The drive to Sam's house wasn't long, and before I knew it, I was striding across the gravel driveway to backdoor, where I could hear voices babbling.

"—no, no, no! Not the hair!"

"—_did you give her paint for?"_

"It seemed like a good idea at the time! Kids love paint, right?"

As I walked inside, I was sorely tempted to turn around and walk right back out again. It was Quil, Embry and a hardly-recognizable Claire, slathered in green and red paint. Quil had her dangling from his hands, looking torn between bemusement and horror. Embry was flat-out appalled.

I could only wonder where the hell Emily was in this mess.

They all looked to me when I entered.

"Lucy!" Quil shouted, relief etched into his features. "Oh thank God. Here, take her while I—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I threw my hands up and took a step back against the door. I surveyed the kitchen; there was a piece of soaked paper on the table, with a wet paintbrush, and the chair was sopping in paint, too. And on the table were two buckets, tipped on their sides and still oozing paint—the source of the crime, then. "Why do I have to hold her? It's _your _imprint!"

"I gotta get some towels!"

"Take her outside and Embry can get them!"

"Emily's gonna _kill _me!"

"Not if Sam beats her to it," I smiled sweetly at Claire, who was giggling loudly. "Quil, do tell: _what _on earth possessed you to give a _two year-old _a _bucket _of paint? 'Cause I'm trying _real _hard to come up with some answers, and most of them just conclude with words _you _are which I can't say in front of the rugrat, over here."

"She wanted to make pictures!" he retorted defensively. Claire was getting bored, hanging from Quil's firm grasp. Quil looked scared to move half an inch, though, like moving her would create further inexplicable destruction. His fears weren't unfounded; I was scared, myself.

"So give her a pencil crayon!" I refrained from screeching as best I could, not wanting to freak out the kid. Embry was skirting nervously around the two in the middle of the kitchen, tiptoeing like the center of the floor was burning lava. "You don't give a baby a gallon of paint!"

"I just wanted to make sure she had enough!" Quil whined, hesitantly setting Claire's feet on the seat of the chair. It's not like she could do anything worse to it.

"Then give her a squirt and let her do it outside!" I said in disbelief. Embry joined me at my side, grinning at them now he was out of danger. "It's called _moderation, _you dumb…o…"

"_Dumbo_," Embry echoed quietly. "You sure told him, Luce."

Quil ignored him, frowning petulantly at me. I was baffled by the decision of the spirits; how could a child mind another child? This had to be the stupidest decision _ever. _Quil had never, in all my years of knowing him, _never _been known for his maturity. I could still recall the times—both of them—when Jake, Embry and I had found Quil with his head stuck in a chair. At least it wasn't the same chair both times. Small mercies, man.

"She's my imprint!"

"_So?" _

Now Quil looked angry. "Oh, like you've _ever_ said no to Seth!"

And now _I _was on the defensive. "When it's for his own good? Yeah! I have."

"Safety hazards don't _count!" _Quil cried in exasperation.

"Can we discuss this _later?" _Embry shouted over the racket. "Sam and Emily are going to throttle Quil as it is. Least we can do is have Claire cleaned by then." His reasonable response made Quil and me fall silent in agreement; Claire, hearing her name, perked up again and squirmed on the chair, still securely between Quil's meaty paws.

"Vinny!" she shouted, looking overjoyed. Her excited babble filled the room, "Vinny, Vinny, Vinny!"

"Uh…" I looked uncertainly to the two boys, Embry looking slightly abashed and Quil glaring at him.

"She means _DaVinci. _As in, Leonardo Da Vinci. It's what Embry called her – 'Oh Claire, you'll be a regular Leonardo Da Vinci!' Claire got all jazzed up and flung paint at herself by accident." Quil sent Embry as scathing look as though Embry was the one responsible for the horrid predicament they were in—and I say _they _because there was no way I was setting a toe in the blame for that mess. Literally.

Embry rolled his eyes theatrically beside me as Claire's squealing chants died out. Quil frowned slightly at her in a contemplative sort of way.

"I'll watch Claire if you get towels and a bucket of soapy water," he suggested, looking hopefully to Embry and I. Though it looked like that was the last thing Embry wanted to do, he nodded miserably, glowering at the floor so as not to glare at Claire—for he'd doubtlessly receive a whack from Quil for it, if he did.

All I could think was _perfect. _I finally had the chance to talk to Embry, alone.

* * *

><p>I wanted to talk to Embry. Honest, I did. And I tried—but whenever I opened my mouth, the words got stuck in my throat and sort of sat there, uselessly. Things would be so much easier if we were both phased.<p>

My stomach churned unpleasantly at the realization that I was drifting from my friends. Not intentionally, perhaps, but undoubtedly so. Did it have to be like that? With Jacob, it seemed like the only way; him hanging out with Bella, the girl who was determined to become our enemy, put my imprint's life in danger. Regardless of his friendship with the leech-lover, I was acutely aware that I had maybe-sorta overstepped my boundaries in interfering in his life. Good though my intentions were, Jake's life was his own, and I had to respect that. Give advice when asked, yes, but otherwise stay silent and let him make his own mistakes. It was better this way, for now. The scarring on my neck was testament to that.

I had to take a step back from my best friend, but did it have to be that way with Embry as well? I didn't know what was wrong and right; all I knew was that Seth had gone out of his way to tell me something was wrong with him, with one of my closest friends, and I hadn't even noticed. What kind of friend does that? I bit my lip, watching as Embry got ready to scrub the chair in my peripheral. As I watched Embry shuffle about with cleaning supplies, I vowed to myself to fix the awkward distance between us, to put things right. Things between Jake and I were shaky, but it didn't have to be that way with Embry, Quil and I.

I wouldn't _let _it be that way.

I decided honesty was the best approach.

"Hey Embry," I feigned casualness as much as possible. "What's new with you? Feels like we haven't spoken in, like, _ages." _

Well, that wasn't really true, but I think he knew what I meant. His knowing gaze flashed over to me for a fleeting instant before returning to the bucket of soapy water in front of him.

"New with me?" he echoed, sounding amused. "You mean, besides hunting vampires and my best friends attacking each other?"

I grimaced at the dig, and huffed. "You know—"

"I know what you meant," he interrupted swiftly, waving a careless hand in my direction. "Cool it. I'm good, I guess. Feels like I haven't seen _you _either."

I forced the words out this time. "I—I'm sorry, Em." My mouth twisted unhappily on its own accord. "Things got… I mean with the hunting and all… Seth…"

"It's cool," he waved it off—again. I was puzzled by his breeziness, but more than happy to go with it. Who the hell was I to complain about his willingness to overlook my shortcomings?

"Yeah, well…" I trailed off uncertainly. "How _are_ you?" my pressing question made him sigh and look at me with a quiet sort of resignation.

"What did Seth tell you?"

I cringed—tact wasn't my style, evidently. "Uhhh…" I wrinkled my nose a little, "Nothing really. Just…just that you had stuff…on your mind."

He stared at me for a long moment, me looking at him with discomfort and awkwardness, and him the image of suspicion. Apparently he found that I was telling the truth—that, or he knew I wouldn't let it go until he fessed up to me—because he sniffed loudly through his nose, and sat back on his rear, getting comfy.

Figured I might as well do the same.

We leaned against the wall. Emily was thankfully still out buying groceries and Sam was most likely with her. That was probably for the best. The more time they were away, the more time Quil could spend with Claire, saying his goodbyes. God only knows what Emily was going to do to him when she saw the state of her kitchen. I felt more than slightly stupid with the bucket of water and dish rags—there was _no _way the paint was going to completely go away.

I looked to Embry. He was staring intensely at the back of the chair, but I had a feeling he wasn't really _looking _at it. His eyes were slightly glazed over, his mouth twisted down at the edges. I waited in silence, letting him fumble for words. I could be patient—well I _could. _I didn't particularly excel at it.

Sucking in a deep breath, Embry exhaled in a rush, "I want to do a blood test."

The word _why _was on the tip of my tongue, but no sooner had the question come to mind then the answer shortly appeared after it. I knew why, of course I knew. It should've been obvious. Truthfully I was surprised it had taken so long for it to come up.

_But it didn't take long, _my conscience argued quietly. _You just didn't notice. _

Damn it anyways… I really _hadn't _noticed. I hadn't given much thought to Embry ever since Harry Clearwater's death. My heart twisted painfully with guilt. Why did I have to sacrifice my relationship with my friends for my imprint? I had a growing feeling that maybe—just maybe—this wasn't normal… I knew that I loved Seth, both man and beast did, but maybe my distancing myself from my friends…

Maybe…

It was the _wolf_.

I pushed my internal conflicts aside to focus on the distraught teen next to me. Embry had lifted one hand to his hair, tugging at it constantly, while the other was propped up on his knees, balled into a fist.

"Ok," I said slowly, uncertain what exactly he wanted from me here. I went with my first instincts and said whatever came to mind. "Why the drama? That's Jake's forte."

Embry snorted, his mouth lifted into a half-smile before falling again. He sounded so bitter as he spoke. "You know why I'm so torn, Lucy. I don't wanna be the bearer of bad news. But…I want to _know_…" The longing in his voice made my heart clench with sympathy. I didn't blame him for wanting to know, and I was positive no one else would, either.

"Embry, no one's going to be pissed at you for wanting to know that," I reasoned. I didn't look at him, avoiding any confrontational gestures, but I could see him in the corner of my eye, frowning deeply. "They won't," I repeated stronger. "They understand—you want to know who your dad is. There's nothing wrong with that."

"It's selfish," he said lowly. At my look of outrage on his behalf, he shook his head. "It _feels _selfish. Like… I'm being greedy. I want to know who my father is, but… To bring that sort of trouble to the pack? Feels like a shitty thing to do."

I avoided making any mention to the cuss and carefully listened to what he had to say. His fears were understandable, but I really honestly believed that the pack would be ok with it. Was it any of their business, anyways? Embry had every right to know who helped bring him into the world—and never did anything else for him, I thought bitterly. His lack of father had always been a sore point of conversation for him, long before he'd started phasing. The teasing wasn't so bad being the society it is today, but living in a small town, everyone knows everything, and you're bound to get some gossiping sons-of-bitches _sometime. _

No, the pack had no right denying him this. None of them did. But when I voiced this to Embry, he sighed and shook his head again.

"You don't understand. I'll be shattering the image of someone's father. Their _father. _The man they've looked up to—"

"Sam didn't," I piped up, meeting Embry's agonized gaze. "Sam hates his dad." Yeah, and everyone knew it. Not a soul in La Push was unaware of the deep-rooted hatred the Uley heir felt for his father, and none blamed him for it. Joshua Uley had never been known to be a particularly kind or accepting man.

What would he say if he found out his son was a werewolf—and an Alpha, to boot.

"Well that's bully for Sam," Embry said, still morose. "But that only matters if Joshua Uley is my dad. He might not be."

I balked, and it showed. "But…I mean, _Embry, _chances are—"

"Why, because Josh is the only one who's been a lousy dad? That doesn't mean anything," he spoke adamantly, and I slowly saw the true severity in his words. He pressed the point further. "I know you aren't fond of your dad either, but if you knew he had cheated on your mom a few years into their marriage, if you knew he had screwed up _way back then—_how would _you _feel?"

How would I feel? How _would _I feel? I chewed on my lip, concentrating on Embry's suggestion. I hated the thought of it, I realized with a jolt. I knew my dad wasn't a faithful husband, but things had only really fallen apart when I was…eleven? Twelve? My mom had gotten a promotion and any time they had been able to put into salvaging their already shaky marriage dissolved with bonuses and raises and corporate meetings. Then the women started coming home. I knew my parents didn't really love each other, but I had thought so, once. I had spent the last seven years chalking every bad thing in their relationship up to my mother's job.

To find out my father had never really loved her, even then… My stomach flipped unpleasantly.

I didn't speak, but Embry nodded miserably. "You see?"

"But it's not _your _fault!" I protested vehemently. Quil would be looking for us soon, if we didn't hurry up. "It's your mom and your father—whoever the fuck he is—but it's not _your _problem. You're here, and everyone loves you, and that's that."

"_Damn it, _Lucy, it's _not _that!" he shouted, wheeling around on the floor to stare me in the eye, his gaze burning through my head. I glared at him, privately baffled by where his temper was coming from. First he's too mellow, now he's too volatile.

"Then what?" I yelled back, throwing my hands in the air. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't _get it!" _he panted, clenching his fists. We were on our knees, facing each other next to a paint-splattered table and chair. "You're still picturing it as Sam being my father. What if it isn't? What if it's some kid's _idol _that he has to look at every day for the rest of his life? What then? _God _I'll just _hate _myself!" Hysterically, Embry yanked viciously at his hair, and I reached up automatically to pull his hands back to his sides.

"Stop, stop—_stop it _Embry!" I shook his shoulders. "For fuck's sake, you haven't even taken the test yet! You don't know anything yet!"

"But what if it is?" Embry whispered, shoulders slumped, eyes burning brightly with unshed tears. "Damn it Lucy, what if it's some kid who really loves their dad? What'll I do? What will I _say?" _

"What are you—" my mouth couldn't form the words, and I finally—_finally—_caught on to what he was trying to say.

_What if it's Billy Black? _

"Oh," I mumbled, stunned. "I… Embry, I really doubt…" I couldn't fathom the concept. Hadn't I punched Jared in the mouth for even suggesting it? For it to be true, for that to have happened… Billy would've had slept with Embry's mother the same time Jacob was born. When his _wife _was alive. Sarah Black. It had been nearly ten years since she'd passed, and I still had no trouble conjuring the image of Billy and Sarah dancing in their kitchen like lovestruck teenagers, with Rachel and Rebecca yelling at them to get a room and Jake ushering us out of the house like it was going to scar us. Embry and Quil had laughed, made faces and disgusted sounds, but I had stayed for half a moment, frozen, in awe of them. They were so…in _love. _So happy.

Picturing Billy with another woman—with _any _woman other than Sarah—was shattering.

And if _I _felt that way… There was no telling how Jacob would react.

Yes, Embry's fears made complete sense now.

But I had no sooner opened my mouth to respond when the front door swung open and, mid-laugh, Sam and Emily walked in. Groceries went flying and jaws dropped. Emily gave a loud squeak and Sam looked ready to kill someone.

"_What the hell happened to my kitchen?"_

* * *

><p><strong>So... Been a while, huh? I mean, I've seen worse, but I know I get aggravated with long breaks between chapters, so I do apologize for that one. On the plus side, I'm finished exams and have oodles of time to spend writing! (knock on wood) <strong>

**Time to get this story back on track. The middle of fics are always awkward for me, and Eclipse - being the middle of the middle - is proving to be extra tricky. I'm pushing through it, though, no worries. I'm far too excited to get to Breaking Dawn (I know, I never thought I'd be saying that either. Life surprises you, hmm?) **

**So I've taken my break, and I'm feeling refreshed. Dedicating tons of time to one fic is mentally exhausting in my opinion, but I simply can't post two fics at once (although now I've said it, it's probably the very thing I'll do *rolls eyes* I'm stupid like that) **

**...So yeah, sorry for the wait. Hopefully it was worth it. Things will pick up soon. Just waiting for Bella to screw up and enter the story...**

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated, as always!**


	27. Confrontation, Take Two

**I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN: Confrontation, Take Two**

* * *

><p>The week passed in a relatively quiet manner, and I drifted between school work, patrols, and Seth. There had been no sign or scent of the redheaded leech since our last disastrous run-in with her, and the Cullens had been <em>kind <em>enough to keep us posted. I personally found it un-fucking-believable that we had to ask them to do that at all, but they _were _vampires. You could only expect so much from them.

The end of the year was coming up soon, and with it, exams and, on a happier note, Seth's birthday.

His _sixteenth _birthday.

He wouldn't be eighteen, which I'd have preferred, but he'd be legal, at least. Officially. And allowed to get his license – which for some reason meant a lot to me, though I'm not altogether sure why. It was like some giant rite of passage that signaled a newfound maturity in him and, with that, our relationship.

Turning him down was becoming progressively difficult.

I couldn't sleep in his bed anymore. Though it hurt not having his arms around me at night, there was no way I could risk either of us groping each other in the middle of the night. We were so close, I reminded myself when I was alone at night, so close to being together freely and wholly, I just had to stick it out a little longer. Seth got confused sometimes, forgot I think, but I was always sure to keep our affections strictly platonic.

For now, I promised myself and my wolf. Just for now.

Friday came along, and with it the start of a _long _shift designated by Sam. Quil had been pulling eight hour shifts every night this week to make up for the colossal mess made by his imprint, who was to go home tonight, much to Quil's despair. The poor guy wouldn't stop moping unless Claire was around, and Emily still wasn't overly fond of leaving them alone together, despite Quil's many reassurances that he loved her like a little sister.

Well, that was bound to be awkward when she grew up…but who was I to comment? Besides, he had enough to deal with between Emily's apprehension and Claire's parents being completely out of the loop. No, I just kept my mouth shut like a good little wolf.

_A good little wolf? That's laughable. _

I grimaced at Paul's voice. _What are you doing on patrol? I got it covered today. _The last thing I wanted was to deal with Paul's big mouth while trying to survive the bitch of a shift I was to work.

_(Sam's house eating muffins laughing relaxing making fun of Quil truck rumbling Jacob Bella giggling sopping teenagers) I couldn't take it any longer. Fucking dumbasses…_

_Oh yuck, _I sneered in distaste. _She came and visited? _Anger filled my belly, hot and irrational fury. How dare she show her face here, after I'd ordered her not to? The fucking leech-lover needed to learn her place.

_Jacob gave her permission. _Paul sounded as unimpressed with the excuse as I felt.

_She still shouldn't have come, _I argued. _And that wasn't Jacob's call. It's Sam's. _

_Sam backed down on this one, _Paul gave a mild, mental shrug and kept running his lap around the forest. The cool feel of dirt squishing beneath our feet was an extraordinarily relieving experience. But not even the relaxing sight and sounds of the La Push forest could soothe my temper at that moment. Bella Swan didn't know how to keep her nose out of everyone else's business, I was starting to suspect. She came by it naturally, the ability to be this irritating, self-absorbed _bitch_.

_What the fuck – __**why? **_I couldn't believe it; Sam had agreed that Bella Swan was the worst thing that could happen to La Push, to our people. What was he thinking, revoking his previous orders? After I'd worked so hard to get him to give the command, Jacob thought he could just waltz in and undo everything I'd worked for? Not just for La Push's protection, but _Seth's? _My _imprint's? _

The bloody motherfucking arrogance of him…

_Relax, _Paul insisted. _I'm sure Leah will take care of it. _

Leah? Yeah, Leah could do it. If anyone could bitch someone out of a house, it was Leah Clearwater – quite possibly the antithesis of Seth. Seth assured me multiple times she was a completely different person with him, and after witnessing his memories firsthand I had to agree. But prior to his revelation, I'd have sworn he was making shit up to try and salvage his sister's poor attitude. Not that I blamed her for her sourness, just…damn it, couldn't she take it out on someone else? Like _Sam? _

_It's not Sam's fault. _Oh fantastic. Jared and Embry were phased now too. _Sorry to disappoint. _

It wasn't so much that I was disappointed in the company as opposed to the fact that I _had _company at all. I had been looking forward to eight hours of silent bliss, not the comedic show of the Three Stooges.

_Lighten up, _Paul snapped. _You should be grateful you're being blessed with our company. _

Blessed? Try _cursed. _

_Ouch!_

_Lucy!_

_Like __**you're**__ a barrel of monkeys…_

Well, screw it then. If they were going to come crash my alone time, I wasn't going to stick around when I wasn't needed. _Cover me, _I ordered – _ahem, _asked – them, and phased out of the link, reverting to my less invincible, fleshier state. Trotting to my house as naked as I was the day I was born, I stalked the forest floor and prayed Victoria didn't make her appearance now. Wouldn't that be embarrassing?

_Go see Seth, _my wolf demanded suddenly, sharply. I reared, startled by the urgency and insistence. _Go. Go see him. _

No, I could see him later. It was reaching five now, I was hungry, and God only knows if Swan was still hanging around – in which case, I wanted to avoid anywhere she might contaminate. I'd see Seth in the morning, bright and early.

_Now. _

No!

_We need him. He needs us. You haven't been tending to him like a good mate. _Fucking wolf… who did she think she was, criticizing me like that? I had seen Seth every day this week, hung out with him, helped with his homework (or pretended to, since everyone knows I'm shit with the academia life) and even gave hugs and whatnot. The wolf's fears were completely unfounded.

_He is an unmated male within close proximity to unmated females. Females looking to mate. _I fought the low growl, stomping down on the unexpected wave of fury. Seth knew better. Seth knew better than to entertain _any _other female but myself. He loved me the same fierce way I loved him, and that was final.

_But he may grow tired of you, _the wolf argued vehemently. _You should mark him while he is still interested. _And I would have marked him, except normal teens don't go around _biting _each other. That was all kinds 'fucked up. I couldn't do that to him, not until we'd discussed it and planned it out and he was _damn _certain he wanted this, the same way I did.

_Then you should probably discuss it with him, _a voice dryly suggested, one that I was no longer certain was my wolf, but rather a deeper, innate part of my soul. My conscience? Hard to say. Whatever it was, it railed against my decision to procrastinate any longer than I already had.

_You've put it off long enough, _it reminded me firmly. Why the fuck did it have to sound so uncannily similar to Paul, of all people? _Time to tell him – you aren't ready to date._

_What? _I protested against the self-discovery my conscience was trying to tell me. It wasn't true; Seth was the one who wasn't ready. _Seth _was the younger one.

_Seth Clearwater has dated other females, _the voice pointed out calmly. _You haven't dated since you were fourteen years old. _And wasn't _that _a fucking disaster. I'd tried dating a boy from Forks who had seen me swimming off of First Beach. We 'dated,' so to speak, for under a month. It was awkward, and uncomfortable, and I had to look at multiple photos of unclothed men afterwards to remind myself I was heterosexual since I had felt positively _nothing _from the experience. But I wanted Seth. I was _so _ready now.

But he wasn't. He wasn't ready, and I could be patient. I was making a judgment call here. My conscience was being a colossal dumbass.

Scowling, I shook the thoughts from my head and changed into jeans and a ripped t-shirt that barely passed as presentable (the joys of being an unemployed werewolf whose money goes almost entirely to maintaining the house). Feeling disoriented and caught unawares, I quite suddenly wanted to see Seth; no, I _needed _to see Seth. If only to prove the damned little voice in my head wrong. I was _mature. _I was ready for this relationship.

Seth wasn't. But I was.

* * *

><p>It's in a wolf's nature, I found, to know instinctively where your imprint is. Like an invisible string tying us together, my feet traveled the path from my house to the beach as easy as they did from my bedroom to the bathroom. There was an undeniable, unbreakable bond between us that linked us in ways no mortal could or would understand.<p>

That, and I may have called Sue.

It was reaching dinner time by the time I picked up his scent, and from the edge of the woods I could make out the sight of Seth coming crashing through the waves on surfboard, his laughter audible from here. It wasn't uncommon, I'd learned, for Seth to become so engrossed in whatever activity he was consumed with that he forgot about all other things that were vital to his survival, like eating and sleeping. Between patrolling and school and grieving for Harry's death, I knew my imprint hadn't been able to go swimming or surfing much, as of late.

My grin lasted perhaps two seconds before my nose caught another scent. Two, to be specific, and they were much less welcome than Seth's.

Ah yes. My head turned from the left to the right, where I could make out none other than Jacob and Bella sitting atop a piece of driftwood, speaking in low intimate tones. She was huddled close to him, practically on his lap. My face turned into a sneer without much effort. Didn't this chick have a boyfriend already? The way she was hanging off of him would make one think she was a horny teenager, not…well…a horny teenager, I guess… But that's not my point. The fucking scum was in the vicinity of my imprint. What if the redheaded leech decided to attack? What if she came in via the current, and took Seth unawares? What if she killed—?

_Don't think that, _my whole self railed against the thought violently. _Don't even consider it. _

Casting Seth one final glance to be certain he was okay (and he was; he was swimming out to shore as I marched over to Jake and Bella, eager strokes and kicks giving way to his pleasure), I headed in the direction of Bella Swan, hands trembling. I was trying to guess how long it would take for Jacob to see me and, more importantly, if I had time to behead the bitch, when he looked over his shoulder and sprung to his feet.

"Lucy!" his sharp call had no effect on me. He gave no order, so I simply kept stalking.

Bella looked up at me now too, eyes wide with fear. I won't lie – the sound of the increased heartbeat gave me the tiniest jolt of satisfaction. She should be scared; she was messing with a wolf whose imprint she was sorely endangering just by existing.

"Lucy, _stop!" _I was less than ten feet from the pair of them, hands clenched like my jaw, fingernails digging into my palms, ready to spring in midair and attack when Jacob spoke. And you know what I did?

I _obeyed. _

Glowering at Jacob with the fervent hope I could send lightning bolts through his skull by simply wishing it, I watched him stand in front of Bella, protecting her, guarding her, keeping her safe _from me. _Sudden and sharp guilt ate fleetingly at the pit of my stomach; however I felt about Bella, hurting her would hurt Jacob. And I still loved him like my brother, beyond the fact that he was the true Alpha and it was ingrained into my wolf-instinct to be loyal to him.

But regardless of my loyalty and love for the guy…he _fucking ordered me. _You slimy little git…

"I should be going," Bella squeaked from behind us. She was already standing, climbing to her feet. Her brown hair blew in her face, but her blush was still prominent. She avoided my eyes like the plague, but her shoulders were surprisingly squared and her back was straight. Did she know she was projecting confidence? I wanted to doubt it, but the stiffness in her arms gave her away. She was _trying _to be brave, speaking up – albeit to _leave, _but speaking up in the middle of a would-be fight between two werewolves nonetheless.

I was, dare I say, impressed. It did nothing to make my hatred for her subside, but at least she was a step closer to being worthy of the Pack's protection now. Now, maybe I wouldn't feel so ashamed working to save her sorry skin.

"No, Bella, you stay."

She shook her head to Jake's garbled suggestion – order, more like, and I felt automatic envy flood me at the reminder that she could disobey him and _I _was helpless to do anything but follow. I was still stuck under Jacob's damn command, feet shifting in the sand to try and wiggle away from where I stood, but only managing to make myself sink deeper. I looked discreetly to where Seth was still playing in the water, oblivious to the brewing storm happening a hundred feet away.

"I really have to go," Bella said firmly, shouldering her bag and moving forward to hug Jake. Realizing this would've put her in closer proximity to me, she paused, and frowned slightly at my face. My nostrils flared in warning as she met my gaze; there was bravery and then there was arrogance, and challenging a werewolf was as fucking cocky as you could get. Jake saved her once more, stepping forwards and shielding her from my view.

"If you're certain," he sounded unhappy but more human than he did a second ago. He hugged her briefly, her skinny arms winding around his torso in a possessive manner (seriously, did she forget she had a boyfriend?) and pulled back after what felt like eternity.

"I'll call," she mumbled, and left, plodding up the slight incline in the direction of her truck.

Leaving me with Jacob.

"You bastard," I hissed, so furious I felt I could explode. _Seriously_. I was seconds away from phasing on him. The only thing that kept me from making my move, of course, was knowing what would happen if I did. My neck had only just healed; I had no interest in marking it up again. "Who the hell do you think you are bringing her here?"

"Who did _you _think you were in banning her?" he retorted, whipping around to match my glare with his own, arms folded to emphasize his bulging biceps. We kept our distance for the obvious reason that if either of us approached the other, a fight was bound to break out instantly.

"I think I was the one looking out for our people!"

"Oh, _don't _get high and mighty here," Jake snapped. "It's not like you're next in line or some bullshit."

"Well it's not like the one who _is _is stepping up to it!" my teeth bared in a faint growl at the insult, and his followed in response.

"Sam revoked the order. She was doing nothing wrong being here!"

"She was doing _everything _wrong being here!" I shouted, tossing my hands upwards in exasperation. "She puts everyone in danger by standing next to them."

"The _Cullens _put everyone in danger standing next to them."

"And she's as good as!"

Fury erupted in his face like a torrent of emotions. The implication had struck a nerve with Jacob, a sore nerve. "She's _still human!" _

"Yeah, and for how long, Jacob?" I was grasping at straws trying to make him see reason. Why could everyone else see it while he couldn't? Why was he so blind when I and every other wolf knew she was going to get someone hurt someday, just by her affiliation with the leeches?

"Her leech won't change her," he said adamantly. The flicker of fear in his eyes was unmistakable, and I did feel a tremendous amount of sorrow for his aching heart. "He knows the Treaty – I made sure of it."

"You really think that'll stop him?" I whispered, stunned. "They're smart. They're wealthy. They have the ability and resources to hide from us. Face it, they could take her at a moment's notice and we wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it."

"Stop it," he begged, tears shining brightly in his eyes. The sun was setting slowly. That, or it was simply being blocked out by the clouds. I had lost track of time. Before I could respond, however, my name echoed across the beach.

"LUCY!"

I spun around and instantly made to walk to him, only to topple over, feet firmly planted where I stood. Jake's order still held tightly, despite Seth's frantic calling of my name. I saw him moving towards us at rapid speeds, frightened and hurried but altogether unscathed. Eyes wide with fear, he ran to my side, crouching down low over me, kicking up sand around us.

I shot Jake an irritated glare, silently gesturing to my frozen feet.

"Uh," he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck in what would've been a comical way had I not been so furious, "you can, uh, move and stuff."

"Thanks," I snapped. "What a way to treat your friends."

A dark blush quickly rose on Jake's cheeks, and his spine straightened defensively. "Hey, you're –"

"What's going on?" Seth stood up, helping me to my feet. His normally amiable face was cast in shadows of anger and worry. Hand gripping my shoulder, he looked surprisingly fierce and tough and _very_ unlike Seth Clearwater. Anger with Jake, and by extension Bella, swelled further inside my heart. The growing dispute was causing Seth to become less Seth and more…wolf-like. He wasn't supposed to be angry. He wasn't supposed to be _tough. _The very sight of hate on his face was disturbing, and I hastily set about trying to get us out of there.

"Nothing happened," I braced a hand on Seth's back, warm and wet under my fingers. "I'm ok. Jake and I were just leaving."

"Don't lie," Seth growled, his eyes never leaving Jake's face. The poor kid was still dwarfed by Jacob, having yet to finish his growth spurt. But he was getting closer. I knew he'd likely not reach Jake's impressive stature, but he still had some inches to go, I was guessing. His mother was going to have a fit soon, with all the money she was spending on clothes.

"She's right," Jake piped up. "I was about to go on patrol." He met Seth's gaze with a strong look of his own. It distinctly said, 'Don't piss me off.'

Seth wisely followed.

"C'mon Lucy," he muttered, "dinner should be ready now."

Ignoring the fact I wasn't really hungry, especially after the nerve-wracking confrontation, I allowed Seth to tug me away by the wrist, his long fingers wrapping smoothly around the bony joint like they were made to hold me. Before Jake was out of my sight, I looked back at him over my shoulder. My mind was jumbled and full of terribly insulting things, but being with Seth always made me a better person than I thought I was, so I nodded at Jake in an attempt to salvage the situation, letting him know I wasn't happy with him, with Bella being here, or with the encroaching fight between wolves and vampires, but I understood him. I understood his desire to protect Bella, if nothing else.

How could I not be the slightest bit empathetic, holding tight to my soul mate's hand? If Jacob loved her half as much as I loved Seth – and I sincerely doubted anyone could love someone the way I loved Seth – but if he did, then how could I be angry at him for trying to keep her safe?

My only fear was that while trying to keep Bella safe, he was going to put Seth in danger.

* * *

><p><strong>I have no excuse. It's just life. <strong>

**Sorry for the short chapter, but I figured it was better than nothing :P This story keeps turning in directions I hadn't intended it to, so it's difficult trying to map out what's next. I have a feeling I'll be editting a lot of the original idea out of it, which sucks, but c'est la vie, right?**

**Thanks for reading, hopefully the next chapter doesn't take so long! Cheers!**


	28. Lucy's What If

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Lucy's "What If"**

* * *

><p>"A bonfire?"<p>

My reaction wasn't alone. Around me, my brothers were all equally surprised. Paul scoffed and Embry quirked an eyebrow in Sam's direction as though to say, you're serious? I mean, it's not as though it should've been such a surprise, but _now, _of all times? Because my life wasn't hectic enough.

"There are new wolves who still haven't heard the Tribe Legends," Sam said with a sharp frown in my direction. Hey, just because _I _said it, didn't mean everyone else wasn't thinking it. "It was done for every one of you; why should Seth, Leah and Quil be any different? Or Kim," he added with a respectful nod to Jared. He mimicked the action, distracted and deep in thought.

"Because we've got a fucking leech on our asses, noon, night and day!" Paul snapped, glowering at Sam. "What the hell, Sam? Who's gonna cover patrol while we're all on break?"

"Not the Cullens," added Quil quickly, before anyone could speak. "Over my dead body."

"Yeah, they'll stink up the joint like no tomorrow," Jared said, bumping shoulders with Quil in a supportive gesture. "Freaking bloodsuckers…"

Sam shook his head firmly. "No one said anything about the Cullens watching our land. You should all know better than to think I would do that. Paul, I know it won't be the same as the last bonfires we've had. We'll need some wolves sitting out, watching the land. I'll go, and call for back-up if anything happens."

He was going to patrol alone? I looked around at each of us, trying to pick one wolf who could afford to sit this one out. It seemed so wrong that Sam should be the sacrificial lamb when he was the one who wanted to party in the first place. Jared, Seth, Leah and Quil were all immediately ruled out since the whole shebang was _for _them – or in Jared's case, his imprint. And if Jared got to stay for Kim, I would be allowed to stay for Seth. That only made sense.

Jake couldn't go anywhere; Billy would need him, and he _was _the rightful Alpha. It was unspoken – heavy emphasis on the _unspoken – _that he had to be there. Embry couldn't go anywhere, since Quil and he were BFFs and couldn't go to the bathroom without the other knowing where he'd gone. That left Paul, who was against the whole thing to begin with, and…and no one. That's it.

One look at Paul's angry face told me there was no way in hell I'd convince him to miss out on the night's affairs, even if he hated the idea. No party happened in La Push without Paul Lahote's awareness.

"Unbelievable," Paul grumbled, sour and put-out. He stalked off, straight out the door of Emily's house and headed for the car. Figuring I'd have to hurry it up if I wanted to get a ride in his car to our home, I hugged Seth and promised to catch up with him soon. Jake was nowhere to be seen (surprise, surprise). Last I'd heard, Billy was keeping him on lockdown until he'd caught up on his homework to a passing grade. I actually felt for him, just a little. Having been grounded by Sam, I could relate on that front.

But it _did _keep him away from Bella, so my sympathy was…restricted, shall we say?

"I'll call you later," Seth promised, squeezing me tightly. I felt my face get mashed into his chest and smiled strangely against his torso. He really _did _make everything right again.

"Cool." I thumped Jared on the arm and jogged outside, reaching Paul just in time before he sped off without me. "Hey, wait up!"

"Should move faster," Paul said, making a face at me. "You walk slower than a snail…"

"Shut up!" I fastened my seatbelt, pausing to make my own face back at him. "Just because I actually _have _manners, and like to say goodbye to people…"

Paul snorted, "Tch. _Manners." _And without another word, drove away in the direction of home.

* * *

><p>I didn't actually get around to calling Seth that night, much as I would've liked to. Instead, I found myself entirely preoccupied with the ever-encroaching 16th birthday of Seth Clearwater, the day I'd sworn to hold out until. It was what I told myself to get through every heated touch and glance between us, it was how I fell asleep at night anymore. A constant countdown filtering through my mind.<p>

And I had no idea how to make it special for him.

Besides the fact that I would be jumping him the moment the clock struck twelve, I had come up with not a single thing to make Seth's birthday exciting. The most difficult factor to get around, of course, being the gaping hole missing in the Clearwater family: their patriarch. I couldn't fathom how hard it was going to be for Seth, celebrating his birthday without his father present, and I often contemplated the notion that he perhaps wouldn't want to do anything for his birthday, least of all celebrate it. I struggled to understand the idea of losing a paternal figure, much less one I was close to. It was no surprise to anyone that Seth and Harry had been extremely close, to the moment of Harry's untimely death (what a stupid phrase – untimely death. As though it's ever _timely). _

Whenever the conversation came up however, Seth seemed fairly adamant that we proceed with his birthday as normally as possible and, from a brief but enlightening talk I had with Sue the other day, she felt the same way. So I was given the go-ahead with my top-secret plans.

The problem was I had no plan to begin with.

What did I do for a teenager, who was a boy, who I loved like…a lot…, who was a shape-shifting, vampire-chasing, straight-A student who didn't like bowling or mini-putting? (The last bit of knowledge came out grudgingly from Seth who seemed highly embarrassed to confessing to _not _enjoying a family-fun activity. Luckily for him, I was happy to give up both).

This called for a phone-call to one Emily Young.

"Hello?"

"Em? It's Lucy."

"Lucy? Hey, honey! Is everything ok?" The concern in her voice surprised me.

"Uh, yeah, yeah. Fine, thanks. I was just thinking – wait, are there any wolves with you?" I had deliberately waited until Paul left for his nightly scout around the property. Laughter could be heard on her end, from the woman herself.

"Besides the one I'm talking to? No." I scoffed at the lame joke.

"Very funny, Young. So listen, I was hoping you could help me with something."

"Is it the bra with the criss-cross straps again? Lucy, just remember to hold it up before you put it on –" I hastily cut her off.

"No! No, that's not it. Would you listen for a second? It's Seth. His birthday is coming up and I have no clue what to do."

There was a brief silence on the other end as I waited eagerly to hear her advice – which was bound to be golden. This was Emily Young, Wolf-Girl Extraordinaire. I wasn't just hopeful; I was chalk-full of faith.

"…Lucy, I don't know what you want me to tell you." Baffled silence met Emily's ears as I sat in disappointed shock. Indistinct mutterings slowly sputtered from my mouth as I struggled to articulate my frustrations (and failed). Emily spoke in a voice laced with amusement, "You're a big girl, Lucy Spencer. You can figure something out, I'm sure."

"But _Emily!"_

"Don't _'But Emily' _me, young lady. You've moaned to all your brothers about Seth's age. Sixteen is a perfectly acceptable age. Why don't you try going on a date again?" I bit my tongue hard to keep in the protestation – I had learned to accept the fiasco at the movies did indeed count as a 'date,' not that I knew better at the time. Bottom line, there was no way in hell I'd ever try denying _that _again.

I tried for deception and tact instead. "Isn't that a little…sudden?"

"Sudden for the girl who's found her soul mate and is madly in love with him? Uh, I'm gonna go ahead and say no."

My tongue was starting to swell in my mouth. Coherency was becoming increasingly problematic. Palms sweating and heart racing (faster than normal, I mean) I glanced out my window as I paced my bedroom restlessly like the wolf I was.

"I wasn't really thinking of just…jumping in, you know? I mean, work my way up to it, start with cutesy, shmoopy shit, you know? Like…_you_ _know_?"

"Not in the slightest," Emily answered flatly, tinkering sounds audible in the background. I heard her shuffle through cupboards as she ran water for either dishes or her infamous coffee. I wasn't all that gung-ho about the stuff, myself, but Quil swore he'd sell his soul for it, if need be. "I don't understand. Seth adores you. You know he'd be all over dating you, silly girl."

Blushing to my roots, I mumbled, "Yeah, sure…"

She laughed, "It's true! I seriously don't know where this is coming from. Sam complains that most times you've run with him, you couldn't focus because you were so excited about being Seth's girlfriend. What's stopping you? I thought sixteen was the magic age to you."

"Nothing's stopping me – wait, did you say Sam complains about me?"

"Not important!" she chirped quickly, and I made a mental-note to discuss _that _tidbit of info later. _I _can't focus? If he sees a cloud that reminds him of Emily, the boy's a goner. The little hypocrite… "I think you were about to tell me why you're getting cold feet when the boy hasn't even proposed."

"_Proposal?" _Oh, _now _I was relaxed. Literally collapsed on my mattress, I clutched theatrically at my heart, despite the fact I was aware he couldn't see anything. I could hear Emily telling me to breathe, and the sound of muffled laughter from her voice. I rolled my eyes.

"Laugh it up, Young. This coming from the girl who has yet to set a date or _anything _for her own wedding."

Emily, still laughing, chided, "Hey!" After calming down, we sat in silence for a brief moment, and I had the distinct feeling I was sitting, watching the same crescent moon as she. Emily said nothing for a long time before taking a deep breath and she exhaled.

"I can't tell you what to do, Lucy. No one can." My feelings were almost disappointed. I was so tired, so thoroughly exhausted. I _wanted _someone to tell me what to do, I _wanted_ the choice taken out of my hands, if only to release the weight of responsibility constantly pushing down on my chest, weighing so heavily on my shoulders that my knees shook when no one was looking. I had made so many terrible choices, I couldn't bear to make another. I just couldn't.

"It's normal to be scared," Emily mused quietly to me. "You've found the man you're supposed to be with, according to a bunch of people you barely knew. Forever. It's a lot to take in."

"It is," I confessed, feeling increasingly stupider and relieved by the moment.

"Eternity with one man…" she continued as if I hadn't spoken. "It's what almost every girl dreams of, and when the time comes to commit, it feels like there are a thousand reasons not to."

"Yes," I admitted, and my hand raised to cover my face as I gripped my cell phone with the other hand. "Like I'm missing out on all these…opportunities. But I haven't got a fuck what I'd be missing out _on!" _

"Well no one knows, honey," Emily said. "That's why it's called a leap of faith."

My throat constricted and heart shattered repeatedly in my chest as I faced the heartbreaking reality. The truth to my life, the one I'd been putting off: it wasn't Seth who wasn't ready. There was hardly an age difference between us at all. In the long run, it wouldn't matter, and damned if I didn't know that the whole time, deep down.

"I don't think I can."

Emily hummed on the other end of the phone, "Hmm? Do what?"

Tears burned in my eyes and I clutched weakly at my stomach, which was churning and rolling in nauseating waves. I laid back against my mattress, hand pressed to mouth, and spoke in a muffled, indistinct voice, "I can't date Seth."

* * *

><p>Silence ensued after my blubbering exclamation, and I had promptly burst into noisy, tearful sobs. I had never, in all my life, hated myself more than I did in that moment. Never had I been more disappointed in myself, never had I been so sick with guilt. The truth had been staring me blindly in the face and I'd ignored it the whole time.<p>

I wasn't ready for a soulmate. I wasn't ready for that responsibility. It was too much, too soon – my shoulders were bound to break with the weight. All my life I'd faced consequences like any child, man and woman do. All my life, I'd made choices – the very choices which had lead me to where I stood today. I couldn't bear to make the choice that would either bring me absolute happiness, or absolute ruin, the very same I'd watched my own mother and father endure.

Emily had begun babbling on the other end, telling me to calm down and that we'd figure it out. My face was half in my hands, and I curled tightly in on myself as a sharp, stinging cramp burst through my abdomen. Passing it off as my monthlies, I tried to calm down and pay attention to what Emily was saying on the other end.

"Why, Lucy? Can't? Why not, honey?"

I sniffled pathetically, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I…I can't do it. What if…what if it was all a mistake? What if he realizes I'm not right for him and he leaves me? What if the imprint breaks after he stops imprinting?" I heard Emily inhale shakily on the other end, and realized faintly that whilst she might have been the best to talk to, she was also the worst.

The best, because she understood. And the worst, because…well, she understood. The fear that Sam's imprint would vanish after he stopped phasing was a very real fear for both Emily and Sam. Sam was more certain, more secure in the imprint (or that was what he told himself, I think). Emily's fears were painted very plainly on her face whenever the topic of 'retirement' came up, when we, wolves, would get to stop phasing and have a real life. I was always looking forwards to it, but now, with the creeping fears and doubts and all the darkness lurking in my mind, I wanted nothing more than for the day of retirement to be a far-off dream, never to come true.

"What if we're wrong for each other, Em?"

I could practically hear Emily thinking, biting her nails, pacing her tiny but cozy kitchen (perhaps it always felt tiny because it was constantly packed with wolves).

"Why, " she asked after a lengthy pause, "are you so certain you're wrong for each other?"

"I'm not!" I protested immediately. "But what's to say we're _meant _to date? Maybe we're that weird imprint couple that's just supposed to be good friends and all that buddy, chummy-pals shit is all we're meant for."

I knew Emily was rolling her eyes as she spoke. She was cooling down rapidly despite my hysteria. "And maybe pigs will fly one day. Who knows. Lucy, think about your feelings for him _now_. Are they the same as they were when you first imprinted? Or have they matured _just a bit _into something else?" Taking my silence as the affirmative that it was, she pressed on. "Butterflies in the stomach? Blushing when you see him? Constant craving to be with him?"

"Could just be the imprint…" I argued feebly.

"It could," Emily agreed mildly. "I can't tell you what's in your heart. But Lucy, don't let fear of the unknown hold you back from making what could be the best decision of your life. Now that you're so close and he's almost the age you wanted him to be, don't back down now. Not because of _this._"

"What if…what if I'm not ready?"

The timid question sounded like it could've come from a whole separate girl from the tomboy I boasted to be. Quil would be keeling over right about now if he could see me, red-eyed and sniffling about like some toddler. I was a disgrace.

Emily took the longest time yet to ponder my question, clearly giving it serious thought. When she talked to me, it was done in a very precise, well-thought out manner. "Lucy Spencer. I've watched you run headlong into the forest, knowing there's a likelihood of meeting your end at the other side. I've watched you cry after breaking off your friendship with the three boys you grew up with, all to keep them safe. Not just that, but to keep them _happy. _I have watched you try to give your very soul to making Seth happy. When Seth first phased, I was constantly worried about him, being my youngest cousin and all. You know what Sam said?"

"No. What?"

"He said, 'Don't worry, Emily. He has Lucy.'" Half a beat of silence, then, "Well? Does he?"

I couldn't answer her. Not yet. My tongue had practically swelled up in my mouth, but I still managed to strangle out a goodbye to her before I promptly hung up the phone, collapsed onto the bed and tried – and failed – to find sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Lucy is turning out to have a slightly bipolar attitude, isn't she? Fear not, she was only panicking for a moment. <strong>

**So my muse was temporarily abducted by aliens, but I fought them long and hard and I believe victory is now mine, finally. Sorry for the delay. Apparently I can only write when under stress, and it was a very relaxing summer...**

**There are like...fifty things I want to have happen from this point until the battle at the end of Eclipse, and it is absolutely impossible to make it all happen. Which is hard for me, because now I have to cut some of my favourite scenes out... Poop. Oh well. Live and learn, right?**

**Thank you all for reading and being so patient. I know this isn't long and I know I keep saying I'll post faster, longer, better. Blah blah blah, right? (Lordy, there wasn't even any real Seth or Paul moments for you... I feel so terrible). I struggle a lot with writing the lull between the beginning and end, so please hang in there and I swear it'll get better. **

**Cheers,**

**Ella**


	29. An Overdue Apology

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE: An Overdue Apology**

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><p>It was my turn to patrol early the next morning, so with heavy feet I rose, the sound of last night's conversation with Emily still ringing in my ears. Creeping quietly past Paul's bedroom, I slunk out into the misty air, wetting my toes with dew on the unkempt grass. Naked as the day I was born, I made a run for the cover of trees and sprung into shadows, where I phased into my other half, equally important, equally loud.<p>

The silence was nice, running at five in the morning with no one else in my head other than me – the way most were accustomed to having it. I let my mind wander as I made my circuit throughout the forest, heading up north to the edge of our borders and west to the coast. It was my favorite part about phasing, the speed. No constraints as a human would have, no restrictions. Freedom, in its purest form.

But it came at a high cost.

I must've ran for three hours or so when I decided to call it my turn done and head home. I ran to the underbrush where I stored an extra pair of shorts and a shirt and made for Paul's house (I was about two minutes from home, walking). Had I not had my gifted sense of hearing, I'd have never heard the snapping of branches and rustle of leaves. My lupine instincts quivered almost physically inside my chest and the urge to bow was compulsive. I roped the wolf back, though, and kept her standing. Lucy, the human, refused to bow to anyone voluntarily, even if it was Sam.

He didn't seem surprised or disappointed that I knew he was there, I guess that's a perk of being an Alpha. Just _knowing _stuff. With an uncertain frown, I made my way over.

"What's hanging, Sam?" I forced my tone to be light and sappy. There was a heavy cloud of seriousness that hung over Sam's head, and I was desperate to escape it by any means possible.

"Lucy," he greeted with unusual formality. With a great, swooping arm, he gestured to the land behind him. "Why don't you come with me? I have something to show you." And because I knew damn well it wasn't a friendly suggestion, I followed his direction, albeit hesitantly and in much confusion.

"What is it, Sam?" I looked around us, mindful of where we were headed – First Beach. I couldn't see anyone being there at this ungodly hour, but knowing Sam, anything was possible.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. Sam always looked bigger to me than he actually was, and every time I stood next to him I was reminded of his size, both impressively large yet seemingly frail. Phasing had aged Sam, and not just physically. Sometimes I would swear that I was looking into the distant future, at the face of a war-wearied father, not the young man I knew him to be.

"Lucy…for the past few days, I've been coming out at this time in the morning and sitting over there" – he pointed out about twenty feet left where a cluster of rocks were scattered – "and the first few times I could never figure out why. It drove me mad."

I glanced up at him, completely baffled. "Uh…sorry?"

He grinned feebly at me, and there was a tension in his eyes that made my heart shudder. I didn't like that look, the look of sympathy, of bitterness, of _pity. _It made my toes curl and my stomach churn.

"With everything that's happened to me, to _us_," he added with a nod to me, "I've learned the hard way to never take anything for granted. Even if you feel like you're crazy doing it. So I came out here every morning, and eventually I noticed an…increasingly common sight."

His stupid monologue was grating and tiresome; finals were approaching and if I wanted to graduate I would have to study my face off. _And _I had yet to think of something to get Seth for his birthday. My irritation must've read plainly – I was always shit at hiding my feelings – for Sam cut to the chase.

"Look over there." And I obeyed, twisting my neck about to look behind me, a fair ways over, to where, from what I could see, two boys were playing in the water. I shouldn't say boys, since they were plainly at least sixteen, if their size was any indication. What they lacked in height they made up for in strength, like someone had pumped them with steroids. I was figuring they were entering their mid teen years when I got a clearer look at them. Both were shirtless, knee-deep in the icy waters of the beach and both seemingly perfectly fine. I stared blankly at the two boys, trying to come up with any human I knew that could withstand the temperature of the waters first thing in the morning, let alone someone ballsy enough to wake up before dawn to do so, and my mind failed me.

Suddenly the one turned his head and looked in our direction, squinting against the light of the rising sun. We seemed to recognize each other simultaneously, and he raised his hand in a half-wave, uncertain and timid. I responded in much the same fashion, staring blankly at him. It was true that I hadn't seen him since my parents split – we hadn't seen each other much before then _anyways – _but _holy macaroni _the boy had grown.

Collin Littlesea, aka my younger cousin.

"Is that Brady Fuller with him?" I asked in disbelief, eyeing the short but unnaturally sturdy-looking tween. They seemed to be daring each other to do something – jump into the water? They were already up to their knees.

Sam nodded, keeping one eye on me at all times. "Yeah."

"Jeez, they look like their sixteen," I mused, eyeing the two with amusement. "I mean I've heard of growth spurts – _no!" _

Steroids. Muscle. Growth spurts. The extreme height was missing but they were _twelve. _They wouldn't be our height, not yet, not if what I thought – what I desperately hoped was wrong – was true. My heart felt like it had bottomed out, dropped completely from my body. I staggered away as though pierced by a poison-tipped arrow, choking silently on air. Tears didn't come to me; I couldn't take it in, couldn't understand what I was seeing.

"But…but they…" I managed to make it into the forest, gagging, grateful I hadn't eaten anything yet. My fingers reached out on their own accord and held tight to the trunk of the closest tree, as I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to ten. But counting to ten only helps when you're angry, and I wasn't angry.

I was _devastated. _

Distantly I could hear Sam talking, walking slowly to me, uncertain of my anger, my sorrow, my hate. "I thought it was best I show you now, as opposed to finding out when…you know…" he trailed off in a very uncharacteristic move. Sam oozed confidence, always, and to see him so rattled only shook me up more. I wanted to reply, to speak, to say _something_ but my tongue had swelled up inside my mouth and my eyes were blinking rapidly, as though looking and waiting for tears but unable to find none.

I thought this would've been the straw that broke the camel's back. I thought, if anything would end me, this would – _this, _the loss of my cousin's innocence, his happiness, his youth. I had felt so robbed when I went through, felt sick when Seth went through it, and _now, _to watch my own flesh endure the horrors I had felt and the tragedies I had seen at so young an age, I felt like everything was finally stripped from me. Taken. Stolen. I felt naked and bare, bent in two before my Alpha.

I used to think I was strong. I no longer suffered that illusion.

The reason I didn't break was because there was nothing there to shatter, nothing inside me to crumble. I was like a puzzle, being picked apart piece by piece until I was left with various fragments. Good fragments, mind you (Seth, Embry, Paul, Seth, Quil, _Seth_), but fragments none the less. Some messy (Jake), some big (Seth), all of them dear to me since _they _were all I had left. I had lost school. Future. Home. Parents. Sister. _Justice. _

How could I ever think there was justice in the world when I was witnessing the lack thereof firsthand?

"I know things look bad now, Lucy," Sam murmured, reaching out to grip my shoulder in what I was sure was supposed to be a reassuring way, but only served to remind me of his immense size and my frailness. His hand swallowed the joint whole, thick fingers bracing around my skin in a warm grasp. I quivered and stared at my feet in an attempt to pull myself together. I had put Sam through more than his fair share of shit. He didn't deserve anymore.

"Listen to me," Sam was still jabbering on. I sighed quietly, hardly more than an exhale. He might've heard it, but I think he found more exhaustion in it than disrespect, more misery than contempt, since he said nothing but softened his voice further. "We'll keep him safe. _Both _of them. I promise, Lucy, I know they're too young." I knew it too, but hearing him say it made hot tears burn in my eyes, the very tears I had searched for not two minutes ago.

"Look at it this way," he added gently, tapping the underside of my chin and making me look up at him. "They'll be strong now. Strong enough to protect themselves at the very least. With everything that's happening with the Cullens" – a violent shudder raced down my spine but I smothered it quickly…for now – "maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I know you wouldn't pick this for them, but it's not up to you or me or even them. It's _fate. _This is our lot in life, Lucy. This is what we were born to do. Who we were _meant _to be."

Sam could've spewed utter crap at me – and a part of me thinks he did – but it wouldn't have mattered what he'd said. It wouldn't have mattered if he'd tried to lie and deny that it was going to happen, he could've said that they were old enough to deal with it, he could've said anything and it wouldn't have mattered.

All that mattered was him caring enough to bring me out here at sunrise to tell me _it was going to be ok. _He actually wanted me to be comforted in the face of sheer hopelessness and I saw the value in that if nothing else.

My tears subsided as I stared up at my Alpha. I wasn't strong, not as I thought I was, but I _wanted _to be. Strong like Sam. Here was a man who had broken the heart of the woman he'd loved, tried to then win over his soulmate, who then rejected him, and he was here. He was still standing. Not crazy, or broken, or wounded or any less a man than you'd have expected him to be. He was _Sam. _

And I had given him one helluva time…

I hadn't been fair to him. Justified as I'd felt, it didn't change the fact that he didn't ask for this. None of us had, and I…I forgot that sometimes. I forgot that Sam hadn't _wanted _this, hadn't asked for it. He didn't apply for the job, he was just slotted with jury duty, and making an even shittier pay.

If I was going to be anything like Sam, I had to start with righting the wrongs from my past, and Sam was near the top of my list. I had never felt good about the way I had stormed off what felt like _years _ago, back before Harry died, before the Cullens had come back. Back when Bella Swan was just the tip of the iceberg, not the whole bloody problem. I had snapped, and taken it out on Sam.

_Is this how you're going to be with your own kids? _I could hear myself saying, back in Sam and Emily's house._ A fucking controlling bastard of a father—like your own?_

I had hated myself when I said it then and I hated myself for it still. There was crossing the line, and then there was…well, _that. _Tactless, tasteless words meant to wound that accomplished nothing.

This was it. This was my time to grow up. If I wanted to be better – to be _enough _for Seth – then I had to start with making amends in the only way I knew how.

An apology.

"Sam," the word was thick and twisted in my mouth, but it came out with surprising ease. As though my heart was just itching to do this. "Sam, I…I'm sorry." My Alpha blinked in shock and stared down at me, taking a step back uncertainly, plainly not following the jump in conversation.

"What on earth for?" he asked with a slightly suspicious frown (not that he didn't have cause to be suspicious. I'd have been too, were I him).

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to ignore the shaking of my fingertips. Apologies like these always made me…edgy for some reason. "For…for what I said. From…before Seth's dad, uh, _died. _And Bella came back to your house and…and I'm just really sorry and I hadn't gotten a chance to say so, and I should've but everything kept coming up and making me forget, so here I am. Sorry."

Sam blinked a couple times, raised his eyebrows and leaned back, trying to take all of me in as though to make sure this wasn't a mirage or illusion. I reached a hand back to rub the back of my neck, heart hammering and teeth clenching and unclenching to keep from saying something stupid like 'just kidding' to alleviate the tension (yeah, it was actually something I'd do, sadly enough).

Finally, after taking forever to think it over, Sam inhaled through his nose, sighed and said, "I knew that, Lucy. But thank you. I appreciate it a lot." He clapped me on the shoulder again, but it felt different this time. Warmer. Safer. Less like he was dwarfing me and more like he was congratulating me. "I'm proud of you."

Crimson blood rose up under my skin – I could feel the heat rise on my face, as though it wasn't bad to begin with. I nodded politely, trying to play it nonchalantly, and took a secure step back. I made a rather valiant attempt to grin at him despite the sappy mush I'd just oozed to him, and he grinned back to my relief. I guess deep down I knew it wasn't normal to take pride from compliments from someone who wasn't even five years my senior, but that's one of the things that so distinctly separated us wolves from the humans: hierarchy. It didn't go by age, but by blood. Getting praise from Sam was like being hailed by the King of Sheba as a goddess – or the closest I'd get to it, anyways.

"Now go on," he lightly shoved the top of my shoulder, sending me back a few paces. "You have exams to study for."

* * *

><p>In my limited years of living, I had discovered that there was nothing – <em>not a thing – <em>more dull or boring than the dreaded curse of _studying_. My tutor, Ace, had come for a special Saturday morning study session (apparently he felt we wolves needed it). He came with charts and study guides in hand, and somehow I found myself sitting around the dining room table with Paul, Quil, Embry, Jake and myself. Seth was supposed to come too, but he had called earlier and said he was doing some reading at home. My heart lurched uncomfortably, but I had said ok nonetheless, sitting down and trying to ignore the curious glances of the three other boys.

"I've drawn up study times for you each," Ace said, handing out a slip of paper to each of us. A calendar, I realized, holding my own and eyeing the numerous _daily _hours with distaste. "Passing your classes is possible for all of you. Some of you, _just _barely," he admitted in a low mutter, resuming his place at the head of the table.

"Your main areas all include math, biology, chemistry and history revision. Those are the ones that need the most work. The rest are given according times."

I frowned, raising my hand hesitantly. "Uhh – what about English?"

But Ace shook his head. "Nah, not too much to study for for English. That's mostly where your reading schedule comes in." I watched in disbelief as he gave everyone _another _sheet of paper. "If you can keep up with your reading and, more importantly, _retain it, _then you should be fine for English. All of you have relatively solid writing skills, so that won't be a problem. We won't be spending too much time on that."

I'm pretty sure this wasn't a typical tutoring strategy, but Ace must've looked at our grades and seen how poorly we were all doing. Sacrifices, I guess, he deemed were necessary.

Ace turned out to be pretty helpful. He had a strong grasp of math and, best of all, how to teach it so it made sense. Instead of staring blankly at the "asymptotes" and "parabolas" I found I was actually, for the first time in a long time, following the lesson. Looking around, I could safely assume the others were pretty confident as well.

Jacob was the strongest in math out of all of us. Just as I was best in English, and Embry was best in biology and Paul in chemistry. Quil was a bit of an idiot all around, but it certainly didn't help that Claire's parents took her back last night. Sam was trying to scramble for some idea of what to tell his niece's parents that didn't make them want to punch Quil in the mouth. It didn't help that they already didn't trust Sam since he started dating Emily after the abrupt relationship change.

Moping to the side, I watched as Quil glumly flipped through his pages of notes without much thought and I felt bad, honest. I had been there, and it sucked big time. But _this_, this overwhelming _sadness _that oozed from him was unsettling to watch, especially when I considered what_ I_ must've looked like in the time that I wasn't with Seth – particularly before Seth knew about the imprint. Had I looked so dejected? Had I looked so _broken? _

The lesson finished up at noon, when Embry declared that he had to go on patrol. Ace nodded, seemingly used to our weird phrases and terms. He no longer asked what patrolling entailed or why we had been allowed to come back to school after missing countless days of class, far more than what was needed to expel someone.

I mumbled something about tracking down Seth, just loud enough for Embry to hear. My friend shook his head, looking at me with pity.

"Sorry, Luce," he said, gathering his things and headed for the door, "my patrol is with Seth. You won't be able to talk to him for a few hours yet." My brow furrowed at once, and my wolf sulked in the back of my head. I could, I suppose, phase and spend time with Seth via our other furry selves, but that seemed stupid since Embry would be there the entire time. And I wanted to ask him why he hadn't shown up for tutorial. Had anyone else tried it – well, they couldn't, simply because Sam had Alpha-ordered our asses here when we first came back to school. But because Seth's grades were still above average – certainly above ours – Sam had conceded and exempted Seth from the rule. _And _because Seth was so awesome, he didn't gloat about it, not even once.

Yeah, my imprint was adorable. Except, of course, when he's avoiding me, as I felt he was doing now. It was all incredibly inconvenient, too, since I wanted desperately to talk to him about Collin's encroaching phase. Seth would listen like no other would. Seth would understand, too.

And best of all, Seth would _comfort. _I needed that, craved it more than anything in the world.

Lost as I was in my deep thoughts, I totally missed the fact that everyone but Paul had left. He narrowed his eyes at me, looking unimpressed.

"You're thinking too much," he said flatly. "Stop it."

And he shoved our books into a corner on the floor of the dining room, and stood up, walking to my side.

"What are you doing?" I whined, groaning as he grabbed me by the arm and hoisted me up out of my chair. I moaned and huffed loudly as possible, all the way to the front door.

"I'm not letting you sulk here, all wallowed up in pity and shit," he grumbled, kicking my shoes towards me. I stared down at them, unimpressed.

"How can someone be wallowed up?" I asked, glancing at him. Paul was going back to the fridge, and pulling out a case of twenty four. Beers, obviously. He didn't say anything for a minute as he got his own shoes on, rolling his eyes (presumably at my snarky attitude).

"What are we doing?"

Paul finally snapped, "Going to Sam and Emily's. Now put your fucking shoes on before I shove them on. Weren't you listening at all to Jake when he left?"

I shot Paul a look that clearly said I wasn't.

The notorious badboy looked exasperated again. "Whatever. Sam's having a friendly game of football –"

"Oh God."

"– and _we _are going. Now."

"Friendly football?" I asked in disbelief. "You can't be serious. There's no such thing." I knew that for a fact. The same way Sam had banned the pack from playing soccer, Frisbee and road hockey, we _should've _been banned from playing football, too. Incidentally, putting a bunch of overly aggressive werewolves in a field and giving them an object to _fight over _was analogous to suicide.

Yeah, it was a bad idea all around.

"It's gonna be three against three. Me, Sam and Leah against Quil, Jake and Jared."

Indignation rose inside of me as he locked the door (not that he really needed to. No one ever came around our place, and the sort that did certainly weren't deterred by locks). "Hey! Why did I get the boot?"

Paul arched a superior eyebrow at me, and stalked off, talking over his shoulder. "Because _you_ throw like a girl."

* * *

><p>They were doing it again.<p>

Every time the pack got together, it happened, whether they were on opposite sides of the room or inches away from each other—it always fucking happened. I'm not sure they realized what they did, if anyone did, but I saw it. I saw it so often, in fact, that I barely bothered noting it anymore. Everyone said poor them—him for leaving her and her for being left. Everyone pitied _them_, including myself at one point.

No one but me saw the little looks.

Like when he was at the funeral and he watched her with such longing it was almost tangible. Or the way he'd watched her phase with horror and agony and something else in his eyes. No one saw the way he blushed and looked away when he handed her a shirt after her first phase—_his_ shirt, his biggest, baggiest one.

No one but me.

Seth ignored it as best he could, it wasn't his business. It wasn't mine either, but that didn't stop me from _seeing_ things.

I saw the way her mouth twisted when their fingers brushed across each other's at the dinner table, when they were somehow on duty together, when they were responsible for groceries. I saw the way his eyes darkened when Quil touched her arm or Paul ruffled her hair or Jake bantered with her.

I glanced up at Emily, who was taking muffins out of the tray, freshly baked. Outside the window in front of her, I could see them all playing touch-football, cheering after she made a touchdown. From the sidelines, he grinned and applauded, the first one to clap her on the shoulder. She made a big show of pushing his hand away and storming off—but I knew that's all it was: a show.

Emily said nothing. I wouldn't have thought she'd seen it at all had I not known her so long. Her shoulders stiffened, her hands gripped the tray. With a set jaw, she carted the baked goods into the living room where glasses of milk and multiple chairs were waiting.

Perhaps I wasn't the only one who noticed them after all.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm <strong>**_back! _****Sorry for the delay, I'm finding inspiration hard. Just re-read a couple reviews; I had forgotten how encouraging they are! **

**Just wanted to thank anyone still reading/just discovering this fic. It's a major source of stress-relief for me, so I'm glad some of you are enjoying it possibly as much as I enjoy writing it!**

**A lot of edits had to be made, and I had to part with scenes I loved to keep the story moving. That's mostly what kept this from being posted. Hopefully the next chapter should be up relatively faster than this one.**

**Cheers, **

**Ella**


	30. The Dreaded SNAFU

**Disclaimer: Much as I'd love to own me a piece of Seth, I don't. I own nothing. **

**CHAPTER THIRTY: The Dreaded SNAFU**

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><p>Sunday morning, and I was surprisingly refreshed.<p>

I woke up with a spring to my step, and an excitement I hadn't felt in a _long _time. I had spent the night doing homework, but despite the dullness of the work, I found myself relaxing at doing something so mundane, so quiet. It didn't hurt, of course, that it took my mind off of Seth and his absence.

I had argued with Leah on the phone to get convince him to come see me, but she insisted he was too tired. I asked if I could come by and she practically declared me unwelcome to her home. Seething, I had hung up after hearing Sue enter in the background, asking Leah what was wrong. I had no desire to create any more drama in the grieving family's life. For while it felt like an eternity to me, I knew Harry's death was still far too close to all of them.

If Seth wanted to sleep, that was fine. I could be patient – as I had been before, after all.

Besides, I had a busy day ahead of me. I had patrol, schoolwork and, most urgently of all, Seth's birthday gift.

I still didn't have a damn clue what to get him.

And I didn't want to ask anyone from the pack for ideas, either, lest they let something slip to my sneaky little imprint. It would be hard enough for _me _not saying anything to Seth, let alone some of the loudmouth members of my pack. But I did desperately want advice, and who better to go to for advice than the women who knew how to buy for a wolf?

Kim and Emily.

At first, I'll admit, I was hesitant to go to Kim since I really didn't know her and, truthfully, doubted that I could trust her to keep it a secret (she and Jared were in that ooey gooey lovey-dovey phase, where they told each other everything, and a part of me quietly wished that Seth and I were still there, considering the fact that he was seemingly _ignoring me _now). Eventually I figured that I would have to get used to Kim somehow, and I really did want advice for Seth's gift. It had to be _perfect. _And I know handmade was the romantic new "in," but frankly I was shit with building stuff. That's why Jacob was going to be the one under the hood, and I was going to be the one sorting paperwork: I just lacked all creative skill.

So yeah, a _bought _gift was rather called for.

I did my work first thing in the morning. Emily agreed to pick me and Kim up at one, and head down to Port Angeles. Belatedly I realized that this would be one of the first trips Emily had had into Port Angeles since The Incident, and it was _definitely _the first without Sam. Since getting her scars, she had become desperately afraid of being stared at, if only because she didn't know what to say. I knew I should probably have asked her if she was comfortable with it – or at least I remembered _later _that I should've asked – but I was too selfish, too desperate. Besides, I told myself, Emily needed to get out more _regardless. _Emily _needed _to get over it, however hard I knew it would be. Sam was never going to push her to leave the house, only because he would bow to her fear too quickly (especially since he was the one to put fear there).

No, Emily's motivation would have to come from the rest of the pack, imprints included.

Emily showed up at my door at precisely 12:55, purse in hand and oversized sunglasses on her face. I answered the door, wondering faintly why on earth she didn't just walk in, and waved her inside, since my ear was attached to the phone.

"_Hi, this is Seth Clearwater. Can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I'll get back pronto. Cheers!" _And the dial sounded, alerting me to start recording my message.

"Hey Seth. It's me again. Listen, I'm _kinda_ getting freaked out. If you could call me sometime, I'd really appreciate it." I pretended not to notice Emily pulling off her glasses and frowning at me in concern, ducking my head and walking a little away. "Well…thanks. Bye." I barely had time to get out the final word before the beep sounded, signaling I was out of time. My hand dropped back to my side and hung limply there, clutching the cellphone with little effort.

"You ok?" Emily asked behind me, quietly.

I swallowed and nodded tensely. "Yeah." I gave my head a shake, and turned around to smile tightly at Emily. "_Yeah, _sorry. He's just…being a little sneak." My little sneak, as I liked to call him. Normally I didn't mind, but before now, he'd always been a sneak to _see me. _

He had never used his sneaking powers to _escape _me. And it hurt – far more than I thought it would.

"I'm sure he has his reasons," Emily assured in her typical gentleness. "Maybe he just needs space. As I recall, he wouldn't be the only one." And she gave her head a tip in my direction, clearly meant to serve as a reminder of the time I too had taken a break from seeing Seth, but that was _different. _I hadn't gone so out of my way to _not _see him. I had merely not made it a goal to see him.

I used to share his bed on occasion, and now he won't even return my calls.

Yeah. A sneak.

"Whatever. Let's go." I was suddenly exhausted and really didn't want to go anywhere, but Seth turned sixteen this week, and weirdness or not, I was _not _not-buying Seth something because he was being a prat. Deep down, I knew he'd come around, and I would be ready to listen when he did.

_If he did. _

Recoiling from the thought, I grabbed my bag and guided Emily back out the front door to pick up Kim and buy my almost-boyfriend a gift.

* * *

><p>"What about a sweater?" Kim offered. I wrinkled my nose. Oh yeah, nothing says, "You're my other half and I love you" like a <em>sweater. <em>

"What about a videogame?" Emily suggested. I made a face, as though to say, "Yeah, I want another reason for Seth not to hang out with me."

"A watch?" Too breakable.

"A yo-yo?" Too cheap.

"A football jersey?" Too expensive. And Seth didn't like football anyways.

We must've traversed the whole mall three times in the last hour, and even though I wasn't tired yet, I knew Kim and Emily sorely wanted to go home. Or at least maybe enter a store.

"How do you expect to find anything when you won't even look inside?" Kim asked, getting bolder with her fatigue. Emily was too, since she discarded the sunglasses and tucked them into her purse, deliberately ignoring my slight smile in her direction.

"Easy. I just know. These stores are bogus – what kind of sixteen year-old wants to dress like _that, _anyways?" I demanded, gesturing to the oversized jeans and shirt on display in one store window. "I mean I know I've been busy, but when did style _die?" _We walked a little more, and Emily was getting increasingly better at ignoring the blatant stares at her scars – luckily for the dumbasses staring, otherwise I was ready to jump the next shithead to look twice at her.

"Lucy, we can't read your mind. You must have _some _idea what you want." Emily made us sit down on a bench to make a game plan.

Kim huffed, rubbing her neck and yawning. "Yeah. You must know what he likes." Well I _thought_ he liked _me_, but it appeared I was mistaken. My sourness was forgotten as the two of them continued to talk and plot my gift.

"Seth likes sports," Emily reminded me, like I'd magically forgotten. "Is there anything you can think of that he'd like?"

"Maybe something for his room," Kim piped in, "like a wolf painting or something?"

This time I actually did cringe. If I knew Seth at all, and if he were anything like me, then he would not appreciate the wolf reminder, the same way I wouldn't. Dodging the suggestion as gracefully as possible, I glanced over at the stand across from me selling baked goods. The heavenly aroma of chocolate and ginger wafted about the small cart, which was being manned by an old woman with horn-rimmed glasses. My mouth watered as I was reminded, unwillingly, of how hungry I was getting.

"Jeez, I'm fucking starving," I muttered, patting my stomach thoughtfully. Emily looked to where my eyesight was focused, and sighed.

"Lucy, c'mon. You said it yourself – we need to find Seth's gift _today. _You won't have time later."

Her nagging answer made my stomach queasy. Already nervous, I was impatient to find a gift and the clock was ticking. I was running on limited time, after all. I'd swapped shifts with Jared, who had obliged when Kim had practically demanded that we go shopping (_sans_ boys, obviously). It gave me a few more hours, but not much. Perhaps not _enough_.

"What're you guys getting him?" I asked, swallowing back my salivation to look at the two girls. Kim licked her lips and turned to Emily for her answer, but Emily's attention was still directed at the baked goods, a curious glint to her gaze.

"Uh," Kim hedged uncertainly, seeing Emily wasn't forthcoming with an answer, "the pack is pitching in to throw Seth's party Friday night. Jared and Paul are picking up the alcohol, Emily and I are making a cake – cakes, actually, since the boys eat more than the army – and Embry and Quil are getting music set up." She shrugged mildly, "Should be a fun time."

Well it _better _be, seeing as this was _my _imprint we were discussing. But I didn't complain (I had no right to since I was doing jack shit about it, other than keeping Seth occupied whilst they set up).

Beside me, Emily's wheels were practically turning visibly for me to see. I raised an eyebrow at her, baffled by the thoughtful quirk to her brow. Her scars kept half her face in a frown, but when she turned and smiled at me, I could almost pretend that the sides were symmetrical, she was so alight with…_something. _

"Lucy," she said with excitement flourishing in her voice. "How would you feel about baking something?"

At once I balked. "Uh, _Emily! _Why the hell do you think we're here? I don't know how to do jack in a kitchen!"

But Kim shook her head, "No, that's not true, is it Emily? Jared always talks about how exciting Christmas is gonna be this year, after what last year's was like. He said you helped with the turkeys!"

"She did," Emily looked as smug as she sounded. "And it was delicious."

"Oh _please," _I scoffed, rolling my eyes and flushing unhappily. "Like they would've been edible without you watching over them." All I really did was baste the birds and make the stuffing. And _anyone _can rip up bread. Even Claire could do it. Hell, she does it anyways whenever she gets served tuna sandwiches (information courtesy of Quil).

"But what about before? Sam said you used to go over to Billy's and help make dinner every Christmas after Sarah died." The reminder made the air rush out of my lungs, to hear her refer to Sarah Black's death so casually. I knew it wasn't done intentionally – Emily had never known Sarah, never known Sarah's sweetness, her loveable nature – but the mention of Jacob's beloved mother still made me as mournful as it had when I first got the news. Jake hadn't shown up to class one day and someone – a teacher – had the foresight to pull Embry, Quil and myself out of class to sit us down and explain in gentle words what had happened. The gentleness didn't really do anything; the gentleness certainly didn't help the pain.

"That's different," I argued, my mouth suddenly dry after near-drooling over the cookies. "Billy was telling me what to do." And I had been taught by Sarah, after all. I knew what I was doing – sorta. Rach and Becca would've helped, too, but they had locked themselves in their bedroom that Christmas and they did it every year after that until they left.

"So you have _skill," _Emily continued. "But you lack _conviction_."

And just like that, I was forgotten as Kim and Emily started to plan _my _gift_. _Whichwasn't ideal, but it was rather what I'd hoped for all day.

"What's his favorite meal, Lucy?"

"Lasagna."

The pair looked to each other, matching looks of doubtfulness and consideration on their faces.

"Well…"

"It's not _that _difficult to make…"

"Might be better off just buying store-bought and using that instead."

"She could put it on before he got there…"

Totally taken aback, I edged awkwardly back into the conversation. "Uh, _wait _a minute," I demanded. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

"A date," Kim said, turning to me with a grin. "You two are gonna go on a date. And _you _are going to cook for him, Lucy Spencer."

* * *

><p>We made it back home in time for me to have a late lunchearly dinner and mull things over, staring at the fridge across from me where I sat at the dining room table. I chewed carefully on my steak as I studied the dirty door, as though I could see through it to the goods it held. It was almost entirely all safe from Paul – baking goods couldn't be consumed as is, and for the rest, I would have to be creative. It might mean having to get take-out for us for the next few nights, but between the stipulations we both got for our "work" from the Council, it wouldn't empty too much of our funds. As it was, I wasn't concerned overly much with Paul eating the food. I wasn't really thinking about the _food _anyways.

I was thinking about how to approach _eating _the food with Seth.

Emily had come to me after we got to the grocery store and asked me in quiet tones whether I was ok with the plan or not.

"I wouldn't have agreed to it otherwise, Em," I assured her, fighting back other answers. "I'm just nervous, not unhappy." And it was true – mostly. Well maybe it was _entirely _true, I didn't know – and that was half the problem, wasn't it? I didn't freaking _know _what I wanted to do. My feelings were all over the place. A little over twenty four hours ago I was telling Emily that I couldn't date Seth, _wouldn't _date Seth, and here I was, almost two days later, planning a surprise date for the two of us. A date, not to mention, I wasn't sure he would even agree to.

I broke down and told Kim my fears, with Emily in the car, driving. I explained how Seth was ignoring me (he still hadn't answered my calls or numerous texts) and she only smiled wryly. Before I could get offended, she said, "When Jared and I started dating and he found out I had always, uh…_carried a torch _for him, he stopped answering my calls the next day. Locked himself in. I had to get Embry to bust the door to his house open so I could make sure he was ok. When I got in, he said he'd locked himself away because he wasn't worthy to see me now, not when he hadn't noticed me for years." Kim did a good job masking the misery she undoubtedly felt then and now, but even I could see through the cracks in her shield. It was a brave front, nonetheless.

"What's your point?" I asked finally, frowning in a puzzled manner at her. She smiled slightly.

"My _point, _Lucy, is that boys do stupid things when they get upset. _Imprinted _boys, though? They're the worst. I'm certain there's some logical reason he's doing this, something he's decided deems his actions necessary." I'm pretty sure her words were meant to comfort me, but all I felt was a spike in my heart rate and tremors run down my spine, both related and unrelated to my wolfy nature. The former because my wolf wanted nothing more than to make sure my imprint was ok, and the latter because I thought I was going to be sick when I thought of Seth being _upset, _no thanksto my lack of knowledge.

Emily just snorted and shook her head in a very un-Emily way, muttering, "Melodramatic _babies_…" The affection suffused in her voice was unmistakable, however exasperated her words were.

"Mmm," Kim made a noise of agreement. "See Lucy, we'll let you in on two imprint secrets, woman to woman," she grinned a little coyly at me, as though indulging me with knowledge of this fantastic life she and Emily led when the wolves were out hunting vampires. It occurred to me for the first time that they probably did. Kim and Emily spent copious hours together when Kim wasn't at school. The pair shared the same soft-spoken attitudes when in with the pack – although I was sincerely starting to think that was all for show.

"Ok, lesson the first. The guys? They're all secretly _real _insecure. Even if they act like…well…"

"Like they're the shit?" I offered, and though Kim wrinkled her button nose slightly, she nodded.

"Exactly. Even if they _act like that, _they're really nervous with their imprint. You know it's sacred, right?" It wasn't a question, but rather Kim making a point. I _did _know that. I knew very well how precious and utterly consuming the imprint bond was for a wolf.

"Well what they _don't _tell you is that the boys are all really as scared as we are of messing things up, and sometimes they're too chicken to act on it. Take Emily, for instance." Kim glanced furtively at our driver, who smiling briefly in what was clearly the go-ahead to continue with the story. "Did Sam tell you how the pair of them got together?"

I scratched uncertainly at my neck, frowning as I tried to recollect anything Sam had told me. The scarring incident was so prominent in their history, it was typically the only tale told when it came to the sordid past of Sam, Emily and, unwillingly, Leah. No one ever really asked how the pair had wound up dating, certainly not me. What interest did I have in their love life? It wasn't like I wasn't reminded of how in love they were _every single day. _Combine their mushy, ooey-gooey cuddle-bumpkin shit with the god-awful stench of sex from their bedroom, and your imagination sorta goes wild – much to my intense horror and disgust. I _never, ever _wanted to imagine what my Alpha and his mate got up to in the dark.

Oh _yuck. _Now I was thinking about it.

I shook my head negatively to Kim's question. Jared's imprint smiled and said, "She made the first move. Sam was always around, always there – you know, after…" she trailed off awkwardly, and she couldn't be any more obvious in what she was getting at. "Anyway, she eventually couldn't take the _tension_," Kim twittered about and she and Emily giggled noisily, as though the very word _tension_ had broken just that. "And…well…"

"I jumped him." Emily finished flatly, grinning cheekily at me.

"_Arghhh!" _I shouted, horrified. Emily and Kim howled with laughter now, in suspiciously wolf-like manners, as my hands flew up to cover my ears. _"No! _I did _not _need to hear that!"

"Oh please," Kim scoffed, "like you haven't wanted to do the same with Seth."

My mouth went dry and, quite inconveniently, my mind dredged up the image of Seth standing in his boxers, waistband sitting low, the thin line of curls traversing downwards from belly button to beneath the fabric…

I swallowed sharply, struggling to calm my fluttering heart. The memory did indeed make mewant to jump him, and I found I was completely incapable of looking either girls in the eye for the rest of the ride. If she noticed, Kim didn't let on that she realized, merely pressed on.

"And I had to convince Jared to let me in on the secret," Kim added, settling back down. We reached my house and headed inside, arms laden with groceries. "And like I said, it was a big hassle convincing him that he was worthy of dating me," she then made a big show of rolling her big doe-like eyes, but given by the hint of a flush creeping up her neck, the gesture had flattered her almost as much as it had exasperated her.

"Sometimes, they take a bit of convincing, ok?" Emily summed up, unloading the food from the bag and into the fridge and cupboards. I let them, moving around the kitchenette to get us a late lunch before I had to go patrol.

"Yeah," I said slowly. "O…k…. But how do I go about _convincing _my imprint to date me? I don't wanna coerce him or anything."

At once they started laughing again, both seated and waiting for me to finish up with the sandwiches. "Oh honey, _no, _it's not like that at all!" Emily sounded like she was trying valiantly to stop her chuckles but was unable to really do so.

"I thought you said you had imprinted!" Kim demanded, huffing loudly at what was clearly a stupid question. My wolf sneered a bit out of indignation, prowling inside my body like a physical presence.

"I have!"

Emily smiled slightly, "Then you should know, better than anyone, that it's not coercion, Lucy. Did you ever feel _forced _into loving Seth?"

"_Never!" _I gaped at her, horrified. "I wasn't – I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to _imply _such a thing!" Emily's hands were already up, palms turned out in a calming gesture.

"We understand. All I meant, though, was that sometimes you have to make sure your imprint knows you're ready. But I know what you're saying. It _is _a bit odd to be discussing this with other people. It's supposed to be such a private thing, you know," said Emily in a wistful tone. Kim, somber once more, nodded in agreement. "But given the circumstances, which are most definitely _extenuating _circumstances, it helps to talk to someone about stuff like this."

"Even if it's not us," Kim added gently, shyness returned yet again. "It's pretty overwhelming for anyone, let alone someone going through what you and the others deal with."

I scoffed at her attempt for modesty. "Do you _see _any others coming over to my house? Who the fuck else am I gonna talk to – _Leah?" _I ignored the flicker of unease in Emily's eyes, selfishly overlooking the obvious and evident problems between the two cousins. Truthfully, it was a topic most wolves were choosing to let go unspoken, if you catch my drift. _I _certainly wasn't gonna be the one to broach the subject. Instead, the plan seemed to be to just let it all come to a nasty head.

"Whoever you decide," Kim just repeated kindly, as though slipping back into this odd alter ego she was compelled under when surrounded by the pack. It was so surreal to watch, like some metamorphosis of one person into another. "You need someone. Even if it's Paul." Though she wrinkled her nose at the mention of Paul's name, the words themselves sounded sincere.

"Right," I muttered vaguely, looking behind me to the clock. "Speaking of the devil…" It was almost time for me to start my shift, and almost time for Paul to come home. "You guys should probably get going. Sam and Jared will skin me if I keep you any longer."

Emily nodded in a commiserating gesture, smiling a little as she and Kim packed up. "Thank you," I said, meeting the gaze of each woman in turn. "For everything."

"If you want to thank us," Emily offered with the barest hint of a smirk, "You'll give us all the dirty details on Thursday."

"_Emily!" _I whined plaintively, and Kim began to giggle again.

"Just a suggestion," she spoke lightly, raising her hands in an attempt for innocence. "Whatever you decide." Though the joke was funny, I didn't doubt that she meant it.

"Right," I muttered sourly, playing along. "Thanks again – oh wait! I nearly forgot!" Both girls were at the door, coats on, bags in hand. Kim raised her eyebrows at me in a gesture to go on. Emily just smiled from under her bangs. "You never told me the second tip. Lesson. Thingy. You said you'd tell me, the imprint secret."

Understanding lit up Kim's face and she chuckled lowly, shaking her head. "Oh. That. Lucy, the only thing I was going to say…is that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Have a good run!" And the pair were gone.

* * *

><p>Patrol was dull, and throughout the course of the night I found myself struggling to focus on anything but Seth. Seth, and his lack of replying to my texts. And my phone calls. It all sucked, big time.<p>

_Please think of something else, _Quil moaned. _I'm dying here, Luce. _And in his mind's eye I could see Claire, bright and giggling at something presumably Quil was doing. And then I saw her get packed into her parents' car, crying the whole time, leaving a restless, depressed Quil in her wake.

_Emily's already trying to arrange another visit, _I reminded him as the only way I could think to comfort him. No one knew what to do, really, since Claire's parents were so removed from pack business, it was illogical to tell them our big secret. But not telling them meant they didn't bring Claire down for regular visits, and that was causing one of the pack members serious pain. Which, of course, was enough of a problem for the Council to finally fucking step in and _do_ something, not just rhyme off old rules and regulations they'd found in a fucking textbook of our legends. Not even official _documents. _Just guesswork by some likely-deranged writer.

Sam was constantly scrambling for a way to tell Claire's parents that their daughter had, unbeknownst to her, found herself a soul mate. And he was also over ten years older. And she couldn't even write her name (legibly) yet. Yep. One gigantic clusterfuck is what you've got there.

_This might be making __**you **__feel better, but surprisingly I'm feeling worse and worse. _Oops. Belatedly I apologized to Quil and tried to think of a new subject. There were limited topics for us to talk about anymore. We didn't hang out half as much as we used to – me, Embry, Jake and Quil. _Man, _that felt like ages ago.

It seemed I had unknowingly stumbled across a new topic, since Quil piped in with silent agreement.

_It feels like a lifetime ago. _With a disturbed jolt, I realized that was exactly what it felt like. It felt like that was totally separate person from me – that girl with long hair and big dreams and complete freedom. I barely associated the two of us as similar in any way. She lived in a different house, with different people, and different _wants. _I lived with a hotheaded wolf who drank too much, and I hung out with a group of people who chased vampires for a living and I _wanted _another person, wholly and entirely until we two were subsumed into one being. I wanted _Seth _so badly…

Quil let out a loud lupine whine. _Kill me now._

Patrol continued on much this way, until finally my time came to a close and it was time to switch off. Quil left first, then Paul's voice sounded in my head, irate and moody. I took that as my cue to get the hell outta there and phase. I slid into my clothes after I dug them up from the shallow hole I'd buried them in, and began to amble towards my place, head spinning with thoughts and junk like that. As I crammed my shirt over my head, I could hear the steady footsteps of my replacement approaching. I had only just gotten pants on when I came face to face with him.

Embry was already shirtless, apparently having decided to cut me off mid-stride to my house. I got a good look at my old friend and froze, wary. The laidback look was gone, as was the sympathy I'd seen last we spoke. I remembered vaguely that he'd said he was going to patrol with Seth after our tutorial session on Saturday, and my heart both sank and swelled at the same time.

I cast a studious glance to Embry, taking in his sharp, intense features and alarmed edginess and asked slowly, "What's going on, Em?"

"Lucy. We have to talk." Well, that much I'd gathered, given his tense posture and that impatience that radiated from his stiff upper body. "_Now_."

"Ok," I said slowly, "What about?"

This had to be about his dad. It was the only thing I could think of that would cause him such distress, such panic which he was fighting so hard to hide. His eyes focused on mine and he took a step closer. "Have you talked to Emily lately?"

Totally and completely taken aback by his question, I stepped away from him. "What? Embry, what's going on?" What a weird question. It wasn't uncommon for me to talk to the Alpha's imprint at all. In fact, it was pretty commonplace.

"Did you? Did you hang out with her or something?" When it was obvious he wasn't going to let up any time soon, I frowned and nodded self-consciously.

"Yes, and it's none of your beeswax, you nosy little –"

"_Lucy!" _he moaned and walked away, "What did you talk about? Did it have to do with Seth?"

"You're freaking me out, here, Embry. Not gonna lie." He looked like he was gonna start pulling hair out soon – _my _hair, nonetheless, and I didn't have a lot to spare after I chopped most of it off. Something about Embry's words had made my heart rate spike and my blood pressure skyrocket, and it wasn't that great to begin with.

Embry got this look on his face, like he _knew _something. Like he had this secret he was itching to tell me but he _couldn't. _Like he was compelled not to say anything, but it must've had something to do with me since he was so anxious. With one slim hand, he reached up and rubbed the back of his neck, grumbling to himself about not telling stuff and relationship problems and imprinting. It wasn't until I heard the dreaded _i-_word that panic really set in.

Seth. He knew something about Seth.

"I have to go," I could barely speak, my tongue was so twisted with fear. The words tumbled out and, without checking to see if Embry understood me, I turned to flee, away from the place I'd been heading and positioned for Seth's bedroom window (yeah, I knew where it was from where I stood, even in pitch darkness without a compass in a random part of the woods).

"Lucy, I think you should wait. I need to talk to you." But I had a good feeling it was going to be about Seth, and if something was wrong with my imprint, I wouldn't be able to stomach listening to it so far away from him. So far out of reach. I needed to _be _there, with Seth. Holding him, touching him, clinging onto him for dear life. That sort, you know.

"Sorry Embry," I called out over my shoulder, not bothering to stop. "Gotta run!" Which was exactly what I did. I didn't phase (I didn't have a magical stash of clothes scattered around the forest, contrary to popular beliefs) but I did sprint like the devil was on my tail.

Seth. Something was up with Seth. I should've caught on faster, should've done something sooner. _Fuck, _I should've scrapped the whole shopping trip and gone right to his house to demand answers. It was all related. Seth's avoiding me and Embry's panicking and…my day with Emily? That made no sense to me. I had arranged for Emily to pick me up late Saturday night, around the time I started to worry that Seth was avoiding me. But what would my day with Emily have to do…

_Oh fucking hell…_

My foot actually, honest-to-God caught on a root and I tripped and went flying, sprawled across the forest floor, too stunned to pull myself back up. I just laid there, silently hysterical, brimming with horror and fear and hurt. Because it all made sense now. Seth's avoiding me and my conversation with Emily… It _all made perfect sense, _and I was stupid for not seeing it sooner.

Seth had found out about the gift. Or… Seth had heard my conversation about _dating _him, back on Friday night. Freaking hell, Seth knew I how freaked out I was about dating him, but that I wanted to date him and…and…

There was only one reason for him avoiding me. Only one reason that would cause him to so suddenly stop talking to me or calling me or responding to my texts. There was only one answer I could come up with that made sense, but it made me want to be sick just thinking about it…

Seth _didn't _want to date me after all.

That had to be it. I couldn't think of anything else. Why else would he avoid me so ritually, so desperately? Especially with his birthday coming up! Shit, he'd probably got wind of me and the gals going shopping and freaked out and now he won't talk to me because he thinks I'm going to jump him at any given time, without warning. Maybe he's changed his mind. Maybe he thinks we're too different, too opposite. He must think we'll make better friends than…something else. It made sense, I tried to reason with myself numbly. We _were _great friends. Best friends. Since the imprint, he and I had rapidly developed a companionship that surpassed even that of mine and Jake's friendship, and that was saying something.

Maybe he thinks our closeness is too special to risk ruining, now that the time is actually approaching. And I agreed, in an objective manner, that he was right. Don't fix it if it ain't broke, right?

I hauled myself into a seated position and dropped my head into my hands, too tuckered out to cry one measly tear. If I agreed with him…then why was I so miserable?

My sister had gone through this phase two or three years back where she liked to quote the most mushy romance quotes – completely unlike her character – but a few of them, the better ones, stuck with me. I dug my palms into my eye sockets as the words came swirling back.

_I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken, too. _

Yeah, she was preaching to the choir here, sister. I _ached, _physically, as my mind continued to draw upon more and more evidence of this newfound discovery. It was as though the grief were too much for tears, as though the disappointment couldn't be expressed in weeping. This was greater. This was…this was…_more. _

So now I had an imprint who didn't really want to be my imprint, avoiding me because I had gone and been stupid and arrogant, and now he didn't want to talk to me. Well then. _Well then. _If Seth thought I wanted more from him, I'd prove him wrong. _I'd show him. _

More dedicated than ever – also more heartbroken than ever – I got up and staggered off in the direction of my house, as determined as I was displeased.

Oh yes. I'd show him.

* * *

><p><em>Running, running, running. Rock, tree, rock, branch – squirrel! Running, running, running…<em>

_From the shadows, a sandy wolf sprung out from the darkness, morphing smoothly into the body of a teenage boy. She had told him to call her, so here he was, __**calling **__on her. He was grinning, pleased with his plan, trotting out into the light of the house, the glow cast from the upstairs window. Deftly he jogged to the wall of the house, silent, creeping, ready to spring up and surprise the girl inside –_

_Wait. She was on the phone. This was ok. He could wait; he could be patient. _

_He resigned himself to waiting for a fair amount of time when he heard the recipient's voice on the other line. Ah yes, they would be talking for some time. Most likely about girl stuff. Wrinkling his nose – because he knew more than he cared to know about 'girl stuff' – he spun around and went to leave when he heard __**it**_. _His cue to stay put. The line he would later wish he'd never heard, since it lead to such other __**horrid **__stuff._

"_It's normal to be scared," the other line was saying, and he caught enough to hear what was being discussed. "…Forever. It's a lot to take in."_

"_It is," she admitted, as though she were ashamed. He felt like he'd been socked in the gut. Staring blankly up at the window, he took a shaky step backwards, away from the window, away from the hurtful words, but not nearly far enough to hear what followed. _

"_Eternity with one man… It's what almost every girl dreams of, and when the time comes to commit, it feels like there are a thousand reasons not to."_

"_Yes. Like I'm missing out on all these…opportunities. But I haven't got a fucking clue what I'd be missing out on!" Ouch. He actually stumbled a bit there, blinking past tears. He was not some wussy girl. He would __**not **__cry over this. _

_But… But he had worked so hard in school. He was working so hard in school, to try to get a good career after he stopped phasing, to provide for her – for __**them. **__To make sure she didn't miss out on anything. To experience it, best of all, __**together**__. _

"_Well…that's why it's called a leap of faith." Yes. A leap of faith. Take a chance on me, he begged her silently, desperately wishing he hadn't come, that he could unhear everything being said. So far every word said was a punch to the chest, pushing him further and further to his knees. _

"_I don't think I can." And the final blow, the knife through the heart, "I can't date Seth." _

_Oh. He did turn, finally, and he did run, at last. He didn't phase – couldn't bear to face any of his brothers (or, God forbid, his sister) just now – and he ran through the woods as fast as he could, as though trying to move backwards in time to undo what was already said. _

_She didn't want to date him. She must feel pressured, he realized faintly. She must feel so uncomfortable being around him, with him so obviously encouraging their romance whilst she…_

'_I can't date Seth.' _

_She clearly didn't want to. _

_But hey, that was fine. He was Seth Clearwater – funny, happy-go-lucky Seth, and nothing got him down. If this was the way she wanted it, that was fine. He could bend. He could change his mind. He was dedicated, devoted to proving to her that he didn't need her (even though he truly, desperately did). He didn't want her (even though he secretly burned for her). And he most definitely was not in love with her (even though he really, truly, over-the-moon was). _

_He'd prove it to her. Oh yes. It would be the hardest thing he's ever done, harder than letting her go the first time, before he'd even imprinted. Now…it would be even worse. But he could do it. He must. If he wanted to keep her in his life – at all, even if they were just best friends for forever – he had to do this._

_He'd show her._

* * *

><p><strong>Oh dear... Quite the confusion, eh? Obviously Lucy's logic doesn't make sense if you think about it, but she's not thinking clearly. If she sat and plotted out the order of events, she sorta realize that her reasoning makes little sense, but she's a tad frantic now, in case y'all didn't realize :P<strong>

**Thanks for reading. Next chapter has _tons_ of Seth. Like...Seth overload. Like you've died and gone to Seth heaven. I really wanted him to come back in this chapter, but there just wasn't a good place for it (and I tried; believe you me, I tried). So stay tuned - next chapter should be a lot of fun ;)**

**Until next time,**

**Ella**


	31. It's Like a Date

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammatical errors. I was too excited to post this after I finally got it finished. Hopefully you enjoy!**

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE: It's Like a Date**

* * *

><p>Wake up. Get dressed. Shower.<p>

Mornings were monotonous. Daily routines were dull. It seemed my life was either flip-flopping on its head or it was so painfully mundane that I wanted to punch someone, just to add some zest to it. There was no in between, and it seemed my love life was the same way.

Seth and I couldn't do halfway. We couldn't meet on the same page – ever. Either one of us desperately wanted the other, or vice versa. For ages it seemed Seth had wanted me, but now it was the other way around. _I _wanted _him. _

I had laid in bed for almost the entirety of last night, thinking, planning, struggling to come up with a way to prove that I wasn't romantically interested in him when I most definitely was. I made a list, mentally, trying to convince myself that it was better this way. It was _safer _like this. Being just friends, neither of us would get hurt. We'd be good friends, nothing more. No dating drama. No kisses. No anniversaries or vacations or any of it. No introducing him as my boyfriend, as my soul mate – and yeah, no introducing him as my fiancé or, heaven help me, my _husband._ None of it, because Seth and I weren't going to date.

This could be good. Who needed a boyfriend, anyways? I was too busy to look after myself, let alone another person. And _dating_ – I had no idea what I was doing there. I was probably saving myself from tons of humiliation and tears and stupid drama. Besides, it wasn't like I couldn't date others…

As soon as the thought occurred, my stomach churned and I felt like I was going to vomit all over my bedroom floor. What the fuck was I talking about? I couldn't even look at another man romantically, how the hell was I ever going to _date _another man? Especially when I was so in love with someone else.

Yup. I used the big L-word. And not platonically, either. _Love-_love, not like-love or sisterly-love or crazy-love. Well, maybe a little bit of crazy-love. But good crazy. The kind that made me want to run outside in the rain – because it was La Push and rain was synonymous to the Reservation – and dance in circles and scream at the top of my lungs until I ran out of air and couldn't breathe, "I love Seth Clearwater!" Because I did. I really, really did.

And it seemed, unfortunately, that I was too late. I was just…too late.

* * *

><p>School is the bane of my existence. Right up there with vampires and shit. And Bella. And extramarital affairs.<p>

On the plus side, it was the countdown to exams and while it sucked that exams were approaching quickly, I knew and counted on the fact that the sooner exams came, the sooner they left and I was _free. _No more school, just life. Life as a werewolf, killing vampires and toeing around an awkward, unwanted Treaty.

Well wasn't _that_ just the most appealing future I'd ever heard of.

Paul drove me to school, and we rode mostly in silence. I knew something was bothering Paul as of late, if his cranky mood last night were any indication, but I also knew it was really best to let Paul just scowl to himself until he, out of the blue, would tell you what's on his mind. That, or he'd punch someone. Or fuck someone. Either were as likely, if I were being honest. And as I didn't care to be the other half of _either _of those options, I figured I would wait for him to sort it out himself, or he could come talk to me.

(Yeah, truthfully I didn't have a clue what to say to him, so sitting in silence was easier. Though no less awkward).

My own mind was distracted as we drove, me clutching the fabric of my backpack, since I knew I'd be seeing Seth for the first time today since…since my revelation. Since Embry had so plainly hinted at what had clearly been an uncomfortable conversation between the pair of them. I could only imagine how that went.

_Hey Embry, I just found out that Lucy wants to date me except – guess what? – I'm not interested. _

I shut down my emotions before they totally spiraled out of control and I couldn't concentrate in class. I _had _to go to school today. I couldn't afford to skip; besides, if I even tried it, Sam would sic something on my ass, and he had quite the arsenal to pull from. All he'd really have to do is close his eyes and point.

My resolve to fix this rift between me and my imprint hadn't broken. I was as determined as ever. Seth and I _had _to work things out. Beyond the simple fact that we were weaker distracted, I just couldn't bear being on the outs with him. It was _icky. _It was _uncomfortable. _And it felt so very, very wrong.

I just wanted him back in my life. I just wanted things to be _simple _again.

_When have things ever been simple for you two? _A dry voice demanded, and I scowled internally at the accuracy of the question. _From day one your relationship has been nothing but complex. _And wasn't that the truth? From the day I'd imprinted, our lives had been wrought with secrecy, with little lies and big lies, with myths and legends and fucking _fate _controlling us like pawns. Not once had we been simple.

Before Seth knew about imprinting, there was the secret of the wolves and imprinting between us. Then when he _did _imprint, there was his father's death. And Seth's age. And my discomfort. And every other fucking problem under the sun and moon.

Maybe now…now that I knew what he wanted…we could _be _simple.

I got out of the car, looking doubtlessly as miserable as I felt. Paul took one look at me, rolled his eyes, and said to wait at the car for him after class and he'd drive me home, if I wanted. I nodded blandly; not like I had anywhere else to go.

I made my way to where Jake, Quil and Embry were, speaking quietly about something. Their heads snapped up when they heard me approach, Jake and Quil smiled at me. Embry just stared, a slight frown masking his face.

"Gentlemen," I greeted, fighting back a yawn. "Ugh. Freaking ungodly hour… Where are the others?"

"Jare and Kim are off doing I-don't-wanna-know-what, and Seth slept in, missed his alarm. He'll be here soon," Embry promised, eyeing me speculatively. "You ok, Luce?" His question, laced with deeper meanings than what Jake and Quil could perceive, made me stiffen slightly and lower my eyes. Despite myself, I nodded in as casual a manner as possible.

"Yup. A-o-k," I lied, cursing Embry and his perceptiveness for making my heart rate skyrocket in the span of three seconds.

"Lucy," he murmured, leaning closer as Jake and Quil began to walk to school, "I _really_ need to talk to you."

"Not now, Embry," I shooed him away, avoiding eye-contact ritually as though he was Medusa, and looking at him would turn me to stone.

"But _Lucy, _I don't think you understand –"

"I do," I blurted (ladylike as always). "I got it. Don't worry about me anymore. Just...go do whatever it is you were doing." I pressed a smile onto my face and tried to encourage him to leave me the hell alone, nodding politely but pointedly to the school.

Embry scowled to himself, shook his head and stalked off. As he went, I could hear him muttering, "I give up..."

I went to follow Embry when I heard it. Footsteps from behind, crunching in the gravel with unexpected loudness, as though he was moving sluggishly, slowly, _nervously. _I didn't speak – barely breathed at all – until Seth was standing next to me.

I turned and did my best to look surprised (and not awkward). His reaction did nothing to ease my fears. Seth's face was rigid with concentration, with a deep-rooted tenseness that made my guilt ooze and flow inside of me until I was filled to the brim.

Doing my best to smile at him, I said "Hey you! What's up?" The lack of touch bothered me more than I'd expected – it was customary by this point for us to greet each other with a hug and nuzzle – but Seth made no move to so much as graze his hand alongside mine. I swallowed back my disappointment, more certain than ever that I was right.

But Seth was jovial in his words, even if he was reserved otherwise. "Oh, not much. Been helping Mom with odd jobs. Patrol. School. That sort of thing."

"Yeah..." A thousand questions were on the tip of my tongue. A thousand apologies followed, but I didn't say any of them. I could only smile and nod, as awkward as a fucking turtle.

"How's studying going for you?" Seth asked, and we began to walk to the building. The bell went off as we went, and students milled about lazily, grabbing book bags and the sort, putting away cellphones and taking out binders.

"Not bad. You?"

"Pretty good. I feel ready."

"That's good."

"Yep."

"W-well..." I stammered, hanging around awkwardly outside my class. "I'll, uh, see you at lunch."

Seth hefted his bag over his shoulder, seemingly as uncertain of what to do as I. "Yeah. See ya." There was half a beat of awkwardness when he abruptly turned and fled down the hall to where his homeroom was. I watched him go, smothering emotions and heartache to go grab my seat and prepare for another shitty day of class.

Monday passed uneventfully, and Tuesday in much the same way. Emily came over Tuesday night to help me bake a cake for Seth's birthday – the one I would be eating with him tomorrow. Not that it mattered. The entire purpose of it, of the gift, was efficiently ruined. It wouldn't be a date. It wouldn't even be romantic. Seth and I would be eating dinner together alone, and then the pack was going to come over for the pre-party to Friday's encroaching fest. I'd spread the word around to the pack that they were to leave Wednesday night free to come over and party. Kim and Emily had frowned wearily at me when it came up, but didn't say much otherwise. I don't know who was more excited for the day, Seth or the boys planning it. The pack was stocking up on alcohol like I'd never seen before. Quil and Paul were practically giddy, a sight that made everyone laugh – almost everyone, anyways. I would've laughed too, of course, had I been in better spirits. Speaking of which...

"Are you sure you're ok?" Emily asked for what must've been the fifth time. "You seem out of sorts."

"I'm fine," I lied again, whisking the eggs like Emily had shown me. "I just...I'm just stressed with school and the leeches."

"Uh-huh..." she said slowly, surveying me critically. I didn't like the feeling of being watched, shrugged uncomfortably under her gaze. Emily was well-known for her perception, for her uncanny way of telling when something was off. She was the best at it out of everyone in the pack, even without the pack link. Emily could decipher and, most often times, guess _correctly _when a person was upset and what was bothering them.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

Damn. She was too good at this.

"What? Uh, I guess. Maybe a little. I mean...with everything going on..." Emily looked like she wasn't following what I was saying, and I didn't blame her. I couldn't really follow it myself. I felt like all my thoughts were strings, winding and twisting about each other in knots, making it damn difficult to focus on anything. I was disoriented, confused and miserable. I was sour about Seth, and everything else I'd said to Emily. School was sucking up all my free time, patrols were getting seemingly longer and the Cullens were popping up with renewed frequency. Who the fuck _wouldn't _be messed up?

"Don't worry about it," Emily's assurances fell on deaf ears, unbeknownst to her. "It'll go wonderfully. You're a whiz at this. I don't even know why I'm here – you could've done this without my supervision!"

I knew why she was here. I'd called her to make sure I followed through with my plan, if only to have _something _to give Seth. I couldn't just cop out of a gift, and it was too late to go buy something else. Even if I didn't want to make him think I was interested in him romantically anymore, didn't mean I wanted him thinking I just didn't give a shit.

"Trust me," Emily said, turning to me with a grin, "When tomorrow's over, you'll wonder why you were so stressed out."

I swallowed thickly, clasping my hands to hide their trembling – with nerves, not anger. "We'll see, Em."

* * *

><p>I was wrong.<p>

It wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be.

It was _worse. _

Dinner was spent in silence, with quiet small talk and flickering smiles, fleeting like a flame. Seth tried to act as enthusiastic as possible about the gift, but anyone could've seen how horrified he looked. Guilt was plastered on his face, guilt because he plainly thought I was leading him on.

I felt _awful. _

"This is really good," Seth said mildly, keeping his eyes on his plate – his third helping, my second. "Homemade?"

"A lady never tells," I mumbled. It had to be my saddest comeback in the history of comebacks. I wanted to hide under a rock and die, but I forced myself to stay put, suffering the silence with nothing to distract me. No TV, or music, or cell phone. Fuck, I couldn't even see the time.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking at him for the first time in minutes. Seth paused, before shuffling through his pockets and glancing down at his phone.

"Seven fifty-three."

Oh my-fucking-god, I had another two hours and seven minutes before the boys showed, and that was _if _they were on time. _Fuck. _

Seth stopped eating a few minutes later, wiped his mouth and grinned feebly at me, making a show of patting his non-existent gut emphatically. "I'm stuffed, Lucy. Shall I help you clean up?"

"Oh no –" I tried to tell him not to bother – Paul and I only cleaned when the filth was up to our eyeballs, and even then we could ignore it most days – plus I desperately wanted to take a breath of air which wasn't chalk full of tension, stress and uneasiness. But Seth had already started carrying his plate to the sink, talking to me over his shoulder as he walked.

"Mom always says one does the cooking, one does the cleaning."

"It's your birthday," I protested, trying to overlook how _husband-and-wife _his mother's quote sounded. "I'm pretty sure today's the exception."

"Don't worry about it," Seth brushed me off like I was nothing, shooing me away. He already started loading up the sink. "You made me dinner. An _awesome _dinner. Your job's done – let me do my part now." His words were meant to relax me, I know, but I felt anything but. _My job? _It was a gift, not a duty. His words grated slightly, through no fault of his own. I'd done it to myself, after all. I'd somehow given the impression that this was a duty and binding, like an onerous chore.

It was all so fucking _wrong._

Before I knew it, my heart was flying and my mouth was dry. I wanted nothing more than to run upstairs and hide – because I was a fucking coward – but I stood firm. I _couldn't _leave. This was _my _imprint, _my _soul mate, and regardless of whether or not he wanted me, it was my duty to be brave and _grow up. _

No more beating around the bush. No more ignoring the elephant in the room. It was time to be honest, as I should've been from the very start.

It was time to tell Seth Clearwater how I felt. Even if it meant he ignored me for a while. I'd rather be ignored than suffer this awkward, stilted conversation.

"Um…ok." I sucked in a deep breath. Seth was in the middle of setting his dishes in the sink, his back to me. When I spoke, he turned around and faced me, smiling politely, eyebrows lifted in curiosity. I swallowed a couple times to talk clearly, and found myself shamefully struggling to look at him in the eye. All I could think of were those horrible few weeks after I had imprinted, before Seth had phased, and he cut me out of his life as easily as if I were a stranger. All because I wouldn't date him.

Funny how life works out, isn't it? Now all I wanted was to give dating a try, and it seemed like it was simply too late.

"What's up, Lucy?"

Sucking in as much oxygen as my lungs could hold, I gestured awkwardly to the chairs at the dining room table. "Can…can we sit for a minute? Please?"

Seth paused, turning to face me fully now. His brow furrowed and he tipped his head in that damn puppy-dog style, which made me want to laugh and cry all at once. I just _wanted _him. I knew now how stupid it was to deny him so long over something so insignificant. Two years. He was two measly years younger than me. What did that matter in the long run? What did it matter if he was two years younger when I wanted him for forever? What difference did it make when I _loved _him, completely and endlessly?

I was so foolish.

"Are you ok?" his voice was saturated in concern, worry for me. His hand went out, seemingly on instinct, and his fingertips had barely touched my cheek when he pulled back, blinking and straightening up. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Here, tell me what's wrong."

I was sorely tempted to say nothing, tempted to laugh it off and offer to go watch whatever movie he wanted, with him on one side of the couch and me on the other. But Seth was already sitting, and somehow I was across the table from him, and he was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to begin talking. Leaning forward, hands clasped in front of him atop the table, his face had this exquisite look of concentration and it was one of the many things I loved about him. When I was trying to talk to some of the other boys in the pack, it felt like I was talking to a wall. With Seth, I had no doubt that I had his attention. He made me feel like I _mattered. _

"Well…" I fumbled about for how to begin, and felt a long-winded explanation coming on. "Well, y'see… I was talking to Embry – but before I was talking to Emily, and Kim – but then I talked to Embry and he started asking about whether I had talked to _Emily _and I was all confused – because I hadn't told anyone, y'see, and I didn't know what he was getting to." Seth, as usual, was infinitely patient, nodding calmly and still frowning with concern. "I mean…I know you know I went to Port Angeles on Sunday."

Here, Seth blinked and jolted, startled. "I what?"

I paused, already beginning to move on to my next confusing, disjointed, non sequitur point. "Well, I mean… I talked to Embry and he asked if I talked about you, so I figured…" I trailed off as I watched Seth's face turn a sickly shade. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open a bit.

"He – he swore!" Seth yelled, covering his face with his hands, digging his fingers into his hair and tugging at it. I stared at him, too taken aback by his reaction to move to comfort him. "I didn't _mean _to tell him – I didn't even mean to hear, I swear!" He leaned across the table and grasped at my hands, squeezing them tightly. "I didn't mean to, honest."

"It's alright," I was hastily reassuring him, patting his hands. My eyes had yet to lose the wideness, I was sure, and if my heart had been beating quickly before, it was certainly out of control now. Holding Seth's hands, I noted somewhere in the back of my mind that this was the longest period of time I'd touched him since before last Friday. It felt nice, if only the situation could've been happier.

"It's alright," I repeated gently, only just managing to smother the urge to leap across the table and cradle his face, hold him tightly, nuzzle into his neck and let his scent envelope me. "I know you didn't mean to." And somehow, I did know. I just _knew_. Eavesdropping wasn't his style. If Seth had heard something I had told Emily, it was done accidently. I _trusted _him with my life.

"I didn't mean to tell Embry, I just…it slipped when we were on patrol together." Seth hung his head in embarrassment, and my heart melted at the sight. If he had overheard something between me and Emily, he must've felt so guilty, so terrible. I could only imagine how hard it was trying to keep it to himself when it was all he could think about. I couldn't blame him for telling Embry on patrol.

…Wait… On patrol?

I looked up at Seth and frowned. "Did you…did you say on patrol? With Embry?"

Seth nodded nervously. "Yeah. Yeah, the other day."

"What other day?" I asked with a hint of sharpness to my voice. "Did you have patrol with him on Sunday?"

It was Seth's turn to be surprised. "Uh, no. Saturday. After your tutorial session together, remember?" Well, yeah I did, but I was more confused than before. I had thought he'd heard something about me and Emily shopping, but if he had talked to Embry _Saturday, _then…

Then I was very confused.

"Wait. Wait a minute," I held up a hand, trying to process what I was hearing. "So…you didn't know about me and Emily and Kim shopping in Port Angeles? I thought…" My voice trailed off into nothing as I struggled (and failed) to wrap my head around what I was hearing.

"I heard you talking to Emily last Friday night," Seth said quietly. "On the phone. You told me earlier to call you so I thought I'd swing by and say hello…" He blushed and looked intently at the tabletop as I stared blankly at him.

"What?"

Apparently my question was too vague for him since he only looked up and narrowed his eyes at my uncomprehending expression. "What do you mean _what? _What did you think I was talking about with Embry?"

"Well…" I pursed my lips. What _did _I think? Suddenly I wasn't too sure. Suddenly everything was spinning and what made sense before was now backwards and upside down. "Seth, you avoided me all Saturday and Sunday. Didn't you?"

Guilt oozed from Seth's face and posture, slumping his shoulders and ducking his head in shame. "Yeah. But… it was the only way I could think to fix things."

Frustration touched my heart ever so delicately for the first time in the conversation, and I found myself growing flushed with irritation. "Seth, how was avoiding me going to fix things?" I softened my voice when he just stared miserably at his hands, scowling downwardly. "You should've just told me you weren't interested." The words were tight and strangled, and it took every ounce of strength in my body to get them out, but I managed, and I was pretty confident that Seth understood them too.

"_What?" _

Or not.

"You should've _told _me," I repeated, stronger than before. "I know things have been awkward for us but you should've just told me that you'd changed your mind. I wouldn't have pushed you away or anything – I would've understood that you need space –"

"Back up just a _second," _Seth gritted out, leaning back as though to distance himself from the conversation for a moment. He quivered for half a second, totally bewildered. "What the _hell _are you talking about, Lucy?"

The cuss rocked me for a minute, but I pulled myself together enough to say, "You don't want to date me and I get it, I do, but I don't think _honesty _is too much –"

"_Honesty?" _he gasped, looking as irritated as me now. "You want honesty? Lucy, I heard you! I heard you tell Emily that you couldn't…that you wouldn't…" he fumbled about, choking on his words a few times. "About…_dating _me… That you didn't want to."

My heart froze – I swear in that instant, my heart literally ceased its beating and froze. All the rest of the world melted away and all that was left in its wake was Seth, Seth's words and my blinding, painful realization that was actually so impossible that I still couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was like half my brain had understood instantly what he was saying and the other half was sluggishly trying to catch up.

Could it be…that I had it backwards?

But Seth had heard me talk about dating him. And then he started ignoring me. Why would he do that? Just _ignore _me? I would've sworn on my life that he had heard me tell Emily that I wanted to date him….Friday night? Had… Did I say that? I could've sworn I had. I was _positive _I'd told her eventually that… I would…

Holy shit.

"Seth," I said numbly, gaping openly at him. "Seth, what did you hear exactly?"

He looked like he was physically in pain, like repeating my words was causing him such deep grief that it hurt him and I simply _ached _over that, but if he was saying what I thought – if this meant what I thought it might – then there would be time for comfort later. There would be time for consoling _afterwards_.

"I heard you tell Emily you didn't want to miss out on anything," he whispered bitterly, seemingly deflating back down to his normal size. Eyes loaded with sorrow, I almost couldn't stomach looking at him, but I _had to _otherwise I might not believe the words coming out of his mouth. Because they were simply _unbelievable. _"I heard you say you were scared and that… You couldn't date me. You wouldn't date me," he finished in a choked, hoarse whisper.

"And why did you ignore me?"

My words were soft, almost too muted for even his acute hearing, but he did hear, and he did reply.

"Because I didn't want you to feel pressured. Because…because I couldn't bear to think you only would date me if I forced you into it." Seth shook his head and stopped talking, turning away from me to stare out the window, silent as the grave.

I could hear his heart beating, fluttering in his chest, slowly coming back down to its normal, superhuman speed. The thrum relaxed me, and I realized – remembered, more like – how easy it was to sit and simply _watch _him.

He was perfection.

"Seth," I said quietly, then I started giggling. "Oh _Seth!" _One moment I was in my chair, the next I was running into his arms, flinging myself with abandon into his startled arms. Caught off guard, he caught me nonetheless. As always.

I clung to him as tightly as I could, and he held me back with equal vigor, to my endless delight. He was murmuring my name over and over in my ear, confused but happy and overwhelmed. Me, I didn't know what I felt. Happiness, obviously. More than happiness. I felt _joy _for what must've been the first time in a long time. I couldn't recall many times in the past few months when my joy was not directly related to Seth's presence. In fact, I was certain it relied on him anymore. I could be content, but never _delighted _when I wasn't with him.

Beneath the bliss was shame, and lots of it. My imprint had heard me utter words I had _never,_ in all my life, intended for him to hear. Shame didn't scrape the surface of what I felt. Disgraceful, appalling, deplorable – all words suitable for my behavior in handling the situation.

Regardless of how 'extenuating' the circumstances were, I should never have told Emily I didn't want to date Seth, even if it was said in a moment of panic. I regretted saying it with all my heart, but it didn't undo the fact that I _had _said it, and Seth _had _heard it.

And now I had some serious damage control to do.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered into his hair. Perched on his knee, I was able to drape my arm around his shoulders and rest my head on my arm propped along his back. His head twisted awkwardly to try and look me in the eye, so I sat up and faced him, still seated comfortably in his lap.

"I should _never _have _ever _said the things I said." I urged him mentally to believe me, to read my mind and just _know _that I was telling the truth. "Seth… I was wrong. All this time, I've been telling myself that you were the one that was too young, not ready, all that sort of nonsense. And I'm _sorry. _Because it was me." Seth raised his eyebrows in shock and disbelief, but hugged me closer all the same. My heart, apparently having been squished and shriveled inside my chest for the past four days, swelled and expanded inside of me, and for the first time in days I felt like I could _breathe _again.

"I wasn't ready. I tried to tell myself I was doing it for you but really," I inhaled loudly and said in an expulsion of air, "it was all for me. And I'm _so sor—"_

"Stop." Seth had pressed his fingers to my lips to keep me from talking, and held them there for a moment. "Please stop." He chuckled weakly, shaking his head at the look of fear on my face, "Let me wrap my head around this, yeah?" I nodded and fell silent, obediently, though I desperately wanted to offer more apologies, give more explanations, make more excuses and reasons for why I had been so cowardly.

"I just can't…_wow," _he said finally, after a moment of silence. He sat back, letting his hands rest in front of him, stunned. "Does that mean – you said you _weren't _ready. Does that mean…are you…now?" The hope in his eyes took my breath away and it was all I could do to nod at him, my throat too tight to even speak.

"So…you wanna date me?" he asked, ears perking. I inhaled shakily, staring at him in disbelief. I still couldn't get over the fact that he actually thought I hadn't wanted him. After everything, I thought for sure he'd know how badly I needed him, even if I had said no to dating him until now. Fuck, I was such a lousy imprint. _Lousy._

"Yes," I said in a wheezing voice, "Yeah, I definitely want to, Seth." Lousy, lousy, lousy…

He blushed, smiling nervously at me. I couldn't resist; I leaned forward and kissed the very tip of his nose; it was softly pointed, a nice, narrow structure that screamed KISS ME every minute of every damn day. Pulling back, I found myself looking into the eyes of a very mischievous, _smug _little imprint.

"Sooo…" he drawled, the pair of us grinning and giggling like idiots. But happy idiots, I consoled myself.

"So," I echoed, smiling wider and wider with each passing second. "I have a couple movies here, if you want. I could break out the ice cream if you go pick one and get it set up?" Seth agreed, gave my hip a pat to silently ask me to get off him (although it really only made me want to stay put) and I obliged.

In about ten minutes, I found myself curled up in his arms, leaning back and trying to calm my racing heart as his arm wrapped serenely around my shoulders.

"Comfy?" asked Seth, his breath warm against the top of my skull. Kneading his fingers hesitantly but tenderly into the hollow between my neck and my shoulder, his touch was infused with delectable precision and also an obvious shyness that came with days of no contact, no talking, no glances at one another. It was a mutual feeling, received and given, and it was hard to shake. My leaping into his arms had jump-started the nervousness, as though it had launched us into this electric, super-charged dance where touches were given briefly but sincerely, and accepted wholly but bashfully. Perhaps it was more than just being distanced from each other for a fleeting but _painfully _long amount of time. I didn't doubt, and I don't think Seth did either, that the revelation we'd shared had changed everything – for forever.

"Yeah," I grinned up at him, pressing my lips into a smile no doubt suffused with adoration. Seth was slowly regaining the look in his face that I'd so desperately craved. It was that look of innocence, that look of _hope _and happiness. He made me feel like everything in the world was ok, even as the world outside was falling to pieces. Even as the bitch Victoria was slaughtering and Jake was constantly getting fucked over, I felt like there was _hope _when Seth was there.

He was more than hope, though. He was pure. And whether or not I wanted to date him, the thought of ruining that purity was nauseating.

"I love this movie," Seth said suddenly, watching as the title credits started. I fought off a laugh; I knew that. I had known for some time.

"Do you?" I asked sarcastically. "I never would've guessed." It wasn't the typical favorite movie for a sixteen year-old teenager (_sixteen, _my mind repeated joyously. _Sixteen),_ but then again, Seth wasn't a typical sixteen year-old.

Beside me, Seth chuckled. "Smart mouth," he murmured with a playful scolding tone. "When did you get to be so sneaky?"

"Learnt from the best."

* * *

><p>Ten o'clock came and went, and none of the Pack had so much as knocked. I was puzzled but pleased, nonetheless. Seth's fingers were combing soothingly through my hair – which had been brushed and styled courtesy of Emily Young, of course. His touch had been constant, ever since we sat on the couch.<p>

It suited me just fine if the Pack didn't want to show.

Eventually I felt Seth's body inhale and exhale, as slowly and smoothly as though he were waking from a long sleep. Craning my neck to peer up at him, I grinned when our eyes met. It was drowsy-Seth, one of my absolute favorites. His eyes half-lidded, his lips smacking – trying to regain some moisture to his mouth, no doubt. I thought of other ways to moisten his mouth and hastily looked away, feeling my face burn. Seth didn't pay any notice to my oddities, to my relief.

"I guess I should head home," he slurred, rubbing his fists into his eyes. "Mom'll kill me if I'm not home by midnight. School night, and all." I nodded, wondering what it was like to have a parent give a shit about when you came home.

We both stood up, Seth leading the way. From behind him, I admired him in the walk from the couch to the front door, smirking as I shamelessly eyed his nicely shaped bum.

In the time apart, I'd foolishly forgotten how goddamn _sexy _he was.

"Well..." Seth paused, slipping his shoes on, fumbling for a moment. Awkward silence ensued – I thought we were past this – but soon enough the pair of us made eye contact, waited, and then laughed. I'd missed this. I'd missed just _looking _at him, watching his face light up at the most obscure, innocent things.

"Will you be over tonight?"

I thought about it for a bit, smiling ruefully in the end and shaking my head. "I don't think so. Tomorrow, probably." Right now, I really wanted to digest everything that'd just happened. When I thought about it, actually, I wondered what really _had _just happened.

Were we dating now? Boyfriend and girlfriend? Was it something else? Were we just acknowledging that we had feelings for each other?

"Oh ok," he didn't sound too pleased, but nor did he look devastated. I imagined he could relate to how I was feeling. Seth set a hand on the door handle, and seemed to argue with himself over something for half a second, before he turned to me and, with a blush that made him look more innocent than he'd been in a while, said, "This was a pretty awesome date, right, Lu?"

My mouth dried, and my tongue swelled. I found myself nodding only because I could think of nothing else to do or say. The parallel was unmistakable, and I was sure his words were chosen deliberately for that effect.

_It's not a date. _I had said that. I'd fucking _said that _when we went to the movies. God, that felt like _ages _ago. So long since Harry's death, since Seth had imprinted, since Quil and Jake had phased. Now Colin and Brady were on the verge of phasing and Swan was running off with Cullen any day now and Jacob was depressed and Embry wanted to know who his father is.

How the hell could so much happen in so little time? I guess I should be used to it by now. My life seemed to make progress in sharp, drastic events. It didn't _flow. _It didn't smoothly morph from one problem to the next. And I knew life wasn't linear; it didn't present you with one problem at a time and then wait for you to solve it before giving you something else. Things happened. Shit happened.

My life had been turned upside down when I had phased. And again when I imprinted. And again when _he _imprinted.

Despite everything, despite certain change approaching us once more and despite the fact that we were on the cusp of battle with the Cullens, particularly Edward, should he bite Swan, I felt like my life was steady again. Balanced. As though my life had moved in a U-shaped motion, returning me, not to the same place I was in, but one where I felt leveled. _Steady. _I realized sharply that it was Seth.

My rock.

My imprint.

My other, better half.

My tongue reduced to normal size long enough for me to smile and say, "Best date I've been on."

Eyes sparkling, Seth stepped towards me, taking both my hands and dwarfing them in his. I stepped outside onto the porch, staring up at him with wide eyes. "Lucy," he murmured, and my heartrate skyrocketed. This was it. This was the moment I'd not-so-secretly been waiting for. I licked my lips as discreetly as possible and wished I had chosen a meal that didn't taste of tomatoes and garlic, and wondered what the hell I was going to do with my teeth when it happened –

Seth pressed his mouth to my cheek, pulled back and squeezed my hand gently.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Fighting to hide my disappointment, I nodded. "Yeah, I...I'll see you then."

Seth waited a moment longer, grinned, and turned around, headed in the direction of his house. I watched him leave while I kicked myself in the back of the head for not stopping him.

That's _it? _No smooching? No hanky-panky? Not even a little groping?

"_Kiss her, you dumbass!" _

Seth, who had reached the street, stopped and wheeled around, frowning at the bushes from where the voice had come. At once, my blood began to boil.

"Alright, who's there?" No one came out, but I heard rustling from the bush next to Paul's house, followed by a loud thud then a yelp.

"Quil, Paul, Embry!" Seth barked, marching over with irritation on his face. He looked rather adorable, and my own anger softened somewhat at the sight. He was so ridiculously _not _intimidating, to see him try was kind of priceless.

At Seth's call, three heads popped up, two of them sheepish, one of them obstinately unashamed. Three guesses who.

Paul raised an eyebrow at us. "You called?"

I fought a grin despite myself, watching as Seth hauled Embry and Quil out of the plants. "Why are you spying on us?"

"Spying!" Quil scoffed. "Hardly. You'd have to actually do something of _value _in order for it to be spying."

"And I live here," Paul pointed out, sauntering over to the front door. "These two dickwads wouldn't let me go inside until you had left, so if you don't excuse me, I think I'd like to go to bed now." High and mighty as he was, Paul sneered at everyone outside for a moment, then marched past me and presumably to his room. Sure enough, I heard the bedroom door swing shut ten seconds later.

When I turned my head back to the three left, I caught a glimpse of Quil making motions to Seth, miming something that was certainly vulgar and inappropriate, if Seth's face was anything to go by. Embry was snickering quietly into his hand, eyes flashing in the moonlight.

"Gentlemen," I drew their attention from...whatever it was they were doing. "Are you all quite satisfied or is there something I can get you? Otherwise...fuck off. Now, please."

I waved in a ridiculously happy manner as they sulked off, Quil muttered about prudes and Embry about being _invited_.

I watched them go, having completely forgotten that Seth was still there, and hadn't moved since walking back to tell off the packmates. I opened my mouth to say something, something along the lines of making a corny joke to diffuse the tension, but as I turned, a pair of hands cupped my face and I barely had a moment's warning before Seth's mouth descended on my own.

It was...warm. Soft. Completely innocent for a first kiss.

And it _still _swept me proverbially off my feet.

My hands came up to brace myself against his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly beneath my fingers. We stayed like that, unmoving, until the back of Seth's hand gently – so gently – stroked my cheek, weaving his fingers sinuously into my hair. I gave a tiny moan, unable to stop myself. Inside of me, my wolf was cheering, eagerly pushing for more. _More, more, more! _I knocked her down, knowing that it was too soon for anything more.

Seth pulled away after what felt like eternity yet _still _wasn't long enough, making a wet smacking sound as our lips disconnected. He rested his forehead against mine as our fingers laced together, pinioned between our chests.

I squashed the desire to say something sappy like _I love you _because it was _way _too soon to be saying that, even if I felt it, and tried to just savor the moment.

Of all the possible endings I had imagined for this night, _this _hadn't been one of them.

I thought Seth would simply pull away and leave, maybe crack a joke or two, but he stayed put long enough to say in a fervent whisper that was so typically _male_, "Best birthday _ever!"_

I laughed and kissed him again.

* * *

><p><strong>Hopefully I did it justice. I've been waiting for this scene! Sorry for another long delay, I'll try and get the next one out faster.<strong>

**Thanks to all who reviewed! I really appreciate it. They make my day.**

**Sincerely,**

**Ella.**


	32. The After Party

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

><p>"Can you pass the pepper, Lucy?" Sam requested from next to me. One hand on my fork and my eyes still on my plate, I lifted the pepper shaker and passed it to my left, grunting when Sam thanked me. Emily had made roast chicken and it was <em>awesome. <em>I wasn't really a chicken fanatic, but when it came to her lemon and herb chicken, I sort of lost my head. Paul was seated across from me, and Emily was bringing the last of the side dishes to the table when Sam started clearing his throat.

I had been at his house for dinner enough times to know that he liked to make impromptu speeches and touching words of thanks (most of it directed at Emily, who always somehow manage to look surprised, blushing and smiling). I don't know how long he had been going "_ahem_" when I finally looked up, impatient and at the ready with a sarcastic crack until I caught the look on his face. Brow quirked, mouth pursed in an annoyed manner, he stared down at me with a pointed expression that clearly indicated I was missing something vital.

Mouth full of potatoes mixed with melted butter which was almost falling out, I asked, "wassa'matter witchu?"

Sam only sighed and rolled his eyes. Paul glanced up at the pair of us, engrossed in his own meal, caught sight of me and my food and began to snicker. I snarled lowly (after swallowing), but the effect was lost when I realized I had some gravy in the corner of my lip.

It had been a long, appetite-inducing day.

"_Lucy_, you must've forgotten Emily made spinach," Sam said in a loud, exaggerated way, which left a lot to be desired on my end. "Here – why don't I just help you out?" And without permission, he began spooning clumps of green glop onto my plate, smothering my poor chicken drumsticks and ooey gooey mashed potatoes.

I gave a stifled whine, restricting the sound to the back of my throat so Emily wouldn't hear. "Sa-a-a-am," I grumbled under my breath, all too aware that the alpha would hear me just fine.

Sam grinned cheekily at me, "You're welcome, Lucy."

And just like that he resumed eating.

_Asshole. _

Paul snorted into his food, which made me glower at him, hiding behind my fork. He knew how much I detested the green vegetable, as well as Sam knew, and I could only imagine the utter joy he got from seeing my look of pitiful misery as I struggled to swallow a mouthful of spinach. For whatever reason it never sat well with me, not when I was five and not when I was fifteen – and not now, either. I hated the damn thing, and I swore to myself I'd never feed it to my future children.

Unlike Sam, who seemed to have it out for me at every turn.

Paul _tsked_ me from across the table, "Manners, Lucille," and I gave a louder snarl this time, making Sam bump my chair with his leg, eyeing me in warning.

"Lay off, Paul," Sam ordered tersely before resuming his eating. I smirked at Paul and stuck my tongue out childishly. Paul just rolled his eyes, huffed a low laugh and shoved a forkful of potatoes in his mouth.

As I ate, I reviewed the past few days in my head and tried to figure out how the hell I'd gotten here. Wednesday morning I was miserable and heartbroken. Now, twenty four hours later, I was practically dancing out of the house on my way to class.

In the best interest of me and Seth, no one had been informed of what had conspired Wednesday night, thanks to the fact that neither Seth nor myself had had patrol yet. I would be making that up later tonight when the pack was enjoying the festivities of Seth's birthday, much to my chagrin. Were it anyone else's party, I don't think I would have given a shit. There was bound to be plenty of booze and liquor, even though Seth was nowhere near of age, and I didn't really care for either. But it was _Seth's _party. Even though he and I had already had a little celebration for him (one I enjoyed _most thoroughly) _I had rather wanted to be there for the whole night of his party, alcohol and all.

The pack had pretty much lost their heads about the whole booze-fest taking place tonight. Seth hadn't been involved in much of the planning process, preferring to let others surprise him. I went along with it, keeping him busy and out of the way (which was why we had gotten off not having to patrol Wednesday, Thursday or most of Friday). Everyone was in good spirits, and I think Sam was mostly pleased that he'd agreed to endorse the festivities, in spite of his misgivings over underage kids drinking. At any rate, none of us are really children anymore. Not since phasing, anyways.

Seth's party would be different from the bonfire we'd be having Sunday night. I knew what the atmosphere would be like come Sunday: solemn, mature, with an air of purpose. Not that Seth's birthday didn't have _purpose, _but the demand for it to be respected was absent, unlike the bonfire night. Billy would tell the stories, and we would all gather around to pay our dutiful attention. I liked the stories of the past – don't get me wrong – but I'd enjoy them a lot more if we were allowed to laugh a little at the bonfire. Sam always treated the gatherings like they were holy, and in many ways they were (for the pack, specifically).

I kept my head down the entirety of the meal, avoiding Emily's gaze. I could tell she wanted my attention – I could feel her burning holes in my direction – but I was too nervous to look up at her. She wanted details of course, and I had kept my silence over them for over forty eight hours now, a fact she wasn't happy about. Emily would never force me to say anything, nor would she ask Sam to (she knew the pack's misery over our loss of freewill), but she had a way of twisting your arm without saying a word.

She'd be a great mom someday.

"What time am I supposed to start my shift?" I asked, looking up at Sam as I sat my fork on my plate, sitting back sated.

"Not 'til ten," Sam said. "I have Embry running til then." At first, I thought it was unfair to make Embry miss out on the fun, too, but after thinking about it, it made the most sense. Embry was like me in the sense that he didn't find much thrill in drinking. Even Jacob could stomach a beer, although being around drunken people made him uncomfortable ever since Sarah Black's untimely death. Embry wouldn't be too bummed about missing the start of the party, I guess.

"Cool," I murmured.

Beside me, Sam seemed to be scanning my features, searching for something that was missing. I tried ignoring him, frowning mildly at him in my peripheral. "I'm a little surprised," he admitted, making me turn to raise my eyebrows at him. "I thought you'd be more upset about missing Seth's party."

"Oh!" I fumbled for a logical explanation that didn't involve the truth _("I'm too fucking happy that we can make out on a regular basis to be miserable about missing a night full of drunken theatrics")_. "Alcohol isn't really my thing. And it's not like I'm gonna miss out on the whole night." I shrugged, trying to put off anymore questions.

"Just the majority of it..." Paul muttered from across me, his suspicion quite blatant. I scowled at him, but said nothing.

"Can't you rearrange the schedule, Sam?" Emily asked, laying a hand gently over his. Her earnest gaze was turned beseechingly to Sam, and I cringed on his behalf. I could only imagine the feeling of desperation he was suffering with his imprint looking at him like that. I don't think I would have had the power to say no, for whatever reason. I knew Emily was doing it to be nice to me, and I appreciated it, but I felt sorry for the guy. It was a hard thing saying no to your other half.

"I can't, Em," he said in a hushed voice, looking pained. "I've been reworking it in her favor for the past few days. If I do it any more, the pack will get pissed. This way only two people miss out on the party, and Lucy makes up for missing time." He turned to me and said a sincere, "Sorry, kid."

But I shook my head, taking pity on him. "He's right, Emily. It's easier this way. Besides, I got to have Seth all to myself on his actual birthday. This is pretty fair."

Paul snorted in an ungainly manner. "Since when did you give a fuck over what's _fair – _especially when it comes to your little _darling_?"

"Piss off. I can be plenty fair."

Sam and Paul shared a look, smirking in a way that made me scowl. "You know what?" I wiped my mouth and picked up my empty plate, setting it in the dishwasher. "I'm out. Thanks for dinner, Em."

Emily opened her mouth, looking letdown that she wouldn't be getting the details of my date Wednesday night (again), but her naturally forgiving, patient nature won over in the end. She closed her mouth and gave a strained smile. "I'll talk to you soon," she somehow made it sound like both a farewell and a threat. Tricky woman. I pecked her cheek on the way out, sure to whack Paul across the back of the head as I left.

I spent the time I had before my patrol studying – which I had been sorely neglecting the past forty-eight hours in favor of other things. Things like groping Seth. Frequently, given it had been such a short time period since his birthday. I was certain he didn't mind; in fact, this morning I had gotten a wee bit carried away with him, turning my hips in a slow, sensual grinding motion against his legs, which were entwined around my own. Seth had grunted, mouth fastened to mine, before rolling his own body once in a way that made me definitely think he enjoyed it.

_Crack! _I blinked, startled as I stared down at my clenched fist. As I had reminisced, I had accidentally gripped my pencil too hard and snapped it in half.

Damn.

* * *

><p>"Lucy!" I could hear his eager shouting, drawing me from the gaggle of people who had come to greet me (or should I say <em>pack <em>of people_, _as might be more accurate). Seth's hand was high in the air, waving me in his direction. I smiled widely at him, winding through the party to reach him.

Seth was sitting almost at the edge of the party, as though he were part of the fringe, looking in from the outside. Leah was the only one who was seated farther away from the crowd, nursing her own bottle of something (something I had a feeling was much stronger than what a normal human could've stomached on their own). At the heart of the party were Quil, Paul and who I assumed was Paul's date (or _fuck-buddy, _is probably the better term). She was just his type, too: big boobs, legs for miles, and a stomach for alcohol. _And _a surprising lack of awareness for her surroundings. I knew this because I'm sure if she had been aware of what she was witnessing, she would've been freaked out about Quil and Jared arguing over who could chug a bottle of vodka faster.

For the record Jared won in the end, but not without paying a price. Incidentally, werewolves _can _be sick from consuming alcohol faster than their body can burn it off.

"Hey!" Seth greeted enthusiastically (and when wasn't he?). I was pulled into a tight, affectionate embrace, squashed against his chest without complaint.

"Hey you." I wrapped my arms around his waist. This wasn't bizarre for us, even prior to the kiss. The pack had simply accepted that we weren't fighting or confused or upset anymore, and they had apparently accepted it as just that. I was glad for their silent acquiescence; it's not often I get to keep secrets from them. And this was a secret I held very dear to my heart, albeit unashamedly. I was merely happy to have Seth all to myself for the time being. It wasn't that I wanted to keep our relationship private, but I enjoyed having something so special to me be left alone by my 'extended family.'

"What are you doing over here?" I asked, trying to not shout over the music, though it was hard not to. Logically I knew he could hear me fine without adding volume to my words, but some part of my human brain was positive that the blaring tunes were too overpowering for Seth to give me all his attention. I practically _was _shouting at him. "Shouldn't you be enjoying the party _over there?" _I jerked my head backwards to where I knew the keg was, probably almost empty by now.

Seth just shrugged. "I was waiting for you."

And cue the swooning. I bit my lip in a desperate attempt to hide my sappy grin from him, though I figured I was unsuccessful based off the way he smiled back. "Well, I'm here now," I said brightly, squeezing him 'round the waist fleetingly. "What next?"

My imprint looked out over my head to the crowd of people, contemplating. I took a moment to take in his features – really take them in, I mean – and felt queasy when I realized what I saw.

"You're not enjoying it, are you?" I asked as quietly as I dared, crestfallen. The pack seemed either too preoccupied to have noticed what I said or too drunk to care, but Seth had heard loud and clear. Anxious eyes darted about the room, as though scared that someone was going to come out and accuse him of being ungrateful at any moment.

I gently cupped his cheek, stretching on tiptoes to talk to him. "Hey," I crooned, cutting him off as he began to ramble what was undoubtedly a long speech about how happy he was. "It's ok. Hey, I don't think they'd mind if we took off for a bit. Maybe get some air." I leaned back, giving him a minute to think. "What'daya say?"

Looking internally tormented, Seth rubbed the back of his neck uneasily as he thought about it. "I dunno, Lu. I don't think mom will be happy when she finds out I skipped out on my own party." I fought the urge to roll my eyes from the extreme onslaught of affection I felt.

"You've been here for hours," I tried coaxing him. "I'm sure they'll understand. Besides," I added with a grimace, "I think they're entirely content to just...drink their faces off for the rest of the night, with or without you."

Seth snorted. "Yeah, tell me about it. Paul barely looked at me after I walked in, just went and grabbed some beers." Frowning, I found Paul over my shoulder. From the look of things, he and Quil were in a competition for who could be the stupidest wolf.

"Don't pay attention to Paul," I grumbled with a scowl. How dare he ignore Seth on his birthday? Even as the anger sizzled to the surface, I squelched it firmly. I had no use for anger on such an important day. My _imprint's birthday. _The birthday I had decided, for whatever reason, made him old enough to date.

There was time to be pissed at Paul _later_.

Without another word, I took Seth's big, warm hand in my own and led the pair of us into the woods. It must've looked a little silly, seeing two giants _sneaking _away from a party, but if anyone had noticed, no one said anything. I could've sworn I saw Emily's eyes flicker from across the room, amusement and intrigue radiating from her direction. But I kept my gaze stoically ahead, guiding Seth needlessly along the rocky trail that would bring us to the cliffs.

We didn't talk as we trekked on, hand in hand, but every now and then his hand would squeeze mine, or my thumb would brush the back of his hand, and I just _knew _he felt the same adoration, the same feeling of content and joy that I did. It wasn't arrogance, but a profound level of understanding that allowed the insecurity to be washed away. I didn't doubt the connection we had, not anymore. Judging from the way he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, Seth felt the same.

When we reached the stars, I let go of his hand to walk ahead to the edge of the cliff, craning my neck to look up at the night sky.

"Hey, it's not cloudy," I pointed out, gesturing to the wild array of stars overhead. Seth took my cue, stretching his neck back as he came to stand next to me. I smiled slightly. "Talk about a good birthday gift."

Seth laughed quietly, chuckling to himself. "Can't get much better than that."

"Hmm."

Suddenly, a warm and gentle hand was cupping my chin, turning my head to face Seth. I found myself locked in a gaze with two of the most heartwarming, sincere, beautiful eyes I've ever seen. For the first time in my life, though, there was more to them than I had seen before; there was intensity, passion, a sort of desperate _need _to communicate _something _with me. As though I could read his desperation simply by looking at him.

"I mean it," he whispered urgently, lifting his other hand to hold my face securely but sweetly between his palms. "This has been the best birthday ever."

I grinned a bit, remembering his words after we had kissed for the first time. "You've said that before."

He tilted his head in a puppy-like way, stroking my cheeks with the pads of thumbs. His eyes were unnaturally serious. "And I mean it now, too." I swallowed; so this wasn't the time for teasing, then. My heart stuttered nervously, my hands got clammy. It wasn't that I didn't _want _to kiss him, but deep down, I was still petrified of doing something wrong or not being good enough or not pleasing him the way he effortlessly pleased me.

But not even all of my fears could surmount the excitement or need I felt when I saw his face start to descend, his tongue sweep fleetingly over his lips, his eyes flutter shut as he kissed me. Again.

And let me tell you – it was just as good as the first. And the second. And the third. In fact, it_ just kept getting better. _

I liked the way he held my head when we kissed, like he needed to pull us closer together, like I wasn't trying to press myself against him as tightly as I could _without _the added help of his hands. I liked the way he paused when our lips first touched, as though he was savoring the moment, trying to make it last. I liked the way his tongue swept out, hesitantly at first, then bolder as he realized I wasn't going to stop him. Not this time. Not ever.

My hands knotted in his hair as he reached down and hauled me into his arms, unintentionally coaxing my legs to wrap around his waist to support myself (or maybe it was intentional. Knowing my sneaky little imprint, I wouldn't have put it past him). When his hands – seemingly _unknowingly _– cupped my bottom to hold me up, I knew it had been a ploy. One I thoroughly approved of. Seth gave an appreciative moan as his hands squeezed a little, pulling back from my mouth for a second.

"I love your ass," he admitted, grinning cheekily when I blushed to my roots. Making me blush wasn't an easy thing to do, and he was well-aware of it.

"Flattery!" I tried to laugh it off, but it was hard, considering the way he was looking at me. It felt like too much almost. Like he shouldn't be looking at me with such utter and shameless devotion. But I wouldn't complain; I was too delighted to complain.

We never did rejoin the party. Instead, I spent the night with him on the cliff, staring up at the stars and talking about pointless trivialities in our lives. It was refreshing from all the talk of saving the world. We didn't talk about anything serious; not my cousin's impending phase, or my family's absence, or Sue's developing connection with Chief Swan – not a word.

It was one of the best nights of my life.

* * *

><p>I suffered for my elation the next day – for most of the morning, when Paul was at home. He kept on grinning and making underhanded comments about Seth and his newfound status as a sixteen-year-old.<p>

"I wonder if he has a curfew," Paul leered, legs propped up on the kitchen table, eating ice cream straight from the container. His arrogant smirk made me scowl to myself as I tried (and failed) to not think about last night and how wonderful it was and how Seth kept on peppering my face in kisses when he dropped me off on the front porch, like we were _normal _and _free_. I still didn't want Paul (or the rest of the Pack) knowing just what had transpired between us that Wednesday night when he had gone upstairs and my buddies had run off snickering into the night. Seth was something _private, _something I wanted to shield and tuck away for myself. I didn't want to share.

"Piss off," I snapped, flipping a page aggressively. Math – fucking _math_ – was the first exam on the list. I wasn't looking forward to it, either. Our tutor, Ace, had been pushing it at us for the past few sessions, which had admittedly helped a fair amount, but not enough. At least _I _didn't think it was enough. Paul seemed to feel that he would scrape passing marks easily.

Actually, regardless of whether or not he did pass, I don't think he gave a shit either way.

"Do you have to ask Sue when he can come out and play?" Paul grinned wickedly, hands folded behind his head. Of all the people in the world, I had to end up living with a temperamental _dickhead _who enjoyed taunting people a little too much for his own good.

"_Shut up." _

"Betcha do," he laughed, looking away as though imagining it. "It makes sense, y'know. He's her _baby _and all. So young and innocent."

"Yeah, until your pervy mind corrupts him," I grumbled, grabbing my books and making a beeline for the door. It was pretty pointless trying to be in the same room as him when he got like this. There was no _off _button on Paul Lahote. You just had to wait for him to satisfy his need to mercilessly (and sometimes cruelly) tease everyone in sight. I had a pretty good coat of armor now, thanks to him, so it didn't wound like it did to countless other girls, but it did get annoying. Like now, for instance.

He was still laughing when I went for the front door.

"Nah, Lucy, wait!" Paul called out to me, sounding _almost _serious. "I'll stop, I'll stop!"

I raised a delicate eyebrow, creeping back into the kitchen. "You'll stop?" I echoed in disbelief. My tone said it all; Paul huffed at me, rolling his eyes.

"_Yes, _Jesus. Si'down, would ya?"

Oddly enough, I obeyed.

Paul had always been a tough cookie to crack, and my relationship with him flipped intermittently from extremely laid-back to impossible to deal with. He was overbearing and rude and obnoxious, and sometimes I'd have dearly loved to shove my foot up his ass, among other things, none of them pleasant. But at the same time, he was fiercely loyal. I hadn't really grasped that until recently, when I had had the time and memories to reflect on. That's probably why I put up with the bastard, other than the fact that I had nowhere else to go: he was the biggest pain in my ass, but he'd always be the first to my defense, if I needed it.

Unfortunately, this was one of those _pain-in-my-ass _moments.

"I'm surprised you're awake," I admitted, reaching for the box of cookies on the counter and grabbing four. "You seemed pretty plastered by the time you came home." Plastered was putting it lightly; a human who had consumed that level of alcohol would have been hospitalized – or dead.

Paul smiled _fondly_ at the memory of retching in the toilet at four AM. "Yeah... Nice to know we can still do stuff like that, huh?"

I gave an indifferent shrug, holding out the cookie for him to take (he did, with much vigor). He knew I wasn't a heavy drinker, even factoring in the fact I was a minor (and so was he).

"So." He sat back and propped the back of his head up with his hands. "You and Seth, huh?"

Nearly choking on the cookie I was chewing on, I gagged and swallowed quickly, staring up at Paul with something akin to horror shining in my eyes. I didn't think he actually _knew _anything. Could I have been too presumptuous?

"Seemed pretty cozy last night." Paul crammed two of the store-bought cookies in his mouth at the same time, raising a smooth brow at me.

I faltered, uncertain how to reply, when a thought hit me. "Paul," I asked slowly, a grin stretching across my face. "Are you gossiping to me...about _boys_?"

Revulsion flashed in his eyes. "What? No! Don't be such an –"

I burst out laughing, cackling with glee. "Oh that's too rich!" I giggled, "Here I was, thinking you were being a snarky bastard, when you just want to talk about _boys _and stuff." I got up, following him to the front door at a brisk walk. His head was down and a fierce scowl on his face.

Ah, justice.

"We'll have a pillow fight when you come home tonight!" I yelled at him as he sprinted to the car, laughing when he flipped me off without looking at me. I stood there for a few minutes later, watching him drive off much faster than what was legal, while the fear sank back in. _Did_ he know something? Had Seth or I accidentally let slip that we had gotten together, so to speak? Granted, I'm sure most of the pack thought it was just a matter of time, many probably had a good idea of what was going on, but nothing had officially been said... Had it?

I wrinkled my nose, dissatisfied, and headed back inside to study.

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><p><strong>Well! Long time, no see, huh? Yeah... I have no excuses. So I was feeling pretty guilty and whatnot for not updating, figured I'd post another chapter. I could've made it longer but the cut would've been really awkward, and I'm not really happy with this layout as it is... <strong>

**Oh well. If anyways reading this still, hope you enjoyed it.**

**Thanks for reading! Review, if you like! :)**

**Ella.**


	33. Religiousness

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**CHAPTER 33: Religiousness**

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><p>The flames were large enough that the heat from them warmed the air around us, keeping out the chill of the evening air. It hardly mattered for the shifters but Billy and Old Quil were here, and many of us worried silently about their age and old bones, especially Billy's. Old Quil was going to live forever at this rate, but Billy's arthritis was worsening rapidly. The only way I managed to fight off the anger at Jacob for leaving his father so often to deal with his own shit was by reminding myself that Jake has <em>two<em> older sisters who were perfectly capable of helping but _never _did.

It was Sunday night, and Seth was sitting on a log next to me, resting his head onmy shoulder. I was enjoying the sensation of his hairs tickling my cheek when his ears perked. Distinct footsteps and laughter were approaching us, coming closer and closer with each word they spoke. As I looked up, catching Quil and Embry rolling their eyes at each other and shaking their heads, Seth was already on his feet by the time Jacob was walking down the hill. Despite the tension I had with Jacob, my imprint had yet to lose his sense of hero-worship when it came to Jacob Black. I couldn't really blame him; Jacob was a spectacular friend – _most_ of the time. I couldn't ever begrudge him that fact.

I spared a tiny grin while I sat, seeing Seth bounce to Jake and Bella like a hyperactive puppy. She was just as ordinary and plain as when I last saw her, but she looked happier this time. Most likely because she had both Edward and Jacob, I thought bitterly, eyeing Jake's hand entwined with Bella's. I don't know if that kind of behavior was cool with Edward, but if I ever fucking saw Seth hold hands with another girl, I'd flip my lid on them.

Jake had thrown a big enough hissy fit to get permission for Bella to attend the Tribal stories. Before Seth had gone leaping and bounding to them, I had heard her ask if they were secret or anything. _No fucking shit they were. _But Jake, ever the charmer, didn't care; and if Jake didn't care, chances were Billy went along with it. And what Billy says, goes. Thus the breaking of an ancient rule was committed on this fine night for Isabella Marie Swan. _Yippee_.

"Jake!" Everyone heard Seth's delighted greeting, but none bothered to watch the interaction like I did. _"It's about time you got here," _Seth said with an amicable shake of his head. _"Paul's been hoovering the grub but I saved you some hotdogs."_

Jake praised him in a way that left their manliness intact, giving a nod of approval. I refrained from rolling my eyes, though god only knows how. Jacob nodded from Bella to Seth, introducing him as the newest wolf in the pack. My heart clenched as I realized that that wouldn't be true for long, not by Sam's judgment of Brady Fuller and my poor cousin, Collin Littlesea. Both boys – fucking _thirteen and twelve years old, _respectively – had grown like weeds in the short time which had passed from when Sam had told me about them. Gangly as they were, they were still a fair amount larger than any other kid in their class.

I tuned back into the conversation between my best friend and my soul mate when Jake grabbed Seth by the neck, pinning him under his armpit as he laughed loudly. _Gross_. I'd been in that position enough times to know Jake's pits reeked. Seth just brushed it off, jerking his head in our direction with the promise of the stories starting now.

For additional measure, I called to him. "Seth, come back here!" I jutted out my bottom lip pathetically. "I'm so lonely." Next to me, Quil cried out in offense, but from the way Seth was clamoring over Jake, I had a feeling he wouldn't leave either Jake or Bella alone if I didn't interfere. That, and I maybe didn't like him being so far away…

At once, Seth sprinted to me as if I'd given him an alpha command, scooping me off the log I sat on and plunking me on his lap. I gave a startled _oof, _blushed and curled closer against him. Screw the invisible line, I wanted to snuggle. Fuck, now I wanted to _snuggle_. I'm such a girl.

I couldn't regret our blatant display of affection when Seth pinned his nose under my ear, the place where my jaw ended and my neck began. He hummed softly, and something in my chest relaxed and expanded, warming me to my toes. All around us I could feel the stares of suspicion and amusement turn our way, as my packmates tried to decipher what exactly mine and Seth's relationship entailed. I was sure most of them had put it together themselves, but neither Seth nor myself had confessed to anything yet. Not because I wasn't happy – quite the contrary – but to have a secret be _mine, _in a place where your every thought was revealed to the world without remorse, was a wondrous feeling. It was a feeling I had no intention of giving up anytime soon. Seth and I had both done patrol alone, saving us the grief of being hassled by our pack. Sam _must have _figured it out by now, after I pleaded to him to let Seth and I go it alone, but if he did, he said nothing to indicate it.

At what was deemed 'the head' of the bonfire, Billy got settled and began the stories of the tribe. Seth and Leah were listening attentively, as well as a curious Kim. Bella, it seemed, was otherwise preoccupied looking elsewhere.

The vampire girl, like everyone else had done, was watching me and Seth. I knew it, I felt her eyes on me. Honestly I didn't really care, but if she said one fucking word to Jake about Seth or myself, I'd kill her, nice girl or not. She was studying the pair of us, doubtlessly taking note of the way Seth's hand curled around my waist, the way his nose traced gently up my cheek, how I listened intently to his heart. I was consumed by him, and I didn't really care for being the main event.

Without warning, I snapped my eyes to fix her a glare. Her eyes widened and she blushed a dark shade of red, looking away as hastily as possible. Jake glared back at me, but Embry was grinning at me from his spot next to Jake. I just rolled my eyes as Billy started up on the tale of the Third Wife. It was one of my favourites, though the most heartbreaking. My eyes caught sight of Leah, crying silently in the background, and my heart ached for her. She never handled any talk of imprinting well, and it was no guess as to why.

Seth was grinning at the end of the stories, looking seriously impressed. Quil wasn't so different, snickering under his breath.

"_I _think it's wicked," he declared to us, talking about phasing.

Embry shook his head at me. "Hey, I don't know why the hell we were so stressed about him phasing. Figures Quil_ would_ be excited to turn into a gigantic beast."

I snorted as Quil and Embry began to fight in the shadows and Jake gently patted Bella's back in an attempt to wake her from her drowsy state. I cleared my throat loudly, sliding off of Seth's knees and pushing him in an upright position, forcing him to stand.

"Help me up," I ordered, grinning up at him as he reached out both arms and, in one steady tug, had me on my feet, hugging me close with the momentum of the motion. I nuzzled against his body while the pack wolf-whistled and hooted at us.

"Get a room," Paul shouted. Seth rolled his eyes, only a little embarrassed, and I gave the finger to Paul. He laughed—I was possibly the only one that could make obscene gestures to Paul and get away relatively unscathed—and shoved Quil away from him.

"I'm tired," I whined loudly to Paul, who was already on his feet and getting his keys from his pocket.

"Go home then," he muttered, tossing the keys across the fire. After a brilliant catch from yours truly, I flashed him a wide smile.

"Thanks!" And Seth tugged me up the hill, half-carrying me all the way to the car when he lifted me up and swung me around in a circle. My feet dangled as we both laughed, giddy. Jake and Bella were behind us, Jake grinning at our antics and Bella still with that damned pathetic look of confusion on her face.

"Night Bella!" I called, waving obnoxiously. She blinked and jolted out of her staring, blushing yet again. She returned the courtesy at least; Jake just growled in impatience at me, huffing and scooping up Bella to run her to the Treaty line.

I looked up to see Seth smiling down at me, his eyes crinkled at the corners and his cheeks dimpled. Like always, I found my mouth moving instinctually in a matching smile, one not as beautiful but twice as joyous. I could die happily looking at him. Every now and then his beauty knocked the air from my lungs. His spiked curls, shooting every which way, and his boyish grin gave him a look of eternal innocence, but it was his heart and the way he carried himself that was so endearing. He looked at me like...like I was his world. I would _never _get used to that, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't really want to.

"Wanna come back to my place?" I asked quietly, careful not to let my voice carry in the direction of the pack. Seth's hands curled around my neck, cupping the skin below my jaw as he used his thumbs to coax my face into an upwards direction, so I ended up staring earnestly into his eyes.

Silently, with one quick glance over his shoulder to be sure no one was looking, Seth inched his head towards mine at a snail's pace. And in the time it took for his lips to find mine, my pulse had skyrocketed as though I'd been running for miles. Touching him was electrifying; kissing him would send me to my grave, I was certain. No one could be allowed to have something _so good _for forever. It wasn't me being self-conscious. Genuinely, I believed that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop as I tangled my hand in the curls at the nape of Seth's neck.

Seth pulled back eventually, only far enough to breathe across my lips, "_Always." _

The word was so sweet, so honestly spoken, I nearly felt faint. My mouth stretched into a constant smile, I tugged at his hand and let him guide us in the direction of my home.

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><p>I knew Paul was on patrol, but to be safe Seth and I had cut the make-out session short and grabbed a movie from Paul's DVD collection (which was alarmingly outdated, and comprised of almost every <em>John Hugh's <em>film imaginable. He insists they're from his parents, but I'd caught him watching _Breakfast Club _a few times too many for it to be coincidence. Not that I minded... Bender's a babe).

I had hauled Seth's wide shoulders sideways so his head was in my lap and his hands rested loosely on my thighs. His thumb brushed the skin there a few times almost unconsciously, and I almost fell over with delight each time. Touching Seth was my new favorite hobby. I liked the way his body curved under my touch, the way his wiry, hard frame seemed to soften and relax as my fingers pressed the knots in his back. He was mine to mold, and I now had a sculpture better than Michelangelo's David at my disposal.

We had taken out Paul's guilty pleasure for our use and put on _Breakfast Club _while we snuggled close together. The nerd was in the middle of his monologue when Seth decided to speak.

"You know, it's funny," he admitted, twisting in my arms so he could see my face. I tipped my head slightly at his words, perplexed. "The past few days have been... Well, I have a hard time believing it's all real, ya know?" Seth grinned a bit at me, and my heart was practically a puddle of mush inside my chest. How could this kid – barely a man – render me so utterly and completely speechless with so few words? My tongue was twisted in knots as I tried to find a way of returning the sentiment.

All I could do was cup his warm cheeks and stroke his face as lovingly as possible. I smiled softly, enjoying the quiet intimacy of the moment. "Me too," I whispered, scared my voice would break the fragile tranquility we were sharing.

"I mean...my life went from..." Seth's mouth turned into a sour grimace as he searched for the words, "_misery, _to _this" – _he traced my hips, marveling at the way we were now allowed to touch and cuddle and caress one another until our heart's content – "and I just... I can't believe it, Lu. I just can't."

My tongue seemed to straighten itself out, and I spoke on reflex. "I know what you mean. I went from seeing you from outside your window to laying in your bed. It's a bit of a shock." Seth chuckled, but I could see the darkness cloud his vision as he remembered those horrid weeks where he and I hadn't spoken, hadn't touched each other, hadn't even _seen _each other much. It was before his imprint on me though, and Seth had assured me that he'd been every bit as miserable as I'd been without him. I doubted it, naturally, since he hadn't been imprinted on me at the time, but I appreciated the notion.

I cursed myself internally for bringing up the sore topic of our brief spat, stemming from my unintentionally cruel words and his _eagerness _for our friendship to develop into something more, faster than I was ready for. Seth still apologized occasionally for it, even though it was long past and, truthfully, I could hardly recall it anymore.

"You trust me, right?" Seth asked intensely, and I was taken aback by the mere question. Trust him? With my life! "When I said that I would've come back to you, anyways, even without the imprint... You know that I meant it, right?"

And he was so desperate for me to be certain of his words that I could only nod, a little offended at his need for assurance. _Of course _I trusted him. And I did truly have faith in the fact that he would've returned to me regardless of the imprint, like he said. It was practically impossible to lie to our imprint, after all.

"I know. I believe you. But," I added, somewhat sheepishly, "I _am _happy you did imprint. I just..." I paused to inhale as though I could breathe in the purity of the connection between us. "I _love _it. I feel whole with you, with the imprint. It's incredible."

Seth did laugh this time, sitting up and shifting so he could sit cross-legged on the sofa. I turned so we were facing one another, leaning against the back of the couch.

Smiling warmly at me, Seth Clearwater studied me intently like he was trying to decipher some hidden message in my eyes. His smile became somewhat puzzled, intrigued, and he shook his head lightly at me.

"Do you really think imprinting is so wonderful?"

My heart literally stopped. Of all the things to come out of his mouth, those were the last words I'd expected to hear. _Or_ _wanted. _Did I think so? Of course I did. My life revolved around him, and his around mine – or so I had sprang unbidden to the surface, and with a sharp, horrified frown, I cast my gaze on Seth, who reacted immediately to the hurt which was so evident on my face.

"I don't mean _loving_ _you_," he hastened to reassure me, reaching out to cradle my face between his palms. For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to pull away even in spite of the wave of warmth and healing that came from his touch. "Or you, loving me. I mean…everything else." Everything else? Like what? I was beyond confused, and it showed. Seth's face was becoming more and more hysterical, and I think he realized he had no idea how to explain himself, but to _not _explain himself after asking such a stupid queston—_do I think imprinting is wonderful? Oh, __**honestly**__—_would be incredibly distressing. And I'd be paranoid for forever, wondering if he really wasn't happy with me all this time.

Seth dropped his hands from my face, brow furrowed as he tried to find a way to rectify his mistake. "I—look," he began curtly, brows drawn together in concentration. "Neither of us act like normal teenagers anymore, Lu! We're, like, _old _now."

"We're shifters," I pointed out, still sour. At least I'd been able to blink back the tears. "We don't exactly scream _normal."_

"I don't mean the patrolling or the chasing vampires," Seth said with a touch of impatience. "I mean, _us. _How we are, you and me. We're not…normal. To be so in love, at our age? And so soon? I mean, being in love is one thing, but to the point of religiousness…"

"I don't think that's normal for any relationship, regardless of the age," I said, slowly grasping what he was coming around to but reluctant to concede.

"See? That's my point—imprinting…. It sorta _changed us. _No, that's the wrong word. More like…_enhanced _our feelings. To the point of—"

"Religiousness," I interrupted, muttering to myself as I flopped against the couch, turning away from him. "Yeah, I heard you."

His face appeared before mine as he crouched in front of me, his eyes lined with anxiety and unhappiness. "Did I upset you? Lucy, I _love _you—imprinting didn't make that happen. Don't get me wrong, I'd worship you _without _the imprint. It's not really my feelings for you that freak me out, anyways."

"Do they?" I asked, unable to help myself. "Freak you out?"

"They did." He nodded solemnly. "When I first imprinted—no, _before _that. Must've been after you imprinted on me, and I couldn't keep my mind off you. It was crazy. Sometimes I wanted to do the stupidest, craziest things just to do _something, _because I liked you _so much." _And _that _I followed completely. That irresistible pull, that strange, unyielding force that bound us together—_that _I understood. Or I understood what Seth was talking about. Months after my imprinting and I still didn't have a clue really what to make of it, only that I loved Seth.

"But they don't anymore?" My voice was soft, as it always was when speaking to Seth.

He shook his head, his curls jostled about a little. He would need a haircut soon, if only to keep his fur from getting shaggy and matted. "No, they still catch me off-guard. Like, I'll look at you and just wonder how on earth it's possible to love someone _so _much, but it's not scary. It's _right, _you know?"

I nod because I really, _really _do.

"Then what does freak you out?"

I drew him back to his original question, and his mouth puckered slightly. "It's not how much I care about _you—_that's all that makes sense. It's…it's how little I care about everything else." And like a giant dam burst, the words started flooding from his lips, and I watched him grow increasingly distraught. "I mean, people that I've known my whole life suddenly aren't important. Things I wanted—things I had dreamt of—don't matter. I love my family, but I don't…. I don't _need _them. I love them a _lot_ – don't get me wrong – but when it comes down to the wire..."

Seth trailed off and let the sentence hang in the air between us. I wanted the silence to swallow his words. I wanted, more than anything, for this conversation to have never happened. Because it only made my deepest, darkest fears come to light.

"What would you like me to do about it?" I begged him to give me some answer, some solution that could fix this. I could hardly _unimprint _on him, and vice versa. Not only did I not know _how, _but I really _didn't _want to. I loved Seth. I loved being his and I _was fucking ecstatic _that he was mine. But if he asked, if he wanted to find a way out... Christ, I'd do it. But it would likely kill me to try.

Seth seemed to see the turmoil in my visage and his horror escalated. _"Nothing. _I don't want to do _anything _that would undo the imprint. I love you, Lucy – do you hear me? _I. Love. You. _And..._god, _I'm sorry I ever said any of this. It was a stupid thing to say." He crushed me in a hug strong enough to rival even Jake's high-quality embraces. "I'm _so _sorry." The words were muffled and bordering on histrionics, but I could still make out the thick, choked tone to them. Coupled with his frenetic heartbeats, I felt my anger dissipate into nothingness. I could never stay mad at him long, so I enfolded him in my own hug, tracing my fingers down his spine.

"S'okay," I murmured, kissing the tip of his ear (the only part of him I could reach without slipping out of his arms). And it _was _ok, but at the same time, I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd said. _It's how little I care about everything else. _Never before had Seth's voice haunted me, but those words would give me nightmares, I was sure of it. In sex-ed, when the girls were split off from the boys and forced to listen about topics like _sex _and _STIs, _we also discussed a healthy relationship and an _unhealthy _relationship.

_Never make your life dependent on another human being, _our teacher had said. I don't know why I could remember it so clearly, but I certainly did, in that moment. I could see her pinched frown of disapproval as she scowled at us, at the slight implication of becoming co-dependent.

Was I co-dependent on Seth? Had I made his life more essential to my health than my own sanity? It was such a stupid question. Seth's well-being _was _my sanity. I'd not done so intentionally, but his life was mine own. My stomach rolled in its confines, churning unpleasantly. _It's how little I care about everything else. _

I had never noticed the holes in my life before he'd said it, only because there were so few things in my world that had mattered outside of my material wants and needs prior to the imprint. My parents were never around, and they had left now, so it wasn't as though _that _was a factor. And Kyrie was gone, too. I had no family I was close to before I phased, or any future I was particularly inclined to having. I'd certainly made _plans – _rough ones – of going into business with Jake at his mechanic shop, but I'd hardly _ruined _my life when my damn genes kicked in and flipped my world topsy-turvy.

I couldn't be sure of anything. Nothing had mattered before, not the way Seth's family did. Had the imprint irreversibly killed my drive for a successful career?

Worse... Did I care if it had?

Seth was whispering into my ear, either oblivious to my unwanted revelations or purposely ignorant of them. "...doesn't matter. We'll figure it out, honey. I love you, Lucy. I do. I really do. And I loved you_ before _I imprinted, too. It doesn't matter, honey. We'll figure it all out. Shh..." he soothed when I sniffled against his neck. "One step at a time, ok? Lucy?"

I sucked in a shaky gulp of air and tried to placate myself with his comforts. It helped a fair amount. I felt like I could conquer _anything _if I had Seth at my side. I was unbreakable. I wouldn't let this undo me, or all the hard work I'd done in slowly making myself a respectable woman. Seth was right; one step at a time.

Sighing, I felt my muscles relax at last, as I drifted into a state of mindlessness in his arms. As I reflected on what he'd said, I realized what I'd failed to say in reply.

"I love you, too." With or without the imprint, of that I was certain.

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><p>I woke up to the sensation of a large hand shaking me, not roughly but rather urgently.<p>

"_Wake up!" _It was a voice I couldn't disobey, and my eyes strained open to see through the darkness. Sam loomed overhead, his face drawn tight and solemn. It was an expression I didn't enjoy seeing.

Seth yawned and stretched from his place curled up beside me on the couch. Any other time I'd have cooed over his squeaky yawn, his smacking lips to wet his dry mouth, the way his fists rubbed at his sleepy eyes. But not now. Not with the way Sam was staring at us...

I knew. I knew before Sam had said anything. I knew before the words left his mouth, knew before Seth's eyes snapped to mine, oozing concern and love and worry.

"_They phased."_

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><p><strong>COMING UP NEXT (eventually): New additions to the pack, action escalates in Seattle, and a visitor.<strong>

**So sorry for the long delay (again). I've hit a proverbial fork in the road, so to speak, and have to quickly decide which storyline to follow. It's been nerve-wracking, to be honest. So yes, sorry if this chapter is rushed or weird or anything. I shamelessly paraphrased the bonfire scene because - from personal experience - I find most fanfics just copy and paste the story from elsewhere, and since Lucy already knew them, I kinda skipped it :P Sorry if it bugged anyone. ****Thanks for reading (if anyone is still reading, lol) and a very big thank you to those who have reviewed. I've gotten such nice feedback on the story thus far, it's been a real source of inspiration! Here's to a faster update!**

**Ella. **


	34. Den Mother

**Disclaimer: Yet again, I own nothing.**

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><p>"Lucy, honey, why don't you go have a shower and take a nap?" Emily's gentle suggestion was accompanied by her slim hand coming to rest on my shoulder. At once, the trembling of my bones stopped. I could never put Emily in danger like that, and so I quickly reigned in my emotions.<p>

I shook my head quickly but politely. "Nah, thanks though. I'm just gonna...wait here," I said with no small degree of awkwardness. I'd been sitting at the table for well over two hours now, and had spoken less than three sentences in that time frame.

"They'll be ok," Kim said with a kind smile, trying not to let her nerves show – she was fucking _afraid _of me. I couldn't blame her, all things aside. My hands twitched sporadically in a very non-human way, and the clenching of my jaw would've likely been enough to unsettle anyone even if they hadn't been in the know about my supernatural status. Despite Kim's eagerness to please, I couldn't manage to offer her more than a jerky nod of my head, pursing my lips into a fine line at her words.

_They'll be ok. _

How little she knew.

I could appreciate the fact that Kim was trying, though. Ever since Jared dropped the bomb on her about the pack, she'd been more than a little skittish around any of the wolves when Jared wasn't around. Nobody took it too personally. I knew what it was like being surrounding by creatures infinitely bigger, stronger and faster than you (though I _was _pretty fast, Leah was beyond a shadow of a doubt the quickest on four feet).

Eventually, I heard Quil slip in through the back door, closing the screen door behind him. Fighting back the onslaught of trembles running down my spine, I drew myself to my feet without pausing and strode past the two imprints to find him. Quil had snuck into the living room in an attempt to go unnoticed, but his efforts were for naught; I had questions, questions which required answers. And I wanted those answers _now._

"How is he?" I whispered, mindful of Emily and Kim sitting in the kitchen, laughing quietly about something Kim's mother had said about Jared. Quil looked relatively calm, which spoke well, all things aside.

He shrugged a bit, "How do you think he is? The dude isn't in high school, and he has to deal with the threat of killing his parents when he's pissed off. You know what that's like, Luce."

His off-handedness rankled. I knelt down and clenched the coffee table with both hands, squeezing until I felt my nails sink in and the sanded-wood crack. "I'm not in the fucking mood for jokes, Quil."

"Good, 'cause I wasn't laughing," he snapped back with equal verve. It was rare for Quil and I to fight, even after he'd phased, and though most of our blow-ups at each other more often than naught fizzled down into nothing, when we did butt heads, it was often over the most sensitive of subjects. Quil fought dirty when he was angry enough, and without any of Embry's rationale or Jacob's restraint.

I bit back a scream; I was seconds from phasing in Sam's living room and – in all likelihood – getting the shit kicked outta me by Quil. "Where are they _now?" _I asked with practiced patience.

Quil exhaled loudly, in his typical melodramatic-fashion. "I _don't know, _Lucy. Sam said something about getting them to do the circuits with Jake and Embry."

"Why the fuck don't you know?" I snapped. "You were in their fucking heads five minutes ago – it can't have been difficult."

"I was a little preoccupied with doing my job!" Quil shouted, throwing his hands in the air. "Oh wait! I'm _sorry!_ I meant doing _your _job, since Sam kicked you out."

Everything was silent in the kitchen; I could hear Emily and Kim breathing hard, the nervous flutter of their heartbeats, the bouncing of Kim's knee as she tried to relax. My eyes narrowed into thin slants as I took in the sight of my cocky, usually-adorkable friend, who – when I looked him in the eye – seemed older and more tired than I had ever seen him. We all did. None of us acted like the carefree teens we once were. It came from carrying the weight of protecting an entire town and all its neighbors, I suppose.

At the thought of how aged the pack had become in the last few months, and the new development in Collin and Brady's phase, my heart clenched in an all-too familiar sense of despair. They were too young, too small, too sweet and naive to do anything for the pack. Trying to picture them going up against a vampire made my stomach do things that made _me_, a supernatural werewolf, ill.

My knees buckled before I was cognizant of it happening, like they had turned to Jell-O in seconds. The room was spinning; I couldn't see Quil, but I could sure as hell hear him talking anxiously overhead.

"Shit – Lucy? Fuck, I'm sorry. It's just been a fucking _pissy _day." His words were accompanied with the touch of his hands on my shoulders, gripping me as I struggled to stay upright. "Look – Collin came around, and Brady's doing pretty good, ok? They're fine. Shook up, maybe, but they'll deal. We all did."

"What's going on?" Emily entered the living room as Quil hauled me onto the sofa, letting me slouch down in the cushions.

"Ah, Lucy's just worried about the kids, Em. Don't worry about it. She'll be fine." Yeah, _I'd _be fine, but I now had a twelve year-old cousin and his best friend who would be scarred forever now. I moaned and covered my face with my hands. Quil thunked my back with his fist a couple times in what I'm sure was supposed to be a reassuring manner, but really only made me want to heave.

"Oh, honey," Emily murmured, moving forward to kneel between my legs. Her half-mangled face peered up into mine, her wide brown eyes as sweet and loving as always. With one hand, she patted my knee much lighter than Quil had done to my spine. I could hardly feel the gentle touch. "Sam won't let anything happen to them," she promised with a mild chuckle. "Heavens, the way you act, you'd think _you're _the alpha."

Quil snorted, "Den mother, maybe."

I broke from my trance long enough to sock him in the hip (the only part of him I could reach from sitting down, unless I punched him in the groin, and even _I _wasn't that cruel). He made a pouty face which dissolved into laughter as I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Maybe not," he conceded with a laugh. "You couldn't look after a goldfish! Too violent."

_"__What's this about looking after goldfish?" _

Everyone froze. My eyes slid across the room back to the doorway Emily and Kim had come from, my jaw hanging open from when I'd been about to speak, only to find someone standing in Sam and Emily's living room who was _wholly _unexpected.

"Leah!" Emily stood up, her eyes wide as she struggled to school her features into a calmer face. Emily smiled timidly at her cousin, the one whose ex-fiancé she was now marrying, and took a couple steps towards her. Leah took two steps backwards.

Emily didn't move to approach her after that.

"Are you hungry?" Emily squeaked, and anyone could've heard the crack in her voice. "There's muf—"

"Sam sent me to find Lucy." Leah's flat tone brooked for no arguments. I stood up wordlessly, wanting desperately to cut the awkward encounter short. Quil seemed to agree with my sentiments; we exchanged uncertain glances between each other, our earlier fight long since forgotten.

"I'm allowed back?" I muttered sourly, even as I took a step towards her. "That's fucking shocking."

Leah smirked at me, arms folded over her chest, but I knew her approval stemmed from the fact that I'd just inadvertently insulted her ex, not because she thought I was really funny, per se. I didn't care. I was still rather pissed with my alpha, anyways. Sure, I understood _why _he'd done what he did, but that didn't change the facts.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Leah rumbled, the bitchiness returning in full force. "The Oh-So-Great-Alpha decided in his infinite wisdom that I should pick you up so you get to your exam on time." I scowled at her, shaking my head even as I went to leave the living room.

"Son of a..." I trailed off when I turned around and saw the disappointment on Emily's face. Shame welled in the pit of my belly; insulting Sam in front of his fiancée was a fucking garbage thing to do, even by my standards. In the background, Kim stood unusually stoically behind Quil, though she still looked like she'd rather be swallowed up by a crevice in the earth than be in the same room with Leah Clearwater and Emily Young any longer. I couldn't blame her – I felt the same way.

"Thanks for everything, Emily," I said, trying to sound as sincere as I meant and convey my apology in the few words. "I'll call you later."

"You're welcome. Bye, Lucy," she whispered, sniffling discreetly. I wanted to stay behind and make sure she was ok, but I really did have to go to my exams soon. And the first one was _math. _Fucking math. I trotted along behind Leah silently, mindful of the way she was breathing heavily, the way her arms trembled, the way she held herself in like she was afraid of falling apart in seconds.

Although I had never _ever _been comfortable with one-on-one time with the other she-wolf, I figured I should really get used to it. Seth was Leah's brother, and since Seth was a permanent fixture in Leah's life, Leah would be a permanent fixture in mine.

I climbed into Leah's car (which was actually Sue's) and swung the door shut behind me. As Leah peeled out of the stretch driveway, she cranked up the radio and rolled down the windows. "I love this song," she muttered as an acoustic tune came on which I wasn't familiar with. Without giving any indication to my feelings about it, I hummed mindlessly and turned away from her, eyeing the tall trees as they drifted past. After becoming a shifter, everything in life felt so slow. This car was slow. This week was slow. _Life _moved so slow. I had the power to travel faster than a jet, but was still confined to the shitty paradigms of human life.

That fucking blows.

"Quil said Collin and Brady are doing good," I offered as a conversation topic, desperate to get rid of the silence. Leah shrugged a bit, one hand on the wheel while the other fiddled with the dashboard.

"They're smart. And Collin has you. He was pissed when Sam sent you away." Her words sent a flutter of guilt through me which I refused to feel. Though I was accountable for my own actions, I couldn't really be blamed for reacting as strongly as I had. The two wolves which had greeted Seth and I were _so fucking tiny. _I could hardly think, could hardly breathe. I dimly recall Seth speaking soothing words into my ear as I shook on the spot, watching Brady growl pathetically and try to crawl on his belly away from Embry while Paul and Leah tried to back a terrified Collin into the wall of a massive boulder. I didn't blame them for the pack's choice to try and confine them to one space – it was easier than watching them run amuck with terror in their eyes and minds nothing but white noise filled with fear. But seeing them do it... I hadn't reacted well. In fact, I reacted the very opposite of well.

"Sam had to send me away," I mumbled, reluctant as I was to admit it. "He thought I could handle watching." He was wrong, needless to say.

"No shit," Leah quipped back to me, something like a grin crossing her features. For a moment, she looked like the woman I'd known her as before all this supernatural shit went down. For a second, I could see the woman Sam Uley had loved (and destroyed).

"Had no idea you were so close to Collin," she continued casually, and I found myself slowly relaxing as we got closer to the school. She was driving unreasonably fast, but it was a dead stretch of road, and her reflexes were far better than any human's, at any rate.

"I'm not, really," I confessed quietly. "I don't know what came over me."

Leah let out a snort of laughter at that, shaking her head. "I do! It's this terrible syndrome all older siblings share: OPSM."

"O-P-S-M?" I echoed blankly. Still smiling, Leah nodded.

"Yup. _Over-protective substitute-mother _syndrome_. _It's where you see your younger siblings – or cousin, in your case – getting beat up by these bratty bullies, and you go into a total rage."

"I see," I joined in on her laughter, shaking my head. "I don't know if I can call it that, though. Last time I spoke to Collin was...was... Damn, I don't even remember. _Way _before this shit started up, though. I know that for a fact. And I doubt he remembers much about me."

"You don't have to speak to someone constantly to love them," Leah pointed out, and her face twisted bitterly. "And they definitely don't have to love you back."

Uh-oh. Warning bells were blaring in my head so loudly that I wondered if Leah could hear them. But a surreptitious glance to her told me no, she didn't know how panicked I felt. Even though we _both _knew what dangerous subject matter we were treading on.

The Sam Files.

If there was one topic I wanted to steer clear of with Leah Clearwater, it was Sam Uley and all things pertaining to him. Which was incidentally really fucking hard since, you know, she was in his head (literally) on a daily basis, and vice versa.

"So, um…" I looked out the window to the school looming in the distance, and approaching fast. "Thanks for the ride. I could've run it…"

"No problem. Sam ordered, remember?" Leah sighed, and slumped a bit in her seat. "I'll pick you up when it's over. What, two hours?"

"Should be. But you don't have to—"

"Spare me," said Leah, and gestured for me to get out without warning. With a careless swing of my hand, the car door swung shut behind me, and I approached my school with all the trepidation of someone who was carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.

* * *

><p>"So how was it?" asked Emily when I returned to her home that day. Collin and Brady would be coming back here when Sam got them into their human forms again, and I planned on being there for the two of them when they did.<p>

I shrugged, and tried not to think about the question too much. "Fine," I mumbled. Eager to change the subject, I began to help her plate the fresh hot muffins—the giant kind, the ones normal people can split in half—and tried distracting myself from the late hour, growing later every second.

It was blessedly sooner than I thought it would be, their return to the land of humankind. I was alerted by the sound of chatter from the forest, deep and low like Paul's could only be, and immediately made for the window overlooking that direction.

Sure enough, there they were, two tall, scrawny boys with dark heads of inky hair like the rest of us. Brady kept his hair short anyways, but Collin had been forced to cut his, it seemed. They were walking close together, practically attached to the hip. I couldn't blame them for their childish clinging; in such a wildly unfamiliar environment, I would've held on to a familiar face with both hands too.

Watching the pair of them stand there, shuffling uncertainly on the doorstep of Sam and Emily's small house, they looked more like children than ever before. My heart literally ached inside my chest, and not for the simple fact that Collin was my cousin. I didn't like them being forced into this responsibility. I didn't like _Seth _being forced into this, and he was older than the pair of them.

Seth's transformation had been painful to watch (an understatement), but, imprint aside, Collin and Brady's phasing hurt me—and the rest of the wolves—infinitely more. It wasn't just their age—Seth had only been a few years older when he phased (though he was too young as well). It was their _size. _

Paul and Embry came up from their patrol, laughing at some joke, and paused on their way inside. I hadn't spoken to either Collin or Brady, I hadn't wanted to frighten them, and now that they stood in the shadows of two of the bigger wolves in the pack, I didn't think I was capable of speaking. The sight before me rendered me speechless.

Paul and Embry _dwarfed _them, drastically.

I had watched silently from inside the house as the pair came to a stop next to the two kids. Both tweens avoided eye-contact with Paul _(please don't be an ass, Paul, please don't be an ass…) _but Brady grinned hesitantly at Embry. Relief flooded my veins when Embry smiled back warmly, in a very quiet, shy Embry-way. It was how he was with people he didn't know—no matter what age. He'd be a good friend for them right now, quiet and unsurprising at first, and then you got to know him and he just _lit up a room. _

I still didn't understand Paul, though, and I lived with him, so I prayed neither were stupid enough to try striking up conversation with the hotheaded wolf.

Collin was twelve. _Twelve. _He had just finished grade seven—he wasn't even in fucking high school yet, and instead of going to those lame pre-teen dances in Port Angeles like most other kids did, he was trying to learn how to maintain his temper and not explode on his parents, my aunt and uncle.

The only silver lining here was that they were best friends; they'd phased at the same time—they had none of the anxiety we'd all had to face by being separated from our closest friends. Brady was a good kid, too, like Collin. A little louder, braver, stupider (though God knows that wasn't a challenge—my cousin wasn't the brightest penny in the jar), overall Brady Fuller was good.

Collin was a sweetheart. Kind, soft, and very, very timid, he embodied every personality trait that made for a poor wolf.

The boy _could not _kill a vampire.

Not for lack of will or even size—had he been twice as large, I'd be saying the same damn thing. He simply…couldn't. It scared him so badly whenever he saw snippets of us killing vampires that Sam had forbidden us to speak about the upcoming battle with him. I agreed whole-heartedly; it was for the best.

My focus returned to the four wolves outside. Embry had coaxed Brady into a conversation, Paul was sizing them up in typical Paul-fashion. Fucking _Paul. _Collin was looking for a way out of the chit-chat, scanning the field with nervous eyes.

Something arose inside me I couldn't place. It was different from how I felt about Seth. With my imprint, I wanted nothing more than to shield him and protect him from the world. But I…I didn't want to…to…

_Mother him._

There, I said it. I wanted to molly-coddle Brady and Collin all day long and it was _weird._ Logically, I knew it wasn't truly _me _that wanted that. Lucy Spencer just wanted them as safe and happy as they could be, in this situation.

But my wolf? Fuck, that was a different story altogether.

Leah was being a shitty female wolf. Her anger and hurt over Sam's betrayal made her unsympathetic to the pups of the pack—and they _were _pups. Their paws were still too big, their ears too large for their head and they had a sort of clumsiness that was as endearing as was hilarious to watch. Had Leah been emotionally stable—and I didn't blame her for her lack thereof—but had she been, the responsibility would've fallen on her, as the older female of the pack.

But she wasn't stable. She was volatile, rough, cruel on occasion and very, very bitter. And it was sad, yes, because I knew she hadn't always been this way, but it was the way things were _now _and there was no point in wishing for something I couldn't have.

So I was forced to step up to the plate and become the fucking "momma" of the pack. Just _great. _Because I _really_ wanted two snot-nosed little tweens clambering over me like…well, like puppies.

Collin's stomach growled so loudly that it interrupted _my _thoughts, from all the way inside the house. They still hadn't seen me, or if they had, they hadn't said anything. Collin was looking at anywhere but Paul and Embry now, discreetly trying to wrap his arms around his stomach and silence the noise. I could relate to his horror. Newly phased wolves ate a lot—of course, none more than Paul, but that was irrelevant. The sudden increase in appetite was unsettling at first, and I could only imagine Collin's discomfort.

Brady's parents were on the council, and they had handled his phasing with relative ease. Distraught, yeah, but who wouldn't be? Collin wasn't so lucky. The poor kid lived with his dad, my uncle, on the outskirts of the Res; his parents had divorced a couple years back, and he only saw his mom once a month (incidentally, his mom was the parent I was actually related to. Go figure). He practically lived with Brady, though, he was there so often. Collin's dad worked for a company in Forks, and he got a lot of weird shifts that meant he rarely saw his son. Collin didn't doubt that his folks loved him—well, he might doubt his mom's love, but he didn't doubt that his dad cared for him and only wanted the best.

But the bottom line was his dad wasn't in on the secret. So in a word, Collin was screwed. And hungry; the poor kid wasn't being fed a proper wolf-sized diet due to his father's lack of knowledge, and Emily's budget for food was over-stretched as it was. Everyone in the pack knew what the hunger was like, though, so I didn't think anyone would begrudge giving him some of their meal so the kid could eat—otherwise he'd be eating raw deer.

His hunger was natural, understandable, expected. It wasn't a problem and it shouldn't have been embarrassing—except this is Paul-fucking-Lahote we're talking about. When has he ever given anyone a break?

Deep, full-bellied laughter erupted from Paul. It was a mocking, loud sort that was extraordinarily not funny. Fury seared my heart when I caught the dark blush bloom on Collin's skin. My heart ached for the boy, and I could tell Embry's did, too.

Paul was half-collapsed on the side of the house from laughing so hard, the bastard, and the look on Collin's face only seemed to spur him on.

I acted without even thinking it through, really.

Embry had gone to say something when I burst out, "Hey boys, there's some muffins on the table! Best get them while they're hot, hmm?"

I grinned and tried to be nonchalant about the matter when all I really wanted to do was pulverize Paul's fucking face into smithereens. And all I really wanted to do was grab hold of Collin and Brady and smother them close to my heart like some damn momma-bear.

Collin came walking over quickly to me, before pausing, stopping at the doorway. His eyes looked up and met mine—even I towered over him. There was a doubtful look in his gaze, hesitant, _scared. _

"Hey Lucy… Have the others eaten?" he asked quietly, peering up at me and looking over his shoulder for half a second, not even that, to see Paul and Embry watching us. I glowered at Paul, silently telling him to keep his mouth shut or so help me I'd go over there and _smack it shut._

"Yup," I lied, reaching out and tugging Collin inside the house. I ignored the flinch I felt from his jerking shoulders, remembering the fear I too had gone through when I first phased, the terror over Paul's anger. Paul wasn't really a bad guy, per se, more like an acquired taste.

"Brady, you too," I tried not to make it sound like an order, but it was hard. I could hear, from the scraping chair, that Collin was already seated, plucking a muffin off the tray and devouring it whole. Brady followed suit, grinning knowingly up at me as he went.

Yeah, maybe I was a little obvious. So sue me—I just wanted to make sure Collin ate enough.

"Have another," I ordered, loading two more muffins onto Collin's plate. I'd have put three, but I figured Brady wanted some as well. Both of them were eating like they hadn't seen food in weeks. Embry and Paul came to stand behind me, watching the two kids. Collin ducked his head when Paul entered the room but gave no other sign of seeing him—other than the rapid flutter of his heart.

I don't think I'd ever been as angry with Paul as I was at that moment.

"Em," I began, but Embry just nodded, smiling tiredly at me.

"Do what you gotta do, Luce," he murmured, patting my shoulder comfortingly.

Right. What I gotta do…

My eyes met Paul's; he was watching me completely unafraid, relaxed, leaning back against the countertop.

I snarled lowly.

Behind me, Collin and Brady stopped eating, their mouths frozen, whilst I stared Paul down. Or tried to. The hardest part about getting Paul to do anything was the simple fact that, at times, he just couldn't be bothered to give a fuck. You could twist his arm as hard as possible, and he _still _wouldn't care.

"I need to talk to you," I said, my face twisted into a furious sneer.

* * *

><p><strong>This chapter is dedicated to anyone who still reads this. My sincere apologies for falling short these past...eight months? I'll do my best to keep posting. I'm gonna try and wrap this up. <strong>

**In all likelihood there will be no Breaking Dawn segment, but let's be real: who the fuck wants that, anyways? I won't lie, I am seriously bummed in a sense because I have so much of it written... Bah. Never say never, right?**

**As always, thank you so very much for reading, reviewing and just generally being awesome. You guys are the best!**

**Ella.**


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